ktphoenix

What if I wait forever?

15 posts in this topic

So like many people, waiting makes me nervous. I'm scared that I'll just be waiting my whole life for nothing - that no one will ever want to marry me. As of now, my love life is looking pretty dismal. I've thought about the possibility of having to die a virgin, and haven't convinced myself that this won't be the case. My friends (most of which are not waiting), tell me to calm down since I'm only 18, but I can't help but notice everyone else getting it figured out. So I'm in a state of doubt and fear that waiting will do nothing and that I'm hoping for something that will never happen. Does anyone else feel like this? Any thoughts? This is killing me :(

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I'm 18 as well, and made a thread awhile back basically asking the same thing: how do you handle feelings of doubt. All I can think to say for now is that if you truly believe you want to wait, try to to banish all doubt from your mind. All you can do is hope that you will meet someone one day. It seems to me that people who truly would be great, devoted partners get married a bit later than normal anyway...probably has to do with the normalization of promiscuity and multiple sex partners before "settling down." 

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I've thought about this too. I think it's inevitable, really, and I don't think it's just people who WTM who think this way. Anyone who wants to get married some day probably worries sometimes that they won't ever find someone who'll want to marry them. So I think that if you're worried about it, then that's normal.

 

I used to really worry about never finding anyone, especially back in high school. Out of all of my friends, I was one of the only ones who'd never been asked out or had a boyfriend, so that made me panic. Eventually, I told myself, "Look, none of the guys at school are right for me anyway. They don't share my values (taking their faith seriously, WTM, etc.), and aren't mature enough, so I shouldn't worry about not being asked out by them. I'll be starting university soon, so then I'll find lots of guys who are right for me."

 

So I started university, and sure enough, at the Catholic chaplaincy on campus, there were lots of guys who were mature enough for me, who took their faith seriously...But there was a problem. None of them were interested in me either, in fact most of them already had girlfriends. So I panicked again, and started worrying that I was never going to find someone.

 

What happened next was that I was working in my studies, and realised what I wanted to do with my life. I started planning and working on my novel, and that took my mind off of my worries for a while about never getting married. If I ever worried, I told myself not to think about things like that, and just to focus on my novel. After all, getting a boyfriend was out of my control. I couldn't make a guy be interested in me, so what was the point in worrying? Instead, I decided to focus on my novel, since that was something I could control.

 

I can't remember exactly when it happened, but one day, I realised, "Oh, I still don't have a boyfriend. I used to worry about that. Do I still worry?" And I realised that yes, the worry was still there in a way, but not in the same way. Before, I used to say, "My biggest goal in life is to get married and start a family. If that's all I achieve in life, I'll be very happy." But I realised that wasn't true any more. When I considered getting married and starting a family, and asked myself, would I be happy with that, I had to say no. I still wouldn't be happy even if I did have a family, unless I'd also published my novel. That was my new main goal in life, and it was in my control.

 

Today, I try not to worry too much about getting married or not. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. But I can't make a guy want to marry me, so I try not to worry, and just focus on what I can control. Doing that has helped me to discover what I want to do with my life.

 

I don't know if that'll be helpful to you or not, but those are my thoughts.

 

xxx

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I understand your situation. I also worry about that.
And my requirements are actually pretty nit-picky and lower my pool further so I really worry about it as well.
I'd just like my match to be attractive, about the same height as me, be interested in at least some of the things i am,
have the same morals as me, also towards controversial subjects, and be loving, connect spiritually with me in some sort of way, and they must be a virgin. My ex was most of those things so I often find myself in a panicky mood thinking that what if I never find another person like that? But everytime I do, I'll go out and see a tall, attractive woman walking down the street, that tells me that I still have hope and my thoughts are irrational. If I could just muster the courage to talk to one of them, I might have a couple candidates by now, but I'm working on it. Don't give up, my ex at 17 thought she wasn't going to find anyone, and gave up, and then I came, a year after. And essentially because she gave up on me, that I was coming, the relationship failed. Your match could be just around the corner, coming next year, or maybe the year after, you never know. So I say spend your time pondering about how great your going to treat your mate when they come, think about all the time your going to spend together, etc, etc. Thats what I've learned to do everytime I doubt that leaving my ex was the right decision. The same could likely help you.

