Queen

What if you weren't a virgin?

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What if (for whatever reason) you weren't a virgin.  Now you're single and a nonvirgin.  Would you consider WTM?  Or would you find it no longer as valuable to you?

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Queen, that's a tough one because to me being a virgin is now as natural as breathing, and I feel the same way about waitimg till marriage. Hard one to answer , but if I did slip and make a mistake is imagine that I would be even stronger in my resolve to wait till marriage.

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I would still wait. Having sex with a bunch of other people would only make the situation worse in my opinion. So yeah I would still wait. :)

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If I were not a virgin, I don't think I would wait again. But, I also would never sleep with any random people, so it would still be inside of a relationship. I would wait until love instead of marriage.

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Sex was meant for one man, and one woman inside of a marital relationship. If I did disobey the Lord's decree in this matter by having premarital sex, I would certainly never have sex again with any other person. If the man I had sex with decided not to marry me, I would live a life of celibacy.

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This is a difficult question for me to figure out my answer to, because the many of the same choices that have kept me a virgin have also had other roles in making me who I am today. So for me, it is kind of hard to imagine being the exact same person I am, except not a virgin. I doubt I would be the exact same person, not because not being a virgin itself would fundamentally change so much about me, but because other things would likely have changed as well; the person who I am would choose to not have sex, so I would have to be at least a slightly different version of myself. Probably not that different though, as I know just how strong temptation can be; I could have easily slipped in my last serious relationship.

 

So yes, assuming that I was essentially the same person I am now, but not a virgin...

 

If I had been planning on waiting before having sex, and it had been an accident where I got lost in the moment, I expect that I would probably want to return to waiting. It would be harder though, as I would know the joys of sex, and as my boyfriend, having been to the promised land, would likely want to make return visits. But I think I would at least try to wait again. The frightening thing for me as that I can all too easily imagine this scenario actually occurring, what with my high libido; I shall have to be especially careful when alone with future boyfriends.

 

If I had not ever planned to wait, supposing I was not brought up with that value, and had enjoyed a happy sex life with one or more partners, only to later discover the idea of waiting, I am not sure that I would see the appeal of it, having not learned of it earlier, and finding it opposite to my customary lifestyle. I suppose it would depend on the situation, and how the idea came to be presented to me. If I had friends I admired who were waiting, especially if any of these friends had turned to the waiting lifestyle after having lost their own virginity, I suppose their support might be sufficient inspiration to join their ranks. If, however, no one I knew considered the idea of waiting for marriage to have value, and if I had never experienced its benefits personally, I do not see how it would entice me in the first place.

 

This is kind of like when I try to speculate whether I would have converted to Christianity later in life if I had been raised without any exposure to teaching about God. If I was raised as an atheist, how would I ever come to a decision where I accepted Christ? It is hard for me to even imagine myself not being a follower of Christ, as my relationship with him has influenced my whole life as far back as I can recall. I'd like to think that, had I not been raised to believe, I would have come to faith later, but I have no idea who I would be today if I was not a believer. The same thing applies to this question. I would like to think that I would still wait, even if I was not a virgin, but, being a virgin, it is hard to know what I would be like if this part of me was different.

 

I definitely admire non-virgins who come to a decision to wait. I imagine that it is a difficult and often lonely journey, and one that I cannot fully understand. I value the sacrifices made by anyone who decides to wait until marriage, virgin or not.

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I have well kinda I mean I never had actual sex but did things I believe should have been saved for marriage but I screwed up. I am waiting now kinda answered the question with that. Nygirl why do you say that I used to think the same way but I am curious to what your reason for saying you would live a life of celibacy do you never marry and if so why?

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Well since I would have already lost the virginity I would not see my sexual status I guess as valuable than if I was a virgin. I would feel too guilty to go and sleep around but I'd also feel incredibly guilty on my wedding night knowing my Wife was not my one and only, but my one of many. I would still try and wait till marriage but I wouldn't feel as happy when the waiting does come to an end after the wedding.

