Guest Parrot_Fish

Types of waiters- does it matter to you?

10 posts in this topic

Hello,

 

very interesting topic!

I also realised with time,that there are so many different types of waiters.

The first type of waiter I heard of was "the highly religious one". Waiting, solely because of religion or the teachings of the church somebody belongs to. Sometimes those types were/are waiting out of fear and guilt, because they were told, that sex is a sin and dirty and immoral.

I never identified with this kind of waiting and questioned if this waiting thing was truly the right thing to do for me, based on this type of waiting, which was the only one I knew for a very long time.

And if you closely pay attention to most of the stories, where waiting was regretted or failed....it´s most of the time of people who did this kind of waiting. Of course, it can fail with all other "types", as well. And of course, the solely religious type of waiting can succeed. Just saying, that most fail-stories I heard of or that were discussed on the forums,  are of people, who were told to wait, or had to sign their "purity pledge" at age six or whatever. Basically,thoughtless waiting.

 

Well, you already mentioned some other type of waiters (spiritual, non-spiritual etc....), so I won´t repeat it ^_^

It also does seem to play a huge part, if WTM was emphasized growing up by somebody´s parents/family or not.

So, there are also waiters, who were raised to WTM and waiters who weren´t raised to WTM.

 

However, I realized that waiters definitely aren´t all the same. Therefore, to some extent, yes, it does matter to me what a person is waiting for and why. Especially, why. I couldn´t have a relationship with a waiter, who waits because he thinks,that sex is bad or has a negative notion about sex. Or somebody who waits, because his mother wants him to.

 

To be honest, the type of waiter I would personally prefer to have a relationship with, is somebody, who came to that decision by himself. Best, if he maybe wasn´t even raised that way or at least it wasn´t emphasized in his environment or growing up. Of course, if you grew up with the notion of WTM or were raised by your parents to do it, that´s totally fine and I believe we have many waiters on this forum here that were raised that way, but still can think for themselves and later re-evaluated that decision and came to the conclusion, that it´s best for them to wait, also because of other reasons or sentiments besides religious ones.

But there still seem to be sooooo many stories about people who wait solely because they were told to do it (mostly by some religious institution) and that makes me a little bit mad and sad. Because then, if their marriage failed, those people tell everybody how bad waiting is and that it ruined their life etc. And everybody (mostly non-waiters) who hear those stories gets validated in their opinion: "See, WTM is bulls***. I always knew, it wouldn´t work out. Just a waste of time." Doesn´t really help to get the idea of WTM in a more positive light in our very promiscuous and non-waiting world. Sorry,I digress.

 

So yeah, somebody who decided for himself, isn´t a highly extreme religious person and who sees and practices WTM more as a possibility for character-building/fostering and a "tool" for happiness and not as a necessary obligation, which in case, he doesn´t fulfill, he will end up in hell or get expelled from his family or something like that. Someone who wants to wait by free choice and solely free choice. Someone who wants to wait out of love and not out of fear and guilt. Someone who wants to wait, because he believes in something bigger than himself. Someone who wants to wait and is confident in his decision. Someone who is crazy enough to want to wait in this day and age. I would really like this type of waiter  ^_^

Hope, this made sense.It´s way past my bed time. :superwaiter: Good night!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes it does matter why she is waiting. That to me is the most important part of waiting. I do not want to be with an accidental waiter or even a girl who normally wouldn't wait but is waiting for me. I want my future wife to be waiting for the same reasons I am, that means a girl who is waiting for herself and for God in addition to waiting for me. I think having the same understanding and views on sex will bring us closer together and more intimacy between us. She doesn't have to be a virgin, but here reasons for waiting must be similar to mine.

 

As far as the physical parts of a relationship, no oral or touching private parts. Hugging, hand holding and some kissing is my limit. Actually kissing might even be too much for me as I'm very easily turned on. So I'm not sure about kissing but hugging and hand holding would be fine.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Absolutely it matters a lot why and of course being the inquisitive type, I'd ask.

As I believe it's very important, and is insightful as to who she is.

I'll try to answer your question without repeating the listing of all the types.

I would like it if my wife was waiting because she believed in waiting with me.

And because she understood that it's God's desire for us to do so.

As for the Pyramid,

I'm in the Orange-Zone, as it's safe be in that area, especially now as I've gotten older.

But wow as I've said in couple other threads on here, unfortunately dating has become tougher, rather than easier.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually kissing might even be too much for me as I'm very easily turned on.

 

Aren't we all  ;)

 

Well, I suppose I am kind of an accidental waiter.. If it wasn't for my girlfriend I probably wouldn't have waited. But on the other hand, I'm not waiting just because she is; as I think about my decision I'm starting to develop my own reasons to wait as well. This article --> http://waitingtillmarriage.org/the-top-10-awesome-benefits-of-waiting-until-marriage/ really inspired me. When I read it I literally had an epiphany (I almost started crying). Oh an we (gf and I) are somewhere in between orange and yellow.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not really sure how to reply to this. I did a lot of kissing and touching in the past, but I don't plan to do that anymore. I was too tempted that way. We can still kiss, but it won't be anywhere completely private.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would very much prefer to marry someone who had made the decision to wait before they even met me. I have been in a relationship before where the guy agreed to wait for me but in the end the relationship broke down because I felt that I was holding him back - I don't want to feel like I've 'trapped' someone into waiting.

As for what I would do before marriage - I would personally be comfortable within the orange-zone, but it depends upon what the guy I was dating was comfortable with - if they wanted to do less than that's totally fine. I would not be comfortable with anything within the red-zone as I think the temptation would be too great!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would very much prefer to marry someone who had made the decision to wait before they even met me. I have been in a relationship before where the guy agreed to wait for me but in the end the relationship broke down because I felt that I was holding him back - I don't want to feel like I've 'trapped' someone into waiting.

As for what I would do before marriage - I would personally be comfortable within the orange-zone, but it depends upon what the guy I was dating was comfortable with - if they wanted to do less than that's totally fine. I would not be comfortable with anything within the red-zone as I think the temptation would be too great!

I agree. The same thing happened to me. I don't want to be tempted and they be like "oh ok, let's do this!" I want them to support my decision. It's a bad sign if they are skeptical about dating you for that reason in the first place.

 

That's why I decided that I will always start off as friends with guys from now on. There's less pressure on him, so he will usually reveal more. He will also try different strategies to get you to date him or to see if you like him. These strategies will say a lot about him in both a positive and negative way.

 

I did kissing, holding hands and touching(which I regret) in the past, but I'm not doing those things again.

Would that make me yellow-orange?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now