wny

Would you Take a Shot in the Dark.....

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and ask a person you just met out in public on a date? Say you're out and about and you see someone, maybe they're shopping or working at a store you're at, maybe you spot them in a park, and you just think to yourself, "Why not take a shot and see if they would go out with me?" Would you go up to someone, flirt a bit, and if they seem nice ask them out? In one way it is kind of strange, as you have no idea if you're even remotely compatible, but, at the same time, what's the harm in trying? If you do it enough, wouldn't probability dictate that the more you do it the more of a chance you have of meeting someone you end up liking?

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Sure, why not? I've actually done this before, and while none of the people ended up being love matches for me (one guy even started texting me and pressuring me for bad photos... blecchhhhh), it was still always an experience and a good way to grow in confidence and social skills :) 

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I would. However, my intention would be to become her friend; not to ask her on a date. If after being her friend I felt potential, then I'd see if I could get the relationship to progress.

 

And yes, it would make the probability of you finding what you're seeking skyrocket.

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Sure, why not? I've actually done this before, and while none of the people ended up being love matches for me (one guy even started texting me and pressuring me for bad photos... blecchhhhh), it was still always an experience and a good way to grow in confidence and social skills :)

I wouldve said "sure" and sent him a photo of my middle finger :) mwahahaha!

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Sure, why not? I've actually done this before, and while none of the people ended up being love matches for me (one guy even started texting me and pressuring me for bad photos... blecchhhhh), it was still always an experience and a good way to grow in confidence and social skills :)

 

Absolutely. I have done this a few times and it takes a lot of courage but for that reason it is a great way to break you out of your comfort zone. That being said it is easier said than done; the key is to fall forward not back. It was also easier to do this when I was out of the country for somereason the thought of that I wouldn't see this person ever again helped ease my fear.A couple of times it didn't work but when I got a number even though nothing came of it the experience made it well worth it. Because it really had lot to do with facing a fear and just going for it which in turn built a lot of confidence (a trait I understand to be highly attractive). The only downside as forementioned is you never know what you are going to get but then again you can just drop them as easily as you got them. However I never found this to be a very WTM practice and it is kind of like a fling mindset....But what I meant is that it was never my experience to run into a girl who would just give me her number that wasn't looking for something (as is presumable since this practice is usually practice by those types of men). So good experience for confidence...for finding 'the one' probably not. I don't know ladies you tell me.....Would you give your number to a guy who confiently walked up and asked for it?

 

Maybe, I kind of felt like I took a shot in the dark with dating someone on the internet. 

 

I agree with you Fialily...it is a leap of faith on the internet no matter how well you think you know them and for that I am glad I did take it and I think maybe the above experiences and others helped me do that. So a bad experience coming full circle to good. :)

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I agree with you Fialily...it is a leap of faith on the internet no matter how well you think you know them and for that I am glad I did take it and I think maybe the above experiences and others helped me do that. So a bad experience coming full circle to good. :)

 

Yeah, he was a well-known moderator on some internet forums dedicated to some obscure webcomic and its quirky author and he just asked the question if I would be his girlfriend and I was just like... okay! I had no idea what he looked like until we Skyped a few weeks later. He likes a lot of same things I do and well... I'm so glad I said yes on a whim because I seriously found my other half <3 <3 <3

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This may work for some people but not for me. I like to get to know someone as a friend first before I even consider asking them out. I like to get an idea of what I'm getting myself into before I take things to a new level. If I'm going to date someone, I would want to at least know that I can see a possible future with that person. I don't think I could know that after just having met her. Getting to know her as friend first allows me to see her as her normal self and will give me a better idea of whether she could be more based on her values, interests etc.

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 However I never found this to be a very WTM practice and it is kind of like a fling mindset....But what I meant is that it was never my experience to run into a girl who would just give me her number that wasn't looking for something (as is presumable since this practice is usually practice by those types of men). So good experience for confidence...for finding 'the one' probably not. I don't know ladies you tell me.....Would you give your number to a guy who confiently walked up and asked for it?

You may be right, but I feel like it doesn't have to be a fling-like mindset. It's just taking a chance and seeing if you like someone. Maybe the woman or guy even initially thinks the asker is not looking for something serious, but could take the chance and then see that he or she is. You ask a good question, though. How many women would actually give their number out? For the women who would want to ask, how many guys would? Honestly, I don't know if I would have in the past. I want to try and be more open now, though, if the situation ever comes up.