Waiting till marriage is always valued, virgin or not. I'd still love my Wife if she wasn't a virgin but I couldn't forgive myself if I wasn't a virgin on my wedding night :(

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Well if I somehow decided not to wait until marriage, I still don't think I'd just become a man-whore. I'd probably relegate sex to long-term relationships. I don't think I could ever stomach the idea of a one night stand. I find the premise quite appalling.

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I would still wait until marriage, but I think I might value it less. This is due to what I, personally, want the most out of waiting until marriage. I want my wife and I to both have done very, very little sexually with other people. This is what I strongly want in marriage. If I wasn't a virgin, it would mean I wouldn't be able to get what I really want. Nonethelss, I still think there are other benefits to waiting until marriage. I'll list a few, in no particular order.

 

-I don't want to look back and say, "I can't believe I had sex with that crazy *****." This is much less likely to happen if I restrict sex to the woman I marry from there on out (or it's less likely to happen again, at least, if I've already had sex with such a woman)

-Avoid unplanned pregnancies and STDs

-Delayed gratification would build anticipation for the wedding night (No, I wouldn't be a virgin, but if it's been a really, really long time since I've had sex and if I've never had sex with that particular woman, I think there would definitely be some anticipation for the wedding night)

-No chance of sex clouding the relationship

-It might be a good way to practice patience

-In a lot of cases I feel like having sex is using someone, so I would be able to avoid doing that if I'm not having it

 

That's a few reasons that come to mind. So, while I would value it less since I couldn't get what I really want, I think there would still be reasons to wait. Though, honestly, I think I might be more prone to slipping up if I've already had sex. I imagine I would think to myself, "I'm already not going to get what I really want in marriage, so what's another mistake?" Hopefully I would be able to overcome that temptation, but I think it would be there.

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I want to address what some people have been saying waiting till marriage isn't a virgin thing it's a purity thing I know some non Christians may not see it this way but it is. If I was to go off and have an orgy tonight with a bakers dozen of girls, it would matter yes I would have tainted my sexual purity and my purity in the lord but I could regain my purity by growing closer to the lord. As waiters we put sex on this huge level and it is but it doesn't mean it is less valuable or insignificant it means you made a mistake yes probably one of the biggest of your life but it doesn't mean you can't come back from it and live a life fueled by what is right. Just some food for thought for fellow Christians and others who aren't.

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Let me simply answer this.. I would decide to wtm again if I slipped . Just because I mess up doesn't mean the value of waiting is any less and God still doesn't like premarital sex so I would continue to wait but honestly I'd have a hard time forgiving myself and because of that I doubt I will engage in sex before marriage... I had more to say but forgot lol but if I remember I'll add it to the post.

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There are a lot of people here doing just what you described (non-virgins WTM), including me! :)

And I agree with the other posts...if you do have sex wih someone, I don't think that's reason enough to give up on WTM. If you have sex with one person, you shouldn't just go have sex with 10 more!

If you had sex with someone while in a relationship (ie, long-term partner, fiancé or something), well, realistically it would be hard to stop. But a least you would know you saved yourself for the person you plan to marry.

Doesn't sound like we have much to worry about though--this is a committed group of people!!

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If I slipped I think my resolve would be even higher to never slip again because I would feel so massively guilty about it. I always thought that if I did slip I'd take on the attitude of "oh well it's gone now no reason to wait anymore" and just do it with everyone I date. But now, I know I wouldn't do that because my friend did that. She slipped and now she is out there having sex with every guy she meets because she doesn't view it as important anymore, and I am appaled by her behavior and stance on it now.

 

SO...yes I would continue to wait. And I would probably feel so guilty having to tell my future husband that I wasn't a virgin because I was weak and slipped. I'd feel like I really lost something of myself. My virginity is a aprt of me at this point, I can't even imagine not having it anymore. I would continue to wait because It is the right thing to do for me at that point. I would just hope I could be forgiven for it.

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I'd have knocked out one of my bigger reasons to wait, so I'd have less incentive and more temptation. I'd wait till the relationship was really serious at least, but my wife and I would no longer have that exclusivity. If I still did wait, I'd probably move closer to the everything-but category.

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Yes I would consider waiting until marriage even if I was not a virgin. 

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