Samantha

How I found this site

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Hey! So I just found this site before dinner on accident and I'm totally siked. I was reading this article http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/ that some of my friends had shared on facebook about how love isn't a feeling or an emotion, it's a verb (which I totally agree with). Anyways, I was reading the comments and read one (a screenshot of which I've attached) that said researched showed people who wfm have a lower divorce rate. As a wfm young woman, that seemed too good to be true. So I google searched: does abstinence lower divore rate and the ninth result on the first page was this article http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa/. I was so excited to find a site like this. Now, I still don't really believe 100% that there is a lower divorce rate. I'm too paranoid to except such a wonderful fact. But regardless (and don't feel the need to assure me, I'm not disagreeing, just don't want to jinx myself), I really, really, really LOVE this site.

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About me: I was raised Jewish, but my mother's mother's mother was Catholic, so because I'm Jewish, I'm technically Catholic. Of course, I'm not baptised or anything, so I'm not actually Catholic. Anyways, I'm not a very religious person, but I for sure believe in God and that there is only one God. Even though I have never been to mass or had a Christmas Tree, I've celebrated Christmas with my Mother's family for years. I often struggle being Jewish (although I haven't told most of my friends this) just because it seems rare in what feels like a predominantly Christian culture. Don't get me wrong, I love being Jewish. But my family stopped going to temple accept for important services after the youth group there ostracized me from a Washington DC trip because of my anxiety disorder.

 

Ultimately, I really hope I end up with someone of a monotheistic religion, whether they're Jewish or Muslim or some kind of Christian based faith or generally agnostic. Obviously, if I fall in love with an atheist, that's not a deal breaker. But religion is important to me, even if I'm not particularily attached to being Jewish. And I feel like for the right boy, as long as they never forced me to change my religion or raise are kids with their religion, I would offer to do it of my own free will if their religious beliefs were stronger than my own. Ultimately, I don't believe Christ is the messiah. BUT I'm just human. And I certainly believe he was a really good guy. So if I turn up to heaven (which I do believe in, although I have heard that for some reason some Jews don't) and it turns out Jesus was the messiah, I will readily admit my mistake. I also really appreciate the Islamic faith. Again, if that's one I should have been practicing, I believe that God would ultimately forgive me as long I am a good person who acknowledges that I don't have all the answers and that I should not force my beliefs on another person. *SIDENOTE-In my personal experience, I've found that atheists tend to try to convince me there is no God with a stronger conviction than any religious missionary I've encountered.*

 

How did I become waiting till marriage? I think it's kind of a funny story. I remember the first time I heard the word virgin, I was like, I want to be one of those! At the time, I didn't know what the word meant. I believe I heard it in the context of the Virgin Mary. So maybe I thought it was like, a special title, like Princess. Than I thought I had to be Catholic to be a virgin and I was sad. Ultimately, of course, I got a little older and realized that everyone is born a virgin. As a nonorthodox Jew, the sex before marriage talk went something like, "sex before marriage is not a sin, but it's not the best thing to do. But having sex when you're married is a blessing! And if you use protection before marriage, it's also a blessing because you're protecting yourself from STDs and potentially saving your life and saving a life is a mitvah (which means blessing), so having protected sex is also a blessing." Mind you, that lecture was all the way back in seventh grade and I'm now just starting my senior year in college, so I'm probably describing it all wrong. My main point is, I decided to wait for marriage not for religous reasons. Or, if they were religious reasons, not my own religious reasons.

 

This is perhaps the strange part. I remember in high school in a journal entry for my english class, I wrote something like, I think abstinence is sexy. Now ultimately, I've always imagined marrying a popular boy with more experience than my own (I've never dated, never been kissed) who was willing to wait. I wasn't opposed to virgins, I just. I don't know. I guess I let myself be influenced by society's expectations that men don't need to wait for sex to respect their body. But when I fell in love a second time, it was with a virgin boy. I was suprised, even though I had years earlier in the abstract sense said that I thought abstincence was sexy, that his choosing to wait was so attractive. I know boys have more sexual urges than girls. It's a chemical thing. So to see a boy, who I know must have a harder time abstaining than myself, well, I really respected that.

