Invincible

Could you have a sexless marriage?

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Let's say you found the perfect person for you but for whatever reason, they couldn't have much sex or any at all. This reason could be an accident leading to castration, a disease, or simply your would-be spouse just isn't interested in sex. Given whatever level of sex drive you have, would you be willing to have a marriage with little to no sex at all? 

 

Personally, I could not. I know it sounds selfish but I couldn't be with a woman who wasn't at least willing to be sexually available within reason. My sex drive is through the roof and I would need sex in marriage and a lot of it. The lack of passion is a source for horrible strain in a lot of marriages and ideally I would want to find a girl who has the same amount of interest in sex as I do. Plus, there is a lot of temptations in this world. I believe marriage is the only safe and healthy outlet to fulfill sexual desires. Both people in a marriage ought to to do everything in their power to meet the other's needs, not just in sex but in all other areas. I will give it my all to provide for whatever needs my future wife may have. I just hope she will be sensitive to this particular need of mine.

 

Now that being said, this only applies if I'm not married yet. If I was already married and something happened where my wife lost interest in sex or wasn't physically able to have sex, then I would still do everything I could to make the marriage work. As difficult as it would be to deal with, marriage is a life long vow for better or worse. I wouldn't leave her over that.

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I could, like I mentioned in previous threads, sex isn't important to me at all, it's nice, but isn't important to me. I would definitely be fine with it. I hate how stigmatized sexless marriages are. My current boyfriend is could completely care less about it as well. 

 

I hate how people expect me to have lots and lots of sex after marriage and that I must consummate on my wedding night, but honestly, we both might be too tired for that since we had a long day. I really hate all of these pressure! 

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I'd have to love her IMMENSELY for the marriage to work, otherwise I need my sex.

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As low as my sex drive is, I still fear a sexless marriage :(

If it was sexless because of health issues or other problems, fine. But if she's just a prude then no.

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No way.

 

Pardon me for being blunt, but its one of the main points of marriage. Besides, its a scientifically proven fact that semen has beneficial psychological effects on a woman. It contains hormones, and neurotransmitters that help regulate psychology and physiology. It is important for a wife's health that she and her husband have regular access to sex to gain its benefits.

 

A spouse has every right to expect sex from their partner.

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No way in my eyes there would be no point in being together Im not asexual so it wouldnt work.

 Now if we were already married and my husband got sick obviously I wont be thinking about that but if he is perfectly healthy and barely wants sex or none at all...I'd think he wasnt attracted to me (gay) and I'd go find someone who was. Harsh but true.

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if i were truly in love with him and he was not physically able to have sex then yes i would marry him. my only concern is how are we going to reproduce? i want kids! 

and on the other hand if he did not want to have sex at all and didn't have any type of disease or castration then that would be a little difficult. but of course i will not give up on the marriage and work things out no matter what. 

i think it is best to talk about sex before doing it. such as contraception, your sex drive, and stuff like that. 

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Besides, its a scientifically proven fact that semen has beneficial psychological effects on a woman. It contains hormones, and neurotransmitters that help regulate psychology and physiology. It is important for a wife's health that she and her husband have regular access to sex to gain its benefits.

I have Never heard that before.  I would like to read the research on that. 

All that I can recollect is pheromones which is different than a neurotransmitter but bonds the relationship and is not found in semen but "down there" in both women and men.  And oxytocin, a hormone, is definitely produced by women during sex that bonds them with their mate... but nope.. not in semen.

 

 

A spouse has every right to expect sex from their partner.

I hope you find a spouse that will compliment this preference long-term.  Unfortunately in many cases, women and men are not the same when it comes to sex and when they want it and WHY they want it.  And if you come at her expecting it, I can only hope you get what you want or that you can be open to approaching it differently.  

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my only concern is how are we going to reproduce? i want kids! 

(Not with all people of course) but with many people, it only takes one time!

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If I found a wonderfully compatible guy who was disabled in that department, I would absolutely still marry him.  I understand that sex is important to men in general.  For me, sex simply compliments a great relationship. 