 

 

This may work for some people but not for me. I like to get to know someone as a friend first before I even consider asking them out. I like to get an idea of what I'm getting myself into before I take things to a new level. If I'm going to date someone, I would want to at least know that I can see a possible future with that person. I don't think I could know that after just having met her. Getting to know her as friend first allows me to see her as her normal self and will give me a better idea of whether she could be more based on her values, interests etc.

I get that mindset. My thought as to thinking about trying it, though, is that I feel too few situations come up where I would actually be friends with a woman first. I've never had a female friend in my life. Maybe briefly I had one, but we were more just good acquaintances. And even if more situations do come up at some point in my life, it is still far fewer than the number of situations that could arise if I asked out women I meet in public. If I do the latter, suddenly the amount of women I could ask out skyrockets.

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I wouldn't, because I still like the tradition of guys asking girls out. If a guy started chatting to me out in public somewhere, I'd rather we became friends first before he asked me out, since I do think you should try to be friends first. 

 

xxx

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I would. However, my intention would be to become her friend; not to ask her on a date. If after being her friend I felt potential, then I'd see if I could get the relationship to progress.

 

And yes, it would make the probability of you finding what you're seeking skyrocket.

 

I wouldn't, because I still like the tradition of guys asking girls out. If a guy started chatting to me out in public somewhere, I'd rather we became friends first before he asked me out, since I do think you should try to be friends first. 

 

xxx

I quoted the both of you because you both mentioned accepting this scenario (with one being the asker and the other being the askee, albeit), but I have a question about it. To me, randomly asking someone to be your friend sounds odd. Like, woudln't it be obvious that you really mean, "I'm going to approach you randomly to start a process where I see if I want to date you." It just seems....unnatural to me. Like, why not cut to the chase and just give it a try? A first date is nothing serious and isn't the same as saying, "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend." Or, am I off? I feel like it would be odd to try and make a friend (and I mean you're looking for just a friend) by randomly approaching someone, so why would it not be odd to do so with the only difference being that you want to make a friend who MAYBE you will one day date? Or are neither things weird and it's just something I feel uncomfortable with for some reason?

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I quoted the both of you because you both mentioned accepting this scenario (with one being the asker and the other being the askee, albeit), but I have a question about it. To me, randomly asking someone to be your friend sounds odd. Like, woudln't it be obvious that you really mean, "I'm going to approach you randomly to start a process where I see if I want to date you." It just seems....unnatural to me. Like, why not cut to the chase and just give it a try? A first date is nothing serious and isn't the same as saying, "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend." Or, am I off? I feel like it would be odd to try and make a friend (and I mean you're looking for just a friend) by randomly approaching someone, so why would it not be odd to do so with the only difference being that you want to make a friend who MAYBE you will one day date? Or are neither things weird and it's just something I feel uncomfortable with for some reason?

 

Well, yeah, I don't mean going up to someone and saying, "Hey, I'd really like to be your friend and see if I want to date you." More like saying, "Hey, you know, I think maybe you're the kind of person I'd like to date. But let's get to know each other better first. Would you like to go for lunch/see a movie/etc.?"

 

...Actually, that does sound kind of like a first date scenario!  :lol:  I guess there's not that much difference, then. Maybe for the first "date", you'd go as part of a group of friends, for example. But I guess you're right: it's kind of the same thing. The only difference I can think of is the intention in each case. If you just start actual dating straight away, then right from the start, your focus is on building a romantic relationship with someone. If you're interested in dating someone but want to get to know them as friends first, I think you'd be putting the romantic relationship part to one side and just seeing if you like them as a person,...

 

...Yeah, I'm probably rambling. They're kind of the same thing, I suppose.

 

xxx

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I quoted the both of you because you both mentioned accepting this scenario (with one being the asker and the other being the askee, albeit), but I have a question about it. To me, randomly asking someone to be your friend sounds odd. Like, woudln't it be obvious that you really mean, "I'm going to approach you randomly to start a process where I see if I want to date you." It just seems....unnatural to me. Like, why not cut to the chase and just give it a try? A first date is nothing serious and isn't the same as saying, "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend." Or, am I off? I feel like it would be odd to try and make a friend (and I mean you're looking for just a friend) by randomly approaching someone, so why would it not be odd to do so with the only difference being that you want to make a friend who MAYBE you will one day date? Or are neither things weird and it's just something I feel uncomfortable with for some reason?

 

Your perception is entirely subjective. You can view it however you want to view it: Problem is though, depending on how you view it, will determine your results. Because if you don't like the idea of it you may never do it.

