AccioSabrina

Have you ever been laughed at for your decision to WTM?

34 posts in this topic

Hey everyone

 

I never really encountered a whole lot of hate for my decisions. my friends are generally supportive of me. But there have been some people who haven't been so supportive and think this is just a phase or whatever. I've had one family member tell me that she waited, but the marriage ended in divorce and she thinks it was because they never had sex before. SO she keeps advising me, essentially, to "test the car before you buy it."

 

As everyone here knows, we all basically view that as the worst reason to ever have premarital sex. However, it really bothers me that this person who has supported me my whole life is telling me to not wait and that my decision will cause me to not have as many relationships in life and will decrease my chances of finding someone. It's just really got me down right now.

 

so has anyone else ever had someone in their life who wasn't supportive of their decision or would make fun of them for it? I dunno if i'm alone on this or not.

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I'm not sure if anyone would outright make fun of it, but I know people among family and friends who would probably think it's ridiculous. Honestly, I keep my decision to myself. In general, I like to keep my sex life private. Even if I wasn't waiting until marriage, I don't think I would reveal as much (or maybe not anything at all) about my sex life as some people I know do. But, I would probably be lying if I said not wanting to deal with other people's ridicule also plays into not telling people about my decision. Sometimes I wish I could talk about it in real life, but at least this forum is a nice place to be able to discuss it. Plus, one day hopefully I'll meet a girl to discuss waiting until marriage with.

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No one who knows me, would ever say something that disrespectful to my face, I don't let people do those things to me. Now I don't know if people talk behind my back about my crazy and abnormal decision to WTM.. But I hope they do :D

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No one who knows me, would ever say something that disrespectful to my face, I don't let people do those things to me. Now I don't know if people talk behind my back about my crazy and abnormal decision to WTM.. But I hope they do :D

 

 

 

I really like your attitude about this. I am incredibly proud of my decision and I honestly have no problem telling people i'm waiting because i'm not ashamed of it. having so many people know of course does lead to more people having opinions of me.

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However, it really bothers me that this person who has supported me my whole life is telling me to not wait and that my decision will cause me to not have as many relationships in life and will decrease my chances of finding someone. It's just really got me down right now.

 

 

 

 

Maybe I'm being cynical, but it still strikes me as a bit odd she'd be so adamant on her change of heart even with the divorce. Could it be that she's a little bitter about the whole thing and it bugs here that you're still a virgin and looking for Mr. right?

 

Maybe I'm out of touch here, but I think it's worth considering.

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My sister has always thought it was ridiculous and stupid, but I don't let that get to me. My parents are supportive of no matter what I do, so I'm lucky in that regard. My friends and girlfriend are supportive too, since she is obviously waiting too

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Anyone who hates on someone else for personal choices that don't affect them are most likely insecure about themselves. They probably secretly regret not waiting and try to make themselves feel better by bringing others down. I actually feel sorry for these people because they allow themselves to feel threatened by someone else making a different choice than they did. 

 

I personally only been rebuked once in my life for my choice and that was when I was at a bar with a few friends. At the time, none of them knew I was waiting. One of them brought up sarcastically the archaic idea of waiting till marriage and was shocked that some people still do that. He said the idea was stupid and nothing good ever comes out of it.  He also happens to sleeps around because he feels lonely and is trying to fill a void in his life. As much as I wanted to keep quiet, I just couldn't sit by and take it anymore. I casually replied that I was waiting until marriage. There was an awkward silence for a while until the ranting friend tried to back track his words on my behalf. It was pretty humorous really.

 

 

I've had one family member tell me that she waited, but the marriage ended in divorce and she thinks it was because they never had sex before. SO she keeps advising me, essentially, to "test the car before you buy it."

