Chris Loke

Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

17 posts in this topic

Hey, I just discovered this forum and found out that there's really good advice from the people here. I hope someone could help me out with this girl that I like  :)  Bear with me as I explain my predicament!

 

I'm 19 years old right now, living in an Asian society where sometimes girls tend to be more conservative with relationship matters. A month plus ago, i met this girl in my Russian language class. She's 22 years old, fresh from a British university, and is really smart and attractive. Instantly, I was mesmerized by her at our first class together. To spare you some details, i would like to think that there was mutual attraction as we constantly met each other's eyes and gave smiles and the like during class. After class, as I was walking towards the train station, I saw her walk past me, and I called out to her. We were walking side by side and talking for the whole journey home, since she lives at the train stop ahead of me. It felt really good as the conversation never stopped, and she kept asking me questions. Grabbing the opportunity, I asked for her number and she gave it to me.

 

I see her twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) and soon, we started going home together after class. On the second week, I asked her out casually the first time through the phone for lunch but she said she could not come. I was rather surprised actually that she didn't accept my lunch offer, as I thought that she was rather interested in me (judging from our interactions together). At that time, I was determined to get her. I treated like I didn't ask her out for lunch and continued talking for another week. Then, I asked her out again, this time it was for some Halloween event. I asked her after our class, when we were sitting next to each other on the train, talking. I made it quite clear that I wanted to go with her as i had two free tickets to the event, and i noticed that she got rather nervous when she told me that she might have something on, and that she will let me know again on Monday. Well, she did not get back to me, until the day before the event, when i decided to ask her again. She replied rather late, with some long reply saying that she couldn't make it due to work and that maybe I could ask someone else to take her spot. I just replied something along the line of "It's cool".

 

The next lesson came and I started to be a little colder to her. I was on the verge of giving her up (keep in mind that i had the thought that she was someone that pretty much fitted my ideal girl checklist) but after class, she came up and walked with me after class. We chatted like nothing happened and all those "good" signs came out again. However, i pretty much let her lead the conversation; she kept asking me questions about personal stuff like my favorite music/food and religion and all that, and i just gave her answers. After that day, i told myself maybe i should not give up on this girl. She might be worth the persistence.

 

So, another week passed and the latest lesson we had together was rather different, at least in my eyes. During class, our teacher asked her to say something in Russian and as she was speaking, she glanced at my direction (I was sitting opposite her). I looked into her eyes and held eye contact with her for quite a while. At last, she broke it with a smile and i'm pretty sure she blushed. That was just one of the things i noticed that may potentially be a good sign during class. After class, we went home together again, and we talked as per normal. Just before her stop, however, she suddenly asked me about my plans for the weekend. Not thinking much at that time, i told her, "nothing much", and asked her about hers. She said that her friends were all busy and that she probably would be resting at home. It was only after we said goodbyes and all that, when i thought that, hey, i should have just asked her out on the weekends. I thought about that idea for really long, and sent her a text, asking if she wanted to go catch a movie on Saturday together. Now, i'm beginning to regret asking her out (for the third time...) as it is already Friday night now and still, she did not reply me. I'm pretty sure that she has seen it and here I am, wondering what to do. Should I really move on and just assume that whatever "good signs" were just me over thinking? Or should i persist and just assume nothing happened the next lesson, and continue talking to her? Here's me hoping that at least we could make some progress together and I'm struggling to find a game plan, other than just continuing talking for the next month and then see her fade into obscurity. 

 

P.S Perhaps another thing to consider would be the fact that she's going to Vietnam in 2 months to work at some charity for 6 months, and that she won't be continuing the class after December.

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Wow, you're such a cool guy :)-brave and so persistent-I think if she doesn't go out with you at least once, she's crazy. From what you have said, I would say she definitely likes you. I hope she's not following some really bad advice that girls can get, like to play hard to get/pretend you are busy :(. I bet it's been really hard on you too.

 

Maybe, if you want, you should ask her to something one more time, explaining that it will be the last time since you aren't into playing games. Be firm, but nice about it-maybe tell her if she just wants to be friends, she needs to be straight with you. Good luck!

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Hey Kailey! Thanks for taking the time to read the post!  :) I was thinking about being straight with her, perhaps sometime near the last 2 weeks of lessons. I just don't understand why she would rather leave me hanging than to just give me some answer, sigh. We actually  do know somewhat much about each other already at this point....even if she just treats me as a friend.

