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fero

Are you a virgin? How will you answer him?

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I am in my late twenties,a graduate.

I am a virgin man and I want to marry a virgin woman. I have never been in a relationship.

 

Girls, how will you react if your date asks if you are a virgin?

 

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I would react neutrally.  It's a question that should come up sooner or later. 

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I would react neutrally.  It's a question that should come up sooner or later. 

 

Will you tell him? It is better I ask at the starting point

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For me, I'd tell him the truth. I'd be honest and be up front when that topic to up, and I'd hope he be honest and up front about it also.

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I'm an open book about pretty much anything, so yeah I'd tell him. Although other girls may not be the same way and may find it rude. I wouldn't ask right off the bat but you can ask the question when the timing feels right and remember if you want an honest answer, you must be willing to give her the same. 

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I would honestly be relieved that he had asked first and would answer truthfully that I was.

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Guess I will be in the minority and say I would be offended. Sex is the last thing you should talk about on a first date...

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I think it'd depend on how he asked the question. If he just kind of blurts it out, or says it with a weird grin on his face, then that'd be really weird. But if it's part of a serious conversation etc. then I wouldn't be offended. But yeah, depends on how he asks it, and what his intention was. Either way, I'd be telling him the truth, but if he's being creepy, then the date would pretty much end there.

 

xxx

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Will you tell him? It is better I ask at the starting point

Of course.  But it is kinda of rude to ask first.  Get to know the girl and ask thoughtful questions about her values, ideas, and future goals first.  Ask the virginity question towards the end of the date at the earliest.  Unless you meet her on a site like this.

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 I think it depends on the relationship. If I'm already friends with him then I would feel more comfortable telling them but if it's like a new person, that's like crossing my personal boundaries. I kind of plan on dating someone who is my friend first so hopefully I wont run into that problem.

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I can't imagine many guys would ask me that. I mean, I think it'd automatically be assumed that I'm not. I'm 20 after all. But if the question did come up, I'd be honest and say I was a virgin and was waiting for "the one."

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I can pretty much talk about anything with people, so I would definitely not have any problem telling him I'm a virgin. But I still think that's a question that should be asked later on when you know someone better. Most of the time if a guy asks that question, there's ulterior motives behind it, so you don't want her getting the wrong idea.

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Guess I will be in the minority and say I would be offended. Sex is the last thing you should talk about on a first date...

I have to agree. Even though it's critically important that I know, I can't imagine asking a girl on a first date. I hope to be able to ask by the third date in order to not waste either of our time, but even that seems early. Would you think third date is too soon?

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I have to agree. Even though it's critically important that I know, I can't imagine asking a girl on a first date. I hope to be able to ask by the third date in order to not waste either of our time, but even that seems early. Would you think third date is too soon?

 

Three dates is a lot of time in a life that's finite. Ceasing to date someone after 3 dates as the result of finding out they don't fulfill your criteria when you could have found out much sooner seems even more offensive and they may even take it much harder than had you figured it out from the get go. With three dates they could have already developed some kind of emotional attachment.

 

You can simply ask them while you're still friends about how many relationships they have had. Or what their view on sex is, etc. You can probably go a long way in figuring things out without being completely explicit.

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Three dates is a lot of time in a life that's finite. Ceasing to date someone after 3 dates as the result of finding out they don't fulfill your criteria when you could have found out much sooner seems even more offensive and they may even take it much harder than had you figured it out from the get go. With three dates they could have already developed some kind of emotional attachment.

 

You can simply ask them while you're still friends about how many relationships they have had. Or what their view on sex is, etc. You can probably go a long way in figuring things out without being completely explicit.

That's definitely an advantage of being friends first, but it just never seems to happen that way for me. I just always end up being friends with only guys. And when I am at least somewhat "friends" (I use the term very, very loosely) with women they're never ones I'm attracted to.

 

But now I'm hijacking this thread.

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Well, if the question were asked on the first date (which I think is inappropriate), I would try to understand why he wants to know so soon. I imagine it would be a scenario like this:

 

Guy: "...So...are you a virgin?"

