Mike

Did you feel "called" to wait?

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Hey Everybody,

 

So I've been compiling all of your excellent reasons for waiting into a section of The WTM Book (working title) --- the first draft is done, btw (yay!) --- and I'm noticing a common theme. Some waiters seem to suggest feeling "called" or powerfully drawn to the idea of waiting. 

 

For me, I remember it sort of "clicked" deeply when I first decided to wait. It was like "Yep. That's me. That's what I'll do."

 

What about you? What did it feel like when you first decided to wait? Did waiting feel instantly right to you, or did you take a while to warm to the idea?

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In the religious section but ill answer anyway :D!

I was never really "called to wait", I never even planned to wait, it was just dumb luck that I met someone who would be a waiter and would tell me to wait, though after the relationship was over I then chose to continue waiting, so I guess then I decided it was for me!

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i don't know if i felt called to wait, i just knew waiting was what I personally was suppose to do--not by force but because it was right for me

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I felt a feeling for a girl in highschool that taught me that Eros (romantic love between a man and a woman as the ancient Greeks called it) was a very special feeling that consisted of much more than just hormones and complex neurons firing in the brain. It was a spiritual feeling, almost a gift from above. That was a part of my decision, but the biggest part of it to me is my faith in God. My trust in him to understand what he said when he said "isn't life greater then the food you eat or your body or the clothes you wear"

I began to understand that verse a lot better after this experience.

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Called I mean I think everyone should wait not those who "feel it's the right choice for them" I think there are certain things in life that have influenced me but I think everyone should do it not just a calling but the right thing to do.

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I did not feel "called" to wait.  I was not a waiter.  I didn't wait because I was perfectly "normal" in the culture I was in.  Unfortunately, at that time church did not highlight the benefits of waiting (they only magnified the shame of not waiting and shame of everything not churchlike).  After some substantially trying times in my life, I decided that waiting until marriage was a fantastic idea (not based on a church idealism but as a personal choice).  Waiting would test the intentions of man and ensure they were more closely aligned with mine.  I loved the idea of waiting, of not being valued primarily for sex but as a whole person (there's a lot of liars out there).  I found myself in a world resistant to the idea of waiting.  I googled the concept and found this website (WTM.org) which, in turn, solidified my value in waiting.  Waiting, for me, is a choice.  A man who is willing to wait with me will speak volumes about his integrity and character.  And I wish someone would have told me this a long time ago.  But like many life lessons, I now talk to the teenage girls at my church about premarital sex, waiting, and modesty, and if I had always been a waiter I'd probably not say much at all.  Church is now what I make of it and not what others do.

For me, waiting is more part of a personal value system than a calling.  "If you do not stand for something, you'll fall for anything."  That's why a system of values is important for every person.

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Good question Mike!

 

To be honest, I didn't feel "called" to wait till marriage. It took a while for me to warm up to the idea. My past life experiences,  and the pros and cons of waiting helped direct me towards deciding to wait. Once I decided to wait; however, I was hooked!

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I was raised to believe in WTM. In my childhood years, the idea of waiting was as natural as breathing and I thought that was how everyone treated sex. Imagine my shock when I realized that most people didn't wait. Ironically, it turns out that premarital sex was as natural as breathing to most people. It was almost an unspoken expectation that is a normal part of most relationships these days. For a while, it made me question my decision to wait because I felt like the weird, awkward virgin among my peers who have all grown up after getting laid the first time. But then I started to see the heartbreak, pain and all the drama that sex outside of marriage brought. Then it became clear to me that I made the right choice. I was raised to wait for primarily religious reasons but as I saw the consequences of those around me, I began to also wait for my own reasons as well. On a more personal level, I wanted to give the special gift of my virginity to my future wife if I am fortunate to meet her some day. I want to be see the joy in her face when she finds out I waited for her.

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Don't know if I would say "called" particularly. The thought of WTM just seemd to be a part of who I was, and who I was going to be, and what I wanted to give to my spouse. So when I made the final decision it just sort of clicked. So I guess you could say I feel that it's what I'm supposed to do. Though being devoted to Christ made me that much more sure because I believe that waiting until marriage would be a way to honor God with my body and be a living sacrifice. Even now more so than ever before I can see where saving yourself; everything physical, emotional and in between, will make for the most satisfying love experience possible when it's time. So it's every bit personal, especially with the fact I wasn't raised with the idea, and knowing it pleases Christ to Wait.

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I would say......Yes...I was called to wait. When you posed this question Mike, a scripture immediately came to mind. Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee........" in that passage God is saying before the beginning of time, before you were even conceived He (God) had a preordained destiny for your life! He knew who you would be before you were birthed into this world! Wow! How AMAZING is that!! We have all been chosen to be who we are by the one who created us! I can honestly say.....that my waiting is at the very core of who I am, what I was supposed to do. Plus seeing the pain, trials, issues & consequences of those I love have gone through & continue to deal with, who didn't wait. Just solidified it for me all the more. I know above all I am honoring God, and obeying his word. And in turn....giving my future husband the one gift that is for him & him alone...........Me.

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I'm not sure if I would say it was a "calling" but after a while WTM made sense to me. Even when people make "good arguments" about not WTM, I just can't budge from this choice I made.

