Guest Princess Victoria

The Purity Myth

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"The Purity Myth" by Jessica Valenti basically talks about how chastity is damaging to women and how a woman's sexuality does not define her worth. Here's a quote I found:

 

“Girls “going wild†aren't damaging a generation of women, the myth of sexual purity is. The lie of virginity—the idea that such a thing even exists—is ensuring that young women’s perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies, and that their ability to be moral actors is absolutely dependent on their sexuality. It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people , not on whether or not they’re sexually active…so while young women are subject to overt sexual messages everyday, they’re simultaneously being taught—by the people who are supposed to care for their personal and moral development, no less—that their only real worth is their virginity and ability to remain “pureâ€.†
― Jessica ValentiThe Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

 

What are your opinions?

 

I will never agree with promiscuity. There is no self respect if you let people use you as a sex toy. 

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well, I think it's those two extremes really that are equally damaging really. I mean, you have the worth of remaining pure and the worth of getting a boy/girfriend which is what the opposite end of the spectrum often causes, as in, it's bad to be a virgin. A lot of guys get hit with the whole virgin-shaming a little more, though girls get hit a lot with this too, especially when they get older and are still unmarried

 

Heck, I've spoken with some people think that all men under 25 are a menace to society as well as some that try to be equal-opportunity and treat men who sleep around the same was women and condemn them as manwhores. 

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I do agree that self worth should not fall on your sexuality/ sexual history. Like the portrayal that guys are worth more if they have more partners and women are worth more if they have less. Your sexuality should not be the first and only thing reflected on when it comes to who you are as a person. Its sad that people gauge one another off their genitals instead of their hearts minds and souls. 

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An obsession with virginity is bad, but any obsession can be bad. I don't judge people's self worth on virginity, and no one should have their self worth judged on virginity. I wish we lived in a world where it was okay to not be a virgin, but to also be a virgin.

Don't read the comments on that article if you value your IQ.

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“Girls “going wild” aren't damaging a generation of women, the myth of sexual purity is.

 

.It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people , not on whether or not they’re sexually active…so while young women are subject to overt sexual messages everyday, they’re simultaneously being taught—by the people who are supposed to care for their personal and moral development, no less—that their only real worth is their virginity and ability to remain “pure”.” 

 

 

And a society that teaches a girl's real worth falls upon giving her body freely is any better? Seriously, did she really just say the "girls gone wild" mentality isn't what's damaging women? I don't know what she is smoking or snorting or injecting into her veins, but whatever it is, I've never heard of it and is probably so potent that it's illegal even in the black market. The "girls gone wild" generation is what is holding women back. It is teaching them to rely on their looks and sex to get ahead in life. That is something every self respecting girl should be insulted by. The way society treats women really isn't all that different from the way we treat animals at a zoo: Just something to look at for our own entertainment. We live in a society where, according to the World Health Organization, 1 in 4 women suffer from some sort of eating disorder. Teen pregnancies have been at it's highest since the Sexual Revolution started and this woman wants to make the claim that the "girls gone wild" generation isn't hurting women today? Please, I'll just stick with meth. Less damaging to my health compared to what she is on.

 

Promoting purity is a good thing. That is not the problem. The problem is how we are promoting it. Putting a double standard on female purity and shaming people into waiting is obviously the wrong way to go about it. We need to hold male and female purity in equal value and to promote it with the facts and truth, not scare tactics and empty promises of mind-blowing perfection on the wedding night.

 

When I read the title of the book, I thought it was a joke. Because clearly our society's obsession with purity is vastly overshadowing our obsession with sex, sex and after-sex sex. Then I stopped laughing when I realized she is profiting off this book. Then I started crying.

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if you give something away for free [whether its your body or a piece of clothing] it is basically saying that it does not have any worth. no good man will want a woman who does not respect herself.

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I don't think a girl should be defined by the past or what she has done, but that doesn't mean she should keep doing it. Are mistakes don't define us but that doesn't mean they're not mistakes.

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I think being a virgin is the way it is suppose to be, but also if one is staying a virgin they shouldn't be proud in a negative way thinking they are "better" than everyone else--because if we haven't done the
"pre-marital sex thing," we've sinned and made mistakes in other ways.

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   I kind of agree with the idea that a girls worth should not be based on if she is a virgin or not. Having or not having sex does not automatically make you "good". I think some people can really be obsessed with virginity. There are religious people that are obsessed with it, to the point where it's like they put it above God. I remember watching a documentary, I'm not sure if someone posted it on this forum. There was this one girl and because she had sex (I think she may even had had a child. Could be wrong), her mother wanted nothing to do with her and began to act differently to her. So I guess there can be extremes to both purity and the whole "girls gone wild" thing.

   I agree with @Vince though that allowing girls to go "wild" is damaging.

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Hmm...I can really see both sides of this. Virginity is very much a social construction, that began when women essentially became property after the agricultural revolution (about 10 thousand years ago). It was further reinforced by religion...I don't feel any need to get into a religious debate, besides to say that I do consider myself a Christian but I believe that much of organized religion stems from politics that were in play thousands of years ago, and are not necessarily relevant now.

 

Anyway, I do not have any less respect for a woman that has had 20 partners or a woman that has had 0. (As long as neither of them have hurt anyone in the process). 

 

For me, I know that waiting till marriage will be best, because that vulnerability will be saved for my husband. And to save myself the potential heartbreak that could come with sleeping with a boyfriend and then breaking up with him. And to not have to worry about the baggage that comes with having a lot of exes.

 

But, honestly? If a woman has a lot of sexual partners, and feels that she is being true to herself, and following her path, and making herself happy, than who am I to judge?

 

Also--I do hate how much value is placed on virginity...like, I'm a nice person, I always try to look out for others, I try to respect everyone, I always try to make the best decisions I can at any given time...but I'm somehow "less than" because I'm not a virgin? That's a pretty shitty feeling, to be honest. The double-standard is also extremely frustrating, that women are supposed to be the "pure" ones but the guys can fool around because "that's what guys do." 

 

I also agree with some of what Vince said...I think that issues (like self-esteem, etc.) arise when women are dishonest with themselves about what is best for them. They tell themselves, "sure, I can have casual sex, no problem!" but then they realize they can't, and they get really upset. Which is understandable. And made even more difficult by the fact that we are all bombarded with sexual messages everyday, which does upset me because I feel that is misleading and confusing for everyone.

 

But, above all else, I think the most important thing is to be true to yourself!!

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yeah and that's the thing, the guys have it tough too because they are constantly pressured to lose their virginity to prove their worth as a man. 

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