Lorraine

Sleeping together before marriage

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What are your views on just sleeping together, not sex or anything just sleeping in the same bed.  Do you think there would be too much temptation or are you fine with it.  Many people assume if you sleep in the same bed then you're going to have sex but I don't see it like that.  So what do you think about it?

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There are those who can handle it and those who know it will be too tempting.

I am very confident when I say there are people out there who can simply sleep next to each other. Everything doesn't have to be about sex.

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Depends from person to person and your values, and how you have been raised in life.  Some will say they don't have a problem with it, while others will say it's wrong and evil.  It's true that people especially elders [or depends what era you're born from] assume when you share a bed, it will end up having "sex".  

 

If both of you having ideas having sex .. then it's not in my hands.  My view.. I'm not fond sleeping with partner.  I will be wide awake the whole time.  I only want to share my bed with my beloved.  I read the following somewhere...

 

"Marriage.  Is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week" 

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Well I want to live with the person before we get married, so if they wanted to sleep in the same bed with 100% clothes on I'd be cool with that.

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Both of you accidentally drifting off, fully clothed, on the couch watching a movie is one thing.  One of you innocently falling asleep while being comforted in the arms of the other is the same sort of thing.

Willfully, stripping down to nightwear, sliding under the covers with one another, and spending the night in each other's arms or, even just side by side, for the purpose of experiencing what really is a marital level of intimacy and bonding is a whole other ballgame.  Sleeping together, when it's motivated by romance, even without having sex, is a rather sensuous and intimate thing.  In my opinion it is in the same category as lesser sex acts such a fondling intimate places on the body and is something only married couples should do.

Then there is temptation and the inclination to do what comes naturally.  Just being in the same bed, sharing the same body space, the same body heat, the vulnerability of sleep -- the next logical step in regards to intimacy and bonding is to have sex.  I wonder how many unmarried couples had sex with one another and had only intended to just sleep together.

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Hmmmm. Ok I am ok with it and im ok with some soft stuff before marriage. All but no actual intercourse. These are my ideals of course as in real life I grew up far too slowly. To change that would be high on my " if you could change one thing list". He he As already said everyone to their own opinions but for me im ok with people doing a little sexual selection before they commit to a permanent sexual relationship/marriage.

Hey nearly the weekend. Have a good one, Col.

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There are those who can handle it and those who know it will be too tempting.

I am very confident when I say there are people out there who can simply sleep next to each other. Everything doesn't have to be about sex.

 

You're going to be horny if you're sleeping next to a beautiful girl. If you didn't have sex, you exercised will-power. 

 

I have no problem with people choosing to sleep next to each other: Their choice. But to say it's not sexual at all is naive to me and laughable. It's sexual because it will create a whole lot of temptation.

 

The only person on this entire forum that ever gave good advice, to me, when it comes to ensuring you don't go further than you want to is Lonely Knight.

 

So many people say "Know what you're comfortable with and follow that." This is about the worse advice I could ever imagine and bordering on delusional. Has it ever occurred to anyone that what you're "comfortable" with is what could lead to sex? Maybe what you're comfortable with isn't aligned with your goal (if it really is your goal). Use your intelligence; not what you're comfortable with. The latter is fertile soil for rationalizations.

 

Lonely Knight said regarding this subject:

 

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. The way to keep yourself pure is not to trust yourself. I would make sure we spend our time in public as best we can, no prolonged time alone under the same roof in private with lateral surfaces nearby, etc."

 

The above is real talk instead of what I consider hyper rationalizations.

 

The notion of just doing what you're comfortable with is, to me, delusional and wishful thinking. I don't know how people buy into some things. It's amazing to me.

 

 

I wonder how many unmarried couples had sex with one another and had only intended to just sleep together.

 

^^ Yes, exactly.

 

To be clear, I don't care if people want to spend the night together... but at least be real about it instead of self delusional. At least acknowledge you are putting yourself in a compromising situation when it comes to sex. Sure, I have no doubt that  two people can do this without anything too sexual going on. But it is a compromising situation when it comes to a priority not to get too sexual. No way around the brutally obvious.

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If you're sleeping with someone before marriage, I imagine it means your cuddlng with them, as well. As many on this site know, I'm saving that for marriage and want a woman who has never done that, so I would not sleep with a woman before marriage.

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If we fell asleep in the backseat during a road trip or on a movie at someones house or just talking together ....:) those are ok

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I'm with girly on accident in public places would be okay but willing sleeping in the same bed for me would be to tempting.

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bad idea ya'll, just have to set your boundaries, and remember to wait for marriage it sint about how close to the line of "sex" you want to go to, but how far away you can get. so in essence im saying nope not for me

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If you can do it without doing stuff great. If not then you probably shouldn't be doing it. I've done it and not done anything sexual with a guy but Im usually the one holding us back so if I want to do something then Im the one carrying the guilt not the other person. Plus it's awkward if there's family or friends involved. I wish I had a relationship where I could cuddle and nothing could happen cuz it's a little insulting if a guy isn't open for me staying the night (maybe he could stay on the couch?) but here's something to think about: what if you're wanting to go on a road trip an hour or two away? Or would you make sure you had separate bedrooms beforehand? Dang now Im rethinking my whole outlook on this haha.

