struggling

turning 30 on Wednesday!

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I turn 30 on Wednesday and just that thought is surreal. I can't believe that the day has finally arrived. The years have gone by fast, especially the last 2 years. I know it's just a year older but it's surreal to think that, on Wednesday morning I will wake up and no longer be in my 20s. I’m feeling anxious. There’s a real sense of loss. I’m already quite a sentimental person so I am looking back and reflecting on the last decade of my life. I’m sure that many of you did the same when you reached this stage. 

 

I know turning 30, like any similar big milestone can be a difficult process for many people, however added to this issue itself is the fact that I'm still single, living at home with parents and of course waiting for marriage. Like probably everyone on here who is at this age and older and single, I'm sure none of you thought you would be waiting this long either. Yet here we are. How long more, how many years are we to continue fighting this battle?

 

I have a job at the moment, but it’s not really what I want to do at all long term. I’ve never had any real idea about what I would like to do with my life. I suppose that adds to the overall anxiety. Infact I’ve been out of work for most of my 20s mainly due to illness/depression and just lacking general motivation and desire. I have travelled though quite a lot and had some amazing trips and experiences abroad which I will treasure, looking back they are probably the highlight of my 20s. I’ve had 4/5 relationships, been on many dates, had some good friends and I have been in good physical health. So maybe I shouldn’t be too sad. Maybe I do indeed have a lot to be thankful for. 

 

But to meet someone who I would want to marry BEFORE 30 and thus lose my virginity has always been such a huge focus and goal for me. That's not going to happen now and the wait will continue. Throughout my 20s I thought it would surely happen by now. But it hasn't and that affects me deeply. I finally thought it happened last summer when I met this girl, we dated for almost a year but she turned out to be a toxic character, a damaging relationship which in some ways I'm still recovering from. 

 

My dreams haven't come true, my expectations haven't been met and I’m left wondering what does the future hold for someone in my situation?

Is this the end or could it be the beginning of something new and promising.

 

Alot of people say that actually the 20s are a difficult period, full of ups and downs and angst, indecision and uncertainty. The thirties are more fulfilling and satisfying as you start to reach a point where you are more comfortable and content with who you are and know what you really want in life. To those of you who are in their 30s can you testify to this? How can I overcome this stage and move on to hope for better days and a promising future ahead?

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I can totally understand how you feel - I will be reaching the same milestone birthday next year. I certainly never planned to be waiting this long but I'm so proud that I've stuck to my beliefs and haven't compromised or put myself in situations that made me uncomfortable. You should be too - many people would have thrown in the towel by now. It will be worth it in the end!

Try not to feel loss when you move from your twenties to your thirties - it's true you are leaving your life as a twenty something behind but you are also at the first stage of a whole new chapter of your life and you never know what might be in store for you (just read that back and it sounds horrifically cheesy, but I really believe it!). Certainly in my case, when I turned twenty I never imagined I'd be living the life I do now at the age of twenty-nine. I am actually looking forward to turning thirty - I'm happy with the life I've led up to now and I'm just excited to see what the future holds!

Happy Birthday for Wednesday :)

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My own experience...   I had more certainty of what I wanted and confidence in how to try in My Thirties.  I am now Fifty-One, and if i could turn the clock back, it would be to My Thirties - not to My Twenties.   and I had the blessings of great things happen and experiences in My Twenties, but the man I am today?   He was uncovered by me in My Thirties.

 

I know it seems like much has been stalled for you... you're not where you thought or hoped you would be - in lifestage, in career, in love.   But I would just gently encourage you to ease up a little and open to where you are.  You have in fact dated...   you have in fact understood what a loving relationship would mean to you...   it's not just about sex or having a steady date or a partner..   you know what you want.   For many...   they succumb to pressures or surrounding escapades...   lots of people fall into sex not bec that's the stage they're at with a partner...   but out of boredom or out of get-it-done-and-off-the-list mentalities or it's just like clicking through steps of how to go to a party or how to work or whatever.   that's not who you are or where you are.  

 

I know work isn't what you want - it often isn't for people - and it will ride in cycles for you for sure.   Everybody runs hot and cold on work!!  (I'm in a cold mode right now LOL).   But stay steady.  

