Aurora

Relationship Boundaries

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Hey girls and guys! I was just wondering what your boundaries in a relationship are, if you don't mind sharing.

 

For me and Phillip, we have a couple rules that help stop us from accidental sex.

 

1. All clothes stay on, and hands don't wander under them either.

2. No lying down while kissing.

3. No sleeping together.

4. No dates past midnight (it's too tempting to just stay together otherwise)

5. No beds or bedrooms

 

We're alright with cuddling while watching a movie though, although we sometimes cannot get through the whole movie :P

 

So, what do you all think?

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I have pretty much the same ones as you even though I've never been in a relationship.

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I think I might be stricter. I think I'd be fine with what all you said but it sounds like making out may be allowed and I don't know if I could do that. So far it's been to much to handle.

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I think I might be stricter. I think I'd be fine with what all you said but it sounds like making out may be allowed and I don't know if I could do that. So far it's been to much to handle.

 

I can definitely understand that! We do make out, just never in riskier areas, such as bedrooms, or while lying down. Sometimes it seems like we lose ourselves in the moment and, occasionally, we toe the line. We're very good at noticing that though, and stopping each other when we think we've gone too far. A lot of it is what we feel comfortable with, and what we know we won't regret. I know that when we pass these lines, we regret it, and that helps stop us next time. Also, praying for strength and guidance helps, but I know that not everybody feels comfortable/right doing that! :P

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Deciding boundaries is a personal choice. If you're happy with those boundaries, then great. Personally, I'm very strict. Not because I think I'd be too tempted, but because I think it would be most special to save certain things for marriage. I'm even contemplating saving kissing for marriage if I meet a girl who has never kissed before, but I'm not sure.

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No eye contact before marriage! :P

As I've told you before, don't give me ideas. It's already hard enough for me to find a girl!

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Numbers 1 and 3 from your list, though not sleeping together is more to save that for marriage and less about avoiding temptation. I might take the horizontal lip-lock off the table if it becomes too hot to handle. Overall I'm fine with anything not involving the nether regions, within reason. I might become more conservative once I enter my next relationship, and I'm down with somewhat stricter rules if that's what she wants.

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I agree with Dasboy1. I'd apply the same rules you did and even stricter. I get aroused really easily and so definitely no making out for me. I'm contemplating saving my first kiss for marriage too. Holding hands and hugging is fine with me. Not sure about cuddling. I guess I'll figure it out when I get there.

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No eye contact before marriage! :P

 

I see you're into Medusa-style beauty. 

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My advice is this...set boundaries you're both comfortable with and continue to revisit them and talk about it. Communicate A LOT. Because chances are at some point there will be frustration from one or both sides (that's kinda part of waiting :P) and talking together will help you stay on the same page. Those of you that are pretty strict will have to communicate that to your potential bf or gf. You want them to know that you're not cuddling, kissing, making out because you're waiting on it; not because you don't find them attractive, etc. Signals can get crossed easily.

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My advice is this...set boundaries you're both comfortable with and continue to revisit them and talk about it. Communicate A LOT. Because chances are at some point there will be frustration from one or both sides (that's kinda part of waiting :P) and talking together will help you stay on the same page. Those of you that are pretty strict will have to communicate that to your potential bf or gf. You want them to know that you're not cuddling, kissing, making out because you're waiting on it; not because you don't find them attractive, etc. Signals can get crossed easily.

I figure that when I bring up that I'm waiting until marriage I'll specify exactly what I'm waiting for.

 

I think I'll set my boundary at no kissing, so even if we do mess up and go too far, "too far" will mean only kissing. Similarly, if she starts to get frustrated with my waiting, that's one concession I would consider making that would hopefully appease her.

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No eye contact before marriage! :P

Ah its generally after marriage you lose eye contact......... Joking he he happy Tuesday

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I would have no boundaries. I like living on the edge! We could do whatever we want to do. It's our relationship and we can take it as far as we want. Ultimately it's not up to anyone but us to decide what we want and don't want. If for example I think cuddling might lead to sex then I would genuinely not want to cuddle b/c of this and as a result there'd be no cuddling.Sometimes having a set boundary seems restrictive yet helpful at the same time. 

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I figure that when I bring up that I'm waiting until marriage I'll specify exactly what I'm waiting for.

Exactly. That's a good plan.

Everyone has different ideas of when certain "things" should happen...and I'm not talking sexual at all lol. Holding hands, kiss on the cheek, etc. Some girls may expect this after a couple dates...some won't but you just have to be aware of that fact I guess is what I'm trying to say. Good discussion.

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Exactly. That's a good plan.

Everyone has different ideas of when certain "things" should happen...and I'm not talking sexual at all lol. Holding hands, kiss on the cheek, etc. Some girls may expect this after a couple dates...some won't but you just have to be aware of that fact I guess is what I'm trying to say. Good discussion.

I suppose where this can get a little messy is if you're not doing something (say kissing, for example) and your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you because they think you're not interested in them before you have had a chance to tell them that it is because you're waiting for it. I figure the waiting until marriage does not come up until a third date at the earliest and some people might have expected you to kiss them on the first or even second date. I suppose this might be an advantage of being friends first (they already know you're waiting, perhaps), but unfortunately the situation doesn't always come up where you're friends first.

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I suppose where this can get a little messy is if you're not doing something (say kissing, for example) and your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you because they think you're not interested in them before you have had a chance to tell them that it is because you're waiting for it. I figure the waiting until marriage does not come up until a third date at the earliest and some people might have expected you to kiss them on the first or even second date. I suppose this might be an advantage of being friends first (they already know you're waiting, perhaps), but unfortunately the situation doesn't always come up where you're friends first.

Hopefully the break up would NOT happen out of the blue. You need to communicate issues throughout your relationship if it is important to you. With my first boyfriend, the break up seemed out of the blue to me, but that was because he didn't communicate some issues he had, so I didn't know about them. Once he went to break up with me, things were to far gone for him to change his mind. In sure this happens a lot with first relationships or high school relationships. I have NOT held things back with DD and that's part of the reason were celebrating a year and a half very soon!!!! :):D:) <3 communication is the most important thing in a relationship. No matter how boring that sounds (because I always thought it sounded boring) it truly is crucial to a successful, long term relationship.

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So if someone breaks it off after a few dates, like you're suggesting because things haven't gone far enough, then they're obviously NOT worth your time! You're worth more than that.

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Thanks, Sally. I just hope it's not a case where the girl is perfectly nice, but just legitmately under the impression I didn't like her. You're likely right that it means she has poor (or at least less than great) communication skills, but that wouldn't necessarily mean she is a bad person.

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