 

I hear cases like this all the time. No offense to your family member but I can't stand it when people blame marriage failure on sex or because they've never had sex before. The implication is that you need to sleep with a few people you don't really care about first to get over your "rusty stage" before you master the art of sex for your spouse. Basically, the first few people were just a means to an end for you to take advantage of then discard like a pair of old shoes. Doesn't that make one feel like a human being? Plus, unless if one person is using sex as a weapon of manipulation, I find sex to not be a valid reason for divorce. I think the reason why sex is so bad some married couples is because they either failed to communicate their needs or they had the wrong expectations about sex. That is why I feel some role models, such as religious leaders, do a disservice to single waiters because they lie to them by saying WTM will be fireworks and flavorful elk meat on the wedding night. I hate to use this analogy, but does anyone ever expect to do 360 spins off ramps the first time they ride a bike? Same basic concept applies to sex. It takes time and patience before you can end up doing a human knot perfectly. And then there is communication. Why are people so afraid to talk about expectations and needs of sex while dating? All that needs to be discussed before marriage. If one person has little to no sex drive while the other is on fully automatic then that needs to be addressed beforehand. It will save a lot of heartache in the long run.

 

 

However, it really bothers me that this person who has supported me my whole life is telling me to not wait and that my decision will cause me to not have as many relationships in life and will decrease my chances of finding someone. It's just really got me down right now.

 

Quality over quantity. I'm not interested in getting into lots of relationships. I'm only interested in the only relationship that matters: marriage and I will not get into one if I can't see myself possibly marrying that person someday. Who among us doesn't want to find the One our first try? If one person has been in one relationship that ultimately led to a happy marriage vs someone who jumps from relationship to relationship every Saturday, who's the real winner here?

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Sometimes I laugh at myself for deciding to wait. It definitely can get frustrating every once in a while, I'm like UGGGGHH Courtney, quit being weird!! Haha. But then I'm reminded that if I did go out every Tuesday and hook up with someone, how alone I would actually feel.

 

Everyone in my social life pretty much knows I'm waiting and they know to be respectful about it, especially when I respect their views on the topic. I don't really care when people ridicule me for it, it actually just becomes a bit of a motivator to prove them wrong! :) 

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Yeah, I've been laughed at. My then-friend thought it was really weird, and when she found out I'd joined this website (way back when the site had just started up, not many members), she thought it was so funny that she and this other guy (a guy in my year who enjoyed mocking religion and religious people) joined the site, and went into Chat where they started trolling. They got banned pretty much immediately, and for days, we were all wondering who the heck these trolls were. When I went into school a few days later, my friend told me what she'd done, laughing and thinking it was the funniest thing ever. I remember being really terrified that if the other members found out they were my friends, then they'd probably ban me, too...

 

Anyway, it's pretty funny looking back at it now. Plus, I believe that was the incident that got Sally her promotion to moderator, so that's good.

 

 

I personally only been rebuked once in my life for my choice and that was when I was at a bar with a few friends. At the time, none of them knew I was waiting. One of them brought up sarcastically the archaic idea of waiting till marriage and was shocked that some people still do that. He said the idea was stupid and nothing good ever comes out of it.  He also happens to sleeps around because he feels lonely and is trying to fill a void in his life. As much as I wanted to keep quiet, I just couldn't sit by and take it anymore. I casually replied that I was waiting until marriage. There was an awkward silence for a while until the ranting friend tried to back track his words on my behalf. It was pretty humorous really.

 

lol! Wow, I wish I'd been there!

 

xxx

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In all honesty.....No, I haven't been ridiculed or disrespected, by those I have told (my family, friends, co-workers & the whole church no less!! Lol!) That I'm yet a virgin at 43! If anything I have got nothing but RESPECT from them.... And an awed expression or two!!! Lol!! Then most times my declaration is followed by....."I wish I would have waited" with a far off look in their eyes...thinking back to the moment they did & the regret that flashes across their face. Seeing that from them just makes it all the more clear that sex place is in marriage! If anyone does make fun of me, I don't know it! Nor do I care!!....As I had mentioned in a post before...I used to be embaressed I was, being advanced in age.....But now.....I'm not ashamed of it AT ALL!!!! God and His grace has helped keep me! So, I'm gonna continue to wait....until the husband God has for me comes!!!!! :-)

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I find it incredibly close-minded of a person who waited to think, "It didn't work out for me!, so it can't possibly work for anyone else!"

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In all honesty.....No, I haven't been ridiculed or disrespected, by those I have told (my family, friends, co-workers & the whole church no less!! Lol!) That I'm yet a virgin at 43! If anything I have got nothing but RESPECT from them.... And an awed expression or two!!! Lol!! Then most times my declaration is followed by....."I wish I would have waited" with a far off look in their eyes...thinking back to the moment they did & the regret that flashes across their face. Seeing that from them just makes it all the more clear that sex place is in marriage! If anyone does make fun of me, I don't know it! Nor do I care!!....As I had mentioned in a post before...I used to be embaressed I was, being advanced in age.....But know.....I'm not ashamed of it AT ALL!!!! God and His grace has helped keep me! So, I'm gonna continue to wait....until the husband God has for me comes!!!!! :-)

 

Female virginity will always have so much more merit than males'. 

