Talilio

HELP !! Hard time , waiting till marriage

20 posts in this topic

Just asking as I'm feeling very down at the moment and need some affirmation that I'm not just an out of touch person on this issue.

 

I'm the only person I know barring a few people who abstain for purely cultural reasons, that holds true to the idea of abstinence. 

 

I'm 23,good looking handsome man (I was crowned most handsome at school prom) with good personality , therefore,  I have a lot of chances and I mean it , with a lot of hot girls , I must confess that my faith is being tested here , my problem is I can't hold my self any more, I broke up with my last girlfriend because our relationship was developing very fast and she's welcoming having sex , the problem is I can't have sex before marriage , not because I like her a little mean I can have sex with her , I wanna wait for the right person for me , to develop my love correctly having sex after marriage ... 

 

I was bought up by religious parents. They were easy going, allowed me to make my own decisions etc, so the decision to actually abstain from sex has been a cross I've made for my own back.

 

I believe wholeheartedly in the idea of love, with which comes of holding yourself for that one special person. I still do, and even though I am in a very promiscuous setting (university) and though temptation has very nearly gotten hold of me manys a time, I've been able to keep to it as I said before , but its getting harder and harder , I'm a man , and there is this need , you know .. 

 

However as mentioned before, I haven't met ANYONE who holds the same values as me, the suitable one .. the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. And I began questioning my way of living , Is it right or NOT …. The only thing I'm thinking of right now is Having sex .. Its now 4 months .. I locked up myself in my room , wasting my time watching dramas over and over and other stuff , passing time .. I've become antisocial , I guess .. switched off my mobile , talking to my friends through Facebook chat ,, thats my life now .. 

 

I know it sounds very petty and selfish to be thinking about myself in such a way, but it's gnawing away at me insidiously. Making me doubt myself. The odd reactions and jokes I get from people I can take, but I want to know that I'm doing the right thing, not just some childlike notion of love.

 

And alot of questions I need someone to answer me , comfort me !!! 

Does anyone of my generation still believe in the idea of no sex before marriage, or am I a relic with antiquated views? I also need to know about u guyz ur experiences , ur culture , ur country views each !! what if I'll never meet my soulmate , the one true love , wait till 30s , or 40s ... For me marrying a virgin girl who believes in what I believe is important for me , I don't know If I can accept a girl with previous sexual relations even once , even if she has regrets .. so its like impossible for me to meet someone .. I'm deeply dark depressed , I'm afraid of the future .. help .. I need to talk to someone .. I'm going insane .. 

 

 

Thanks

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Hi Talilio - hopefully you can take some time and scan through the various threads and forum topics here, including Ask The Guys, and you'll readily discover a big number of people in their twenties and in their thirties, from all over the world and all over the US, that definitely share the values, and share the desire (and frustrations) of wanting to wait until they are married.   There's a lot of community - truly - sitting here among the forums, and i think you'll find a lot of of things you are looking for at least in reassurance that there are indeed great women and great men like yourself who want to wait.  :-)

 

I'm sort of the other side of the equation - i was a successful waiter - now i'm a dad, 3 daughters, and way older than the average WTM.org member! - but i definitely like to throw in my two cents' and be a voice of encouragement... because despite the frustrations that come with waiting...  it's well worth it :-).

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Dude chill. I'm Paki and ALL of my family waited. Most of my friends are as well. Or so I think :wacko:

 

Personally, WTM'ing might be easier for me if I get a girlfriend who supports this and we try to be together till I get a job after graduating in 2 years and....

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I have my doubts sometimes too but you got to believe and if you're religious, PRAY and BELIEVE. You're going to look at your precious person one day and smile and know and feel so darn happy that you waited and it was worth it. Remember: "All good things to those who wait."

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Hey Talilio.  Welcome.

 

Well I can relate with you being a bit anti-social. And I have only my bro as friend... and my very cool online WTM friends yeaha :D

 

But anyway. There is nothing wrong with your views or beliefs if you don't want to have sex before marriage.  If our best friends say jump into the fire, surely I'm not going to jump with him.  I'm 30 and I keep my promise.  But I prayed and made a promise towards God that I wont have sex not until I'm getting married.  People or the world can throw stones at me.. I don't care anymore what they are saying.

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Hi Talilio - hopefully you can take some time and scan through the various threads and forum topics here, including Ask The Guys, and you'll readily discover a big number of people in their twenties and in their thirties, from all over the world and all over the US, that definitely share the values, and share the desire (and frustrations) of wanting to wait until they are married.   There's a lot of community - truly - sitting here among the forums, and i think you'll find a lot of of things you are looking for at least in reassurance that there are indeed great women and great men like yourself who want to wait.  :-)

 

I'm sort of the other side of the equation - i was a successful waiter - now i'm a dad, 3 daughters, and way older than the average WTM.org member! - but i definitely like to throw in my two cents' and be a voice of encouragement... because despite the frustrations that come with waiting...  it's well worth it :-).