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Hey Chris!!

 

Omg!!!!!! Wow!! I feel like she's being rude or def. playing games. She def. knows your interested and I would have taken up the offer even if it was casual as friends. First, Idk if you have done this but it didn't seem like it but see if she has a bf first off because she may just be totally flattered by your attention that she enjoys it but knows in the back of her mind it's not going anywhere.Also, like is she allowed to date?? You said she lived at home, maybe her parents are stict and would be livid if she was dating instead of focusing on her studies. Finally, take a step back, be cool, and try not to let your feelings get the best of it and get so involved that when you learn more about her you end up crushed. This next week don't ask in any way to hang out. She's gonna be expecting it so you gotta play it cool. If she asks what your plans are say you do have plans (even if you don't) and don't invite her along. Show you  have a life outside of her. Make yourself interesting because if she knows (even if you are) you're sitting around like a puppy waiting for her beck and call she's gonna take her time. When she finally responds take just as long to respond If you play nice you won't win. So don't let her walk all over you because you've let her know that you are def. interested cus you've asked her to hang out more than once so it's her turn to pull her weight and not just use your time as someone to fill in her time on her journey back home between class. Beware cus she may be one of those girls who like to play with guys minds for the attention and flattery but nothing more. Heck, I atleast would hang out with the guy and if he wanted more then let him know "he's a great friend!!" Keep us posted!!

 

I applaud your confidence and guts! Keep it up!!

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Hey Kailey! Thanks for taking the time to read the post!  :) I was thinking about being straight with her, perhaps sometime near the last 2 weeks of lessons. I just don't understand why she would rather leave me hanging than to just give me some answer, sigh. We actually  do know somewhat much about each other already at this point....even if she just treats me as a friend.

Your welcome :)! I don't get it either, cause based on what you've said you do know each other fairly well. I wish relationship stuff wasn't so confusing and hope you get some answers soon ;).

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Thanks ladies! To OneHappyGirl, yes I did ask her if she had a boyfriend early on, and she told me she's not attached, that's why i went on with her. She's 22, and just finished her undergraduate studies in the UK, so, i do think she's more of an independent. She did tell me before that her parents were indeed strict when she was still studying but now it's better. Haha, she does know that i have a life outside of her, because every time we talked after class, she would be asking about the things i did prior that day, and i would tell her stuff. Haha, she probably knows that i'm interested in her weeks back... It's just so disappointing when she does not reply you, even when the "supposed" date is like today... To be honest, i think maybe it's the age gap (3 years!) that may be a factor? And that she's going off to Vietnam for a considerable amount of time that may be stopping her from progressing further with me. Like i said, she's really smart and might be just thinking hard about her options..  :mellow:

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I think the fact that she will soon be going away for so long could quite possibly have a lot to do with her hesitation. I would not want to start a new relationship if I knew I would have to leave so soon after beginning to date. So that could be a very real, legitimate reason for why she has not yet accepted your offers. And if I were you, I would also be hesitant about pursuing a girl who will be leaving so soon.

 

I think I would just leave things as they are now. Do not treat her differently - still be nice, approachable, friendly, etc. - but remove your expectations as best as you can. This is not exactly the same as giving up. More of just choosing to focus on the friendship you have with her presently without any additional thought, positive or negative, about the prospects for the future. Should something develop, great. If not, you stay friends until she departs, no harm, no foul.

 

One time of not being able to go out with you, I could excuse as a schedule conflict, but if she was really attracted to you, she would be making more of an effort to make it work. Actions speak louder than words, and right now, her actions are telling you she is not interested in entering into a romantic relationship at this time. If you really feel the need to talk with her about it one last time, you might say something along the lines of, "I have really enjoyed getting to know you lately. I would welcome the chance to take you on a date sometime, but I know that your schedule is really busy. You have my number, and if you ever would like to have dinner with me or something, give me a call and we can set something up." This will either get her to define the relationship by rejecting you outright or indicating her desire for romance, or, if she makes no clear response, you will know that you have officially laid all of your cards on the table. The ball would now be officially in her court.

