Guest markb4

Regarding Addicts

10 posts in this topic

Hey girls,

Just had a question regarding addicts. I know most of you have said that being an addict (be it porn, drinking, drug, etc.) is a dealbreaker for you. But is a recovering addict a dealbreaker for you all? I mean, would you marry someone who's an addict, but is trying to break himself off it and control his life better (even though he may fall multiple times during the journey)? Or is that a dealbreaker for you?

Thanks!

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An addict is a complete deal breaker no matter what. Only if he is a recovered addict. 

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I would marry a recovering addict if he was serious about beating his addiction and would let me help and support him. We all make mistakes.

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I think I'd play it by ear depending on the situation. I'd have to judge how serious I thought the addiction was. If he's struggling with it a little but not seriously, maybe slipping up very occasionally, then I think that'd be okay. If he was really struggling, slipping up every week or whatnot, then I'd probably say that he'd need to get a lot more counselling, etc. before we were to get married so that it wouldn't be as big a problem. And I guess it'd also depend on what the substance was. If it's a serious drug or alcohol addiction, you don't want to bring kids into that situation.

 

xxx

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I think I'd play it by ear depending on the situation. I'd have to judge how serious I thought the addiction was. If he's struggling with it a little but not seriously, maybe slipping up very occasionally, then I think that'd be okay. If he was really struggling, slipping up every week or whatnot, then I'd probably say that he'd need to get a lot more counselling, etc. before we were to get married so that it wouldn't be as big a problem. And I guess it'd also depend on what the substance was. If it's a serious drug or alcohol addiction, you don't want to bring kids into that situation.

 

xxx

 

This is an excellent post, as it highlights the problems with this scenario.

 

Addiction has a very loose definition, what is addiction? Is a man who simply looks at porn (as it's fairly obvious that that is the addiction mark has in mind) once or twice a week addicted? Is a man who drinks a few beers every Friday night at the bar an alcoholic? Some will say yes, others will say no, the fact is it all depends on the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict.

 

The other problem is that the question "Would you marry an addict?" is flawed. I very much doubt anyone on this site would marry an addict. Dating however is an entirely different kettle of fish. If you have a problem with your SO watching porn, drinking, gaming, whatever. Then you work it out while you're dating them, just as they try and work out issues they may have with you. Then if you can both come to terms with your issues, and still love each other despite them, then you get married. You don't marry an addict, you dump them. You marry the reformed addict  ^_^

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I’m single virgin guy and I’m seriously addicted to masturbate in bed while watching porn on my phone every night in bed cuz i feel lonely and horny all the time but when i’m outside, i’m extremely shy and can’t even make eye contact with any female. I think i’m extremely picky about choosing the right girl for commitment, that made me not to even try for making a gf, I ignore all females thinking that she’s not the right one for me and she’ll dump me in near future, I have lotz of anxiety and depression, except all the above, i’m perfectly clean, healthy, fit and in shape, no any other problems, is it normal..?

 

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@Raj sadly, anxiety and depression may have become the norm in this day and age. Which means you're not alone! But also, it is unhealthy and you probably need therapy because if you let it sit for too long, who knows how you'll deal with life?

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I used to be addicted to porn.  So I can't really say that no one who USED to be is not okay with me. 

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On 11/3/2013 at 4:39 AM, Mirage said:

Addiction has a very loose definition, what is addiction? Is a man who simply looks at porn (as it's fairly obvious that that is the addiction mark has in mind) once or twice a week addicted? Is a man who drinks a few beers every Friday night at the bar an alcoholic? Some will say yes, others will say no, the fact is it all depends on the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict.

I think the definition of addiction is fairly well defined. Diagnosing is what the layman may have difficulties with. Porn and alcohol aren't addictions. Addiction is a particular relationship with a substance or activity that may or may not be considered inherently addictive. Whether someone is an addict or not has nothing to do with the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict. While there are different levels of addiction they are all still addicts.

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On 12/20/2017 at 7:04 PM, Raj said:

I’m single virgin guy and I’m seriously addicted to masturbate in bed while watching porn on my phone every night in bed cuz i feel lonely and horny all the time but when i’m outside, i’m extremely shy and can’t even make eye contact with any female. I think i’m extremely picky about choosing the right girl for commitment, that made me not to even try for making a gf, I ignore all females thinking that she’s not the right one for me and she’ll dump me in near future, I have lotz of anxiety and depression, except all the above, i’m perfectly clean, healthy, fit and in shape, no any other problems, is it normal..?

 

While you may also have some problems with anxiety and depression independent of porn consumption, from what I know they would be most likely causally linked. You are feeling some of the negative consequences of porn consumption. Its not worth it. Get help and get through it!

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