Oh my gosh, I just read your reply and wow I'm stunned by what you read. Thank you for posting and giving us your success story, it was truly inspirational!! Congrats on your three daughters! And I'm so happy to hear that you're happy of your choice to WTM! Thank you again!

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Oh my gosh, I just read your reply and wow I'm stunned by what you read. Thank you for posting and giving us your success story, it was truly inspirational!! Congrats on your three daughters! And I'm so happy to hear that you're happy of your choice to WTM! Thank you again!

 

somewhere in the articles tab is an "interview" administrator mike did with a while ago...  it fills in more of that story if you like.  :-)

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Think of it this way, you made a choice, you promised yourself and you promised God (if you're religious). Think of all the reasons why you're waiting till marriage, make a list if you need to. Look at the pros of waiting and I'm sure they'll out weigh the  few cons. Just really think about why you decided to wait, why it's important to you and why you need to keep your promise and stick to your decision to wait. I don't know much about you, other than the things I just read in this topic, but I'll give you an example of why I'm waiting. I'll keep it brief. I am am religious, so it is important to me that I wait, everyone in my family waited/is waiting, but I also did a bit of soul searching a couple of years ago and decided that waiting was the right choice for me. Believe me, I thought about all the other paths I could have taken, but each time I thought about what it would have been like if I had chosen a different life style, I was reassured that I was on the right path and glad that I stayed on it. I just knew I couldn't "be" with someone I didn't truly love. It has to be someone I will love and who will love me back, someone who I can trust, someone I can spend spend the rest of my life with. The whole one night stand scene just isn't for me, I could never picture myself being involved in that sort of stuff. Not that I'm judging people who are, to each their own, I believe everyone should lead their lives the way they think is best for them. Anyway, I'm waiting till marriage because I can only ever see myself being one person, someone I would hope to spend the rest of my life with. If the girls around you are making it hard for you to wait, just think of it this way, would you rather have one night with someone you think is hot, or find the right girl for you, your future wife. Sorry if my comment wasn't helpful, but I did try.

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Have faith and remain strong! You are not alone in the choice that you have made. There are many people of your generation on here that are waiting right along side of you, including me. This site was created to give people like us that communion and safe place when it seems the rest of the world is against us. Remember that just because its the popular thing, doesn't make it the right thing. It takes a stronger person to go against the current. :)

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If waiting is a childlike notion of love then does having sex equal love? If you have sex with one girl you like or even love at the time then you find the "one" and marry her then you gave away something special that was for your wife and took something special from some girls husband(though she gave it to you also) One of the best quotes out there is "True Love Waits" and that applies to many different aspects of love including sexual intamacy. Just remember the morals you believe in and the major reason for your waiting and ask yourself would it be worth the regrets in the future rather than the feeling you'd have now.

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I agree with just about everyone on here. You have my support and prayers! Its hard. Just remember it only takes one :) you will meet many that arent for you, and one you WILL look back and wonder why, then you'll give your spouse a good squeeze! Meanwhile, focus on improving yourself, on becoming the right man for someone too. Patience and life is like working out, your muscle fibers will break down, but time will bring recovery and a new strength; for maximum recovery, "nourish" yourself properly. Hang in there. Hope this helps! :)

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You guys are nice and positive . Love is tricky and you may love and they don't. So stay strong . Every one is different and favor different aspects to have relations . One big one is security . You waiters are cool you still have faith and you're guidelines. Ya believe in love. You take your time so in the end you might find real love. Easy way to get a head is camp or marry into better life. You should use sites like this for connections . You guys are in the info age . Most people end up with kids or what ever and ya gotta work eat sleep and survive . You got it good to find a match now compared to the past. Combine dating skills with my knowledge and this site you should be successful. Trick is timing and love. You can only date who likes you which means guys have to waite for a women they like to flirt or send the signs. Why chasing doesn't work you end up single. Waiting takes the game out of play but you are not gonna be sending dating vibes the best I am sure . Pure live is hard to find . You have to get her to like you or waite for one to give you a sign and then you have to be interested in her. Basically not so much about love more about timing and being a good partner and loving the person because they treat you great. 38 years I have met good people. 2 years ago I finaly met a couple or one I could marry. Use this site or travel to meet more people . Rambling. I learned to much and have to debug myself. The main point is knowledge to achieve what you want. For good intentions. You guys are growing up and leaving high school. Then college or what ever. If you waite you can't really date until you get settled in life. True with any one but even more for you. Every time ya graduate life goes in different directions . It is hard for every one even non waiters . If ya getgood relations better find away to stay near or in touch. Enough talking . Just a thought no offense .