 

Based on what you have described, I think it is unlikely that this will turn into a romantic relationship, but not due to lack of valiant effort on your part. Some things just are not meant to be, no matter how much it seems like they should work out. Still, I would love to be wrong on this; I definitely hope that something may indeed develop. Be nice, and definitely do not give her the cold shoulder, but give this girl some space. Let her come to you, if she wants to. You have held up your end of the bargain. You clearly expressed your interest. You were brave, bold, intentional, and heroic. Your job is done. Sit back and relax as best you can, and keep your eyes open for any other girls that might be walking your way. Best of luck, no matter what happens!

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Thanks for the advice! Knowing that she had to leave for 6 months next year, I did think long and hard about pursuing her, but after deciding that, hey she's really different from all the other girls i have met so far in life, i chose to pursue her. I did have my fair share of relationship struggles the past 2 years, and you could say that i've passed that phase of life where guys tend to hit on girls who are attractive, pretty etc just for the sake of it. Even though a month plus of interacting with this girl may not be considered that long, but it really gave me a pretty good picture of this particular person that i've chanced upon (it was really totally random that i got to even meet her). 

 

I'm pretty sure i'm not going to give up yet, and do intend to go about talking to her for a last time just before she quits the class at the end of December. I won't be expecting much but if she does indicate any form of interest in perhaps being more than friends in any case, I'm hopping on a flight to Vietnam next year in March or April for a few days. After all, she won't be there permanently. If not, well, it's just sad that fate brought us together but nothing could develop out of it, and i would be moving on with life.  :(

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I think that she might be interested but maybe she doesn't want to give too much hope because she's going away. Maybe when's she's with you she loses her... judgment, and gets into things. Something is up with her. Nothing serious but maybe she has her reasons.

 

You're doing everything you could do and I salute you for that. You're not being pushy and that's cool. I just wished that she could tell you what she wants. You deserve that.

 

We girls can be so confusing!

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Some girl used to show me interest signs and even gave a very happy Yes yet she did not pick up my calls until I sent her a text forcing her to answer. She was playing games and I'm glad I did not date her. It would have been a nightmare with her. In hindsight she wasn't even that hot and hindsight is always 20/20.

 

You will meet better girls.

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There is always someone better. I have decided to wait and just see what happens , I am happy staying single for now and hope that one day I will get married. Waiting for faith to take it's course

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There is always someone better. I have decided to wait and just see what happens , I am happy staying single for now and hope that one day I will get married. Waiting for faith to take it's course

Trust me you will tend to keep meeting better girls with each miss.

 

Like I have met someone with whom I can talk non-stop for like 5-6 hours we have so much in common. Shame she lives on the other bloody side of the world!

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haha guys, i appreciate that yea, i will find other fishes in the sea in the future. But i'm still going to pursue this girl, albeit now i will just stay as friends for now. Am going to have a talk one-to-one after class this thursday, shall see how things go!

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I would go for it and just give it a go but don't get disheartened

haha guys, i appreciate that yea, i will find other fishes in the sea in the future. But i'm still going to pursue this girl, albeit now i will just stay as friends for now. Am going to have a talk one-to-one after class this thursday, shall see how things go!

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I saw this girl when I was getting a coffee at Starbucks and she looked at me but was too shy to say anything so I just hot my coffee and left.

Trust me you will tend to keep meeting better girls with each miss.

Like I have met someone with whom I can talk non-stop for like 5-6 hours we have so much in common. Shame she lives on the other bloody side of the world!

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Hey guys! An update on the situation here:

 

Okay so i've just made the effort to talk to her after class; i broke the silence after a week plus of not talking to her after class (we still talk a bit during class). So.....

 

You were right, ladies! She does not want to commit to dating now because she's going away and that she broke up with her previous boyfriend earlier on in the year due to it being a long distance relationship. However, i did ask her whether she would date me if she didn't need to go away, and she said yes genuinely. From what i can tell, I do think that she really thought that i was a great guy and very possibly liked me but it's just the fact that this would be a long distance r/s for 6 months plus if we were to date that she rejected my offers to go on dates. Near the end, she said in a shy manner that she might change her mind (who knows) and maybe persistence might pay off. 

 

Yeah, so basically, i guess we are cool for now and we could talk and stuff now. My plans would be to just talk to her after class for the remaining 7 lessons and maybe invite her to a gig that i would be singing at with my band (would dedicate a song to her - her favourite song). Perhaps have a serious talk at the last lesson, who knows. 

 

Thanks for the advice! Would appreciate any further advice!

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