Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
amberrandle

Telling Your Kids About Waiting

13 posts in this topic

How do you plan to tell your kids about waiting until marriage?

 

I thought about this before, but I'm unsure about how I will persuade my future kids or any present child to wait. I just want to figure out how to persuade them without scaring them away from sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't enforce abstinence on my children...but I will make damn certain that they are picky. I will educate my son in understanding women and choosing a wife with care. And my daughter's potential husband is going to have to go through me first, like how it should be.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(If I sucessfully wait) Ill tell the children, if I have any, of the benefits of waiting and why I'm glad I did it, but there's really no way to force WTM on them.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll be sure to tell my children of the seriousness of sex (including the emotional aspect). Of how EASY it is to get pregnant even with birth control. How many people actually do have STD's as a result of sex. And, if I have any daughters, I'll get the wife to explain to them how dishonest guys can be to get what they want.

 

So, essentially, I'll give my children a very CLEAR understanding of the seriousness of sex. And layout the advantages of waiting. So while I'll discourage premarital sex, I realize that they have their own free-will. My job will be on educating them of all this in a crystal clear way and being the best father I can be to my children if I'm blessed to have any.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't enforce abstinence on my children...but I will make damn certain that they are picky. I will educate my son in understanding women and choosing a wife with care. And my daughter's potential husband is going to have to go through me first, like how it should be.

 

Oh the second part. How is it that even those of us who have never even taken the chance to become a father, know without fail that we would dote upon and protect our daughters thusly?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh the second part. How is it that even those of us who have never even taken the chance to become a father, know without fail that we would dote upon and protect our daughters thusly?

 

Its called confidence. And I can't take the chance to become a father at 18 years old in good conscience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a very interesting question! I wouldn't force my children to WTM, but I would certainly discuss the importance of only having sex within a comitted, stable relationship. I would strongly discourage them from having casual sex. I would also discuss things like contraception with them so that they are protected whenever they do decide to have sex.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I would just tell them my experience, share with them the reasons why I waited and encourage them to consider doing the same.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll teach them to be picky, and that if they just take anyone who comes then you get what you deserve. It may sound harsh but I find that if you are overprotective something then they will just rebel anyway or they come equipped not to deal with it well.

I'll teach them how to read people, analyze them, study them, what can they learn from that person by how they behave, the difference between a genuine action and a show. For my son I will have to teach him to not be enamored and intoxicated by the physical beauty of someone and for my daughter I will teach her the difference between confidence and cruelty, to always avoid men who are super charming since they tend to always be the womanizers.

I will teach them meditation as well, which will help them to curb their lust a bit, as well as just how to think with reason.

Again, if they do the wrong thing and expect me to come to the rescue, I will not. Consequences have actions, that is something I will teach them early on, you touch the hot stove, don't be surprised when you have a burn on your hand. I've seen the horror of what a helicopter parent can do to a human being's development.

Either way I'll love them all the same. I'll just do my best to live as an excellent example to my children.

Honestly that is why having a child frightens me... feels like winning the lottery...

You can raise a kid and they can come out horrible even if you do everything right, or you do everything wrong and the child does not want to be like the parent and they become an excellent human being.

All we can do is our best though. :)
 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll teach them to be picky, and that if they just take anyone who comes then you get what you deserve. It may sound harsh but I find that if you are overprotective something then they will just rebel anyway or they come equipped not to deal with it well.

I'll teach them how to read people, analyze them, study them, what can they learn from that person by how they behave, the difference between a genuine action and a show. For my son I will have to teach him to not be enamored and intoxicated by the physical beauty of someone and for my daughter I will teach her the difference between confidence and cruelty, to always avoid men who are super charming since they tend to always be the womanizers.

I will teach them meditation as well, which will help them to curb their lust a bit, as well as just how to think with reason.

Again, if they do the wrong thing and expect me to come to the rescue, I will not. Consequences have actions, that is something I will teach them early on, you touch the hot stove, don't be surprised when you have a burn on your hand. I've seen the horror of what a helicopter parent can do to a human being's development.

Either way I'll love them all the same. I'll just do my best to live as an excellent example to my children.

Honestly that is why having a child frightens me... feels like winning the lottery...

You can raise a kid and they can come out horrible even if you do everything right, or you do everything wrong and the child does not want to be like the parent and they become an excellent human being.

All we can do is our best though. :)

 

 

There's actually increasing evidence that child abuse and neglect can cause brain damage to for a growing child.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As most of you know ... I am a dad.  Of 3 daughters.  And one of the most daunting moments as they grow up is to figure out how you want to tell them and nurture them about love, dating, kissing, sex.   Many of you have above touched on themes of telling them your experience, making sure they have all the facts (and an understanding of consquences which in the end are truly never 100% in your control other than waiting) and in the end, knowing that you have to trust them to make the best decisions for themselves... even if that decision is not 100% the one you want.

 

It took me a LONG time to get comfortable with all that - i have to admit it.  I'm a guy, i'm a dad, i have daughters... every old stereotypical type of thought begins to run your brain a bit when you think about your children making friends, finding boyfriends and girlfriends, and making choices (intentional or in the moment) about physical affection.   

 

Mostly what my wife & i taught them had to do with simple respect of themselves and by extension other people.  The importance of loving people through and through.  the fact that affection is human warmth - shown to family, friends, and love interests in varying ways.  We wanted them to be comfortable being affectionate with people and not being afraid of it - but also to know what is appropriate and what is not.  So we had those conversations (usually around school dances LOL).   

 

And over time we had conversations about choosing friends wisely and with heart and soul and trust...   and friends can turn into more than friends...   but you need to always stay true, stay selective, stay careful, stay aware, stay alert and intentional about your relationships.  I've told two of my daughters and I will tell the third when she is old enough - that sex is something extremely special not because of the physical act, but because is is someone you are very connected to and you are giving a part of yourself to them.  They should be very special to you - not casual, not careless, not informal, not overheated.  If you choose to have sex before marriage, then please please please choose for the right reasons with the right person and with the right intentions from both of you.   And then...  we had to sit back and trust.

 

For those who believe...  God is among us - and He is in your children I promise - no matter where they are on their own faith journeys.  For those who do not, or who are not certain...   your children's consciences and sense of what is right and what is wrong are started from an early age.  Teaching them respect and kindness in how they treat others, and how they respond to others who treat them that way, is part of teaching children about love and affection... and it grows in them smartly into adulthood.   Just as your own sense of love and affection was borne from early interactions with your parents, your brothers & sisters, your family friends, and your friends.

 

All i can say is... it will be ok...   because you will all make an effort.  And that is a significant persuasion vs letting it sort itself out by itself...

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I will tell my children about waiting and I will just say what I believe, that sexual intimacy should be shared only within marriage, that people should enter marriages will as pure a heart and mind as possible, with the least emotional baggage as possible etc, that both people being in that state of purity (with no previous sexual experience and few if any emotional experiences from dating), those two people are better set up for marriage in terms of having a more solid connection and foundation as the level of communication and trust etc will be greater etc etc etc. There's no special way I'd tell them, I'd just tell them what I believe and believe is what God wants for us, it is up to them if they choose to accept the advice, I won't condemn them if they chose not to wait. Children tend to follow by example though so hopefully at least some of them follow the example of my future husband and I if not, it's not the end of the world but I do want my future children to have happy, Christian, life-long marriages if they achieve that without waiting that's also great.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think what Ian said about teaching them to respect themselves is important too. Hopefully then, even if they chose not to wait, they won't just give themselves to the first guy/girl that walks in the door paying them attention.

 

I'd love them no matter what of course.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0