whatsername

Why is virginity so important to you?

50 posts in this topic

Exactly. I'm only concerned with women cause, well...I don't swing any other way. ( :P ) Degenerates like this sap are the reason why women also seem to expect guys to always be hormonal apes incapable of rational thought at the sight of a naked or beautiful woman.

 

I do think promiscuity is more severe for women, though, because after a certain age, you guys can't bear children any more. Promiscuous women give their best years, the height of the attractiveness and fertility, to the guys who respect them the least. By the time they feel ready to "settle down", they have all but razed their ability to bond with one man. I can't really understate the revulsion I feel over them due to past experiences; like a shameless slut telling me how she lost her virginity at 13 and asking me what time period am I living in for wanting to wait. I casually laughed her taunts off, of course.

 

I do know one thing that's been proven multiple times now: the more sexual partners a woman has before marriage, the greater the chance her marriage will end in divorce. 

Well all these issues are controversial its hard to say which gender and/or specific person it affects most. Overall most people who are promiscuous have their own set of issues and skewed perception of relations and relationships. I don't blame one gender over the other for this behavior because we all know it takes two, therefore the blame needs to be shared. Each case has to be looked at independently and "Promiscuous women give their best years, the height of the attractiveness and fertility, to the guys who respect them the least." that statement is debatable. The age, level of attractiveness, fertility, and respect issue varies person to person. To me promiscuity is not as much of a reflection of how much others respect you as it is about how much you respect yourself.   Also with the last statement I haven't seen much evidence to support that claim in comparison to women who got married with less previous partners. Divorce can happen for anyone for a number of reasons and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea that more partners equals higher chance of divorce for either sex. This topic is thin ice and no matter how you look at it there are cracks on both sides making both sides equally dangerous.  

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To me promiscuity is not as much of a reflection of how much others respect you as it is about how much you respect yourself.   .  

 

I see what you're saying and I like your slant. But at the same time, I think men are master manipulators that will say anything to persuade a girl that he loves her when he doesn't. She, in response, will give him exactly what he wants: sex. When a man does this very conscious manipulation to get what he wants, he's disrespecting her in a huge way. She wouldn't have given the man sex if she would have known that he doesn't love her at all and that his only motive for saying "I love you" was to get her to give him sex. It's, perhaps, worse than animalistic because the guy's using his intelligence to act animal-like.

 

I have a feeling someone's going to want to respond by saying, "But wait, guys pursue bad girls too." This does happen (and it's a very different scenario). Tell me how often a girl lies to a guy about how she feels about him so that she can get him to have sex with her? The aforementioned is almost laughable. The truth is that a guy could care less how she feels about him and would be all too celebratory to be having the sex, regardless of whether she loves him or not. 

 

Another scenario: Tell me how often a guy decides to start having sex with his girlfriend because he's afraid he's going to lose her? Now tell me how often a girl caves in and starts having sex with her boyfriend because she's desperate to save the relationship?

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I see what you're saying and I like your slant. But at the same time, I think men are master manipulators that will say anything to persuade a girl that he loves her when he doesn't. She, in response, will give him exactly what he wants: sex. When a man does this very conscious manipulation to get what he wants, he's disrespecting her in a huge way. She wouldn't have given the man sex if she would have known that he doesn't love her at all and that his only motive for saying "I love you" was to get her to give him sex. It's, perhaps, worse than animalistic because the guy's using his intelligence to act animal-like.

 

I have a feeling someone's going to want to respond by saying, "But wait, guys pursue bad girls too." This does happen (and it's a very different scenario). Tell me how often a girl lies to a guy about how she feels about him so that she can get him to have sex with her? The aforementioned is almost laughable. The truth is that a guy could care less how she feels about him and would be all too celebratory to be having the sex, regardless of whether she loves him or not. 

 

Another scenario: Tell me how often a guy decides to start having sex with his girlfriend because he's afraid he's going to lose her? Now tell me how often a girl caves in and starts having sex with her boyfriend because she's desperate to save the relationship?

