Mike

In case you missed it. New article.

6 posts in this topic

I loved this article - some of the points rang very true with me and I appreciate the fresh perspective.

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Thanks, 29K! So glad you liked it. Which of the points rang the most true for you? Maybe I can move them higher up on the page haha.

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I could identify with every single one of the 'waiter specific' pains, but particularly the one about wondering whether past relationships would have worked out had I not been WTM. I realised that I have been doing this and that's not a healthy way to think. There's no way of knowing how the relationship would have unfolded so it's pointless to agonise over it. I also saw myself in the worries about getting older and not being able to find people who are WTM or at least accepting of the fact that I am waiting. 

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I liked "Irrational Belief #1" and "Irrational Belief #3" the most (the ones in the portion of the article where you wrote a few paragraphs after the irrational belief). While I do think waiting plays a large role in one being single, I nonetheless agree that waiting until marriage can cause people to be hesitant to enter a relationship because they just assume it won't work because they're waiting. While it's certainly true that things will be harder for you, it doesn't mean you shouldn't try. It could end up being the reason you're still single, but that's just a risk you have to take if it's really important to you (and this applies to more than just waiting-there are other things that also make finding a partner more difficult). I think "Irrational Belief #3" kind of speaks for itself. Its easy to feel stigmatized and to feel like other people are judging you for insisting on waiting and/or insisting your partner is a virgin and/or waiter.

 

"Irrational Belief #2" doesn't speak to me since I haven't dated before, so I can't really speak to it. I can see "Irrational Belief #4" being true. I don't know how much it says to me, personally, though, since I will only marry a virgin and I figure that anyone who is still a virgin by their late 20s is a waiter. For people who are fine with a partner having a past, I think this point could be very reassuring. I don't know about "Irrational Belief #5." I know it doesn't apply to me, but I'm unsure of how it applies to others. We have/have had some members on here in their late 20s who still insist on a waiter and/or a virgin. I can't think of too many cases of someone changing their mind about that. Even some people who have talked about getting over it have specified that it was never a dealbreaker to them, but just that it was tough to get over. I think the way you stated it was too assertive. Instead of saying, "The older you get, the less you’ll care about finding somebody who’s waiting" maybe it should have read more like "Some people care less about finding somebody who's waiting as they get older." I think the less assertive tone would also work better with the end of the article where you point out that people who will keep this as a major issue should consider joining church singles' groups and this site. The way you have it now, it makes it seem like you're contradicting yourself (it WILL matter less, but if it doesn't, do this).

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