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Hey everybody, it's been a minute since I've been on here. I've been going through some things in my life. My mom, who I'm extremely close to, has recently found her Mr. Right. I should say he found her at our church. She recently found out he is attracted to her and they've been dating for a couple weeks now. However, we found out that he is a minister...A real minister, not like the ones you see on tv lately who molest kids and whatnot. Anyway, he comes over to my mom's house sometimes to spend time with her and he talks to me too. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to the fact that my mom is dating. She hasn't dated anyone since her divorce which was 7 years ago. She raised me as a single parent before she got married so besides her marriage, I'm used to it just being me and my mom against the world so to speak. I like her new boyfriend but besides time which I admit patience is not a virtue of mine, I don't really know how to handle this situation. This is the only relationship my mom has been in where she's been treated the way she is supposed to be ( he respects her, has manners, he accepts the fact that me and my mom are shy and they have the same religious views, they have a lot of things in common so far among other things. I've been in this situation before regarding having to deal with a new man coming into the family when my mom got married 7 years ago except I was a lot younger at the time so this time feels different. This new man and my mom are not rushing things but it definitely looks like they'll be getting married in the future ad he has kids my age. I've never had step siblings before. Does anybody know what I'm talking about or going through? Feel free to respond.

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    I kind of know what you are talking about. I am so not use to my mother dating either. It's always been my mother, my siblings and I. It was pretty awkward at first. Everytime he would come over I would vanish to my room or somewhere else. Or I would always feel tense when he was around. When he would come over I would get mad. I mean, here comes this guy who I felt like threw everything out of balance. This is not how my family is, I did not like the change. I think it's normal to feel this way, I mean it's not a situation that you are use to. It does take a while for you to warm up to the idea and the person. I always thought how am I suppose to act around him? What am I suppose to think about him? If they get married will I have to call him dad or father? It was so weird for me that I told my mother if she married him I would move out lol. I didn't mean this in a hurtful, like "I hate him" way. I just wasn't use to having I guess an "almost father figure" (Now I don't really see him as a replacement for my father, I do see him as someone whom I respect if that makes any sense). Over the months I began to see that they really did, I guess like each other (still feels weird when I think about it). Also he didn't just care about my mother but us too, which is cool.

 

  My mother introduced him to us all the way in January and I'm only getting used to having him around. So, it will take some time.

 

I hope this was of some help :)

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I don't know what it is like to have been raised by a single mom and introducing someone new in the family.  I am a single mom myself.  I haven't started dating yet..  so I'm not sure if I've earned credibility here or not!  This is what I think though.  I say talk to your mom about it (gently, fairly) to ensure boundaries are made.  For example, a boundary is that they should not be doing anything in particular to make you feel uncomfortable.  You don't have to give him "the benefit of the doubt".  Just put him on neutral territory.  He either earns your trust or he earns your mistrust.  But don't start off trusting or mistrusting, just neutral.  He doesn't have to be your father.  All he needs to be to you is a positive role model.  That's it. 

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Daydreamer, thanks for posting. It really helps me and I do feel like I'm not alone. You pretty much summed up all the things I feel about having a new man around. I think one of my biggest problems is sharing my mom as well. Sometimes I feel guilty feeling the way I do about this guy but now I know it's normal. I just hope one day things go back to normal and I can adjust, especially if they get married and he has kids.

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