 

Anyways, my biggest critique of this site is that some of the articles forget not all of the members are Christian or even believe in God. I know that is not intentional, and that as nonorthodox Jew, I'm rare in my decision to wait, but I love this site because it's the only place I've seen where (even though the language sometimes forgets) it makes it clear that religion should not be the only reason for waiting. For me, sex is a big deal. And whether or not my future husbands waits (although it would be cool if he did), I personally wait to save myself for him. Plus, as I said, I think it's romantic.

 

Anyways, I like that this sight is a place where I can talk about sex. As a girl who has had some traumatic incidences with boys in the past, sex terrifies me. My parents worry about my view of sex. Ultimately, my view of sex is not healthy, and I know that. But my parents think I should have sex before marriage. They're very much the try before you buy kind of peoople. I could never talk about sex with them. Because ultimately, even though sex terrifies me and I have to get over that fear, that's not the reason why I've chosen to wait.

 

I'm looking forward to engaging with this community and asking about sex because the answers here come from people with similar values to my own. Because as much as I love my parents, who I go to for advice on pretty much everything else, they have a different value system when it comes to sex. Also, they're my parents. So why would I EVER want to talk about that with them? I really think talking with this community can help me come to terms with my own sexuality and address some of my fears. It seems like, aside from the trollers, the people here really respect each other's different values and could help me come to terms with what I want my married sex life to be like. I think, although at this point I've read multiple articles, but Mike's point about discussing sexual compatibility before marriage can accomadate many of my parents' fears about "not trying before buying". I already know I'm a  pretty vanilla kind of girl, but that, ultimately, as long as I don't feel physically abused or uncomfortable, if I really love my husband, I will do everything I can to make my husband happy. Also, I've heard sex burns calories. So I'm looking forward to that.

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Interesting background!! Thanks for sharing :D

Glad to have you aboard :)

Thanks! What's your story?

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my story... hmm, an unexpected interest! Haha Ill send you a PM :)

Well, I know I love the chance to share my story. Obviously, you can't share your whole story in a single post. But yeah. If people are kind enough to read my story, I like to give them the opportunity to share. Looking forward to seeing it! :)

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Welcome to the site! We have people of all faiths and cultures here and we're glad to have you!

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Welcome to WTM Samantha !

 

Now, about that " trying before buying "; well, in the Torah, the carnal union of a man and a woman in a wedding night is the seal of marriage. The world couldn't understand this, because it's outside the spirit of fornication mindset. 

But when you dive deep in the true meaning of the Scriptures, you understand perfectly that it's totally wrong to defiles the conjugal bed in any way, and that carnal union is the seal of marriage, because the blood is the soul, and in carnal union, the two bloods become one, and as you know, there's always a blood's signature in any covenant from the Lord. 

It's very interesting to notice that red in hebrew is " adom ", and " Adam " is the name of our first ancestor. 

And red is the color of blood.

You do the maths with all I said above; a book could be written from the development of these implications.

 

Shalom  :)

I'm not at all sure what you mean. As I said, I do believe in God (whether the Islamic, Christian, Jewish, etc God because really they're all one God and the same). But, my reason for waiting is not religious in base. I want sex to be something special and even if my future husband is experimenting, I want to save myself for him. Plus, no STDs! I have plenty of friends who are not w4m, and I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex before marriage. It's just not right for me. Plus, honestly, it's never even been a question as I just became a legal adult and still haven't had a boyfriend or been kissed. I mean, obviously, as a woman I have opportunity. But I'm not interested in that stuff in less it's with someone I really love. Sadly, right now I love a in-the-closet gay man. So. I have to get over him first. Because everyone else pales in comparsion. Shalom to you as well.

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Okay, I understand it's much more complicated than I think. My reason for waiting is not religious either, it's strongly personal and spiritual in base. But I don't believe the God of Jesus the Messiah of Nazareth is the same of any other God, because, for instance, that false prophet called Mahomet did very very very wicked things to many innocent people; I don't believe any self proclaimed prophet; why should it be different with that false prophet Mahomet ? Because of numbers ? Is the truth decided by the numbers or by the evidence ? 

 

Anyway, at the end of the day, the Lord will come back on earth, and we will fully know what is right from what is wrong.

And every human soul ascends in Heaven to meet Him after the death, to receive His eternal judgement.

The souls of other creatures go under the earth, in the hidden Garden of Eden.

I respectfully disagree.

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