Guest Princess Victoria

Would you do a prenuptial agreement?

25 posts in this topic

Yeah, making provisions for divorce right before vowing, "Till death do us part" seems a little disingenuous to me.

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way in hell I would ever sign one. If I don't trust a woman 110%, I ain't marrying her. It's that's simple. A prenup is essentially preparing for your divorce even before you get married. I think it is a symptom of the changing attitudes towards love and marriage and that trend is not good. It's basically giving couples an easier path towards divorce in an age where divorce is already rampant enough as it is. The whole idea just cheapens marriage and the very meaning of it. It also gives less of an incentive for couples to work at their marriage when times are tough.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, at first I was really against it, apart of me maybe still is, But i recognise that people can change and life does happen. I don't think a pre-nup is necessarily a bad thing, and if my husband requests one, yes i will sign. 

I know that without a pre-nup, regardless of the worst case scenario and us splitting, as mad as i would get, I'm not the sort of person who would want to "take him for half" or whatever. So a pre-nup is just a guarantee of what i know i would already do. 

 

I dont think a pre-nup necessarily means your preparing for when you going to divorce, but i think everyone can have a sort of "idealistic" view of how no matter how hard the marriage gets you will always fight through that. And that is amicable and I totally have that exact same kind of ideal as well. But things can change, things you cannot anticipate, your partner changing in ways you never anticipated. A lifetime is a long damn time. All I'm trying to say, is if and I mean "IF" (cause we all would fight hell or high water for our marriages to go the distance Duhhh (facepalm obvious)  WTM!!) for some reason, events and situations you cant predict or know now, meant your relationship ended, A pre-nup is a way of keeping all the crazy emotions that would come at that time out of it, and would be an agreement you both signed when you had planned to spend the rest of your lives with that person. Its done when your relationship was at its best and lets be honest, people nowadays seem to go crazy in divorces, they become irrational, extreme and delusional. A pre-nup is just like an insurance that all the other crap that would go down in a split (IF we are talking very hypothetically) it at least could be sorted quick like a bandaid. And if your never gonna need that damn thing (all of us :P)  then its just another piece of random paper. 

 

:)

 

EDIT: I should also say that having a pre-nup, benefits the guy more than the women, in most scenarios. Which is part of the reason why i totally understand the majority of women being really against pre-nups. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't ask my wife of someday to sign one.

As I'd believe that even in the event we did divorce, it'd be as "friends"

Maybe I'm just naive on that issue.

Materially speaking I'm not loaded so to speak, and so I'm not concerned with her getting half.

Now as far as the silly rules folks have written into their pre-nups.

That is just plain foolish.

Marriage isn't about rules or obligations, it's about friendship, relationship, Love, Trust and undying passion for one another.

That's why I don't believe I'd request anything other than the words, promises, and vows of my wife.

As the Bible says perfect love expels all fear, that's what contracts are supposed to provide for.

Simply the fear that your spouse may get the better on you.

So you get it in writing that says that you're held to the bounds of this contract.

However, what of the "contract" that says 'til death do us part.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I'd sign one, not saying I don't trust her, but people change and I don't want to lose everything in a divorce.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't ask my wife of someday to sign one.

As I'd believe that even in the event we did divorce, it'd be as "friends"

Maybe I'm just naive on that issue.

Materially speaking I'm not loaded so to speak, and so I'm not concerned with her getting half.

Now as far as the silly rules folks have written into their pre-nups.

That is just plain foolish.

Marriage isn't about rules or obligations, it's about friendship, relationship, Love, Trust and undying passion for one another.

That's why I don't believe I'd request anything other than the words, promises, and vows of my wife.

As the Bible says perfect love expels all fear, that's what contracts are supposed to provide for.

Simply the fear that your spouse may get the better on you.

So you get it in writing that says that you're held to the bounds of this contract.

However, what of the "contract" that says 'til death do us part.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

 

Spot on!!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way in hell I would ever sign one. If I don't trust a woman 110%, I ain't marrying her. It's that's simple. A prenup is essentially preparing for your divorce even before you get married. I think it is a symptom of the changing attitudes towards love and marriage and that trend is not good. It's basically giving couples an easier path towards divorce in an age where divorce is already rampant enough as it is. The whole idea just cheapens marriage and the very meaning of it. It also gives less of an incentive for couples to work at their marriage when times are tough.