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So like many people, waiting makes me nervous. I'm scared that I'll just be waiting my whole life for nothing - that no one will ever want to marry me. As of now, my love life is looking pretty dismal. I've thought about the possibility of having to die a virgin, and haven't convinced myself that this won't be the case. My friends (most of which are not waiting), tell me to calm down since I'm only 18, but I can't help but notice everyone else getting it figured out. So I'm in a state of doubt and fear that waiting will do nothing and that I'm hoping for something that will never happen. Does anyone else feel like this? Any thoughts? This is killing me :(

 

Just try to work on keeping yourself attractive, physically, personality-wise, etc. As long as you do that, I find it pretty unlikely that you'll be waiting "forever..."

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Right now I'm in the middle of one of my periods of feeling really nervous about waiting. It just seems so difficult to find a woman who I both find really attracttive and is a virgin. I think eventually the feeling will pass, but I definitely don't like feeling this nervous about it.

 

I figure I'll just have to try really hard and just keep looking until I find her. If I have to ask out countless women until one I find really attractive says "yes," then I will. If I then have to break up with countless women because I find out they're not virgins, then I will. Then, I'll ask out countless women again.

 

I guess my advice is to say that hopefully feeling nervous about it will eventually pass and to just be willing to work as hard as necessarry to find a guy who will wait with you.

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Just try to work on keeping yourself attractive, physically, personality-wise, etc. As long as you do that, I find it pretty unlikely that you'll be waiting "forever..."

Getting rid of negativity helps. Negativity is like a stench that repulses other people.

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I think this is a question that frightens many "waiters", ...

However it's something that shouldn't frighten us, as waiting in and of itself is simply that you're waiting for something or someone.

Therefore if you're actively waiting, similiar to what 'The JaySpyder' said above ...

That waiting shouldn't be sitting still looking out and wondering why it's taking so long.

But rather as I've advocated a few times on these boards, living your life, pursuing hobbies, enjoying friendships, pursuing education, tailoring relationship skills, ...

So that someday when you do meet the "Right" one you're able to have at least something to bring to the table.

For instance, hypothetical:

... say a person had no relational skills, friendships or otherwise.

And they meet finally after years of waiting for Mr./Mrs. Right, they meet them.

But they go on and on and on without ever really talking to this person.

Because they lack relational skills, and instead they just continue to wait, and wait.

Now that's an extreme case, but hopefully you can catch the drift of what I'm saying.

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I'm 30 so I totally understand how the OP feels as I have thought and still think this myself.  

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am 34 and still waiting. One thing that you must understand is you are a worrior against all the influence life present infront of you. And waiting is not easy but you kept your self from all the wrong and fealthy things because you are better, pure and clean. Can you imagine letting everyone use you or uncover your dignified slef?

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hello. i totally understand your situation. I am 33 now and still waiting. I admit, I do feel the fear of not finding anyone. i keep on praying to God that i don't want to be alone. I want to share my life with someone, thru good and bad times. It is always nice to share with someone. Right now, i am in that situation like you scared and worried that i might not have anybody and so what is all this waiting for then. however, I always remind myself about what the Lord told us regarding this issue. And so still pray to God and hope that He will send me the right one. I've dated a couple of guys who backed out the moment they knew that i was waiting. That hurts and of course frustrating. 

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I'm a 22 year-old guy. I've thought about this sooo many times, but... Overall, I've decided that this is who I am. It is your choices that make you who you are, above all else, and this choice represents who I am. I am a loyal person, and I want to be able to say that I was only intimate with one girl for my whole life. And if I can't find someone who's been waiting too, I guess I'll just focus on making the world a better place. And be a sperm donor, so that a child can hopefully inherit my most awesome of traits... And/or maybe adopt when I'm older and be a parent... And just die a virgin. But I really am planning on finding that special someone at some point.

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Will I wait forever? It is possible, I might.

 

I am 35-there aren't any known prospects on the horizon so to speak.

 

Being married and having children has always been a HUGE desire of my heart.

 

BUT

 

Even though I don't always like it or understand it, I have to trust that God is giving me the best and that being married and having a family although it is a good, natural, and worthy desire, is NOT my only desire in life. There are others.

 

A life lived to God's glory (by no means do I do that perfectly) is worth much.

 

And I realize the path of choosing to wait has not only most likely protected me from much, but also has become a deep real part of me-it has been part of forming who I am as a person.

 

I can't say I've never doubted. I might wait forever-I don't know, but one thing I do know--somehow, even if that were to end up truly being the case, it will all be worth it.

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I think its a safe bet that we've all thought of this at one point. Its pretty much a waiter's greatest fear. But there's a good chance it won't come to pass...as long as you are active in your search for a loyal partner. 

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