I agree with you but when I think of promiscuous I think of those who have sex just to have sex because they want the pleasure it brings. I don't consider those who have been fooled thinking they were in a loving relationship only to be used for sex to be promiscuous, those people are just unlucky and my heart goes out to those people. Even those who attempted to have relationships that just didn't work and their numbers got raised is different from those who just used people for sex. 

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I agree with you but when I think of promiscuous I think of those who have sex just to have sex because they want the pleasure it brings. I don't consider those who have been fooled thinking they were in a loving relationship only to be used for sex to be promiscuous, those people are just unlucky and my heart goes out to those people. Even those who attempted to have relationships that just didn't work and their numbers got raised is different from those who just used people for sex. 

 

Agreed. 

 

One point I wanted to get across, though, is I think guys can have sex more easily in an unemotional and unattached way than girls can. This isn't to say girl's don't willfully hook up too. It's just to say that for them... feelings are more likely to develop as a result.

 

Also... at what point does having many relationships and as a result many sexual encounters become promiscuous? Because I can see a situation where someone has many "legitimate" relationships and has sex in all of them.

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One point I wanted to get across, though, is I think guys can have sex more easily in an unemotional and unattached way than girls can. This isn't to say girl's don't willfully hook up too. It's just to say that for them... feelings are more likely to develop as a result.

I disagree. That all depends on your mind frame when you decide to become involved with that person. You also have to look at the number of guys who choose to be dishonest about their feelings in order to have sex, of course the female may end up having feelings for the guy if he was whispering sweet nothings and promising her the world...feelings that may still be present some time after the relations end. But both sexes can detach emotions just as both sexes can catch feelings even before having sex. There is no one absolute. 

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I can totally see why a guy who is WTM, especially one who is a virgin, would want his wife to be a virgin. But I do find it horribly hypocritical when a guy who has had sex, especially if he is a player or has had several sex partners, looks for virginity in a woman he wants to marry.

 

Most women who are virgins (definitely those WTM) usually are virgins because they strongly value sex, love, and relationships. Who wouldn't want that?

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I can totally see why a guy who is WTM, especially one who is a virgin, would want his wife to be a virgin. But I do find it horribly hypocritical when a guy who has had sex, especially if he is a player or has had several sex partners, looks for virginity in a woman he wants to marry.

 

Most women who are virgins (definitely those WTM) usually are virgins because they strongly value sex, love, and relationships. Who wouldn't want that?

 

It is pretty hypocritical. I see that now only because I once considered being the same way. Players and their female counterparts deserve one another. They can both drown in their hedonism. 

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For whatever it's worth... I think it would be easier for a guy who's had lots of sex to overlook a girl's sexual past. And vice versa: I think a girl would have an easier time overlooking her mates sexual past if she has one herself.

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Virginity is important it shows that the girl has not been sleeping around and want a good guy who would make a nice husband. 

I have just started trying to date and all the time the girls just say no because I am a virgin and they just want a guy who is experienced or that I am too nice. 

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Virginity is important it shows that the girl has not been sleeping around and want a good guy who would make a nice husband. 

I have just started trying to date and all the time the girls just say no because I am a virgin and they just want a guy who is experienced or that I am too nice. 

 

one day a woman will love you for who you are and not judge you on whether you are sexually experienced or not. 

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It is pretty hypocritical. I see that now only because I once considered being the same way. Players and their female counterparts deserve one another. They can both drown in their hedonism. 

 

but why would a man want a virgin after being promiscuous? 

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but why would a man want a virgin after being promiscuous? 

 

Well, virgins are a good bet for marriage, in general. But if were talking just for sex, a lot of guys have a thing for "deflowering" girls. I'm sure it does a lot for their egos.

