inventor84

What if you never get married?

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I'm not sure if this has been covered before, so I apologize if it is a frequently asked question.

But what if it never happens? I've know many who had the same thing. They had girlfriends or boyfriends but for one reason or another never got married. (They were waiters took btw)

I think I have a good chance of that happening to me. I'm a passive aggressive man because I have had a struggle with anger issues as a teen. But I didn't like being a confrontational person like my father and changed myself. I've become a much more spiritual man, much more kind and I've been told this is unattractive. I also have so many physical insecurities , short, small hands, and I already mention my other insecurity before and won't mention it here. I've been having trouble with finding work. And I just feel very unattractive and unmarriageable. I really don't know how to talk to women. Every time I try at my congregation I feel like a dork. I think most see me just as a friend or like their brother.

I very much interested in the arts, writing and reading poetry, playing guitar, video games, movies and listing to music, I can easily see myself just getting myself lost in these things and never even dating. My sister is my only contact to various young women and she's going to leave soon. Me and here are like twins though, it will be hard for me to forge relationships with anyone - friendships let alone romantic ties.

However all the men I know that are older and single are not happy. Or at least they don't appear to be. So I am afraid of not ever getting married and being a virgin for life because it's not something we see very often and therefore somewhat unknown. Outside of monks or priests most have had some kind of romance.

I am religious and while celibacy is encouraged - it's more about celibate until marriage. It's kind of an unspoken rule that everyone gets married at some point. I don't agree with that and not all view it that way but the majority do. I've even had some ask if I am gay because I haven't dated yet. I'm going to be 23 soon.

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If I never get married, I know one of these two extremes may occur: I'll either live the rest of my life content as a virgin, or do my damnedest to become an expert seducer, a womanizer. Might as well.

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 I would become a womanizer but too scared of rejection so I guess if I don't get married I will just stay a virgin and a bachelor. It's working for Cliff Richard 

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 I would become a womanizer but too scared of rejection so I guess if I don't get married I will just stay a virgin and a bachelor. It's working for Cliff Richard 

 

Get over that fear. Its part of your job description as a man on the dating market to be rejected. You'll have to face it, no matter what...better to get used to it and approaching women while you can.

 

Fake it till you make it.

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Get over that fear. Its part of your job description as a man on the dating market to be rejected. You'll face it, no matter what...better to get used to it and approaching women while you can.

Fake it till you make it.

How can I approach a women. I don't drink, don't smoke and every one I meet say to beware of the women in Florida as they are only dating to get your money. I don't like online dating since it is full of scamers and fake profiles. I have dated dye to studying and I started with online dating but was scammed so I am a but scared of online dating
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I would become a womanizer but too scared of rejection so I guess if I don't get married I will just stay a virgin and a bachelor. It's working for Cliff Richard

I too would be a virgin and a bachelor. There's no way I could seduce women.

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I would really hate it if I never got married, but I suppose there are happy single people out there. I would just have to try my best to focus on other parts of life, I suppose. I think I would just keep trying to get married, as it's not like there is a certain age where it is ever impossible to get married. I'm not interested in becoming a "player," so I don't really consider that much of an option.

 

 I would become a womanizer but too scared of rejection so I guess if I don't get married I will just stay a virgin and a bachelor. It's working for Cliff Richard 

I don't think anyone likes rejection. Also, it's not only womanizers who ask women out. Guys looking for a serious relationship generally ask women out, as well. If you plan on ever asking a girl out, then you have to do it despite your fear of rejection. I mean, the worst she can say is "no." And if she says "no," you're not any worse off than you were before. You were single before, and you would simply just still be single. I know this is all easeir said than done, but maybe looking at it this way will make it easier.

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Like I said before, I would rather die a virgin than have sex with someone who is not my husband.

 

I also don't think I will be missing out on anything. Sex is more than just the physical. 

 

 

 

But I will happily adopt children. 

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If I don't get married? Ill be a player, emotionlessly bedding woman after woman :P

Just kidding, I'm not sure what I'll do, I guess I'll figure it out if I go there :D

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I don't know about that. Maybe I would get help from a dating coach or a friend of mine (who is successful with women), but I can't see myself becoming a player and contradicting my values. I'd probably just stay celibate for life.