 

Marriage has already been cheapened a helluva lot more. Pre-nups are the least of that. If I didn't want children, I'd be in the "waiting for the right person" crowd. And yes, I'd want a prenuptial agreement.

 

Life happens. And I have to ensure I could still go on relatively comfortably.  

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marriage has already been cheapened a helluva lot more. Pre-nups are the least of that. If I didn't want children, I'd be in the "waiting for the right person" crowd. And yes, I'd want a prenuptial agreement.

 

Life happens. And I have to ensure I could still go on relatively comfortably.  

Yep, it's another layer of security, it's a promise to stay faithful, etc, made into a legal contract to protect both people. I don't see it as "I don't trust you," I see it as putting you wedding vows on a legal paper. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way in hell I would ever sign one. If I don't trust a woman 110%, I ain't marrying her. It's that's simple. A prenup is essentially preparing for your divorce even before you get married. I think it is a symptom of the changing attitudes towards love and marriage and that trend is not good. It's basically giving couples an easier path towards divorce in an age where divorce is already rampant enough as it is. The whole idea just cheapens marriage and the very meaning of it. It also gives less of an incentive for couples to work at their marriage when times are tough.

 

I used to think this way. Now I disagree. This may have been the case in the past, but now, if anything, a prenup helps discourage divorce--by saying "if you divorce me, you don't get to take anything that was mine before marriage." In other words, it eliminates the financial incentive that many people have in mind when divorcing. If your spouse does end up pulling a fast one on you and reneges on their wedding vows, you have to protect yourself. I, too, don't like the idea of a prenup as part of a "Hollywood marriage"--for example, "with this prenup, I will be able to divorce them more easily". But what do you do if they file for divorce?

 

Prenuptial agreements aren't cheapening marriage--they are a reaction against divorce, which is what's actually cheapening marriage.

 

Of course, since even that often doesn't work (courts refuse to uphold them, which means you can lose everything anyway), it's best to not get a marriage license.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, at first I was really against it, apart of me maybe still is, But i recognise that people can change and life does happen. I don't think a pre-nup is necessarily a bad thing, and if my husband requests one, yes i will sign. 

I know that without a pre-nup, regardless of the worst case scenario and us splitting, as mad as i would get, I'm not the sort of person who would want to "take him for half" or whatever. So a pre-nup is just a guarantee of what i know i would already do. 

 

I dont think a pre-nup necessarily means your preparing for when you going to divorce, but i think everyone can have a sort of "idealistic" view of how no matter how hard the marriage gets you will always fight through that. And that is amicable and I totally have that exact same kind of ideal as well. But things can change, things you cannot anticipate, your partner changing in ways you never anticipated. A lifetime is a long damn time. All I'm trying to say, is if and I mean "IF" (cause we all would fight hell or high water for our marriages to go the distance Duhhh (facepalm obvious)  WTM!!) for some reason, events and situations you cant predict or know now, meant your relationship ended, A pre-nup is a way of keeping all the crazy emotions that would come at that time out of it, and would be an agreement you both signed when you had planned to spend the rest of your lives with that person. Its done when your relationship was at its best and lets be honest, people nowadays seem to go crazy in divorces, they become irrational, extreme and delusional. A pre-nup is just like an insurance that all the other crap that would go down in a split (IF we are talking very hypothetically) it at least could be sorted quick like a bandaid. And if your never gonna need that damn thing (all of us :P)  then its just another piece of random paper. 

 

:)

 

EDIT: I should also say that having a pre-nup, benefits the guy more than the women, in most scenarios. Which is part of the reason why i totally understand the majority of women being really against pre-nups. 

