HopefulPoet

Older Men

18 posts in this topic

Hey there!

 

This might already be a topic, I tried to look and didn't find it but if it exists someone please link me to it! But, recently I've discovered that I am almost always attracted to older men (as in anywhere from 5-15 years) as opposed to men my own age (18) or younger. I have absolutely no idea why and can't exactly articulate it very well, but there is just something really appealing in guys older than I am and I'm wondering if I'm not the only one? Do any of you other women feel this way too?? Mostly I just want to feel less crazy hahaha.

Thanks!

 

-HopefulPoet

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Trust me, HP. There are female members here who like men who are older than them by 30 years *coughCou*cough, so your preferences is tame in comparison. lol

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Oh, you're not the only one, definitely not! I still remember in high school when all the girls in my year had a crush on the deputy head teacher, and he was in his sixties. He was really hot, though...He had a nice voice.

 

Yeah, I do like older men, to some extent. I wouldn't mind a husband who was, say, ten years older. But depending on the guy, I'd perhaps go older. But, then I'd need to consider practical issues. If he's too old, then it might cause problems for having a family, and so on.

 

xxx

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I don't think age necessarily matters, but I do think, in general, a big age gap will come with some issues (family planning, being in a different place in life, having different life experience levels, maturity). Nevertheless, plenty of people, men and women, like older partners. Yes, believe it or not, there are men who prefer women who are older then them by the age gap you mentioned.

 

Not that this applies to you, but I will say one thing that does sometimes bother me. A lot of young women will say they date older guys because young guys are too immature. This bothers me for two reasons: 1.) There are very mature young guys who will get ignored by these girls because they assume they are immature and 2.) Most young girls aren't really mature, they just think they are. Young guys and young girls are generally both immature, but just in different ways.

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You are not alone in this Hopeful Poet but I am not one of these girls. I have never had a crush on a guy more than 5 or 6 years older than me and usual tend to go for guys about my age or slightly younger. Of course maturity is important to me but like wny said some young guys are mature for their age. I usually test the waters to see where their maturity is at before pursuing anything with them. 

 

Not too long ago, I gave a 19 year old (who is now 20) a chance even though I was 24 (now 25) because I thought he deserved a chance to show me he was mature enough. However, he turned out to be less mature than he should have been even for a 19 year old but I don't regret giving him a chance and will do it again when another younger guy pursues me. (They seem to be the ones that like me mostly. lol) 

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I was once attracted to older men , it wasn't much to do with maturity I just thought men looked their best in their 40s..I still think men reach their peak in their late 30s-40s but now it's just an admiration and I'd much rather date a person closer to my own age.

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Ooh la la, I love this topic :D

 

Vince is right. My first thought when I read your post was, "only 15 years?!" xD I tend to be attracted to guys who are in their 40s, or look like they are. I am almost never interested in guys my own age. Jegsy reminded me of how I mostly paid attention to the hot teachers in my high school, and not the silly boys. I think it is because they tend to be much younger than their actual age, and us women tend to be much older than ours, in terms of how we view things, esp. relationships and how it should be gone about, plus maturity wise. It's totally out of whack. We;re looking for men similar to our mental age.

 

We admire older men's confidence, job holding abilities, wisdom, conservative values. Now that's attractive. I think we tend to associate this with the weathered man look. I've learned that older men can be sketchy if they go for much much younger women, esp. college age when they were there 20 years back, because men with those values should be looking for the same, and they should want to gravitate women in their own age. Many men who are 50 have the mentality of a 10 year old.

 

Dont worry, we will catch up with them!

 

Besides, salt and pepper hair... *swoons

 

And hey, men MAKE us crazy, so it's not your fault! 

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I've also found that I'm occasionally attracted to older men, but not by too many years. The oldest guy I was seeing was 7 years older than me, which would have definitely been a big problem with my parents since I was 18 at the time. And as far as guys my age, I normally don't go for them, but it really depends. It's not that I'm not attracted to guys my age (because I definitely am) but I've found that a lot of guys my age just look like... kids. Like they're supposed to be in high school still or something. I want my man to look like a MAN and not a boy, if you get what I'm saying. haha

So I think for me it's mostly in the facial structure, but there are definitely guys closer to my age by 1-2 years that I would still see as having a more manly rather than boyish face. I just couldn't really see myself in a relationship with someone younger than me, even if it's by less than a year. Sorry just can't do it. He's gotta be at least a little older than me, and preferably with those manly facial features I love :wub:

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So, so glad I'm not alone in this! I mean, I know definitely is some undefinable straight attraction, I honestly just think guys who are older look physically more attractive?

