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TheJayspyder

Common Anti-WTM Arguments

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We've most likely heard them all before:

 

"How do you know you're in love without sex?"

 

or (my personal favorite)

 

"What if you get married and the sex is bad?"

 

I feel inclined to point out that these are straw man arguments; when you dissect them, they make little sense.

 

Has anyone ever directly fed you these arguments?

 

If so, how did you respond?

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The first one doesn't even make sense to me. Love comes before sex, not the other way around.

 

The second one I just don't get. What exactly could be bad about it that couldn't be corrected? There are plenty of books out there that can tell you how to make it good. Unless one of you has a serious physical defect, if you love each other you can make the sex pleasurable.

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First one: No response, they're just too stupid to understand a response no matter what.

Second one: "Sex is like bad pizza, even when it's bad, it's still kinda good".

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First one: No response, they're just too stupid to understand a response no matter what.

Second one: "Bad pizza is like sex, even when it's bad, it's still kinda good".

 

You're right. Those who are so vicious when confronted with someone who doesn't conform to the narrative they know are hopeless...and usually mentally ill...

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i want sex to be special. and i think the only way it i will be special is when i get married to my prince charming. people can make fun all they want. 

 

 

i want it to be with someone i can practice with while feeling safe and comfortable. patience is a virtue. 

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There's also that whole "test drive" argument. It implies that like a car, you must "test drive" or have sex with your partner prior to marriage in order to ensure happiness and compatibility.

People aren't cars though. The sole purpose of a car should be for transportation. The test drive reveals everything you need to know because that's all you do with a car is drive it.

People's sole purpose is not to be driven, tested, or to have sex with. Sex does not reveal everything about the person, compatibility and potential happiness. People are so complex and saying that like a car you should test drive him or her is like saying their only purpose, only value is the experience they can provide in bed.

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The lucky few who are still virgins I believe have the greatest potential for a fulfilling sex life. Bring two virgins together and you've got 2 people experiencing the same thing for the first time. I imagine they can't say the sex is bad if it's their first time. I hope my Wife is a virgin like me when we marry as unlikely as that may be statistically.

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what does straw man argument mean?

 

Basically what I said. If you dissect them, they make little sense. Its misrepresenting someone's argument or position to make it easier to attack.

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The lucky few who are still virgins I believe have the greatest potential for a fulfilling sex life. Bring two virgins together and you've got 2 people experiencing the same thing for the first time. I imagine they can't say the sex is bad if it's their first time. I hope my Wife is a virgin like me when we marry as unlikely as that may be statistically.

 

Always aim for a virgin wife. I really can't stress this enough. Don't fall for the claptrap non-judgementalists preach; just as promiscuous people have a right to be promiscuous, you have a right to have standards and oppose it.

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1) If you really enjoy doing non-sexual activities or sexual but restrained activities like kissing and you know you have a lot of connection, friendship, respect, trust, sexual tension then you know you are in real love and not in "sex-induced love".

 

2) If you have good connection and love each other then sex should be satisfying. You can also improve at it. Obviously sex will suck if you dont love each other.

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"How do you know you're in love without sex?"


This is a ridiculous argument - I would reply by saying that if two people can be in a relationship without sex then that would only serve to display how in love they were. They can develop a true emotional connection that is not based on pure sexual attraction. 


 


"What if you get married and the sex is bad?"


Like others have said in this thread, it's a learning process - it's not going to be spectacular, swinging from chandeliers etc at first, and it certainly will be fun to practice!  I also think, how bad can it possibly be as long as you love the person you're with? 


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Someone who uses those statements typically devalue the meaning of sex that God had intended. Sex is so much more that physical gratification. The sex WILL be good if two people love each other and have a strong emotional connection.

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Unfortunately, my whole family has been feeding me exactly those two lines for my entire life. Some have even encouraged me to break up with my girlfriend so that when I go to university I have lots of options and I can "experiment." Now that I think about it, it's kind of astonishing that I chose to come down this path despite all of the pressure put on me by my own family! I love my family, but I think they are really lacking morals and logic in the area of relationships and love. Sometimes it's really hard to listen to them. So far, I'm not planning to ever tell them how I really feel; I don't know how they'll react. I'm afraid I just won't be able to handle all of their judgmental criticism if I tell them.

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Unfortunately, my whole family has been feeding me exactly those two lines for my entire life. Some have even encouraged me to break up with my girlfriend so that when I go to university I have lots of options and I can "experiment." Now that I think about it, it's kind of astonishing that I chose to come down this path despite all of the pressure put on me by my own family! I love my family, but I think they are really lacking morals and logic in the area of relationships and love. Sometimes it's really hard to listen to them. So far, I'm not planning to ever tell them how I really feel; I don't know how they'll react. I'm afraid I just won't be able to handle all of their judgmental criticism if I tell them.

 

Don't fall for any of that garbage. Ever. If you even have a little doubt that you want to wait, reconsider now. Otherwise, never compromise.

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Unfortunately, my whole family has been feeding me exactly those two lines for my entire life. Some have even encouraged me to break up with my girlfriend so that when I go to university I have lots of options and I can "experiment." Now that I think about it, it's kind of astonishing that I chose to come down this path despite all of the pressure put on me by my own family! I love my family, but I think they are really lacking morals and logic in the area of relationships and love. Sometimes it's really hard to listen to them. So far, I'm not planning to ever tell them how I really feel; I don't know how they'll react. I'm afraid I just won't be able to handle all of their judgmental criticism if I tell them.

That's one of the things I hate most. I can't stand when people push you to have sex in college. "Experimenting" is the biggest free loving hippie load of BS to have ever been uttered.

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"Experimenting." (read: having fun sleeping around)

 

How about exploring your sexual side with your spouse? You know, someone you should trust. Certainly sounds more fun to me than being desperate and trying to act cool in the hopes of getting some from strangers.

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"Experimenting." (read: having fun sleeping around)

 

How about exploring your sexual side with your spouse? You know, someone you should trust. Certainly sounds more fun to me than being desperate and trying to act cool in the hopes of getting some from strangers.

 

  I never understand why people say this. I've survived many years without having sex and managed to still have fun in life. I'm guessing their deffinition of fun is different from ours.

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I guess one could be:

 

-What if marriage is boring and it suffocates your life? What if you could have had sex with your gf/bf and enjoyed and exciting life while you are stuck in a boring marriage?

 

This one worries and scares the hell out of me.

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I guess one could be:

 

-What if marriage is boring and it suffocates your life? What if you could have had sex with your gf/bf and enjoyed and exciting life while you are stuck in a boring marriage?

 

This one worries and scares the hell out of me.

 

I fail to see how cohabitation is any more exciting than marriage. And your marriage is what you make of it.

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I fail to see how sex between two people who are deeply in love can be bad. 

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