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Karthik

Dating Advice

30 posts in this topic

Thanks for the advice :), Dating is new to me because I just never attempted properly. In high school the girls just thought I was cute(I was a lot thinner back then) but no girl approached for dating so I just concentrated in my education and now finding job I like is  issue #1. 

Nothing wrong with speaking from your heart my man, a really good woman will appreciate that.

Addendum:
Just be careful with "revealing your true feelings" so to say.
I get in trouble with this myself, so it's understandable.
We're guys, and man enough to say what's in your heart.
Just as I said be careful, I'm totally not a proponent of playing games, no way.
But don't tell her "I have feelings for you" after the very first date, you know.
Love, feelings take time to build, it's a strong emotion, strong feeling, and of greater depth than simple infatuation, you know.

Dating seems like it's really tough, I know, I've commented on here several times about this.
It seems as we get older dating gets to be a 'game'. But most of us feel as though, as Arwen4CJ said once a while back that everyone began playing a game but she didn't know what the rules were.


From a personal standpoint this is why I don't date much or really haven't dated much throughout my life.
I've immersed myself with my career, my hobbies, interests, my faith community.
But I do think about it every now and again.

I do believe and I tell you the same bro, you may not know the conclusion of the journey.
And certainly at times it's difficult, but it'll be worth it in the end.
And we'll have learned valuable lessons about relationships/marriage without the baggage

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What places where I can find women who never drank or smoked such as Chelsea hightower. I know there are coffee shops and stores but I'm a bit shy

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I'll offer my point of view, especially since this was in the "ask the girls" section-although I've been enjoying reading many of the helpful responses from the guys here, as well as the ladies.

I don't happen to do any drugs, alcohol, or smoke myself. I highly value my health. I am delighted to find the holistic community near me has many people who don't smoke, drink, or do drugs & want monogamy. I believe it's because these people are so health conscious that many don't want to take these substances. So there are groups of people out there that share these values, even non-religious ones, for those of us that don't happen to be religious. (Not disrespecting religion-I have friends that are religious & I respect them).

For me, I am becoming that (for myself also) which I want to attract in my husband. I have worked on becoming an empowered, conscious, more loving, balanced, healthy person which benefits me -and the kind of husband I will attract. Thankfully, this will also benefit our future kids-having cleared out the bulk of our emotional & mental baggage before meeting each other.

I am pretty shy in person until I get to really know someone. Since I love to be social though, I force myself to go out to lots of things. This is one of the reasons why after living here only a couple years, I have 3 close women friends & many wonderful, friendly, not super close friends. I go to several social things a week, whether it be a dance, or class, or something my friend has organized. I also don't wait for a friend to say they can go with me to an event-I just go! I admit I am much more shy around men in person.

I'm making more of an effort lately to overcome shyness & make friends with men. One friend, I'll call Kathetine & her friend Jake were going to hang out after a class we were all at recently one evening. We decided to meet outside this food place next door to grab something to eat & hang out. I don't know if this sounds odd, although if I'm not even physically attracted to a guy, I still feel more shy in front of him than a woman-and I'm shy in front of anyone newer. So I didn't happen to be physically attracted to Jake, and yet I still felt kinda shy.

Not worried about when or where I meet my future husband. I believe when I am in that right for me, healthy space within myself, and continue going about living my life, and continue letting myself be open to meeting new people in new places & ways, & listen to my inner guidance, I will easily, effortlessly attract and meet him.

Grateful for the emotional support of this forum on my journey in waiting!

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Hi Karthik! Interesting post!

Not drinking or not smoking is an Indian/Pakistani cultural thing, in Western societies, there is less of a taboo about drinking.

The problem with saying your feelings right away, is that the girl will feel you have less value if you show that you are thinking 'I wonder if she likes me' rather than 'I wonder if she would be a good match for me?'

If you show too many feelings right away, the girl doesnt feel like she needs to prove her value to you, which means that your perceived value goes down in her eyes. Being an introvert is fine, but then how are you supposed to meet people who have common interests? I would recommend going to sites like Meetup, in order to find out ways you can meet with people with common interests

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I would hesitate in saying that not drinking/not smoking is somehow foreign to America/the West in general, as at present there is the Straight Edge movement (and we've had teetotaler movements in the past as well). Saying that drinking/getting drunk or smoking make one American is problematic, as it puts anyone who wishes to establish roots here or even date someone from here in a tough spot, if they assume such things to be true. One can find girls from here (or guys if that's what you're looking for) who don't engage in such things. Meetup has been mentioned and might help in regards to finding someone close to you in morals, beliefs, interests and actual physical proximity. Don't go around thinking that you have to bend in ways that cause you emotional or moral suffering, just because someone says 'everybody's doing it/it's the 'acceptable thing to do'. As far as emotions are concerned, I'd have to agree with previous posters and say that coming off to strong early on tends to push people away. Other than having the effect of creeping some people out, it tends to ruin the experience of getting to know someone and building things up over time (whether you're just making friends or dating). Generic advice I know, but it does make sense, at least to me.

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