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Hi there!  I'm curious about dating sites and the relationships one might find using them.  Are there dating sites specially-dedicated for waiters?  Is it hard to find someone to date who is alright with waiting till marriage but is not extremely sociopolitically or religiously conservative?  Which dating sites are the best for people like us?  I really do want to find my soul mate one day but feel like the search is extremely difficult.  :/

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Well, pretty soon THIS will be a dating site for people who wait.  :D

 

We're not ALL super conservative. So you have pretty good odds there. I think the best dating site for you is ANY dating site. Preferring a fellow waiter is normal, but while you're searching for Mr. Waiter, you'll be happier if you actively date (even non-waiters) instead of waiting around. 

 

So, short answer: Which is the best dating site? ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. It's a numbers game. If you want to find someone quickly, stack the deck in your favor by putting yourself out there in several ways.

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I don't necessarily want to date or even marry a waiter, just someone who's ok with me being one.  Yeah, I know not all waiters are conservative, but a lot of waiters I've met in real life tend to be...:/ 

 

Nice tip about trying many dating sites at once!  Are there any non-dodgy cheap or free ones you know about?  There's always OKCupid, but I've tried that before and gotten a lot of messages from real creepers...

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I think, if you're a girl and you're even semi attractive, stomaching creepers on dating sites is a hardiness that you'll inventively have to develop if you want to stick around long enough to meet a winner.

 

Also, don't declare waiting on your profile. Being too upfront with such a personal (and sexual) fact can invite virgin fetishists and turn off otherwise promising suitors. People who might be able to accept waiting after they get to know you might still be turned off by it if you drop the bomb way to soon (like on your profile).

 

As for free sites besides OKCupid: Try some Christian dating sites. Not every Christian is a Crazy Christian. And that's were you're likely to get the warmest response to WTM. Also, Googling coupons for eHarmony and Match.com might help cut costs.  B)

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Very good advice!  :)  Yeah, I was kinda worried about that creeper factor.  :/  Oh, well, maybe it's worth digging through a pile of coal to find a diamond. :)

 

Hmm...hadn't thought about virgin fetishists.  But yeah, I can definitely see how declaring right away might be a bad idea.  Any ideas on how to tell a prospective partner?

 

Yeah, I know not every Christian is extreme.  I'm one after all.  :P  I actually considered ChristianMingle, but to be able to contact other members you need to pay, plus I've heard some scary rumours about scammers and rapists on there.  Any ideas on some Christian sites that are free and good?  I might consider eHarmony or Match if they aren't that expensive, but as a student money is definitely important. 

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There's a deacon at my church found his wife on ChristianDatingForFree.com They are in their mid 60s and have been married for 3 years.

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Though I canned all my accounts over a year ago, I looked at some of the sites and I would warn you to avoid pof(plentyoffish) as well as speeddate and any that seem really cheap. One or both sold my email address to porn spammers, fortunately it was a disposable address.

Christianmingle as a site is not really sincere as it is run for profit by people who really don't seem to care beyond selling memberships. That doesn't mean the people there are not sincere, just that the site is a typical dating site but with a Christian title.

If I was to seriously pursue online dating, eHarmony was the most interesting. Their guided communication approach lets you sort of sound out people in a controlled series of questions before you choose to make unscripted contact.

I asked a few women there in the guided conversation what they thought about sex before marriage, and a couple of them seemed to like waiting, but there are many who think premarital sex is part of finding a partner. And I think some women respond more positively about sex than they may actually feel comfortable with, so that they don't scare off their potentials. But I suppose I see it the other way.

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Also, don't declare waiting on your profile. Being too upfront with such a personal (and sexual) fact can invite virgin fetishists and turn off otherwise promising suitors. People who might be able to accept waiting after they get to know you might still be turned off by it if you drop the bomb way to soon (like on your profile).

 

 

Hey Mike, I have on my OKCupid profile under "The most private thing I'm willing to admit about myself is:  I tend to move a bit slow when it comes to physical intimacy. I'm a bit old fashioned I guess. I really like the idea of romance, holding hands, snuggling watching movies. I like to establish some emotional intimacy before getting to the physical intimacy. For me, the emotional intimacy is what gives the physical intimacy meaning. I like conversations, eye contact and getting to know someone. That to me is what dating is. :)"  

 

You think that's too much?  It's sort of my way of saying I'm waiting.  Should I change it? Thanks!

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@Jgotmilk - Nah, I think that's nice, and well said. When in doubt, you could always A/B test it. Leave it on for a week, take it off for a week, and compare your incoming matches, messages, etc. Not a perfect test (because other things could affect that), but maybe a fun thing to try.

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My husband and I met on OKCupid! Neither of us listed our virginity in our profile, but we both openly answered several multi-choice questions about sex, with explanations that admitted we were waiting til marriage. So it's something that showed up if a guy spent time looking at our "match" questions, but I definitely found out that not all guys who dated me had bothered reading those questions.

 

What I have learned about online dating sites, through my own experiences and those of my friends, are 1) there are creepers everywhere--just ignore them 2) geography plays a huge part in success.

 

The nice thing about OKCupid is that if you answer questions publicly, and so does the other person, y'all can see each other's answers. One question is if sex is mandatory before marriage. That question alone can help you weed out prospects, assuming the other person answered it.

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You can have a very positive experience if you know how to weed out the wrong guys. Pay attention to the language they use in their profile. Is it negative? Do they mention past wrongs that have been done to them? Then stay far away! This includes seemingly innocuous phrases like "not looking for any drama queens". Not only does it suggest that this is a person who invites drama, it smacks of a negative view of dating in general.

 

Use upbeat, positive language in your profile, and be specific about what makes you unique. Talk about experiences that only you have had, and find ways to paint a picture of what life with you is like. Think of it like a 15-second commercial: you are advertising yourself to potential suitors - what kind of images do you want to put into their minds?

 

Above all, stay away from anyone who talks about loving to "cuddle", massage, being passionate, or anything else that can be construed as a euphemism for sex.

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I think, buy a few books and learn how to use OkCupid. Don't visit the Christian ones: they're super-fishy. Christian Mingle is not only not run by Christians, it has abysmal customer service. A lot of decent people on there, but I would not trust them with my info/money. 

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