Me: "Hmm...I've never been asked this on a first date. Why do you want to know?"

 

If his answer gives a vibe of wanting to hop into bed and he doesn't want to fumble with a novice, I think I'll just state that it's a really personal question to be asking a stranger and end the date there (and not see him again). In my opinion, it seems like too much of a breech in etiquette -- and manners is not something a person could fix so easily.

 

However, if his answer gives a vibe that he just wants to make sure he's not "wasting his time" dating a totally incompatible person, I would answer him and tell him my reasons. BUT -- if this occurs on the first date, I would still think it's bad etiquette...

 

Fero, my suggestion to you if you're going to ask that question is to ask it only when you feel that it'll matter to you. In general though, I think that question will just pop up on its own when it's appropriate, so just don't rush the question.

 

From personal experience, brace yourself. If their answer is "no, I'm not a virgin" and you're a virgin, it's going to sting like hell -- especially if it's the deepest (or only) relationship you will have been in -- because it'll feel like that person you totally have a crush just literally broke your heart... And then you'll read (and reread a hundred times over) "The 7 Emotions You Feel When You Discover Their Sexual Past" to work through all your emotions...

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Well, if the question were asked on the first date (which I think is inappropriate), I would try to understand why he wants to know so soon. I imagine it would be a scenario like this:

 

Guy: "...So...are you a virgin?"

Me: "Hmm...I've never been asked this on a first date. Why do you want to know?"

 

If his answer gives a vibe of wanting to hop into bed and he doesn't want to fumble with a novice, I think I'll just state that it's a really personal question to be asking a stranger and end the date there (and not see him again). In my opinion, it seems like too much of a breech in etiquette -- and manners is not something a person could fix so easily.

 

However, if his answer gives a vibe that he just wants to make sure he's not "wasting his time" dating a totally incompatible person, I would answer him and tell him my reasons. BUT -- if this occurs on the first date, I would still think it's bad etiquette...

 

Fero, my suggestion to you if you're going to ask that question is to ask it only when you feel that it'll matter to you. In general though, I think that question will just pop up on its own when it's appropriate, so just don't rush the question.

 

From personal experience, brace yourself. If their answer is "no, I'm not a virgin" and you're a virgin, it's going to sting like hell -- especially if it's the deepest (or only) relationship you will have been in -- because it'll feel like that person you totally have a crush just literally broke your heart... And then you'll read (and reread a hundred times over) "The 7 Emotions You Feel When You Discover Their Sexual Past" to work through all your emotions...

whoah..... a girl who understands! there SHOULD be more like you around the world.

~JM

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I would tell him that was forward and not his concern, well not at the moment. But, yes. I am a virgin. Problem? ( in a sarcastic and jovial voice)

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I really think asking point blank "are you a virgin"  can be really tacky under the wrong circumstances.  Sex can be a sensitive issue and if the guy brings it up too soon, he comes off as creepy or overly eager.   If you are currious about a womans history the best thing you can do in the first few dates is keep the conversation casual where she feels comfortable.  If she feels comfortable she will easily volunteer information.  A good way to get her in that dirrection is to ask when her last relationship was.  Asking a woman about her past conveys interest in her and is flattering.  If at this point she doesnt volunteer enough information for you to get an idea you can try asking "how serious was it?"  or something along those lines. She will likely then volunteer more information that may answer your question about her sexual background or lack thereof.   I am in my late tweenties and have humorously enough had to have these conversations numerous times.  They can be awkward but usually they are just fun and amusing to be now.  Because I am an independent woman living on my own and in an older age bracket, it is just assumed that I have had lots of 'serious' relationships before.  The reactions I get from men when they find our Ive never had sex are both amusing and flattering.  "But your so attractive!  How is that possible?!"  hahaha.  And even though I convey the information tactfully they always do end up asking point blank (usually out of shock)  "youre a virgin?" but at this is in private and by then Im comfortable with them enough to talk about limits.  (IE dont be a dofus and make her sex life public dinner talk.  Someones sexlife is personal, so be mindful of the envirnment when discussing.)

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