 

Approaching a girl and asking for her contact info doesn't necessarily mean you want to date right away or at all. You simply find her appealing and want to get to know her better.

 

Sure, in the back of her mind she probably knows you're curious on whether there is a romantic future or not between you two. However, if you handle your approach to her well... such as starting up a small conversation with her first, then it's not so much like you're hitting on her, but more like you want to be friends.

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 Like, why not cut to the chase and just give it a try? A first date is nothing serious and isn't the same as saying, "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend."

 

I have to say, I'm with you on this one, wny!

 

Not to derail the topic, as this is probably its own subject and should have its own thread, but the more experience I get, the more I find that getting to know someone as a friend first often leads to disappointment and frustration. Each person is going to have their own philosophy on this, and their own experiences, but I think that it would be nice if we weren't so hesitant to go on dates, and if we didn't build them up to be such big deals. All of this "hanging out" never feels right to me, and the so-called friendships often just feel like really long interviews where maybe, just maybe, if I do everything right, this guy I like might actually honor me enough to legitimately ask me out. I have just been in too many "friendships" that are more emotionally intimate than dating someone for three months would be, and when the time comes to define the relationship, being told that we will never be more than friends is exactly like a break-up, and far more painful than a rejection after a few dates would be. Now, I certainly do prefer getting to see and talk to a guy informally on multiple occasions, like at church or in a class, before going on a date with him, as this helps to reassure me that he is probably not a serial killer, but I think that a friendly acquaintance is all that is needed before going on a date. You do not need to know everything about a person before going on a date with them. Asking someone on a date does not equal proposing marriage. It does not even equal becoming a couple. It just is saying that you are attracted to them and would like to spend some time getting to know them better.

 

Now as for the asking a stranger on a date, I am with Jegsy in that I would prefer to be the one asked rather than the one asking. Plus, asking for a date right off the bat might be a little much, but asking for a number is a less intimidating question. You asked, wny, whether women would just give their number to a complete stranger. Well, I actually put some thought into this "what if" scenario about a year ago, and figured out a solution that works for me. I wasn't thrilled with the thought of someone I didn't know well having my actual phone number, in case they abused that privilege, but at the same time, if I met my soulmate at the supermarket, I didn't want to miss the opportunity by being too fearful to exchange digits. I discovered that Google has a service called Google Voice where you can sign up for free and receive a local phone number that you can give out to people; when they call it, calls are forwarded to your actual phone number or straight to voicemail without the person seeing your real number or knowing that the number they call is not your normal number. You have much more ease of access when it comes to blocking unwanted calls, and should the number ever become compromised, you can easily delete it without having your own phone number affected at all. So I signed up for one of these numbers, memorized it, and that is the number I give out when guys ask me. Now I feel much more comfortable with the thought of being asked my number and giving it. I also have an email account specifically for dating, if they should decide to email me instead. But many women haven't executed these precautions, and are therefore likely to be rather hesitant about giving out their info.

 

Another solution in this situation is, instead of asking for her number, you could give her yours. I always like when guys do this. It is much less pressure on me. You could even make up a calling card, kind of like a business card, with your name, number, email, and maybe the URL for a Facebook page or blog. That way she could look you up online, browse your info a little, friend you, and message you a little, which would be less intimidating for her than having to call you, or having you, a total stranger, call her. If a stranger and I had a nice conversation and, upon leaving, he gave me a card like that, I would definitely give him further consideration.

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I agree WNY!!!! I would!!!! I did something similar on a chat, friend site last year....I meet two guys for dinner!!! It was fun!!! I mean what better way to get to know someone than over dinner! Lol! Though I became friends with one of them...and the other I didn't keep in contact with after the date. I yet had a good time meeting new people!!! I see nothing wrong with it...Heck!!! I even gave my number out on my birthday last year to a guy! I thought he was cute!! He actually called!!! Nothing came of it tho....but it was a confidience BOOSTER!!! :-)

Jesgby Scarr....I'm with you on that too! I'm still a traditional girl at heart!!! There is nothing better than a guy askin YOU out!! But.....sometimes......its okay to......SHAKE IT UP A BIT!!! ;-)

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I would. However, my intention would be to become her friend; not to ask her on a date. If after being her friend I felt potential, then I'd see if I could get the relationship to progress.

 

And yes, it would make the probability of you finding what you're seeking skyrocket.

Totally agree, friends first to see how we click together on many different levels and subjects. I actually won't date a girl unless I'm very serious about her. I would however hangout to see if dating comes after.

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