 

^^^^This is spot on! I'm glad to see that our persepective can be understood from the opposite sex even in a WTM setting where such things are usually frowned on. Now that is not to start some frivilous argument between genders but simply stating the reality that until marriage we are not 'one' and unfortunately in the eyes of the law we are still treated differently. While one would hope that your marriage vows and marrige licensce would be enough but in the event of divorce they won't be. So I see a pre-nup as simply a legal document stating that we are marrying for love....now and forever.

 

I am a man of faith and my wife will be also. So this means our vows won't just be taken as a way of stating our trust in each other but also our trust in God and before Him. So I also believe and would hope my wife shares this ideal that with the exception of infedelity that you should never divorce. So some people would say that getting a pre-nup is 'doubting our trust' or 'doubting our vows' or worse 'doubting my faith.' But let me assure you that is by no means the case; it is simply a legal document that states that exactly as we came into this marriage we will (in the far extreme) leave it the same way....with love and on good terms.

 

Look I am no stranger to the cruel reality of divorce since my parents split when I was ten. (side-note: I feel it is the cruelest most selfish thing you can do to your child/ren with the exception being divorce in the event of beating....rape...molestation...etc) However even though my parents split on bad terms they didn't divorce for a few years and they did so on good terms (something my father was grateful for). You see my mother did the right thing and she divorced my father outside of court and left him in a fair manner; which is what I hope my future wife would do (if such an event ever happens). But lets be honest this isn't always the case especially for men and a pre-nup only ensures that this happens.

 

I have the added perspective of witnessing this reality not just in the civilian world but also in the military; since I happen to be in the branch with the highest divorce rate. However anywhere in the military divorce is this ever present ghost that haunts all married men. The consequences should it ever catch up with you are a bit more totalitarian than they are in the real world. All too often a guy will come back home from deployment to find his house cleaned out (or sold), his bank account wiped to zero, his wife and kids gone, and a note saying "I just can't live like this....Goodbye...papers have been filed."

 

How does this happen? Well the military highly encourages you (sometimes its not a choice) that when you deploy that you sign a power of attorney to someone back at home. This allows this person to have full legal rights to sign your name and do anything you would do normally; the idea is that this ensures that bills in your name can get paid and in the event of your death everything transfers immediately to this person. However if this person you trust is your wife (which it should be) then decides to divorce you while you are gone she can literally legally take everything from you. So yeah I have seen good guys get reduced to living in their cars, being broke, and homeless after coming home from serving their country.

 

Even though for most of you such a reality will never be the case there is still a slight (extreme) possibility that some lesser version of this could happen to you. I would also hope that women would want to sign a pre-nup in the interest of protecting themselves as well, not just from losing wealth or home but also ensuring rights to see their children equally. I also realize and pray that for most of us this will never become a reality because of WTM and the desire to marry knowledgeably but things can CHANGE; a pre-nup just insures they don't change. So I hope my wife does agree to sign one and if everything goes as it should.......then it can be a joke at our 50th wedding anniversary....hey remember this old thing...lol :P ...'can't get rid of you now my lovely ball and chain' ;):lol:

 

Marry each other in love and to be always faithful to each other and always trusting to each other....just write that down in a legal document stating that you will (like a marriage license upgrade) :P

 

Semper Fidelis

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Absolutely not. It's basically saying, "I promise to spend the rest of my life with you...but hey, just in case I decide not to, let's sort out who gets what."

 

Also, I believe that in Catholic Canon Law, prenuptial agreements are forbidden. In fact, if you were to take one out, it would invalidate your marriage. It's "till death do us part", no strings attached.

 

xxx

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just want a pre-nup so she can't turn into a selfish wench come divorce, just because youre WTM doesnt mean youre immune to divorce. I don't want her saying "Well I want the house, your cars, your money, etc, and btw.. Since you're a man.. You get nothing from this divorce! Have fun paying my spousal support for the rest of our lives!"

I will not marry ANYONE with out a pre-nup.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way in hell I would ever sign one. If I don't trust a woman 110%, I ain't marrying her. It's that's simple. A prenup is essentially preparing for your divorce even before you get married. I think it is a symptom of the changing attitudes towards love and marriage and that trend is not good. It's basically giving couples an easier path towards divorce in an age where divorce is already rampant enough as it is. The whole idea just cheapens marriage and the very meaning of it. It also gives less of an incentive for couples to work at their marriage when times are tough.

