Guest markb4

Arranged Marriage

34 posts in this topic

Hey all, I have another question.

Would you consider an arranged marriage ever in your life? Or do you believe that your marriage must and will be a love marriage?

(Just want to make clear that there is a difference between arranged and forced marriage, and my question is pertaining to the arranged)

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No I wouldn't. Only based on love. Growing up in the U.S. as a Catholic Christian; that is highly encouraged. :)

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Only based on love because I am a girl and I am very picky about who I would want to have some physical action going on between myself and my s/o.

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My parents had an arranged marriage, a lot of their friends had arranged marriages, & some of my childhood friends had arranged marriages. Some of them were arranged after the couple had already fallen in love, & then gone to their community leaders & family to request permission to marry. Some were not in love when they married. I've seen both types succeed & fail. I, personally, don't plan on having a marriage arranged by my parents back home. My father knows that, & he has not given me any grief about it, even though some of his friends' kids have had their marriages arranged. My parents let me be, & I love them for it. There is an unspoken fact in my family that I will choose when, & if, to marry & to whom. My father & I have never truly discussed it. I'm stubborn, & he knows it. Besides, he's just happy for me to get my education & to be able to take care of myself. As long as I do that, he's ok with me not being married because he knows that I won't need a man to lean-on & support me financially. It's something that he has emphasized to me since I was a kid. "Get an education. Be able to support yourself." My mother preached it too.

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It's something that he has emphasized to me since I was a kid. "Get an education. Be able to support yourself." My mother preached it too.

yeah when it came to that our parents rocked!!! :lol:

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@dulcexox: I personally think a woman getting educated and becoming financially independent makes her more attractive. I've dealt with my share of spoiled brats who have never had to earn a single cent that they spent and still expected the very best for themselves, carte blanche, as if they were God's give to Humankind (or Mankind, in this case, as I'm talking more so about 'Daddy's Little Girls' than Mamma's Boys). Of the women I've met who were educated and financially independent, the vast majority were far more able to appreciate the hard times I've been through and actually respected my perseverance or at least my attempts at it. Overall, due to their own struggles to 'make it' in the World, they were faaaaar more mature and understanding and in a lot of ways had less demanding personalities than the ones born with a gold spoon in their mouths, so to speak. So, whether you need to hear it or not, I'm all for women (like yourself) pursuing their educations and financial independence. Now, to get back on topic...

I've considered the 'arranged marriage' option, but honestly, for various reasons, it wouldn't work for me. My dad kind of undid the ties I would've needed for that to even have a chance of working out (I'm actually kind of thankful for it, to be honest). I was born and raised in the US, being half Deshi and half American and all, so I never had the network required for that sort of thing. Besides, I'm culturally too Western/American and I've also seen that, as far as the 'arranged marriage' process goes, among Deshis and other groups, that there is a lot of lying about one thing or another (one's education, past, etc.) and judgementalism (the good 'ole 'He/She's not good enough for my baby girl/boy' nonsense). A lot of this is due to family and community politicking, which frankly speaking frustrates and annoys me. Getting married, if one so chooses to attempt such thing, can be a hard enough thing to begin with. Why add such drama to the mix, eh? Just my two cents...hopefully one of these days I might not be so pessimistic about the process...

See ya on the flipside,

Tempest Desh

Edited by Tempest Desh

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No I personally wouldn't. Although ask me when I'm 40 and not married and you may have a different answer haha jk! AHH I don't wanna think about that haha I'm hopefull it'll happen for me before then! B)

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I would never never never even consider being in an arranged marriage, and I'm thankful to the heavens for placing me in a culture where I don't have to paired by my family.

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Never.

 

Boring and no thrill in meeting a woman this way. Also, parents have crap choices about spouses imo.

 

Parents will always choose a partner logically and hence I wont be attracted.

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INTERCOURSE NO!!! I don't trust my parents to pick a girl that I would want. They would probably pick a girl from the old country who can't even speak English and is overly submissive. lol I just don't think I would mesh well with someone strictly from that culture.