 

You're well deserving of the respect you receive.

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I have been laughed at for WTM a couple of times, and this was in a theology class in high school. It made me feel like crap, but I later came to realize that only unintelligent people make fun of smart decisions. People who make laugh at WTM= not very bright. 

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Unfortunately, I have and when I was younger and less secure with who I was and with myself generally I cared.

However as I've gotten older and "wiser", I don't feel as much pressure to just want to be one of the guys. To just have that one girl that I have the biggest crush on, to figure that if I just show her that I'm a "Man", that she'll respect me and we'll be together.

Now as I've gotten older I look at relationships a lot differently. I value myself not so much because of what I've accomplished, but who I really am. A son of the Most High, a caring a strong-willed young man, a talented individual with many gifts, a child-like awe and wonder at even the little things in life, a responsible adult.

Recently some co-workers looked in on my FB page, and discovered my WTM likes and comments.

Am I ashamed, No Way.

Just I'm simply tired of explaining it to people.

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@Jayspyder you said......"You're well deserving of the respect you receive"

What a VERY SWEET thing to say!!! Thank you! :-)

FYI........I happen to think male virginity has JUST AS MUCH merit as female!!

You are deserving of RESPECT too!! Just Sayin!!!!!! :-)

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I find it incredibly close-minded of a person who waited to think, "It didn't work out for me!, so it can't possibly work for anyone else!"

I agree completely! Just because it didn't work out right for you, doesn't mean that it hasn't worked for hundreds of other people!

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@Jayspyder you said......"You're well deserving of the respect you receive"

What a VERY SWEET thing to say!!! Thank you! :-)

FYI........I happen to think male virginity has JUST AS MUCH merit has female!!

You are deserving of RESPECT too!! Just Sayin!!!!!! :-)

 

I wish more shared your mindset.

 

Settling down would be a hella easier for us guys on here if they did.

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Yup, and i've been mocked, called names, told I was naive, etc. I've had good things too though, but yeah some bad things have also come with this lifestyle. Even if I don't say anything personal about myself, some people assume things about me when they don't even know me! So yeah, i've got some crap for it, but at the end of the day i'm still going to WTM and I have a great group of supporters right here :)

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Also for the record, a guy who is Waiting to give his virginity to his wife, that is just as important and valuable as the reverse scerio. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!! Please listen to your fellow Waiter friends on here :)

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More like people think it's weird of me to wait until marriage, like "who does that anymore?". If they were making fun of me then it is probably done behind my back. People also think I'm naive. Sometimes thoughts enter into my mind like "why are you doing this?" and that maybe I am missing out, but as the days go on the need to fit in with my peers becomes less and less.

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I have been laughed at for WTM a couple of times, and this was in a theology class in high school. It made me feel like crap, but I later came to realize that only unintelligent people make fun of smart decisions. People who make laugh at WTM= not very bright. 

 

Didn't you get the memo, bro? Sex is great! Life is too short for that WTM nonsense! Get out there, get smashed and get laid!

 

(Sarcasm off.)

 

Seriously, I bet trying to find a nonconformist on a college campus is like trying to find an Al Qaeda lieutenant in the White House.  

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No, but I am sorry that you were and even sorrier it was a family member.

 

Like wny said, I also keep it pretty private. Only my mom, sister, brother and my best friend know of my decision to wait. I don't really want to be outspoken about it, I find it awkward enough that my closest family members know what my wedding night will be like.

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I find it awkward enough that my closest family members know what my wedding night will be like.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!

Everybody is going to know what is going to happen on your wedding night!!! SEX!!!!! LOL!!! Granted they might not know the details......

But I'm sure EVERY wedding you've been to.....you KNOW the Bride & Groom will be having sex that night!!!! Its a given!!! Wether WTM or not!!! LOL!!! So don't fret about it!!! :)

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yes i have been laughed at/made fun of in the past when i was younger, but that was more from co-workers

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