Well said.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just want a pre-nup so she can't turn into a selfish wench come divorce, just because youre WTM doesnt mean youre immune to divorce. I don't want her saying "Well I want the house, your cars, your money, etc, and btw.. Since you're a man.. You get nothing from this divorce! Have fun paying my spousal support for the rest of our lives!"

I will not marry ANYONE with out a pre-nup.

 

Heralds of pragmatism, unite.

 

If my wife-to-be vehemently refused a pre-nup, I'd be convinced that she just wanted a meal ticket all along; in the form of our marriage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ive also heard of people doing postnups... I was watching a talk show and one woman explained that her use for it was in case something happened during the marriage like cheating. In their postnup agreement whoever gets cheated on basically gets paid ...very romantic

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  It's just weird to me, I do get people wanting to protect themselves but I just feel like if I think you are going to cheat or we'll divorce then let us not get married. I don't know maybe it's naive of me. When we get married, what is mine is yours and vice versa.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's just weird to me, I do get people wanting to protect themselves but I just feel like if I think you are going to cheat or we'll divorce then let us not get married. I don't know maybe it's naive of me. When we get married, what is mine is yours and vice versa.

Well said!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would. Well I guess it depends on how much money and property my husband has (or doesn't have.) I don't need or want anything of his but I have stuff to protect. I would also insist on seperate bank accounts. Sounds unromantic but I don't believe in the whole "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" thing. At least not if one spouse as a lot more. Which may be him, but I'm hardly greedy. I'm all for sharing but not so much for giving (pretty sure this comment makes me sound icy, but it's how I feel.) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not saying I would definitelty want one, but it's something I would strongly consider. To the people saying it's about planning to get divorced, that's really not it at all (not for a lot of people, at least). It's about a reaction to the reality that divorces occur frequently. Honestly, I would want to protect myself. Sadly, people can change. I wouldn't initiate a divorce (unless my wife cheated or lied about being a virgin/her level of sexual experience), but my wife who one day told me she would never, ever divorce me might change and and decide she wants to leave me. If that were the case, I would want to ensure we each get half. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm fine with saying everything in our marriage was ours, that we were a team. If the team is disbanding, though, I want it done evenly.

 

That being said, I can understand the point of view that says, "But doesn't that mean you don't really trust her?" Maybe it does mean that a little bit. That's why I don't know that I definitely would want one. Still, is being incredibly, almost unrealistically optimistic enough to believe that divorce is impossible really necessary in marriage? Would it make the marriage any worse? If so, would it be a considerable amount? Only a slight amount? At all? These are tough questions to answer.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Believe me when I say that I do understand the pragmatism behind prenups. As others said before, divorce happens and people do change. As idealistic as I when it comes to marriage I'm not so naive that I would deny that fact. But I think that we would be lying to ourselves if we also didn't admit that the idea of a prenup is rooted in at least some sort of distrust and as harsh as it may sound, a bit of selfishness too.

 

What I'm objecting to is the disjointed priorities that comes with the mindset of a prenup. Consider the fact that when you marry a person, you make a pledge to share your lives together, raise children together (usually), and possibly give your life for the other person in order to protect them from harm. So we can trust our lives or the well-being of our children to a spouse, but not our material things or money? Not just that, but that we would seek legal protection for said material things or money? That just doesn't seem right to me.

 

Some have suggested that prenups are a reaction to the high divorce rate today or that marriage has already been cheapened anyways. I just can't accept that argument. We as waiters know better than anyone not to be swayed by the moral decay of society. We are often ridiculed and we are told that our ideals are archaic, unrealistic or even impractical yet we fight against the crowd anyways. Why should it be any different with love? I could not care less what "other people" are doing. Just because the rest of the world goes into marriage with a preconceived distrust of a spouse, however slight, does not mean we should. I think we can strive for a higher standard than that. It's what this community was based on, a higher standard from society. If we reached the point where we treat what should be the most intimate relationship as some sort of business negotiation then I'd rather not get married at all. I'm under no illusions that marriage is not going to always be AK47s and elk burgers for everyone, but I have hope that I could love someone to the point where I would feel no reservation in being completely vulnerable with them in every way possible. Maybe I am naive or completely wrong, but that is just how I feel.