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Thank you all for your positive supporting reply , I'm so glad that I found this website and this community , finding people that share same values is helpful , I did read a lot of articles and it was so helpful for me , Its a good feeling , u're not alone :) .. , I guess being active member in this community will help a lot ..  THANK YOU ALL

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However as mentioned before, I haven't met ANYONE who holds the same values as me, the suitable one .. the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. And I began questioning my way of living , Is it right or NOT …. The only thing I'm thinking of right now is Having sex .. Its now 4 months .. I locked up myself in my room , wasting my time watching dramas over and over and other stuff , passing time .. I've become antisocial , I guess .. switched off my mobile , talking to my friends through Facebook chat ,, thats my life now ..

 

Ah, male hormones. So glad I don't have to deal with those!!!! Trust me when I tell you every single waiter your age is dealing with feelings of lonliness, doubt, frustration, etc. Even if you're not a waiter, it's hard to deal with the social pressures of having sex, especially if you're male. Hormones + peer pressure + lonliness + sex-obsessed media...I don't blame anyone for caving in and having sex, WTMer or not. You'll find a lot of support on these forums from people who are feeling the exact same way you do, but are older. There is also a Guys Only forum if you would feel more comfortable posting about certain topics there. :)

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Hello there! You're in the right group. And No, you are not alone. i felt that way before I joined here. I also stand on the same belief of WTM. The Lord is so good that He is actually protecting us when He said to not engage in sex without marriage. So, no, you are not wrong and you are not alone. 

 

Although I know that we are out numbered, I believe that as long as we have this group, we will be strong. 

 

everybody has their ups and downs when it comes to WTM. The most important thing is to Pray and surround yourself with people of the same belief. 

 

It is just natural to have that urge. WE are humans and we are created that way but we are also given the power to control that. There's more to life and relationship than just sex.

 

a lot of people already see me as weird for taking this stand. It affects me a lot and makes me cry lots of times. But hey, there's always a rainbow after the rain! (that is from a song i think)

 

take care, goodluck and God bless you. 

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Have faith and remain strong! You are not alone in the choice that you have made. There are many people of your generation on here that are waiting right along side of you, including me. This site was created to give people like us that communion and safe place when it seems the rest of the world is against us. Remember that just because its the popular thing, doesn't make it the right thing. It takes a stronger person to go against the current. :)

Totally agree. Know it's not a big deal but I also don't drink or smoke because of the dangers and I just don't want to damage my body

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However as mentioned before, I haven't met ANYONE who holds the same values as me, the suitable one .. the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. And I began questioning my way of living , Is it right or NOT …. The only thing I'm thinking of right now is Having sex .. Its now 4 months .. I locked up myself in my room , wasting my time watching dramas over and over and other stuff , passing time .. I've become antisocial , I guess .. switched off my mobile , talking to my friends through Facebook chat ,, thats my life now .. 

 

I am just the same, Still searching for the suitable girl for me. It's so hard to find one that totally abstain from alcohol and smoking. especially in today's society. 

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Im so glad to read this, I am 24 years old, I finished my university 2 years ago, and I am waiting to, I am not sure if until marriage, but I am really sure I want to wait until I find the right person for me, I have had a lot of chances too, and when I say no, I am not going to have sex by now, then 2 things can happen, one: they guy is more attracted because I say no, and 2: the guy is not attracted because Im a little girl.

 

I havent really feel a big temptation, but sometimes I am not sure if I should think what I think, I dont know anyone like me, not my friends, no my sisters, anyone, and some of them have told me that I am wasting my time waiting to find the right person, because true love doesn't exist anymore, and I believe with all my heart that I can find it.

 

I don't want to be like my friends, they are sleeping with guys, and they get what they want and leave.

 

But it is really difficult when you are getting older, because everybody has a lot of experience and you dont know anything about it. 

 

I dont know if Im right, and I dont know if im going to find my true love, but I know im gonna wait. 

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Im so glad to read this, I am 24 years old, I finished my university 2 years ago, and I am waiting to, I am not sure if until marriage, but I am really sure I want to wait until I find the right person for me, I have had a lot of chances too, and when I say no, I am not going to have sex by now, then 2 things can happen, one: they guy is more attracted because I say no, and 2: the guy is not attracted because Im a little girl.

 

First off, welcome to the forums! Huge props for staying strong in waiting. Everyone here knows what it's like to feel alone and to be rejected by the rest of the world. But you will find yourself in good company here and you'll breathe a sigh of relief knowing there are many like you all around and you may not even know it :)

 

 

I havent really feel a big temptation, but sometimes I am not sure if I should think what I think, I dont know anyone like me, not my friends, no my sisters, anyone, and some of them have told me that I am wasting my time waiting to find the right person, because true love doesn't exist anymore, and I believe with all my heart that I can find it.

