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GoingToMakeIt

Why should a female non-waiter respect a male waiter? What's admirable about it to her?

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(I posted this in the Ask The Girls section (link), but I thought I'd try it here as well to get a broader range of responses)

 

Society at large, at least here in the USA, doesn't really promote waiting anymore.  Abstinence is generally seen as being old-fashioned and relegated only to those who are extremely religious or prudish or those who cannot find willing partners.  There are studies around about how a large portion of women admitted that they would wonder if something was wrong with a man who was still a virgin past the age of 25 or so.  Given all of that, I don't really see why a female non-waiter should respect a male waiter or find his abstinence admirable.  It's a conversation that's come up for me more frequently lately for various reasons and I've been absolutely shocked to have my abstinence met with great respect and admiration by non-waiting females (side note: I actually am not regularly around any female waiters).  I can certainly see the appeal of an abstinent man to a female who is also abstinent, but I cannot at all understand why a man's abstinence is respectable to a non-waiting female (assuming there's no element of the female wanting to be the male's first time, which doesn't seem to be the case in my interactions).  Maybe you all can help me understand this?

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From the women that I've shared my waiting status with, all of them have held it with regard and respect. Even one who is only 20 and has already slept with about 20 guys. Except, my sister thinks it's stupid because she is worried that my marriage will fail because of sexual incompatibility, and all those anti-waiter arguments. She doesn't mention it, but I'm sure that on some level she respects the fact that I'm conscious about exercising my self-control of sexual urges to overcome this challenge.

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I can't speak for women in general, but I can say that my wife was pleased with the fact that I didn't have any previous partners because that told her that I was interested in something serious with her.  Many women get hit on constantly by guys who just want to put another tally mark on their bedposts, so finding someone who was definitely not going for that helped put her at ease.  It was one of the first signs that we could have some reasonable level of trust with each other, since we were both looking for a serious relationship.  We weren't "playing games," as she put it.

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Finding anyone of either gender who is a successful waiter is usually rare. However, I have met more female waiters. Why? 

 

Men are glorified for having multiple sexual partners while women tend to be shamed. A promiscuous woman is labeled as a slut, but  a promiscuous man, will at worst be called a man whore, but is usually called a player. 

 

If you are a man who does not act in this societal prevalent role, you are appealing because you obviously will treat women with respect and will not pressure them into anything physical. 

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People who wait till marriage should not expect a degree of respect for their decision to wait. So women who aren't waiting shouldn't be expected to respect men who are. Some people respect abstinence while others don't. If someone doesn't respect your decision to wait then oh well it doesn't matter.

The right woman will respect a man's decision to wait whether she's a virgin or not. Same goes for men. If he's the right guy, if he's "the one", then he will find it admirable or respectful.

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The flipside of the "slut-shaming" for women is the virgin-shaming for men.  Even for men who were sexual abuse survivors like myself.  The mainstream advice for someone like me (age 43, working on losign a massive amount of weight between the female-perpetrated abuse at 13 to my current age of 43 before I attempt to go out there) woudl be that if I wanted any success, I would have to visit a prostitute to get some skillbase as "innocence is not sexy".

 

I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, so while i was 13 chronologically, my sociosexual development was lagging 5 years behind.  So it was like abusing an 8-year-old.

 

THAT is what I describe as virgin-shaming.  "You're worthless in this SMP/MMP, so go to a hooker to prove yourself as masculine at all."

 

The archetypal "Real Man" is glorified as a "stud"-  therefore men are often *pressured* to have sex before they're ready by culture.

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Well there's always the fact that men who wait usually respect women to a higher degree than most guys today do.

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