DriftingDreamer

Dating a non waiter with a sex drive

6 posts in this topic

Does anyone have any advice on dating a non waiter man? I found a really awesome guy and we get along very well, but it's been mainly through Skype and text, we haven't meet face to face yet. Our situation could go two ways, we'll be awesome friends, or their will be a spark between us and we have a problem.

 

I'm a Christian, he isn't, I'm waiting till marriage, he's already told me he would control himself but ultimately want more. There's to many what if's for us.

 

What do you guys think? He's already looking up stuff on dating a waiter.

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My advice for dating a non-waiter guy is to simply not date him. You haven't even met and yet he's not a Christian, not a waiter, and you know he'll want to go further than you want to. That is not a good start. The fact that he's not a Christian alone should be reason enough that a relationship would not be a good idea. The Bible makes it clear that we should only be romantically involved with another believer. God wants us to make Him the center of a relationship. You can't have that with a non-Christian. That's not to say you can't be good friends with him. But I think it's best to hold out for someone who has the same faith as you and who is waiting out of their own choice.

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Like Vince, I don't believe God wants Christians dating non-Christians, but that's my own personal views and so I'll try and answer this subjectively. (Or is it objectively? I can never remember...)

 

Obviously you've found a guy who you can be 100% honest with - that's awesome! Too many people settle for someone they can't talk to about the tough things, and then down the track struggle when communication isn't happening. He's also been honest in saying he'll control himself but want more...but that sets a few alarm bells ringing for me. Despite him saying that he'll control himself, he's not put that back on you by saying he'll want more. He's not said "I'll do anything for you," he's said "I'll do this for you, but I don't want to." Maybe I'm reading into this too much, but he's already set up resentment...or that you owe him because he's making this 'sacrifice' for you.

 

If he's to ultimately be the one you marry, it's not the way you want the relationship to start. But the good news? He's looking up stuff on dating non-waiters. Who knows? He might find some good tips and learn to appreciate and respect your decision.

 

But whatever you do...don't settle for less than you deserve.

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He's looking up stuff on dating non-waiters. Who knows? He might find some good tips and learn to appreciate and respect your decision.

Good thing to remember that, he could easily find this site and this post. Waiters and non-waiters are not incompatible, and compromises can be made on both sides. Any non-waiter that finds this site is going to think no waiter will ever want to date a non-waiter because all the advice is about red flags and warning bells.

We need to make sure that we don't make non-waiters that come here for advice on situations like this feel inferior, they're not, but a lot of posts around here make them seem like they are.

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Not dating a non-waiter simply because they arent waiting is silly. I was a non waiter until I dated a waiter, the non waiter may respect your decision and wait with you.

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Non waiters dont usually feel 'inferior' to waiters.  Ive found they usually feel bad for us becuase they think we are missing out.  They often think its a really silly concept but really respect the dedication and self control that comes with it.

 

As you get older, that your datting pool consists of more and more nonwaiters wheather they are christain or not.  The important thing is not wheather he waited or not, its wheather or not he respects your bounderies.  If he is patient and non pushy, then he is a good guy.  Just take things slow to not put yourself in sittuations that he hasnt earned your trust in.  There have been men Ive datted that ive felt reallty comfortable sleeping next to, and others that I wouldn't have done so with.  As for him expressing that he will be wanting more--there is nothing wrong with this.  He is being completly honest with you.  when a man likes you and is used to to sexual intamacy and fun its a big sacrifice for him to wait with you while he dates you.  Your choice to wait becomes his situation too while he is datting you and he hasnt really had a say in that decision.  Appreciate this sacrifice.  He could find another great girl that he can also have 'a mature relationship' with, but that he is willing to go without is a huge compliment to you.  The thing to watch out for is that although he is saying he is okay with it now, later he may start asking questions about limitations.   You should save yourself the time and heart ache and  be clear in the begining when topics arrise.  Some guys Ive datted were okay without the actual act of sexual intercourse because there are so many other acts partners can engage in.  When they realized that it wasnt about the legalistics of virginity and about reserving the vulnerability and intamacy for marriage, it was just too difficult for them.  

 

The next thing to question in this situation is your self control.  When you are the gatekeeper he is just waiting for an invitation.  You are going to be tempted when sex is right there so willing, available, and inviting.  lol  Make sure you are really comfortable saying no, before you put youself in situations that will challenge your self control and his.   He is only going to take things as far as you allow them when he cares about you.  You can be assertive about about your comfort zones in a non emasculating way.  Its perfectly natural for a man to desire a woman and when he makes a pass it will hurt his feelings when he is rejected.  You can firmly assert youself without being mean or scolding.  Remember, its a huge compliment when he wants you.  Be flattered! Expect him to be dissapointed though! He will learn being with you where you are comfortable and will get the hang of your limitations.  A man who loves a woman can be very patient and wants you to be happy.  Just make sure he actually wants the same things you want in life.  A man who is not looking for a wife is a total waste of time for a waiter.  There is no purpose for either of you here.

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