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I wasn't raised to WTM, but it just made sense to me like Daydreamer said. Later I even found a better reason for waiting, spiritually anyway. Can't really say it was a calling, it just made sense to me and I like to think I am a reasonable person, so I follow reason! :D

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I wouldn't say "called", but it definitely felt like the right decision for me when I first heard about it. It just sort of clicked that this is what I wanted to do. I have heard numerous arguments againsnt it, but they jut don't click for me the way that waiting does. waiting feels right, doing it does not

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I never planned on becoming a waiter,it just happened by accident.  I had different expectations of how it would all be but as it turns out the universe had different plans for me....but am glad I met the people  who introduced me into this world of waiting.... I honestly can't imagine how my life would have be if I hadn't.

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I definitely feel that God told me to wait. From the moment I understood what sex was, there was absolutely no question about waiting. It is so deeply ingrained in me that I really can't comprehend how people do not wait--I suppose I'm talking specifically about Christians here.

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I first decided to wait when I was real young and the school system scares you with all the STDs and unplanned pregnancies. And all this happened when in my religious education class we were taught it was a sin to have sex before marriage.

But as I got older in high school/college years, I decided I wanted to wait for the one I really loved. And now I wait because I only want to be with one man, my future husband, and I don't want to experience my first time with anyone else.

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Called? Definitely yes :) Even in the years when I was struggling to make sense of everything, I did not have second thoughts on this issue. I now realize that I too have been given a choice like anyone else but like Joseph in the Bible the only question I could ever ask myself is, "how could I sin against God?" not "is this the right thing to do?". So I would say that I believe, it is the Holy Spirit that directs me and not my own reasoning. I pray every day that God would reveal to me in which way I should glorify Him with my life - whether I am to have a family or to wholly give myself to His service. Nothing would give me greater joy than if He chooses me for the latter but I wait on Him and His will. He will grant me strength and wisdom for whatever He wants me to do.

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It's taken me longer than most to figure it out, but I'd say that yes, I was called to wait. I'm 33 now but when I was a little girl and first learning about sex, I remember well what my parents told me. My mom was simplistic in her explanation, but when I asked her how I came to be, she said something akin to, "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they show each other their love. And sometimes there is so much love that the mommy's eggs get fertilized by the daddy, and a baby grows out of that." Of course the gaps got filled in later in sex ed, but my first answers about sex centered on the love between two married people. Of course, my only reference for eggs up to that point was chicken eggs, so I always pictured my mom with a hard-shelled egg inside her! LOL It's kind of the same thing.

 

As I got older, my friends and I would talk about how we wanted to wait until marriage. When we entered our teens and the hormones began raging, that changed to "when we fall in love for the first time". I never had many friends, and the ones I did have were very conservative. We never drank, did drugs or partied hard. We had a blast but somehow we managed to escape the pressures other girls faced. My friends both lost their virginity to guys they fell in love with. The one's boyfriend left her after 3 years to take a job in Atlanta after college, and the other's first love, her husband of 10 years, is divorcing her. I don't think that premarital sex was the cause of this, but it's worth mentioning anyway because now she is on a completely different (and horribly wrong) path. She has had about 6 sexual partners in the last year and a half, only one of them a boyfriend. I'm trying to be there and support her, but knowing my faith more fully now, and being confident in the decision I've made to abstain, it is so hard for me not to throttle her.

 

I will say that I'm blessed to have friends who never judged me or pressured me to lose my virginity. I was also not actively waiting until just a few years ago, but they still kept mum when I came out as a waiter. I could see that they didn't think it would be a feasible option, but I know that's mostly because they've been brainwashed by a culture that says "Do it, it feels great!".

 

What made me decide to actively wait until marriage was the fact that I've been waiting for so long now, and I don't want it to be for nothing. I wanted my waiting to mean something, something important. I felt so good when I consciously chose to wait. Over time, I began to realize that while I had made choices that contributed to my virginity (not having casual sex when the opportunity eagerly - a little TOO eagerly, in fact - presented itself), the Holy Spirit was working silently inside me. It prevented me from going too far.

 

Once, when I was in my early 20s, I was at a sleepover at a friend's boyfriend's house. If I recall correctly, I was the only one in the group who was still a virgin. There was a guy there who I liked, who wanted to have sex with me. I stupidly thought that if only we could spend time together hanging out, he'd see how great I am and like me back. Well, after everyone had gone to bed (aka. sex), he and I were left laying next to each other on the floor. We made out for a bit and he started grinding against me. I pulled back because I was uncomfortable and wanted to slow down. He apologized, and then when we started kissing again, same thing! I finally just stopped it completely (as politely as I could), and he soon got up and left to take his brother to work early. What I now realize was that my discomfort could well have been the Holy Spirit working within me to get me to stop before I did anything I'd have regretted.

 

It hasn't been easy. I've had to face my fears and really work through why I've come to this point and how I got here. I've had to accept that there is a chance that potential loves might reject me because they won't wait with me. I've faced criticism for my choice, and for voicing why I believe it's the best decision for everyone. I know there's a reason why things never worked out for me romantically, and I think this is why. God was working within me to show me the best path, bit by bit. I'm glad I chose to wait and I'm very much looking forward to the day I can give my new husband the gift I've saved especially for him.

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Called? I guess I'd say that I'm called in that I'm a Christian and that's what God commands of us, but it's hard to really pinpoint anything aside from that.

 

I will say this though, as I've gotten older I've found that WTM makes sense to me outside of a "because God said so" mentality.  I grew up in church hearing the abstinence message, but never really understood the heart of it until recently (and unfortunately churches don't often explain it).  As I've grown in my relationship with God, I've come to realize that sex is something sacred that connects two people together in a way so deep that I can't even fathom.  The thought of doing that with someone with someone aside from my wife -- someone who I'm with for the rest of my life -- just seems unattractive to me.  Why would I give that part of myself to someone who isn't in it with me for the long haul?

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