Guest Parrot_Fish

How long would you wait for marriage?

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I'd want to know someone for a good few years before I marry them. I used to say to myself it HAD to be 5 years but as years have gone by it's gone down. I don't feel I should marry someone I don't know very well though I know people that have proposed after 2 weeks, or 6 months of knowing someone and ended up together over 20 years.

 

I think the thing is for me I only want to get married once and I mean that. I don't really believe in divorce I believe in working things out so I think that's why I need to know the person as well as possible.

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For me, I would want to get engaged and married as soon as possible. A lot of that is probably down to my age - I'm 29, and I'm keen to settle down and have children in the near future, but I also consider myself to be a good judge of character and believe that when I meet the right man for me I will know very quickly that I want to be with them. If you have that connection from the start, then I see no point in waiting around to act on it.

 

Additionally, I know of several couples in my immediate family that have got engaged and married very soon after meeting - a case in point would be that of my parents who met when they were in their teens, got engaged less than a year later and were together for almost thirty years until my mum died. The marriage that my parents had is everything that I aspire to have in my own marriage. Like any couple, they had their ups and downs but they stuck together and were truly happy.

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I would wait 3-5 years before proposing, maybe less. I just don't see how you can get to know someone well enough to marry them within one year. But right now since I'm only 16, I have at least 5 years before I could even begin to consider marrying someone, and 21 would still be young to marry!

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I'm with 29Korea. I'm at the age where I've been ready to get married and have kids for a long time now. Of course I wouldn't rush in to marriage blindly, but the moment I'm sure this girl is the One I am proposing. I'm personally someone who has always hated the idea of long engagements because I think they only serve to unnecessarily prolong sexual temptation, unless of course there was a special circumstance that required a long engagement. If my future wife wanted a big wedding then she will have it but I would like to have a compromise to have the engagement be no longer than a year.

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I'm with 29Korea. I'm at the age where I've been ready to get married and have kids for a long time now. Of course I wouldn't rush in to marriage blindly, but the moment I'm sure this girl is the One I am proposing. I'm personally someone who has always hated the idea of long engagements because I think they only serve to unnecessarily prolong sexual temptation, unless of course there was a special circumstance that required a long engagement. If my future wife wanted a big wedding then she will have it but I would like to have a compromise to have the engagement be no longer than a year.

People have longer engagements than a year?? I guess I've heard of someone proposing then 3 years later they're still not married. I wouldn't want an engagement longer than a year.

But at the same time, if I've waited this long if I'm actually lucky enough to find someone compatible and that loves me and that I love too, who cares if I have to wait another year! But I guess there aren't many things that could make you wait another year, only money but I don't need a big wedding at at all.

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I would wait 3-5 years before proposing, maybe less. I just don't see how you can get to know someone well enough to marry them within one year. But right now since I'm only 16, I have at least 5 years before I could even begin to consider marrying someone, and 21 would still be young to marry!

You're very sensible for 16! :)

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People have longer engagements than a year?? I guess I've heard of someone proposing then 3 years later they're still not married. I wouldn't want an engagement longer than a year.

But at the same time, if I've waited this long if I'm actually lucky enough to find someone compatible and that loves me and that I love too, who cares if I have to wait another year! But I guess there aren't many things that could make you wait another year, only money but I don't need a big wedding at at all.

 

Yes, it's very common actually. Most people these days aren't waiters. So if they get engaged, they don't really have much incentive to rush marriage since they are already having sex and living together. I know people who have been engaged for 7 years before they got married.

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I know I'm young but I basically think if you've been through a hard time at least once and your relationship survived then you know both will fight for the relationship. that + at least a 1-2 years (preferably 2-4 yrs though) and I think you'd be able to know things would be right. (also I think years could be more if you knew each other at a younger age than mid 20's)

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I'd want to know someone for a good few years before I marry them. I used to say to myself it HAD to be 5 years but as years have gone by it's gone down. I don't feel I should marry someone I don't know very well though I know people that have proposed after 2 weeks, or 6 months of knowing someone and ended up together over 20 years.

