Guest markb4

Arranged Marriage

34 posts in this topic

I'm not against it. Especially at my age it seems more and more to be my only option to ever get marry with someone.  :mellow:

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Maybe since I am getting older but would prefer bumping into my future wife somewhere. Believe in love at first sight

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My parents setting me up for a date = Awesome

My parents coming with marriage proposals = Oh God no!!

 

Already pre-defining if someone is gonna get married puts a lot of pressure. I'll be way to nervous and if I get married that way, I will not love my wife at all and will see her as an extension of my parents, kinda like someone to keep me in check. Ughh!!!

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One of my relatives said that you love your kid even though you dont know him/her beforehand. But, marriage is CONDITIONAL love unlike mother-son. How the hell can I love someone without talking to them?!

 

eg. if a mother's son is a criminal, she will still love him more than herself.

 

eg. if my arranged-wife makes no effort to be attractive, smart, kind then.....GOODBYE BABE!

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I've asked this in an earlier post, so I've merged the topics together. I was actually thinking of reviving my own post, but you beat me to it, lol!

 

I'm probably the ONLY one here who's not against having an arranged marriage. I mean, it's not my #1 choice, but if I can't find anyone, then I'd love to have my parents, family, and close friends find someone for me. And regarding the whole "not falling in love" thing before marriage: I believe that you may not be able to choose who you fall for, but I DO believe that you can choose who you can give your heart to. And if my parents and/or family find a girl who's willing and anxious to marry me, then I'll gladly accept and do my best to love and care for her for the rest of our days!

 

(chirping crickets)

 

Seriously, am I the only one here who's not against this idea?

 

(everybody nods)

 

Sigh...oh well, I'm unique :D !

 

No, I'm not opposed in principle to arranged marriages, either. Personally, I think our culture can place far too much emphasis on feelings, and therefore can't understand how an arranged marriage could possibly work. You get marriages where the couple loses their "spark" for each other, and use that as an excuse to divorce or have an affair: "Oh, the marriage must be broken, because the romance is gone."

 

I don't think feeling "in love" is going to make a marriage work. It's a nice extra, but you might not feel that way all the time, and you need a more solid and lasting foundation for your marriage than feelings if you want it to work. Both parties have to be committed to the marriage no matter what, and willing to put the other person first. They also have to have similar beliefs about their marriage e.g. how many children. If that's all in common, and they have mutual respect for each other, then the actual "in love" feeling might not matter so much.

 

Besides, love is an action. I think eventually, provided there's love and respect for each other, the feelings will probably come. In the olden days, of course, people often didn't care so much about the feelings. You were good friends, you had a family together, and you had stability and security. Since, as I said, the romantic feelings can come and go in any marriage, they're not as important.

 

And...I've just betrayed myself as a complete unromantic, haven't I? I'm not saying lovey-dovey feelings aren't good! I just think it's not impossible for a marriage to work without them, at least at first.

 

xxx

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I'm not apposed to the idea for some cultures, but an arranged marriage is not for me. The thought of marrying a man I am not physically or mentally attracted to is scary. To think you would have to be with this stranger for the rest of your life. Sure, you may come to love them, but maybe not.

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Think about how hard it is to find someone you really connect with and are able to fall in love with, and that's while dating regularly. Now imagine being arranged to one person. Sure, you may grow to love them in some way, but the chances of reaching that particular level of love and connection that we all long for are astronomically low (yay oxymorons).  

 

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but arranged marriages are often an issue of status. That is, marrying for the purpose of maintaining a certain status and/or passing along certain bloodlines. If not for status, then perhaps out of respect for tradition. Either way, I don't see how love can be at the forefront of these marriages, especially not at first. If it happens, great, but the foundation of said marriage would still not be "love" unless by some unlikely occurrence that it was love at first sight. Either way, it just seems far too risky... like marriage roulette, lol. That's why I'd never be able to be on board with it. Of course that's just my opinion though.

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I would not be in an arranged marriage. I have to completely be able to trust the person before I commit to them. It is another reason why I am saving sex for marriage. Not just for religious reasons but because I want to be able to trust the person before giving that part of me away. I could not marry someone I did not know. It takes me a long time to open to people and being married to some one that I didn't know would be difficult for both of us. I would also be worried all the time that they would be cheating on me or something like that. Just a no for me.

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