Haha, Cou I think I put 15 to stay on the conservative side, I honestly would date someone up to 40 if it was the right person I think. I know another part of my attraction to older men is from my favorite novel, Jane Eyre, in which I think the age difference between the romantic characters is maybe 20+ years?

Nicole, I don't know that I would ever date someone younger than me, I think they'd reaalllllyyy have to be a magical human being to make that happen. Mentally I've always felt too old for my body, which is a weird thing to say. On one hand, thanks to waiting until marriage, I am physically way less experienced than most people my age and I feel very young, but mentally I tend to get along better with older generations. It's all very confusing. My mom always said I was born with the brain of a 40year old woman, so I find it hard to connect with men my own age.

I agree with you wny, you can't base maturity entirely on age. I think that's a perceived image/stereo type we hold that isn't always true. I do know that for me, I would want a guy who has experienced the world and gained wisdom from it, but also someone who would love to still experience the world again with me. If that makes sense? I also think that older men (maybe stereo-typing) tend to be more confident in who they are and what they want out of life, so they don't mind a woman who is the same way. I know who I am and where my life is going, which is not what most 18year old guys look for in a girlfriend... haha. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone! :) :)

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 Jegsy reminded me of how I mostly paid attention to the hot teachers in my high school, and not the silly boys. I think it is because they tend to be much younger than their actual age, and us women tend to be much older than ours, in terms of how we view things, esp. relationships and how it should be gone about, plus maturity wise. It's totally out of whack. We;re looking for men similar to our mental age.

 

I really have to strongly disagree with this part. High school and even college girls generally are definitely not mature and do not have the mental age of older guys. And they also generally don't view relationships in the same way.

 

In my experience, high school and college girls love to get drunk and party. Also, perhaps they want a relationship, but they have very naive and unrealistic views of what a relationship is. They play games. They "test" their boyfriends instead of trusting them.  Like I said in my original post, young girls often think they're mature, but they're really not. Just because one isn't trying to go out and get laid like the sterotypical young guy is does not mean one is mature.

 

I also think that older men (maybe stereo-typing) tend to be more confident in who they are and what they want out of life, so they don't mind a woman who is the same way.

I think that's generally correct, but it's also true of older women, not just older men.

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Wny, I think that maybe if you don't want to have young men stereo typed as immature, you can't stereo type younger girls as immature. I mean, I don't drink or party, I work two jobs to pay for school myself, I care about learning and growing as a human being, I am responsible and I take care of those around me. Whereas I know many girls in my group friends my age who are like this as well, I have yet to meet a single guy in school who acts with the level of maturity that I do, except for the older ones. I'm not trying to be all rant-y and argumentative, but if you hate stereotypes just say that, don't then place a stereotype of your own on something. As far as relationships, I might be a little naive and not know what to expect or how they work, but I do know that I am irritated by anything other than absolute honesty and I don't know why you think that girls purposefully play "games" with guys. I don't think that's true. And, another thing. Having a guy not running around trying to get laid sounds pretty great to me. Maybe I'd like a guy who wwas adult enough to know how important sex is. I think that totally makes someone mature.

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Wny, I think that maybe if you don't want to have young men stereo typed as immature, you can't stereo type younger girls as immature. I mean, I don't drink or party, I work two jobs to pay for school myself, I care about learning and growing as a human being, I am responsible and I take care of those around me. Whereas I know many girls in my group friends my age who are like this as well, I have yet to meet a single guy in school who acts with the level of maturity that I do, except for the older ones. I'm not trying to be all rant-y and argumentative, but if you hate stereotypes just say that, don't then place a stereotype of your own on something. As far as relationships, I might be a little naive and not know what to expect or how they work, but I do know that I am irritated by anything other than absolute honesty and I don't know why you think that girls purposefully play "games" with guys. I don't think that's true. And, another thing. Having a guy not running around trying to get laid sounds pretty great to me. Maybe I'd like a guy who wwas adult enough to know how important sex is. I think that totally makes someone mature.

I don't necessarily mind when people make general statements, but I do find it irritating when it's done about one group and not another. I do think most young guys are immature. But, I also think most young girls are equally immature. Just like in how your experience you've seen young guys act immature, in my experience I've seen young girls act immature and play games with their boyfriends. Neither anecdote negates the other.

 

Also, it's great if you're incredibly mature. You might be one of the exceptions. I don't pretend to know you or know your personality. We're strangers on an internet message board.

 

Also, I totally agree with your last few sentences. My point was to say that running around and trying to get laid is not the only form of immaturity. It's only one of them.

