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Maryqueen

Forgiveness

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Hi guys , :)

 

This would be my first topic , since I joined this site 4 months ago , 

Okay , here we go 

 

what happens If you cant forgive someone ?

I mean , you are  not seeking revenge or holding grudges , but it is very hard to trust & act like nothing happened with that person again ? 

& something else , does forgiveness mean , that you dont have to confront them ? like accept whatever harm they did to you & simply forgive   or you should tell them that you were hurt then forgive them ?& what If you did tell them , & they acted like "whatever " , how could you possibly forgive then ? 

 

 

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I can talk for Islam only and in Islam, forgiving someone just means that you don't want God to punish them for what they did to you. Yes, if they've hurt you, you're probably never gonna forget it. Yes, memories may come back and you may feel sad when you see them. But none of that has anything to do with forgiving them. That's why it's not so much "Forgive and forget", but just "forgive". Hope that helps!

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Did someone cheat on you? Kinda sounds like it. I tend to watch shows like Dr. Phil and when it comes to cheating therapists say that the cheater has to get back the trust. The onus is on them to do whatever their partner needs to gain that trust back: coming home when they say they will, always answering the phone, being where they said they would be, etc. Yes, you have to tell them they hurt you, but if they don't care or understand how much they hurt you, it isn't worth your time to rebuild trust.

 

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget what they did. A quote that has helped me is, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." Me personally, I forgave my father for the lousy job he did being a father to me, and I started this about two years before he died earlier this year. Now, I have peace that I had this conversation with him, while my siblings might not because they never told him that. Honestly, it was as much for me as it was for him.

 

And even if you might not be able to tell the person you forgive them, at least forgive them in your heart and let what they did go. It's not healthy to hang on to bad feelings for another person.

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There is forgiveness and reconciliation, they can be one in the same or just one or the other. Forgiveness is kinda a daily thing. I am still forgiving my dad daily for leaving my family when I was 12, I'm 19 now. He is back in my life now by the way. Our relationship isn't really that great, but to be fair I'm more mad at him constantly for what he does now instead of what he did. My point is forgiveness is a choice, it's something you need to work on if you want to forgive. I do recommended you forgive who ever hurt you though cause it will eat at you, it will affect other relationships in your life. I hope this makes sense in some way.

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Forgiveness:

All forgiveness means is you are not holding a grudge nor does it interrupt your life.  Forgiveness does NOT mean what they did was okay NOR does it mean you have to forget NOR does it mean you have to trust them again.  Forgiveness does NOT make them a good person when they aren't.  Forgiveness just means you've let the matter go. 

If you can't forgive someone, give it time.  You don't have to forgive them right away.  Sometimes wounds take time to heal. 

When you are with that person, you don't have to act like it never happened, but forgiving means not bringing it up anymore. 

It is easier to forgive when someone apologizes or the situation has been confronted and talked through, but we don't always get those opportunities.

 

From the Christian perspective:

 

"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him."
Luke 17:3


(Repenting is admitting wrongdoing and apologizing for it. Rebuking is confronting the person. Brother can mean relative, neighbor, and friend.)

If they don't admit wrongdoing when you have told them you were hurt, then that's when forgiveness is just for you and to help you move on with your life.  Forgiveness, in that situation, is not for them but for you.
 

 

**Also, to help with the confrontation: Use I-statements such as "I felt hurt when you ....."  Sometimes we say "You did <this> to me!", people are on the defense and are less likely to apologize.
 

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Thank You all for the replies :) 

 

I had to read them over & over because I needed this so much , It really helped . 

 

The thing is , I dont confront people that easily , I think I need to stand up for myself more often , & l

ike Queen said if they dont admit doing wrong , forgiveness would be for me in this case , to let go & have peace with my life .

 

 

 "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." 

I liked this quote a loot :)  It is true ,

 somehow we cant forgive because we are silently wishing things were different , though we know they are not going to be , but somehow we go on & on in our heads , imaging different scenarios . 

 

 

 
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Hello ,

Great to hear from you and goodness ask away. Queens advise is amazing as always and like yourself she is just a baby. He he. But of course you girls mature ahead of us chaps.

Happy Saturday. Col

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Time, one of the best known cures to hurting hearts. Assume you have a bruise, the bloods comes out for a while but it has to stop (see this as the point of forgiveness), but the bruise won't disappear overnight, it will be there for a while until it totally dries up and leaves a scar. For some days you ,may keep on looking at the scar and remind yourself how you sustained the injury but give it just a little more time, you'll get tired of looking at it and forget that there is a scar.

 

There is only one problem, if you keep on peeling the drying wound and keep on hurting yourself.

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