 

I think the thing is for me I only want to get married once and I mean that. I don't really believe in divorce I believe in working things out so I think that's why I need to know the person as well as possible.

i would like to know the person minimum a year but preferably longer like 2 to 3 years. I know what you're saying about things getting rushed as you get into the 30's and 40's and I am hoping personally that this doesn't happen for me. However sometimes people "just know" they are the one, or tings come together quickly, especially as people are older and know more of what they want.

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I don't know if there's a "time-frame" I'd absolutely have to know a girl before I'd propose.

Why 'cause I'm not really into the idea of my absolute soul-mate.

Now before you all think I'm weird or unromantic, read through my posts on here, No Way!

Just, I think my wife of someday is going to be a human being who is going to have ideas, and beliefs that will not 100%, always match mine.

So for me, it's how we'd handle those?

Is she the type to go recluse when we have a disagreement, or does she maturely sit with me and discuss the issue.

I mean suppose it's something trivial and small.

If we can deal with stuff like that, then the bigger issues might be "easier".

Stuff like, trying to conceive our first child, maybe there's difficulty there.

Or say when our parents pass, will we be a team, our just golf players recording our own scores.

So for me,

If say it's dependent upon the relationship. Probably not less than a year though.

I also agree with you Vince, as longer engagements kinda are tempting and the delusion that, it's okay 'cause we're gonna be married so let's just try it.

That idea is very, very prevalent and I understand why it's so strong.

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I'm willing to wait eternity if I have to. Right now, I have college to worry about and he needs a better job (and hopefully get enough money to finish college) but I am enjoying my courtship so much that it doesn't really matter if it ends up being a while. 

 

If he isn't ready by the time I finish my degree, I'll probably just move closer to him if possible and find a job myself.

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Well for now I feel like I have to be dating someone for atleast 2 years before engagement. Then probably another year before getting married unless we need to save up money for the wedding and what not.

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I proposed approximately 11.5 months after officially dating my girl, we were also friends for 6months or so beforehand.  We'll likely have a fairly long engagement of approximately 2 years, and get married when she finishes school.  

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I'd say around 2 years of knowing them/ dating them...give or take. Then a year or less engagement...def wouldn't want it longer :P

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Well, when I have a job and I am in my own house. I'll graduate when I'm 20.

 

I will also, have a small wedding. Just signing the Nikah contract and having a nice casual function with my friends and family. I hate the big fancy weddings.

 

I will date as long as I can though until I'm ready. So it could be 3 years or 1 year.

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I'm a girl, but I'll chime in since others have. My fiance and I have been together 5 years! Part of me still can't believe it. We got engaged in June and are getting married July 2014. Of course we wanted a shorter engagement but venues were booked up, so we ended up with July by default.

 

We dated a long time because I was still in grad school, so I didn't see the point of being engaged when I had no job. Also he lives in Virginia and before I moved back home to Maryland, I was attending school in New York. Sometimes circumstances make waiting for marriage longer and if it's the right person you just roll with the punches.

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No later than maybe 30. If I'm not married by then (or if my first marriage ends on a sour note), I may very well descend into the domain of manwhoredom or the womanizer. 

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I'd want to get married as soon as possible! The relationship pre-marriage shouldn't last more than 2 years.

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I'd want to get married as soon as possible! The relationship pre-marriage shouldn't last more than 2 years.

 

I agree.

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My biggest problem is:

 

How long do I wait before asking a lady out? I am much better at flirting but I have no clue on how to get dates.

 

First that, then I'll figure out how to get a relationship.

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there is no specific time frame for me. i just really want to build a solid friendship prior to entering marriage. 

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My biggest problem is:

 

How long do I wait before asking a lady out? I am much better at flirting but I have no clue on how to get dates.

 

First that, then I'll figure out how to get a relationship.

 

wait until you feel comfortable. get to know her first very well. don't over think it. if it is meant to be then it will work out :] don't worry.

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