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I will agree with wny on that one. Considering I live in a college town, rampant immaturity is sort of the gamut here really. Frustrated my brother so much he swore off all American women... lol.  :P 

Thing is I have seen older men use that to their advantage. They will use their age in order to get any woman they want simply because it is such a belief to associate age with maturity when that really is not the case. This might sound pessimistic, but it is more realistic, people tend to change very little growing up. If they acted a certain way as a teenager, they tend to carry it throughout adulthood, sometimes up until middle age. I know people can change, but it is rare from what I've seen.

The rampant belief of age=maturity is why I personally refuse to date a woman that is too young, the youngest I would date is 21 and to me that is pushing it. There are a lot of mature men who are younger than me, in my opinion they deserve a chance. If I dated a younger woman, I don't feel like it is fair to a younger man who is mature but happens to be physically younger than me.

See how a person is mature on their personality not the age of their physical body, that's just silly.  :P 

Not to mention as wny has stated, younger women tend to play games and not really understand what a relationship is. Sacrifices involved, how to give and not be self centered, etc. Not to mention as I have too often seen they have the following thought process 

"I kind of want a relationship, but not really." and they yo yo the guy and that is not right to do. Make up your mind on what you want! 

The above mindset however has also been seen in younger men, but I date women so of course my anecdotal evidence will be based on the kind of women me and my friends have dealt with.

There are some young people however who are very mature, a friend of mine from Kuwait, he is just 19 years old and when I learned that I was shocked because of the way he carried himself and how mature he behaved.

What I am trying to say is to gauge a person's maturity on their personality, outlooks, even goals. Never let the age of their body dictate the age of their soul/mind.  :) 

 

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For the sake of my sanity, let's just all agree that not every young person is immature and not every older person is mature. Ya dig? I pretty much posted this not to debate maturity, but to see if any other girl, on a purely physical scale/undefinable scale found men who were older than them, older than the expected relationship age range, to be really attractive. That's all! I meant it in the same way as other posts where guys/girls describe the physical appearance of their "ideal" girl/guy, or simply what qualities attract them to a person. And in this situation as well as that, I'm not saying that if my soulmate or future husband, or anybody really who is worth pursuing a relationship with, didn't meet those purely whimsical standards I wouldn't date them or love them. I was just curious about whether or not any other girls found older men inexplicably attractive. :)

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Let me clarify that by "they" I meant girls who like older men. I was pressed for time and didnt get to explain very well. I'm well aware of the immaturity that is prevalent, lol

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I suppose the other point of view on this is from that of an 'older man' and what I/we think of women of different ages.

I've never been one to actively date, being more socially passive, so that colors my views. I still view younger women favorably, partly because I rarely got to interact with them when I was a late teen and in my 20's. But maturity is very important. I don't want a silly, person or one lacking in understanding of life. Some youngsters, male or female, have never really had to face any real difficulty and they don't reach an emotional depth very quickly. Difficulty, pain or some,sort of suffering in life often brings out a maturity in people beyond their years, and knowing that someone can connect with you on that level helps. You don't want to feel like you've taken on a teenage child rather than a spouse.

I'm not saying that the 'mature' life of responsibility has no fun or spontaneity! Just that it has to be tempered with wisdom.

Most single women within say within 5-8'years of my age are either single parents, divorced or living a life of serial relationships. So I figure that I probably have a better chance at finding a WTM'er among women who are,10-15 or even 20 years younger. They are less likely to have made all the mistakes, and not just that, because God can forgive mistakes, but older ones are more likely to have just accepted mistakes as a part of their life.

Having thought about it more than I probably should, however, I can see positive things about sincere women at any age. Now, off to ponder whether I should wash those whisps of grey out of my otherwise dark hair, or not...

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I really like older men but I have found that a lot of older men don't like people my age. I am a really shy person at times which can make me seem more childish and that could play a part. But you are not alone. I think the oldest guy I have ever liked was a little over 20 years older than me.

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Haitigirl9, I guess I never thought that being shy/quiet was taken as a sign of immaturity? I was kind of hoping that my natural tendency to be quiet would be taken as a sort of serious thoughtfulness, I guess I just imagined myself as more Jane Eyre than childish haha.

 

ChristianMan72, thanks for that perspective! I really appreciate a glimpse of the other side, and I understand how maturity is a vital part of a relationship. Maturity is way more important than age, and I would be willing to date someone any age who had attained the same level of maturity as I have. I'm also glad that you added the fact that maturity doesn't negate spontaneity, because when it comes to adventures I think I'll always be a kid at heart and I hope to find someone who is the same way. I'm glad I'm not the only one who understands the importance of balancing them both!

 

I've also realized through this post that perhaps I don't need an older man, I simply need a man with older values and wisdom. A man the same age as me who treated me with the respect and civility of an older generation, while having a sense of adventure, would be absolutely perfect.

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