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If he just wasn't interested in it then probably no. If it was a physical issue, I think I would still marry them.

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If he was willing, but not physically able, I think I could accept that. There are lots of other things we could do! As this is not the viewer's discretion section, you'll just have to use your imagination!!! ;) As for kids, my first choice in this situation would be adoption.

 

If he was able, but not willing, that would bother me. I would feel rejected if I wanted him and he kept turning me down. I understand that some people have little to no sexual desire, and that is not a problem if their spouse is in agreement with this, but with my level of libido and my desire for physical affection, I would feel lonely and neglected. It is not that there is something wrong with someone being asexual; it is just that, as I am sexual, my needs for physical passion and intimacy would not be met.

 

I do not mind so much if the frequency with which we have sex decreases somewhat over time; from what I hear, this is fairly natural in marriage, as other things come up. My hope is that, even if we do not remember to have sex as often, when we one of us does desire it, the other will be willing and happy to provide.

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I hope you find a spouse that will compliment this preference long-term.  Unfortunately in many cases, women and men are not the same when it comes to sex and when they want it and WHY they want it.  And if you come at her expecting it, I can only hope you get what you want or that you can be open to approaching it differently.  

 

Forget it.

 

I'm absolutely not "open to approaching it differently," because I understand my nature as a man (with a, ahem, healthy sexual appetite). If my partner is even remotely interested in being a good wife, she'll understand as well.

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Forget it.

 

I'm absolutely not "open to approaching it differently," because I understand my nature as a man (with a, ahem, healthy sexual appetite). If my partner is even remotely interested in being a good wife, she'll understand as well.

I understand.  You know what you want and asking for that upfront which is great.  But the last statement...  I hold my tongue!

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If he wasn't able but willing yes I could marry him, although it would be hard. But sex is an expression of love  that we would already have for one another rather than sex equaling love.

 

If he was able but not willing I would have problems with that.

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If he had a physical reason he couldn't have actual intercourse, but still wanted to do sexual things together, I'd be perfectly fine. But nothing sexual at all, or a severe lack of sexual drive on his part? Nope, couldn't do it. While sex isn't the MOST important part of a marriage, its up there too high on my list to not have it at all.

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Wow, I really feel like I might actually be the only one that is perfectly fine with a sexless marriage or at least a near-sexless marriage with sex only for the purpose of procreation... Are you sure there isn't anything wrong with me? 

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Wow, I really feel like I might actually be the only one that is perfectly fine with a sexless marriage or at least a near-sexless marriage with sex only for the purpose of procreation... Are you sure there isn't anything wrong with me? 

 

 

No, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Different, perhaps, but wrong? Of course not. If both you and your future husband are satisfied and happy with your sex life, or lack thereof, how could that be a bad thing? The only problem is if you and your husband are not in agreement, and one of you feels unsatisfied with how things are going. But yeah, the way you and your husband manage your sexual relationship is nobody's business but your own, so please don't feel judged just because your libido might be different from that of other people on here. Honestly, sometimes during this waiting game, I wish my own sex drive was lower!

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I look at sex more than insert penis here, and honestly if my wife wasn't willing to at least be intimate with me with hands or other parts I probably wouldn't. I just think it's an important part of marriage maybe not the exact act but the intimacy and joy of it is I would have to say.

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Wow, I really feel like I might actually be the only one that is perfectly fine with a sexless marriage or at least a near-sexless marriage with sex only for the purpose of procreation... Are you sure there isn't anything wrong with me? 

 

there is nothing wrong with you

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Like Vince, my sex drive is insanely high and it always has been.  On top of that, for most of my adulthood I have had to deal with a medical matter that causes that drive to often skyrocket beyond its already high level of intensity.  Maintaining my virginity for so many decades has carried with it, what most people would consider, an unreasonable amount of agony, but I have done it.  I have managed to remain a virgin for 37 years so, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of me marrying a woman who couldn't have sex or, rather, couldn't have it the way couples normally do.