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INTERCOURSE NO!!! I don't trust my parents to pick a girl that I would want. They would probably pick a girl from the old country who can't even speak English and is overly submissive. lol I just don't think I would mesh well with someone strictly from that culture.

Agree. They would pick someone completely non-sexual and overly into cooking and cleaning. In a year the marriage will be more like a roommate arrangement and a cook/clean service.

 

Love marriage ftw. Also, I prefer interracial ones since I relate more to 'white girls'. Especially Russian ones.

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Agree. They would pick someone completely non-sexual and overly into cooking and cleaning. In a year the marriage will be more like a roommate arrangement and a cook/clean service.

 

Love marriage ftw. Also, I prefer interracial ones since I relate more to 'white girls'. Especially Russian ones.

 

Yeah totally. It's pretty common on the other side of the world to marry purely for security reasons. Love is not primarily sought after.

 

I can relate to you on the white girls preference. I'm open to all kinds of women, but I seem to be more attract to white girls more than anyone else.

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Nah. I can see how having a husband would have some benefits even if I didn't love him, but I'd still rather be single.

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Honestly, if I was forced to have an arranged marriage then sadly it would be something that would legitimise having sex with girlfriends.

 

I'm serious about this. "Oh, I have to get married to that bore, might as well have some romance and good sex before being stuck to that bore". Hence, not a good idea.

 

I also hate how in Eastern cultures you are meant to not even talk to the opposite sex and then as soon as you get a job everyone is like: "F--- you! Get married, you homo!"

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No way! I'm looking for very specific things in a spouse and I'm sure an arranged marriage would make us both feel miserable. I can't marry a stranger. I wanna be with someone I love and respect.

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No way this side as well.  In high school my parents [actually my father] always said I must date that girl [she's a doctor of profession now] .. and I said.. there's no way I date her.  My best friend dated her later - and all three of us was the best of friends.

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would you ever consider doing this?

thoughts and opinions? 

 

I've asked this in an earlier post, so I've merged the topics together. I was actually thinking of reviving my own post, but you beat me to it, lol!

 

I'm probably the ONLY one here who's not against having an arranged marriage. I mean, it's not my #1 choice, but if I can't find anyone, then I'd love to have my parents, family, and close friends find someone for me. And regarding the whole "not falling in love" thing before marriage: I believe that you may not be able to choose who you fall for, but I DO believe that you can choose who you can give your heart to. And if my parents and/or family find a girl who's willing and anxious to marry me, then I'll gladly accept and do my best to love and care for her for the rest of our days!

 

(chirping crickets)

 

Seriously, am I the only one here who's not against this idea?

 

(everybody nods)

 

Sigh...oh well, I'm unique :D !

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I wouldn't really go for the arranged marriage but would welcome suggestions from people that truly know me well and want what is best for me of options of men to casually get to know/build friendships with.

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I don't think so. I used to joke about it (also kind of serious) but would never follow through on it if I had the opportunity. I used to think the chances of me getting married on my own was so low that it would make it easier if my parents did the work of finding a good man who wanted me to be his wife. 

 

But, like I said, I don't think I could ever follow through. The romance of finding someone through unexpected means is just too good to pass up. I trust my parents but I am learning to trust God more. He knows the perfect time and the perfect guy for me. :)

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I will feel insulted if my parents choose. It's like "Oh you had to have your parents choose you a wife instead of dating". It will be a hugh insult and a stain on my ego.

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I'm going to have to agree with the majority here. There was a saying, marry first for love and then for money. I am a hopeless romantic and still all about marrying for love. :wub:

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I want my marriage to be arranged.....by God. I just hope I marry a beautiful compatible Woman one day. Whether she's a virgin or not, Christian or not is important to me, but it is just my preference so if I fall in love with this Woman I will call my Wife one day, I will love her regardless of her sexual past or lack of faith in God. Ultimately it's about Her, the individual, not it, the virginity, or religion.

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no, I know that it's an option in Hinduism but I want marry for love and respect. I also have specific deal breakers such as smoking, drinking, drugs, partying and whether or not she is a virgin. Arranged marriage are never a good thing. My parents had a love marriage after meeting at work. There have been married over 30 years now. 

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