 

Your friends and family are smoking. I don't mean smoking hot (I mean, they could be, I don't know. lol), I mean smoking as in they don't what they are talking about. You are not wasting your time, you are doing what is right by not settling for anything less than you deserve. If anything, your friends and family are wasting their time and emotions of people who aren't worth giving it to. True love does exist. I've seen it in the people around me. But the more they keep wasting their time with not so great people, the less chance they will find true love.

 

Im so glad to read this, I am 24 years old, I finished my university 2 years ago, and I am waiting to, I am not sure if until marriage, but I am really sure I want to wait until I find the right person for me, I have had a lot of chances too, and when I say no, I am not going to have sex by now, then 2 things can happen, one: they guy is more attracted because I say no, and 2: the guy is not attracted because Im a little girl.

 

I don't want to be like my friends, they are sleeping with guys, and they get what they want and leave.

 

I would highly encourage you to seriously consider waiting until marriage partly for that reason. I don't think you can be truly, 100% sure a guy is the right one until he's made the ultimate commitment to marry. It's not enough for him to say he's going to commit, he has to actually show you by marrying you first. Because otherwise, he could just be telling you want you want to hear and he could still walk out after you give him the goods. Why take that chance? Just have your bases (pun intended) covered and wait till marriage.

 

But it is really difficult when you are getting older, because everybody has a lot of experience and you dont know anything about it. 

 

I know what you mean, but honestly I hate how society talks about experience as if it's a good thing. If you really believe in true love, why would you or anyone want to have lots of "experience" with other people? I certainly don't want that kind of experience because I want my only experience to be with my future wife.

 

I dont know if Im right, and I dont know if im going to find my true love, but I know im gonna wait. 

 

You are right because I think deep down you know it's right too, otherwise you wouldn't have stayed strong so far. True love definitely does exist. You may find it some day, you may not. But even if you don't, it's preferable than settling for someone who doesn't truly love you.

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I have posted before about the struggles of carrying out my decision to wait until I'm married to have sex, and there is not much else to add, but I will repeat some of it here.

 

Talilio, the struggles and temptations you face are not only your own; most if not all of us on this site who have decided to wait until our wedding nights for various (sometimes commonly held) reasons fight with these feelings you describe on a daily basis. Society here in America would us believe that sex is kind of like socializing; that is to say, "if you're any kind of anybody, you should have sex whenever you can, 'cause it's cool, man!" Or, often, "Anyone who doesn't want to have sex is messed up in the head." This often leads to the generalized assumption of young women that "all men just want sex," and in some cases vice versa, so the pressure is on to conform or risk being "shunned," so to speak.

 

I have met many people who mock me and laugh at me when I tell them I am waiting for marriage, and I have even been called a liar, because their minds cannot comprehend the concept that anyone would ever really WANT to wait. Some people I have met respect my decision technically, but give me funny looks and shake their heads saying "you poor kid, you don't know what you're missing. Live a little!"

 

The pressure of my peers and society, plastering sex as being a normal part of any normal person's life, coupled with the physical temptations I experience as a twenty-something young man, has just about ripped me apart inside on many occasions. I shudder to think about how many times I came dangerously close giving in, not always because I was tired of fighting the current (although that has been the case many times), but also because I have become so overwhelmed by temptation that all my convictions and morals seemed to get pushed to the back of my mind and "forgotten." These times are the scariest for me, because afterward, I realize how close I came to destroying the very thing I have held protected for so long, wanting one day to give it to my wife. And in all honesty, when I try to think of what stopped me at the last minute, I realize it wasn't me. It wasn't even my morals and values, because I can't remember even thinking about them at the time. In the end, the only conclusion I can come to, is that somewhere inside my head, God was getting through to me when I had become overwhelmed by temptation or pressure or both. God knows what I struggle with, and though I often make mistakes, he always seems stop me before I do something I can't undo.

 

Obviously, then, prayer and faith in God is the most important thing for me and for many others like me. I want to wait for my wife .... for religious reasons, because of personal morals and values, and to be able to one day say to her: "This is how much I love you, and how much I will always love you." How wonderful it will be when one day I can look back on my life (it might be 25 years, might be 65 years) and say to myself "I made it." But while these are the reasons I am waiting, they are not the reasons I succeed. God is. God is my everything.

 

So to anyone who struggles with the struggles of life, the best advice I can offer is to pray unceasingly. God will carry you through, even when your strength fails you.

 

I guess one of the most obvious signs I have that God has heard my prayers, besides what I described above, is that I stumbled across this community and found the personal human support that I longed for. Alas, there are people my age who share my values. I am not alone after all. But then again, with God, was I ever?

 

I thank Him so much for each and every one of you.

 

May He use me to help you, as you have and still do help me.

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