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but why would a man want a virgin after being promiscuous? 

because those type of men are just selfish pigs

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a guy told me that for now he is having fun with other girls while he waits for the likes of good girls who are hardworking,figuring out their lives and do not sleep around to marry them.That was not good news because that would be totaly unfair.Then he continues saying how we women are unrealistic at times and have the storybook idea of getting married to virgins and living good lives.how our honeymoon lives will be 'magical'(quoting his words).How we are overdramatic with relationships blah blah blah .I brushed it off casually though it got to me but i just pretended as always i dont care what anyone thinks

 

Sounds like to me he hit you with a bit of projection; perhaps at one point he shared that "magical" fantasy, but gave up on it when confronted with the reality of the dating scene. That, or he just didn't care about it any more. Don't internalize what your detractors tell you; its their job to bring you down.

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Non-virginity is certainly not a deal breaker for me. If she is or isn't a virgin is not why I fall in love with her.

Warning do not read the following, it's too long:

I am a virgin. Virginity is important to me because it's my way and her's of showing that we love and cherish each other so much that we decided to only make love with each other. The only person deserving of that level of intimacy with me is my future Wife.

If she is not a virgin then it can still be meant to be. Perhaps God wants to use me to show her that there's a guy out there that loves her so much that despite her no longer being a birgin he (me) is willing to be with her even though he had hopes of marrying a fellow virgin.

It's about love not virginity status. If I base my decision to marry off of virgin status than that's no different than me saying I refuse to date Asian women. There's nothing wrong with be Asian so it's okay to be with one. There's nothing wrong with not being a virgin so it's okay to be with one.

To my future Wife:

I'll love you till the end of all time. Like the stars I will always be there. There might be rough patches and disagreements, but no matter how distracting these clouds of marriage may be, like the stars I'll still always be there even if you fail to see.

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Hello,

Well there is a little bit of me in a lot of these posts and because of my immature youth days I myself cannot ever to have "expected" to marry a virgin. I have for some time regretted my past so much so that I remember none of the detail, I remember the people but the intimate bits have gone and to me thats an amazing blessing. Remembering those females as friends is in my mind what they should have stayed. Heaven knows whether there is any truth in this but I read many years ago that councillors treating people who have had trauma in their lives attacks,rape etc etc encourage them to put the detail out of their minds as soon as they crop up ! And this is what I did and yep my naughty bits are gone.

For me therefore I would/have taken it as read that Mrs Happy when sailing wouldnt be a virgin, If however she shared the same belief that promiscuity is wrong,nothing to be proud of and wanted it out of her mind then I would be fine. Love would rule. Alas not to be but life goes on. I get encouragement from so many on here walking the right road...... Well done!

Earlier someone mentioned what constitutes promiscuity and yes it is a minefield. Some say that if your in a serious relationship sex is ok and so if someone has had say five serious relationships then thats ok ? For me nar rubbish you can have a serious relationship without sex, the serious relationship is all about seeing if they tick all of your boxes minus sex.

Ok back to my rocking Chair. Ha ha Col.

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Virginity is important to me because it shows that she is intelligent and thoughtful enough to understand that sex is important, and that she would save herself for one person, the person that means the most to her. She understands that sex is more than just “getting off.†It shows that she didn't fall into societies’ moronic norm of promiscuous, multiple relationships and self-destroying attitude. It show that she, like me has been thinking about her future spouse and cares about them even though she doesn't know them yet. It shows that she values herself and she’s not just going to give herself away to a short term partner or a stranger.

 

There is way more to it than these points, but these are some reasons why virginity is important to me.

 

*I do realize that I sound like a jerk*

you do not sound like a jerk, you sound like everything I would hope for in the man I meet one day. Thank you for your insight!

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Non-virginity is certainly not a deal breaker for me. If she is or isn't a virgin is not why I fall in love with her.

Warning do not read the following, it's too long:

I am a virgin. Virginity is important to me because it's my way and her's of showing that we love and cherish each other so much that we decided to only make love with each other. The only person deserving of that level of intimacy with me is my future Wife.

If she is not a virgin then it can still be meant to be. Perhaps God wants to use me to show her that there's a guy out there that loves her so much that despite her no longer being a birgin he (me) is willing to be with her even though he had hopes of marrying a fellow virgin.

