AlexeiZ

You've heard some of this already, but I'd like to share my story

14 posts in this topic

I've met my first and current girlfriend back in high school, 5 years ago. We are now about to finish university, but I've never met her parents nor have I been to her home. The majority of my family thinks it is a stupid and dangerous relationship. They say that her parents will be very angry to find out that their daughter has been secretly dating me for so long. They don't understand why it's unnecessary to meet them at this point. Me and her agreed that we should wait until I graduate with my degree, find full-time work and make some money for a place to live and get a car before I meet them. I'm also 5 years younger than her, so my lack of my own home and car as well as education will give me a bad image, for now. Until I get those things, my chances of getting her parents' approval is lower. I am Russian and she is Chinese, and to make matters worse, her parents don't speak a word of English... Before I meet them I also want to learn to speak Mandarin to some extent. What are your thoughts? Is this really a stupid thing to do, invest this much time and effort and gamble for their approval? Their say is not the final say, but it's still significant. And of course, we're waiters :)

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I feel your pain man. I come from a Chinese family and I can say with confidence that they are some of the most racist, shallow and backwards thinking people in the world. They would make the Ku Klux Klan look like sensitivity trainers in a work place. See, when it comes to a lot of traditional Chinese families, all they want to do is set their daughters up with some guy with lots of money. Love usually doesn't even matter to them. And why should you have to cater to them by learning Mandarin? This is America, darn it! They should be learning English. It really upsets me how so many of my extended relatives refuse to learn a lick of English and expect everyone else to speak Mandarin to them. smh :P Just kidding..sort of.

 

I'm telling you, dude. Don't bend over backwards to try to get their approval, not if they're acting this way. They're minds are probably still stuck in the Ming Dynasty. I know you're  a good guy and you treat your girl with respect, love and honor and that's all that should matter to them. If all they want from you is a big house and money for their daughter then they are not worth the effort because you'll likely never get their full approval anyways. I can bet you the fact that you're not Chinese is reason enough for them not to approval of you.

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I come from a Chinese family and I can say with confidence that they are some of the most racist, shallow and backwards thinking people in the world. They would make the Ku Klux Klan look like sensitivity trainers in a work place.

Calling all Chinese people racist is a racist thing to say but you are Chinese so according to your logic wouldn't that make you racist?

Who knows, but in my opinion calling all Chinese people racist is racist since there's so many of them and I'm sure they're not all racist. But what do I know I'm not Chinese.

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Calling all Chinese people racist is a racist thing to say but you are Chinese so according to your logic wouldn't that make you racist?

Who knows, but in my opinion calling all Chinese people racist is racist since there's so many of them and I'm sure they're not all racist. But what do I know I'm not Chinese.

*sigh Weapon. You're taking it way too seriously. I hoped by now everyone would know me well enough to know that i a very strange sense of humor ;)

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Him saying racist things doesn't make him a racist, Weapon. Being hateful toward a race makes you racist. I've had my fair share of racist thoughts and sayings but I'm not a racist.

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Well I have to bring up the whole fact that it's obviously okay to say racist things against your own kind..... but Alex I understand your fears but the way I think of it is if you were the parents how would you feel about your daughter hiding a guy from you?

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Well I have to bring up the whole fact that it's obviously okay to say racist things against your own kind..... but Alex I understand your fears but the way I think of it is if you were the parents how would you feel about your daughter hiding a guy from you?

 

Well, actually I do my best to hate every race equally :)

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Alex, that is certainly a sticky situation, and it is also sounds like a secret romance in a movie. :D I imagine she is hiding you from her parents because they are so hard to please.  I hope whatever works out in the end, that it will work out in your favor. 

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Or she's hiding her parents from you, not you from her parents. How is her relationship with then? Who ever I date will not be meeting my mother.

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I feel your pain man. I come from a Chinese family and I can say with confidence that they are some of the most racist, shallow and backwards thinking people in the world. They would make the Ku Klux Klan look like sensitivity trainers in a work place. See, when it comes to a lot of traditional Chinese families, all they want to do is set their daughters up with some guy with lots of money. Love usually doesn't even matter to them. And why should you have to cater to them by learning Mandarin? This is America, darn it! They should be learning English. It really upsets me how so many of my extended relatives refuse to learn a lick of English and expect everyone else to speak Mandarin to them. smh :P Just kidding..sort of.

 

I'm telling you, dude. Don't bend over backwards to try to get their approval, not if they're acting this way. They're minds are probably still stuck in the Ming Dynasty. I know you're  a good guy and you treat your girl with respect, love and honor and that's all that should matter to them. If all they want from you is a big house and money for their daughter then they are not worth the effort because you'll likely never get their full approval anyways. I can bet you the fact that you're not Chinese is reason enough for them not to approval of you.

lol funny and true. I don't know for sure, but they're hopefully not so extreme about it. And I'm going to learn mandarin anyways because I like learning languages. I already took one class, so I just need to review a bit. When I graduate from uni in the spring ill have more time to learn it instead of studying uni courses

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Or she's hiding her parents from you, not you from her parents. How is her relationship with then? Who ever I date will not be meeting my mother.

it's not very close, as I can tell, especially since I'm a big part of her life who's also a secret

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Well I have to bring up the whole fact that it's obviously okay to say racist things against your own kind..... but Alex I understand your fears but the way I think of it is if you were the parents how would you feel about your daughter hiding a guy from you?

Of course I'd right away be shocked and instantly assuming the negatives, like he's a bad influence. But I'd definitely would want to meet him

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I think it's great that  you're willing to go that extra mile to impress them it's sweet plus it will help you bond with her family better but I have to ask, you are only meeting them for the first time so why is the car,house and the rest that important, it's not like you're asking for their daughter's hand in marriage it's just an introduction...

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I think it's great that  you're willing to go that extra mile to impress them it's sweet plus it will help you bond with her family better but I have to ask, you are only meeting them for the first time so why is the car,house and the rest that important, it's not like you're asking for their daughter's hand in marriage it's just an introduction...

There won't be much of an introduction unless we intend to marry. kinda old-fashioned, i know

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