Invincible

"Waiting for you" vs "waiting for themselves"

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I may or may not have brought this up before, but if I did it's so far back that I don't remember. So I'm bring it up now.

 

All of us here are looking for someone who will WTM with us. But not everyone who is willing to wait with us came to that choice on their own. Many may be waiting simply because we asked them to, not because they chose to wait for themselves before you met. I think this is very honorable for anyone who respects their partner's choice to wait, even if they normally wouldn't themselves. But while that may be enough for some waiters, I have to say that isn't enough for me.

 

I don't require her to be a virgin as you all know, but I don't want her to wait simply because I asked her to. I want my future wife to wait out of her own choice and for God, not just for me. It's important to me that she has the same views on sex as I do. To me, it's about on the same page on values and I want that sense of unity between me and her. I just can't stand the thought of her possibly sleeping with the next guy outside of marriage in the event it doesn't work between us.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

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Oh I feel ya. Whenever I first saw a statement something like "if they are willing to wait with me that's all that matters" I felt like..well if they never met me for all I know they would've happily humped the next person. Even if you don't look at it that way.. I just feel it makes them stronger coming to a personal decision for themselves to keep their bodies pure. I do want a virgin for a husband but if that's not Gods will I would want a man strong enough to say no on his own and not just because of me.

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They'll just need to wait with me, I don't like the sound of waiting for me, makes it sound like a trap... But as long as they wait with me it's fine! I also don't require a virgin, it just really isn't that important to me.

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Yeah, I agree with you, Vince. I don't think I could do it if they weren't WTM for themselves. Anyone here who's okay with that, that's completely fine and up to you, but I don't think I could do it.

 

For people who are waiting for purely logical reasons (e.g. don't want to get used/pregnant/an STD etc.) I can see why it wouldn't be that important if your partner was waiting only because you wanted them to as opposed to waiting because they wanted to. However, I doubt that very many people wait purely for those reasons. I think for most people, their main reason for WTM is because they value sex and believe it's something special, and they want to save it for their husband or wife.

 

If that's your main reason for WTM - because you believe sex is so special - then I think there could be a problem if someone is waiting "for you". In that scenario, you'd tell your boy/girlfriend that you want to save sex for marriage because it's something special to you, and you want to save it for your spouse, likely as a "gift" of sorts for them: "I love you so much I waited for you!" and (if you're also a virgin) "I love you so much that I kept my virginity till our wedding night! Hey, now we're married, it's all yours!"

 

If your boy/girlfriend is also waiting till marriage because it's something they want to do, then they'll share those views. They'll also consider sex to be something so special and valuable. If you're dating someone who wasn't WTM, but they agree to wait for you, I guess there's the possibility that after a while, they'll change their position and want to wait for themselves too, if they themselves realise how special sex is.

 

But if you're dating someone who's not waiting and they agree to WTM just because that's what you want to do...Honestly, I think there could be a problem. They don't share your views about how special sex is. If you changed your mind about WTM, they'd be perfectly happy with that, because that was the only thing stopping them.

 

And I hate to say it - maybe I'm wrong here - but if they're only waiting because you want to, and they don't think WTM is important...then would they even care that you'd waited for them? They don't believe that sex is something that belongs only in marriage. They don't think of it as a special, sacred union between husband and wife. You kept your virginity for them? Why would they care? They wouldn't have cared whether you'd done that or not: either way would have been fine for them. 

 

Of course, they do really love you and care about you, or they wouldn't have married you. But they just don't consider sex to be something special enough to wait for. If someone else is okay with marrying someone who doesn't want to wait, then that's absolutely fine, but I couldn't do it. I think I'd feel terrible about it. Granted, I have a lot of reasons for waiting: I want to do what God wanted, it means I won't get pregnant or used or get an STD, etc.

 

But one of my biggest motivations for waiting - if not the biggest? I want to be able to say to my husband on our wedding night, "Darling, I waited for you. I only want to experience this with you. I don't want to be intimate like this with any other man in the entire world. I saved my virginity so it could be yours tonight, because you are the most incredible, the most loving, the most perfect man I have ever known. And nothing I could give you could ever express just how much I love you, but I'm giving you this because I know it's the best I have to give you. I'm giving myself to you, loving you in a way which I've loved no other man ever. Just you."

 

And, by golly, he'd better turn to me and whisper - with tears in his eyes - "Oh, sweetheart, I love you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me that you waited for me. I can't express in words how grateful I am that you loved me enough to do that for me. But I waited for you, too, so I could give you the same gift in return tonight, and I hope that's enough to show you how much I love you too."

 

Because if he turned to be and shrugged and said, "Well, if that's what you wanted to do for me, that's great! I appreciate the sentiment. But wow, you didn't have to go to all that trouble to make me happy! Virginity, box-it-came-in: I'm fine either way. But thanks. I know it really means a lot to you."

 

...My God, that would break my heart.

 

xxx

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I would be okay with someone (who still happens to be a very sexually inexperienced virgin) who was simply willing to wait instead of actually wanting to wait. It would be a disappointment, though. Since we would both be virgins, I would be getting the certain type of special connection and exclusivity that I believe can only be had between two virgins in marriage, but it would disappoint me if she wasn't also excited about having that. I would want her to be happy about it, too. Not just me. Nonetheless, it will be so hard to find someone that is as sexually inexperienced and as attractive as I want her to be (not to mention us getting along and all that) that I don't want to write off all non-waiters.

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I agree Vince the whole "waiting for me" thing doesnt really work because then the person WTM will have to deal with pressure, sexual frustration and maybe even resentment from their bf/gf later on. Or you might be a challenge for them, they "say" they will wait but then they may want to challenge you to see if they can get you to sleep with them...some people just feel they need to be desired/wanted in that way. All of that is too complicated I'd rather just be with someone that shares my values.

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Many people aren't waiting simply because it isn't culturally normal.  They didn't wait because they honestly didn't know the value in it.  If they agreed to wait with you, is there a chance that they mulled it over and decided it truly sounds like a great idea for them in their life?  I believe there is a slight possibility that a certain person could come to agree fully with the value of WTM even if they didn't start out like that.  And if that person does have the potential, she'll probably be quite impressed that you asked her to wait.  (For that might be a first).  I hope everyone here though finds what they are looking for with the most ideal circumstances for them.  To expect someone to already be waiting prior to you is also a completely fair preference.

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To be honest I don't really care. So long as they are okay with waiting, whether it be for me or for themselves. I'm not looking to change them. If they wish to have sex in a relationship after we break up, I don't care. The one thing I won't be able to stand is someone who sleeps around. They have think sex is somewhat special, and not some recreational activity who you can do with anyone and everyone. As for sexual history, I can forgive them if they have had sex before, but only if they have had sex in a serious relationship. I don't want to date someone who says I love you, but as soon as we break up, sleeps with 10 girls because they have been "deprived" of sex.

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Waitingforyou... <thats me! Waitingforthemselves? <yeah I dont like them.. :P

Evidently there is a competition since the word "vs." is in the title. I'm sure we'll all be pulling for you!

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Evidently there is a competition since the word "vs." is in the title. I'm sure we'll all be pulling for you!

  

Go Cass! 

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