Sachico

Hello, I want to change

10 posts in this topic

Hello everyone. I'm a soon-to-be university student who just graduated high school living just north of Toronto. I've been with my beautiful girlfriend for over 2 years now and I really love her, but lately I've been feeling like a jerk.

 

She told me early on that she was intending to wait till marriage. At first, I didn't know how to respond; "I'll convince her to change her mind eventually" I thought.. So as time went on and years passed, I tried pushing her to cave, but every one of my attempts to pass "second base" failed. I started to get angry! And although I never showed it to her, It was building up inside me, like a volcano about to erupt. This continued until one day (in my very recent past) I couldn't take it anymore!! My anger was causing me to consider leaving her. At that moment I realized what was happening to me; would I really become a guy who leaves the love of his life because she wouldn't have sex with him before marriage?? This though disgusted me, so I went to find out why people wait. The more I read about it, the more my anger turned into hope; when I found this site and read some of the articles and posts here, I broke down and realized that I need to change.

 

And so, here I am, asking for your forgiveness. Now that I read this over, I really sound like a terrible person, but that's not what I intended when we started dating!! I let my hormones get the best of me, but I will never let it happen again! I want to change - I NEED to change - and I believe that this community can help me reach that goal.

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Hey there. Welcome to our family. First let me say it takes a lot of courage to admit what you just said. I admire you for wanting to change and respecting your gf's values. Most guys would have bailed at the sound of a girl wanting to wait until marriage for sex, but you stuck around because you care about her more than your own desires. That is amazing. I think it's important to understand that if you're going to change, you're doing it because you want to, not because someone pressured you into changing. But it sounds like you genuinely want to change. I would encourage both of you to have honest and open communication and to establish boundaries that you both can agree on. Waiting is a two way journey and you need to work together to reach marriage without giving in. I hope that was helpful and that you'll get lots of support here.

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This is a great support network you have found. Soon strangers will become friends. I hope this community can help you out. Do not ask for our forgiveness. Talk to your girl and ask her for forgiveness or God if you believe in him. Reading posts on this site time after time will hopefully convince you that waiting is a good decision for you and your relationship. You'll wait and wait and wait and eventually the waiting will end and you'll be married. Clearly you haven't had the same mentality as your girlfriend when it comes to sex, sexual purity, waiting etc... The change will be drastic but I hope with your girlfriends help and some community support on here you will soon be a changed man. God Bless!

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Welcome Sachico.   It's not about how you got here...  it's about what you do from this point forward :-)   Sounds like you have found a place to support you - and your GF - with that!    It's a good group - with a range of backgrounds, spiritual beliefs, past experiences or not, relationships or not... but they'll all rally around someone who wants genuinely to wait.  :-)

 

- ian

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Waiting is worth it and you'll be telling your girlfriend she is worth more than the sex!  Actions speak louder than words.  The right thing to do is not always the easiest.  And your girlfriend must be awesome to be so grounded in her values. 

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No, a terrible person is the one who refuses to change because his ego is too big. The fact you are willing to make a positive change and are working towards it shows courage and to me shows someone who is an awesome human being.

We are all humans, we all make mistakes. The ones though that work and improve on themselves though are the good ones. It takes a lot of guts to admit ones mistakes and to work actively towards being a better person.

So I say with warm regards welcome aboard! :D

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Thanks for all the positive comments! It felt good to actually say that and get it off my chest. My girlfriend really is awesome; without her I probably would have lost my virginity long ago. I'm happy I realized this before it was too late! I want to talk to her about this asap. Hopefully I can get to see her tomorrow...

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