With many couples where certain physical disabilities are a factor, they have sex anyway -- and it is something they both enjoy and cherish.  With these couple's, for the disabled person, sex often becomes more about enjoying the other person's pleasure and fulfillment, than about focusing on their own.  I myself am wired this way -- my wife's fulfillment would be as much a part of my pleasure as my own fulfillment would be.  Beyond that, pleasure and even orgasm doesn't only come from a person's "primary hardware", particularly with women.  There are some people who can climax simply from kissing and/or caressing.  As it is for me, a huge component of sex for many people is emotional and spiritual intimacy.  If that is deep and intense enough, one can climax from that alone.  So, just because someone might not be capable of having sex in the obvious way, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are incapable of sharing sexual intimacy in a lot of other ways.

While I don't actively look for a woman who has problems in the area of sex, I am not closed to the possibility of this type of relationship.  She would have to be very open-minded and willing to try, to explore, and to experiment regularly until we found something that worked for both of us.  She would have to be willing to surrender and entrust that part of herself to my care, particularly if her inhibition or inability stemmed from an emotional source.  She would have to understand that my sexuality is a significant and important aspect of my being; that it is a very vulnerable, beautiful, and special part of my being; and that I would need her to help me, as best she could, to take care of that part of myself.

To be honest, not just physically but, every aspect of me, love-wise, romance-wise is very immense and intense, very deep and complex -- my emotions, my heart, my spirit.  My guess is that in the area of love and intimacy, I am probably a lot deeper and more intense than many people are.  She would have to be someone who matched that depth, immenseness, and intensity.  That's one of the things I look for in a woman anyway.  As important as sexual intimacy and bonding is to me, emotional and spiritual intimacy is even more important.  If a woman is able and willing to become spiritually and emotionally intimate and bond with me in a deep, powerful, profound level; then I'm simply not going to write that off just because we might have to get creative in the sex department.

I have been alone too long and am getting too far along in years to not consider a woman just because she has some difficulties in the area of sex.  That being said, I haven't held onto my virginity and kept others hands off of my sexuality my entire life just to give that gift to a woman who really doesn't care about it or have any desire for it -- to give it to a woman for whom it has very little meaning.  I haven't suffered -- yes I said it, suffered -- all of these years of celibacy just to spend the rest of my life doing the same for a woman who is capable of ending that suffering but has no interest or desire to do so.  If she simply isn't able, that is another matter entirely but, if she was disinterested and unwilling to regularly participate in sex, to care for and cherish my sexuality then I would not consider her.  We would be unsuitable for one another.

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I agree with some of the other replies. If we were already together and something happened where he was physically prevented from doing so, then I'd put forth my best effort to cope and focus on our union in other ways . However, marrying someone that I couldn't be intimate with would be a bit devastating. I'm abstinent not looking to be celibate. 

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I want to add that if I met a girl who was physically unable to have sex but was willing, I would still marry her. It would be difficult but there are other ways to be intimate. It has more to do with her attitude than what she can actually do that is a deciding factor.

 

I've actually read about a condition that some women have where their abdominal and pelvic muscles tighten and make extremely painful contractions during vaginal sex. I don't remember exactly what causes it but I remember that it has to do with anxiety and that's it's a psychological issue. Like I said, if she had this but was willing to work around it I would still marry her. There would still be a small issue with me, though in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. But if vaginal sex was not possible, I would constantly question whether we've ever truly become "one flesh" or if we actually would have given our virginities to each other.in the truest sense. Vaginal sex is the only thing that everyone can agree constitutes virginity lost. Not everyone agrees that oral or other things count. But that is a small issue as I said. In the end, all that matters is the love between us.

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If he agreed to seek out help, I would have no problem with it.... but if he just made the decision not to have sex anymore , kind of like my we doing it my way deal with it  attitude, I would just walk out.I have read of who people have been sexless  marriages  for 6 yrs and I can't help but wonder of the amount of strength it would take to stay for that long. If you can look at someone and not feel any desire for them for such a long period I would think something is greatly amiss, esp if it started out differently.

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