It's about love not virginity status. If I base my decision to marry off of virgin status than that's no different than me saying I refuse to date Asian women. There's nothing wrong with be Asian so it's okay to be with one. There's nothing wrong with not being a virgin so it's okay to be with one.

To my future Wife:

I'll love you till the end of all time. Like the stars I will always be there. There might be rough patches and disagreements, but no matter how distracting these clouds of marriage may be, like the stars I'll still always be there even if you fail to see.

Totally agree, It don't matter if she is a virgin or not but I do prefer a virgin because I would know she would of not slept around. 

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I am a virgin man and I have made it as part of my plan to marry a virgin woman.

 

I want that unique bond of someone that has never been tasted before.

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ill cut this short: YES ITS IMPORTANT! its like a chocolate inside a candy only to be eaten after getting MARRIED!

only if she'll be honest to me in our relationship(telling me she's not) before getting married it'll be okay, but finding out that she's not would be a different story.


~JM

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Reading through these replies though this post is years old and some of the members aren't even active on this forum any longer.

But it's boosted my morale a bit with this waiting journey.

I recently met someone in person from this online community and thought we had a decent friendship going but then things have gone "south". Therefore I'm a bit frustrated, some of you may know this but of this person shall remain nameless in good taste.

 

Virginity has always been very important to me, first because of my faith relationship with a God. Though followed up by the the ideal that I want to only ever be with my wife. To Love her like no other before and give her that part of me and she do the same.

Now that being said and I've struggled/wrestled with this as I've gotten older the idea of Dating/Courting/Loving/Marrying a non-virgin. I'm still undecided but if so I'd think about this way how could I hold her sin against her when God doesn't do that me or the rest of humanity of course.

 

But I don't know I'm still in the contemplating stage of this idea.

 

I just kinda want for it really mean something to her you know, but just sex and the physical stuff but rather the relational stuff where we can be authentic and upfront. I think/believe another virgin would understand this and it'd be significant for her you know.

 

Again I don't know though, I'm still open to what God's plan is for my life.

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It's indicative of the type of person that you are. There's a lot of people out there, who make different life choices. A girl who has taken advantage of her sexuality to go around seducing guys and being hedonistic instead of working towards a having family isn't the type of person that I want to spend my life with and have kids with. I'd rather be with someone who takes things slow and makes things special. Because I also like to make things special, for myself and those I love, I really appreciate life's more intimate moments. We can cross the threshold to married life together with no regrets.

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On 6/13/2018 at 7:31 PM, rookiepilot1 said:

Now that being said and I've struggled/wrestled with this as I've gotten older the idea of Dating/Courting/Loving/Marrying a non-virgin. I'm still undecided but if so I'd think about this way how could I hold her sin against her when God doesn't do that me or the rest of humanity of course.

I don't necessarily think you not wanting to be with a non-virgin has anything to do with forgiveness, but rather whether or not you are personally okay with dealing with potential consequences as a result of her not being a virgin. My views on this subject have changed dramatically in that I realize now more than ever that actions have consequences. So virginity is a bigger deal to me now than it was in the past. 

I would say continue to be open for God to change your heart. If He wants you to have a non-virgin for a wife, then have faith that He will give you the strength to work through that issue. But if not, then I don't think it's wrong to only want a virgin. I'm trying to do the same in my own life. I would hate to pass up on an amazing godly girl who happens to not be a virgin.

 

On 6/21/2018 at 11:25 AM, Darren91 said:

It's indicative of the type of person that you are. There's a lot of people out there, who make different life choices. A girl who has taken advantage of her sexuality to go around seducing guys and being hedonistic instead of working towards a having family isn't the type of person that I want to spend my life with and have kids with. I'd rather be with someone who takes things slow and makes things special. Because I also like to make things special, for myself and those I love, I really appreciate life's more intimate moments. We can cross the threshold to married life together with no regrets.

I wish all young people could read this and take it seriously. Unless a person makes some serious amends to turn their lives around, wasting their youth sleeping around is not going to make them family material.

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