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How can I approach a women. I don't drink, don't smoke and every one I meet say to beware of the women in Florida as they are only dating to get your money. I don't like online dating since it is full of scamers and fake proifles. 

 

Well, for one thing, cultivate some more confidence. Get in shape if you aren't already. Look the best you can possibly be...overhaul your wardrobe if you have to. But don't go looking for a good woman in bars or clubs. Try book stores or other less...seedy places. Like church, if that's your thing. 

 

But the main way to combat your anxiety is to simply talk to people. Trust me, the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll become. And like I said, even if you aren't comfortable talking to women, pretend like you are until it becomes second nature.

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Like I said before, I would rather die a virgin than have sex with someone who is not my husband.

I also don't think I will be missing out on anything. Sex is more than just the physical.

But I will happily adopt children.

Good luck, if you don't find anyone I would happily be a valuable friend and if you like I can date you

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Well, for one thing, cultivate some more confidence. Get in shape if you aren't already. Look the best you can possibly be...overhaul your wardrobe if you have to. But don't go looking for a good woman in bars or clubs. Try book stores or other less...seedy places. Like church, if that's your thing.

But the main way to combat your anxiety is to simply talk to people. Trust me, the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll become. And like I said, even if you aren't comfortable talking to women, pretend like you are until it becomes second nature.

I would love to talk to people but always wonder if they smoke or drink. I still live with my parents so it could bit hard to date.

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Well, I'm in the process of trying to make some significant lifestyle changes that will make me more attractive. You could try that (work out for one thing--and not halfheartedly; find a no-BS diet/workout regimen that will get you lean and mean and stick to it). So, if I never get married, the timeline will go something like this: up until age 40, focus on staying in excellent shape, making money, and enjoying life in general. I will try my best to meet girls in their early-to-mid-20s looking for a stable man to start a family with (I won't rule out women my age, but younger would be preferable for many reasons). If I hit 40 and still haven't met someone to marry, I just might give up on waiting. That, or I'll relax and settle in for the long-run.

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not getting married would be my worst nightmare.... but I am do not feel called to singleness and trust God to bring me someone to pursue and marry and before I am 45 or 50 :)

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Well, I'm in the process of trying to make some significant lifestyle changes that will make me more attractive. You could try that (work out for one thing--and not halfheartedly; find a no-BS diet/workout regimen that will get you lean and mean and stick to it). So, if I never get married, the timeline will go something like this: up until age 40, focus on staying in excellent shape, making money, and enjoying life in general. I will try my best to meet girls in their early-to-mid-20s looking for a stable man to start a family with (I won't rule out women my age, but younger would be preferable for many reasons). If I hit 40 and still haven't met someone to marry, I just might give up on waiting. That, or I'll relax and settle in for the long-run.

 

Feminine youth and beauty, buddy. Its affect on the male brain is nearly drug-like.

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I agree, prefer younger or women my age. If I'm 45 and unmarried then I might need help

Well, I'm in the process of trying to make some significant lifestyle changes that will make me more attractive. You could try that (work out for one thing--and not halfheartedly; find a no-BS diet/workout regimen that will get you lean and mean and stick to it). So, if I never get married, the timeline will go something like this: up until age 40, focus on staying in excellent shape, making money, and enjoying life in general. I will try my best to meet girls in their early-to-mid-20s looking for a stable man to start a family with (I won't rule out women my age, but younger would be preferable for many reasons). If I hit 40 and still haven't met someone to marry, I just might give up on waiting. That, or I'll relax and settle in for the long-run.

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I will get married. Honestly, first I'll talk to women, then get dates, then gf. If she is a good gf and we sort out the religion issue then I'll marry.

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I would love to talk to people but always wonder if they smoke or drink. I still live with my parents so it could bit hard to date.

 

THEN ASK THEM IF THEY DO.

 

Yeesh, all your problems are fixable. Get a decent job, move out, go for a morning jog to get in shape, casually mention your hatred of the bar scene to women you're interested in. Give online dating another try, you can only be scammed if you're paying for things. Pay for the first date, but don't do too much, get some good friend's advice on whether the women you see are out to scam you or not. 