 

Birthdays are definitely a reflection moment, and Big Birthdays can be both celebration moments and what's-happened moments...   Embrace Thirty H4B!   I guarantee you... Your Thirties will bring you things Your Twenties did not.  I guarantee you God has a plan and a path... you're on it...   it may not be the one you anticipated or even put in your diary...   but it's the one you're supposed to be on.   And one small added note... for me... My Twenties were a lot about me and my adventures...  My Thirties reminded me that i had a world to be a part of and to make a difference in... small ways not just big ways...   and when i loosened the pressure of scoring how i was doing in my world... well...   I found a whole lot of personal success and fulfillment in those around me...   and made some of my very best friends and closest work and personal relationships that i carry to this day... from My Thirties.

 

Be Thirty H4B.   Be Thirty and Be Open and Be Optimistic.   I guarantee you...   Your Thirties will bring you what you've been thirsty for in so many ways.

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. . . added to this issue itself is the fact that I'm still single, living at home with parents and of course waiting for marriage. . .
 
I have a job at the moment, but it’s not really what I want to do at all long term. I’ve never had any real idea about what I would like to do with my life. I suppose that adds to the overall anxiety. Infact I’ve been out of work for most of my 20s mainly due to illness/depression and just lacking general motivation and desire. . .
 
. . . To those of you who are in their 30s can you testify to this? How can I overcome this stage and move on to hope for better days and a promising future ahead?

 

I'm not 30 but I'm almost!  I can testify that my life is much smoother and I am much more confident and comfortable with who I am and where I'm going.  But that is also because I've had to push through those hard times.  That's when you find out what your made of; when you've lived through some storms and learn life lessons.  That's how maturity happens.  You mentioned that you've lacked motivation and desire.  It doesn't even matter if you are depressed if you have bills to pay.  You push through.   I am certain you've always had a roof over your head.  Move out and don't look back.  It won't be easy, but it will strengthen your character and eventually you will find yourself closer to your goals.  It's like the bird leaving the nest to learn how to fly.  It's scary, it's new, can you do it?  yes.  The right girl who is ready for a man to marry is out there, out of the nest.  THAT kind of girl is not going to come to you.

 

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I'm not thirty-something just yet, but I can offer a little advice here.

Though Ian's hit the nail right on the head.

Yes birthdays are huge reflection points, milestones in our lives.

But it's the journey, things haven't panned out quite like you'd have imagined.

Unfortunately and of course you know this, they often don't.

However this doesn't mean we won't make meaningful steps towards completing, accomplishing and conquering our dreams, hopes and desires.

Unfortunately life is lived in peaks and valleys.

There aren't many plateaus, thankfully I might add.

Some taller and some deeper.

There's no blueprint or design that'll make the perfect life for us.

We've gotta take chances, risks and get out there and try.

And I know it can be scary, frightening, but there is one to whom he is the author of our lives.

Our Heavenly Father.

He won't withhold the desires of your heart, however you've also gotta as I said above step outside your comfort zone.

You've done quite a bit of traveling, so you're an adventurous type.

You're not afraid of change, and you like to explore.

Those are terrific traits.

Stop using a ruler or score card to tally up your achievements.

As much as you feel you haven't achieved, as you said above, you have achieved plenty.

Maybe work isn't what you want to be doing, but it's a stepping stone to where you're headed.

A buddy of mine, graduated from high school same year we did.

He didn't have money for college, educational pursuits right.

So he went to McDonald's to work right, at the time everyone's laughing and girls are turning the guy down right.

It's a crummy job.

Haha, this dude's a "loser", a fast-food worker he's never going anywhere.

That's what they all said.

Today, just a few years later, he's a District Manager, runs 8 stores, and makes more than I do as a pilot.

I kid all the time saying dude I got into the wrong profession.

What I'm saying is a job maybe just a job, but put in your time, work hard and climb the ladder.

There's value, integrity, and just plain old pride in working hard.

Now as far as the desire to find a wife.

She'll come along, I believe that. Do you?

But will you be in a position, ready to join with her?

Oftentimes we say, cry out that we desire things, but how much they truly mean to us, is formed by how hard we're willing to work to achieve them.

Wouldn't you agree?

But I say enjoy this season of being single.

As married life will likely last longer, death do you part and all.

I'm saying develop relational skills, try to work towards healing from that relationship that went sour, and pick up and enjoy your hobbies, interests.

So that when you are a married man you're a complete person, not looking for her to complete you.

I'm sure you know all these things.

Finally when Wednesday rolls around, think of it as just another day.

Of course celebrate your b-day.

What I'm saying is it's not all of a sudden you're the big 3-0.

It's that even right now you're 29 years and 364 days old, so realistically you've been preparing for this milestone for almost a year.

Happy birthday, by the way!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY H4B!!!!

 

(just getting you used to hearing that phrase tomorrow!!!!)

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