Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
EWZ

Respecting people's decisions

13 posts in this topic

So in one of my classes on Friday, there was a discussion about choices. Almost everyone in the class (with me as the exception) agreed that other people’s choices and decisions should be respected.

 

Why?

 

I thought that respect was earned and not given? If I see someone do something I think is stupid, or really is stupid, why should I respect their decision? Do I have to respect the decisions of an addict, or anyone who does stuff that hurt other people and themselves? Do I have to respect the decisions of a warlord, etc.?

 

Is it me, or is this like a way of “leveling the field†so that even if people make bad choices, they get a new “card†to play? They just have to say “It was my choice, and you have to respect it.â€

 

Or am I completely missing something? 

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought that respect was earned and not given?

 

That's how it should be in my opinion. The whole "Always respect people's choices!" is just a feel-good sentiment. I bet they wouldn't be so quick to adapt their little politically-correct philosophy upon learning of your WTM, am I right? I think what they really mean is, "Respect others' choices, as long as they fall in line with my own sensibilities."

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope, not buying that. If someone chooses to use their boyfriend or girlfriend for sex and then dump them, am I supposed to say, "Oh, I wouldn't have done that myself, but hey, I respect that choice"?

 

Just because they might have the right to make that choice (you can't force someone to respect others) doesn't mean that it was a good choice. Some choices are wrong. 

 

xxx

8 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope, not buying that. If someone chooses to use their boyfriend or girlfriend for sex and then dump them, am I supposed to say, "Oh, I wouldn't have done that myself, but hey, I respect that choice"?

 

Just because they might have the right to make that choice (you can't force someone to respect others) doesn't mean that it was a good choice. Some choices are wrong. 

 

xxx

 

Precisely. Someone I know chooses to cheat on their partner? I can't respect that. 

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone in the class probably had a different idea of exactly what it means to respect other's choices. To some, maybe it meant truly having respect for their choice. To others, it probably meant respecting that others can do things, even if you believe they're wrong or not best to do. It could also be taken as respecting that you have to let other people make decisions and that it's not your place to butt in to everyone's life. And there are probably other ways to think of it, as well.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
In my opinion, we should respect people's choices as long as they do not harm other's, themselves or the society they live in. 

No, I cannot respect a person who decides to kill someone, steal, cheat or anything like this. Their actions are deeply harming other human beings and our society. 

 

It is important to separate your own personal views. If a person decides to do something that in no way harms anyone, and you dislike it for a personal reason and can't respect it, that is wrong. For example, if John wants to become a teacher but his parents wants him to be a doctor and can't respect his choice, is that right? Should John really earn respect for his choice? John is not harming anyone by his decision to become a teacher. But his parents personal views prevents them to respect his choice. They have the right to dislike it, but they should respect his decision. It is perfectly natural to have things or values we like and dislike, but trying to prevent other's to like something you dislike is not right. 

 

There are many things I don't like, but I understand we are all different. Why should someone have to earn respect for personal choices? If you decide to start a family, do you really think you need to seek approval and respect from others who do not want to start a family? If you wish to study something, do you need to earn respect for that? Why? 

 

As long as no one is not harming anyone by their choices, I respect it. Does that mean I like everything? No. but as a human being I am capable of going beyond that and am still able to respect people as individuals. :)

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I don't think people were thinking of warlords, drunk drivers, serial killers, arsonists etc... You're thinking into it very deeply but when people say yes they should respect others' decisions they probably imagine more examples we encounter on a daily basis like respecting a person's decision to purchase a very expensive watch or respecting their decision to spend their money in other stupid ways. Respecting someone's decision to be openly gay or someone's decision to play a deadly sport etc... Those are the kinds of things I'd imagine if asked the question and I would answer yes like the rest of them. If I thought of a warlord I would say no but I think most of them said yes because they didn't imagine the most evil of people in their mind. On a daily basis I say yes to respecting others' decisions but I can still pick and choose.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a hard time with understanding the whole "respect everyone's decision" mantra along with the "don't judge" mantra. Respect=admiration or admire and I simply do not admire everyone's choices in life. And I'm not forcing myself into a fake sense of cultural relativity because some people want to be admired 24/7 for everything that they do. By asking me to just respect another person's decisions even if they are detrimental to themselves and/or the community I feel like I'm being asked to lose the ability to make opinions and judgments. For example, a person decides to take smoke crack  a person asking me to "respect" that person's choice is simultaneously asking me to admire and be completely okay with what they are doing. My response to such a statement is NO. I'm not going to run up to the person and yell at them for smoking crack but I'm not going to brown nose them so they can feel special. I'll simply just leave that person alone. No offense, but that type of thinking of unequivocal admiration for one's actions just seems like a red flag for insecurity and inability to handle criticism. When they leave the lavatory they want a group of people around them stating how it smells like roses and strawberries since they left.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a hard time with understanding the whole "respect everyone's decision" mantra along with the "don't judge" mantra. Respect=admiration or admire and I simply do not admire everyone's choices in life. And I'm not forcing myself into a fake sense of cultural relativity because some people want to be admired 24/7 for everything that they do. By asking me to just respect another person's decisions even if they are detrimental to themselves and/or the community I feel like I'm being asked to lose the ability to make opinions and judgments. For example, a person decides to take smoke crack  a person asking me to "respect" that person's choice is simultaneously asking me to admire and be completely okay with what they are doing. My response to such a statement is NO. I'm not going to run up to the person and yell at them for smoking crack but I'm not going to brown nose them so they can feel special. I'll simply just leave that person alone. No offense, but that type of thinking of unequivocal admiration for one's actions just seems like a red flag for insecurity and inability to handle criticism. When they leave the lavatory they want a group of people around them stating how it smells like roses and strawberries since they left.

Would tolerating someone's decision be better thing to say then?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would tolerating someone's decision be better thing to say then?

To Tolerate: allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.

 

Continuing with the crack smoker analogy, the fact that I don't run up to the person and try to stop them from smoking crack or harass them in any way means that I tolerate them. Now does that mean if some legislation came through that tried to legalize cocaine would I vote yes in the name of "tolerance" no, I would not vote yes. And I don't think "tolerance" should be used in such a way. And asking me to vote yes to be "respectful" and "tolerant" of that person's decision automatically disrespects and shows intolerance to my decision to vote how I want (if we are looking at those definitions as being more about acceptance than their actual definition). It is a double edged sword to me when asked to be "tolerant" or "respectful" especially when I don't understand the type of definition the asker is using because in many instances I am tolerant but I cannot respect the person. But I will leave them alone unless they come to me for help. When I am morally against something I can be tolerant (what am I going to do fight every single person on earth who does it, smh) but it does not mean that I admire/respect that idea. 

Also I've noticed that even the word tolerance is slowly morphing into total agreement instead of it's natural definition same as respect IMO. 

 

I think the best thing to do when teaching the class/people about such sensitive subjects is not condense it into some catch phrase with an already complex word in it such as tolerance/respect/judgement. Take the time to simply form an argument around such a word and use the exact definition of the word. By using exact definitions I think there can be an understanding that everything can be tolerated (at least on an individual level maybe not on a societal level) but not everything can be respected. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To Tolerate: allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.

Oh, I hate the word tolerance; it basically means putting up with other people’s crap. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I hate the word tolerance; it basically means putting up with other people’s crap. 

I agree with that totally. The word doesn't seem complete. I don't have the power to "allow" something nor do I really have the power to "stop" anything anyway so I'm not sure how I can interfere with someone (unless you count voting as interference) and it is just being formed into "acceptance". 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0