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I think if you are going to fool around you will even if you don't sleep in the same room. I have slept on the same room and did not have sex . I think by people born in early 1900's you never let there family under there roof sleep in the same bed or spot. Most you fallow the line so be have for your future partner .me it is okay if you did .I think you all answered it well already.just had another idea if you are this strict and restraint, shy and scared of comfrentation it is a big leap that you will lose control and do anything . You might not even be a kissing couple . Depends .

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question:  what will happen if you put wolf and sheep in same room ?

answer: it's same answer of 

Sleeping together before marriage
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Before I decided to wait, my and my gf slept together many many times. I don't see it as a great deal, but if I could go back in time, I would sleep in separate beds. Despite that, it wasn't as tempting and risky as many of you claim. It didn't lead me into much else besides sleeping

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 I only want to share my bed with my beloved.  I read the following somewhere... 

"Marriage.  Is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week" 

I couldn't agree with you more Eugene!!!

Both of you accidentally drifting off, fully clothed, on the couch watching a movie is one thing.  One of you innocently falling asleep while being comforted in the arms of the other is the same sort of thing. Willfully, stripping down to nightwear, sliding under the covers with one another, and spending the night in each other's arms or, even just side by side, for the purpose of experiencing what really is a marital level of intimacy and bonding is a whole other ballgame.  Sleeping together, when it's motivated by romance, even without having sex, is a rather sensuous and intimate thing.  In my opinion it is in the same category as lesser sex acts such a fondling intimate places on the body and is something only married couples should do.Then there is temptation and the inclination to do what comes naturally.  Just being in the same bed, sharing the same body space, the same body heat, the vulnerability of sleep -- the next logical step in regards to intimacy and bonding is to have sex.  I wonder how many unmarried couples had sex with one another and had only intended to just sleep together.

Big Mat......as always.......Right on Point!!!! I have nothing more to add!!!

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I am not sleeping before marriage because I only want to know my wife in an intimate level. Sleeping together is between me and my wife only.

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Not long ago I would have said I don't see a problem with it. I'm pretty confident that if both of us are committed to no sex that I could keep my p***s in my pajamas. But the more I think about it, the more I think it's worth saving, worth the novelty, as Jay said.

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I'd say it'd depend upon the person and the context of our relationship.

If I was simply dating this girl and we'd been only going out a few months, then no way.

I'd be uncomfortable with that and she'd be uncomfortable I imagine.

Besides it'd be maybe a little too tempting.

Not that we're just animals willing to do our just cause, not even close at least for me.

But I wouldn't wanna do something of such an intimate nature with someone I have such little relationship with.

Now that being said, if I was courting, yes courting there's a huge difference.

If I was courting the person to whom I'm going to marry, and we'd of course have a lengthy relational foundation upon which to stand.

You know that stuff I'm always touting on here, solidarity, a bond.

That doesn't just 'magically appear when we say I do's'.

But you know where I'm headed here, in that instance then yes of course we could lay in bed together, in our PJ's and fall asleep watching a movie.

Conservatively styled ones of course, for modesty's sake and to ward off temptation, hey we're human.

I think it'd be intimate and sensual to enjoy things of this nature.

To spend time together not only doing things, but bonding, doting upon each other, not in a sexual way, but like on a growth filled journey towards marriage.

And of course in this context we're both accountable, mature adults, willing and able to control our collective desires and recall why and what we're building.

I mean there'd be no urgency to sleep together, and go all the way.

Why, ...

Well we'd have the rest of lives to do that.

We could enjoy this season, phase of our lives getting to know each other.

Ah someday, someday the wait it'll be worth it.

Okay back to work, gotta fly and earn my keep!

Later

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No I totally agree with cowpoke2.

I think if you are going to fool around you will even if you don't sleep in the same room. I have slept on the same room and did not have sex . I think by people born in early 1900's you never let there family under there roof sleep in the same bed or spot. Most you fallow the line so be have for your future partner .me it is okay if you did .I think you all answered it well already.just had another idea if you are this strict and restraint, shy and scared of comfrentation it is a big leap that you will lose control and do anything . You might not even be a kissing couple . Depends .

It's like you may or may not do something in the bedroom at night but if you are home alone with no parents/room mates and it's just you two then the temptation is always there. It could be on the couch...You could also do stuff in the car. And really if you're my crazy friends you wont care who's in the room and you'll just start doing it in the same hotel room as me and it won't matter who's in the room. Hahaha. Its not just the situation really there needs to be strict boundaries and a common goal/mindset and if stuff happens then you should probably end things pretty quickly or else one person or both will feel guilty and the other wanting to keep pushing the boundaries.

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