8 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Believe me when I say that I do understand pragmatism behind prenups. As others said before, divorce happens and people do change. As idealistic as I when it comes to marriage I'm not so naive that I would deny that fact. But I think that we would be lying to ourselves if we also didn't admit that the idea of a prenup is rooted in at least some sort of distrust and as harsh as it may sound, a bit of selfishness too.

 

What I'm objecting to is the disjointed priorities that comes with the mindset of a prenup. Consider the fact that when you marry a person, you make a pledge to share your lives together, raise children together (usually), and possibly give your life for the other person in order to protect them from harm. So we can trust our lives or the well-being of our children to a spouse, but not our material things or money? Not just that, but that we would seek legal protection for said material things or money? That just doesn't seem right to me.

 

Some have suggested that prenups are a reaction to the high divorce rate today or that marriage has already been cheapened anyways. I just can't accept that argument. We as waiters know better than anyone not to be swayed by the moral decay of society. We are often ridiculed and told that we our ideals are archaic and unrealistic or even impractical yet we fight against the crowd anyways. Why should it be any different with love? I could not care less what "other people" are doing. Just because the rest of the world goes into marriage with a preconceived distrust of a spouse, however slight, does not mean we should. I think we can strive for a higher standard than that. It's what this community was based on, a higher standard from society. If we reached the point where we treat what should be the most intimate relationship as some sort of business negotiation then I'd rather not get married at all. I'm under no illusions that marriage is not going to always be AK47s and elk burgers for everyone, but I have hope that I could love someone to the point where I would feel no reservation in being completely vulnerable with them in every way possible. Maybe I am naive or completely wrong, but that is just how I feel.

 

A fair and valid perspective.

 

Doesn't change my viewpoint on pre-nups, but sound all the same.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually Vince your viewpoint did change my mind about pre-nups. I agree with you. You should be completely vulnerable and trusting with your love when you marry someone. My response is one based in fear of the harsh reality I have lived with and seen. However in WTM we do go against the tide of society so why should we not believe our love could do the same? Besides as a man of faith you aptly pointed out....it's only possessions and money....it's not what maters...love...our love.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Believe me when I say that I do understand the pragmatism behind prenups. As others said before, divorce happens and people do change. As idealistic as I when it comes to marriage I'm not so naive that I would deny that fact. But I think that we would be lying to ourselves if we also didn't admit that the idea of a prenup is rooted in at least some sort of distrust and as harsh as it may sound, a bit of selfishness too.

 

What I'm objecting to is the disjointed priorities that comes with the mindset of a prenup. Consider the fact that when you marry a person, you make a pledge to share your lives together, raise children together (usually), and possibly give your life for the other person in order to protect them from harm. So we can trust our lives or the well-being of our children to a spouse, but not our material things or money? Not just that, but that we would seek legal protection for said material things or money? That just doesn't seem right to me.

 

Some have suggested that prenups are a reaction to the high divorce rate today or that marriage has already been cheapened anyways. I just can't accept that argument. We as waiters know better than anyone not to be swayed by the moral decay of society. We are often ridiculed and we are told that our ideals are archaic, unrealistic or even impractical yet we fight against the crowd anyways. Why should it be any different with love? I could not care less what "other people" are doing. Just because the rest of the world goes into marriage with a preconceived distrust of a spouse, however slight, does not mean we should. I think we can strive for a higher standard than that. It's what this community was based on, a higher standard from society. If we reached the point where we treat what should be the most intimate relationship as some sort of business negotiation then I'd rather not get married at all. I'm under no illusions that marriage is not going to always be AK47s and elk burgers for everyone, but I have hope that I could love someone to the point where I would feel no reservation in being completely vulnerable with them in every way possible. Maybe I am naive or completely wrong, but that is just how I feel.

 

 

i could not have said that better myself.

marriage means : me and you together forever. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now