 

Not all women in Florida are out for your money. It's a statistical impossibility, I'm sure there are some nice, non-smoking, non-drinking girls out there who would love to meet a man looking to improve himself. Women love men who are actively facing their problems. 

 

Final thing: Be f***ing honest and upfront to the women you want to date. You have standards that most people do not, there's no point wasting your time or being afraid to tell someone about them as you're only wasting your time and their's by doing so. The good women would be interested and want to know more about you, some probably have friends who are similar to you that they'd think about setting up with you if you turned out to be a nice guy. The bad women? You don't care about them, the time they're worth is the five minutes you spent talking to them. 

 

TL;DR: You can't find a woman if you don't put in the time and effort. She'll appreciate you all the more later when you're telling her all about your journey to find her.

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Thanks for the advice. I am running every morning and always worked out. The online dating was quite funny. I setup a OKCupid profile and a person claiming to be a women from Tampa give their phone number trying to get money. It turned out to be a scam artist from Nigeria using a picture of a porn star to lure people on the site. I did a Google image search to find out about picture and asked my college friends on Facebook and who said just don't so online dating and don't fall for the scam. The number that was given was a VoIP number. After that my parents said don't do any online dating and just date in real life.

I am trying to get a decent job and move out but it has been hard since moving from England over 2 years ago.
 

THEN ASK THEM IF THEY DO.

Yeesh, all your problems are fixable. Get a decent job, move out, go for a morning jog to get in shape, casually mention your hatred of the bar scene to women you're interested in. Give online dating another try, you can only be scammed if you're paying for things. Pay for the first date, but don't do too much, get some good friend's advice on whether the women you see are out to scam you or not.

Not all women in Florida are out for your money. It's a statistical impossibility, I'm sure there are some nice, non-smoking, non-drinking girls out there who would love to meet a man looking to improve himself. Women love men who are actively facing their problems.

Final thing: Be f***ing honest and upfront to the women you want to date. You have standards that most people do not, there's no point wasting your time or being afraid to tell someone about them as you're only wasting your time and their's by doing so. The good women would be interested and want to know more about you, some probably have friends who are similar to you that they'd think about setting up with you if you turned out to be a nice guy. The bad women? You don't care about them, the time they're worth is the five minutes you spent talking to them.

TL;DR: You can't find a woman if you don't put in the time and effort. She'll appreciate you all the more later when you're telling her all about your journey to find her.

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Like I said before, I would rather die a virgin than have sex with someone who is not my husband.

 

I also don't think I will be missing out on anything. Sex is more than just the physical. 

 

 

 

But I will happily adopt children. 

I'd adopt too! It doesn't even matter if they're older. Actually I'd rather adopt a young child rather than a baby but yeah I'd adopt.

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My priority in life is not to find a husband.

It is to love and serve God.

My life is complete just as it is.

 

A husband would be the icing on the cake.

God knows my heart. If it is His will, it WILL happen.

 

You shouldn't go through life worrying about something you have no control over.

You can lower your standards, and live with regret.

Instead, Be all you can be.

 

Love you and love will find you.

 

 

Face it, you are pretty irresistable...each of you.

 

Seriously, what's not to love?!    

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I don't know. I'm going to be very concerned if I hit 30 a virgin. If that happens I will more than likely unfortunately lose my virginity to a woman who is not my wife. I just can't take it. If I go that long the virginity status itself would begin to bother my mind. Who knows maybe by then I'll be more comfortable about being a virgin. I just hope and have prayed to God that I meet her in his perfect timing. I'd prefer for it to be sooner than later.

 

They say that we find our spouse when we stop looking. I have not been looking so that's hopefully good news! 

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Well Said, I may be concerned to if I am 32 and still virgin but I know that God will a girl who is right for me before I am 45

I don't know. I'm going to be very concerned if I hit 30 a virgin. If that happens I will more than likely unfortunately lose my virginity to a woman who is not my wife. I just can't take it. If I go that long the virginity status itself would begin to bother my mind. Who knows maybe by then I'll be more comfortable about being a virgin. I just hope and have prayed to God that I meet her in his perfect timing. I'd prefer for it to be sooner than later.

 

They say that we find our spouse when we stop looking. I have not been looking so that's hopefully good news! 

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