wny

How Likely is it someone would Lie about being a Virgin?

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As I'm sure many know (and as I'm sure I might sound like a broken record to some by repeating it), I do wish to marry only a virgin. Not that this site isn't great, but I googled this to find other perspectives on the issue. Not that I hadn't considered this before, but I found the response that some women may lie about being a virgin. So, how likely do you guys think it is that a woman (or a man) would lie about this?

 

Personally, I feel like it's pretty acceptable now to not be a virgin, so that makes me think fewer people would lie about this. I do think it's possible the chances go up if it's a situation where you are dating someone and they know it is important to you that they are a virgin. But, I also hesitatingly wonder if they eventually would feel guilty enough to reveal it to you, certainly before they would marry you (or maybe even just out of fear that you would figure it out on the wedding night-perhaps easier to figure out about a woman than a man, though).

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I know people lie about it, but I don't think many would lie. Since as you said not being a virgin is no longer taboo, I actually hear more people lie about being a virgin by saying they are not a virgin, because certain people don't like virgins for some reason...

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The way I see this is the way I see everything else. If someone would lie about this, they'd probably lie about many other things because it means they have no integrity. Also... your future partner can lie about anything. In that case, you shouldn't even worry about it as long as you try to be as perceptive as you can. I realize you can never know for sure, but I think, just maybe, if someone is willing to lie about this they will have some other character flaws that may discourage you from being with them in the first place.

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I think it really depends on the situation. What would their motivation be? The higher the motivation, the more likely they are to to lie. I would say people are just as likely to lie about their virginity as they are about anything else. In this day and age I don't see the point, it is highly acceptable. I would be more worried about my future kid lying to me that they are a virgin than someone I'm dating. It is more likely someone is going to say they are not a virgin, than to say they are a virgin. It seems that people are prone to make fun of someone who is a virgin, so why would someone who isn't subject themselves to that. The only situations I could see that someone lying about being a virgin is when in church or if they were in to someone who is a virgin and wanted to make them like them. 

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I have heard stories of people who found out that their spouse or fiancée lied to them about being a virgin. Some of these people have no integrity, but other lied because they knew that their future spouse would only marry a virgin, and they lied because they “loved them and couldn't loose them.†If you really do love someone and really cared about them, you’d tell them about your past. But yeah, I don’t know how likely people are to lie about it, but it is a scary thought that people will lie about anything, and often without thinking.  

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I really don't feel like this is a common problem since most people will give you crazy eyes if you tell them you are still a virgin, like its something to be embarassed about. I could see somebody lying about this in front of a group of people that included either their parents, conservative relatives, church members or church leaders, but I feel like they would be less likely to lie in a situation where they were one on one. I guess another possible scenario in which somebody would lie about this to somebody they are dating is if they feel like their significant other will be judgemental and they really want to make it work. Even in that case I feel like they would come clean eventually in the hopes that they had given you enough time to become attached to them to such an extent that you could possibly look past their lack of virginity. I would hope this wouldn't be a common problem. I feel like its something more women would be likely to lie about than men though. I think guys would be more likely to lie about not being virgins anymore.

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I have heard stories of people who found out that their spouse or fiancée lied to them about being a virgin. Some of these people have no integrity, but other lied because they knew that their future spouse would only marry a virgin, and they lied because they “loved them and couldn't loose them.†If you really do love someone and really cared about them, you’d tell them about your past. But yeah, I don’t know how likely people are to lie about it, but it is a scary thought that people will lie about anything, and often without thinking.  

In general, I am very against divorce, but that would be a situation where I think I would divorce my wife.

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I'm in no way shape or form defending lying because I'm not as it is wrong. But of all the reasons for lying in a marriage, I think this scenario is one of the few cases that is the least dishonorable. Chances are, they liar this case did it out of fear of losing their beloved because they fell short of their partner's standards. So while the motivations were selfish, it also wasn't at the same time because they did it out of love even if it is in a misguided sense.

 

Personally, it would not be the fact that she wasn't a virgin that would make me make me lose respect for her. It would be because she lied and therefore betrayed my trust. Also I would resent her for not trusting me when I say that her sexual status wouldn't make me change the way I feel about her.

 

 

I would hope this wouldn't be a common problem. I feel like its something more women would be likely to lie about than men though. I think guys would be more likely to lie about not being virgins anymore.

 

I agree. It's no small part to the double standard society has for girls and guys. Guys are expected to sleep around while girls are expected to maintain their chastity. Society seems to be harsh on guys who are still virgin while guys seem to be less forgiving of girls who are not virgins.

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I'm in no way shape or form defending lying because I'm not as it is wrong. But of all the reasons for lying in a marriage, I think this scenario is one of the few cases that is the least dishonorable. Chances are, they liar this case did it out of fear of losing their beloved because they fell short of their partner's standards. So while the motivations were selfish, it also wasn't at the same time because they did it out of love even if it is in a misguided sense.

 

 

I think it's extremely dishonorable on the basis of how selfish it is. She lied not for him, but for her. She lied so that he would stay with her even though she knows this is something profoundly important to him. Considering the degree of absolute selfishness, I don't see how this can come anywhere near the least dishonorable. It's not up to her to determine why he stays or goes and by withholding that information she has literally circumvented his ability to choose. When you think about it, this is an act of control, not love.

 

Moreover, I can take your same argument and apply it to a man who cheated on his wife. He didn't tell her "out of love," because he feared he would lose her if she found out. But isn't it her right to know and her right to determine how she will respond? To steal someone's ability to choose is a grave offense.

 

What if your potential partner lied about being a devout Christian? She went to church, went through the motions, did everything to appear devout because she loved you and didn't want to lose you but deep down she really didn't believe in Christianity even though she enjoyed the culture of it somewhat. Three years later she reveals this to you. Does this also qualify as the least dishonorable since she was doing it out of fear of losing her beloved? And, absolutely, this circumstance could happen. Particularly with someone who was a devout Christian at one point but not so much anymore but didn't make that clear to you, purposely, because she was fearful you'd leave her even though she "loved" you.

 

The thing about this is... what's important to one guy may be less important to another. But when it comes to you and what's important to you, if it's really important to you, and the girl lies about it, it's gravely dishonorable. And I'm not sure how compatible 'love' and 'selfishness' are so I have to really question the extent of her love. I will not, though, question the extent of her "self-love."

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I actually find a lot of people lie about NOT being a virgin, especially guys which seem to go through a lot of virgin-shaming in contrast to girls where virginity is usually more socially acceptable and it is slut-shaming that's the problem. 

 

Plus, usually with lies is that overtime, they are hard to keep up so the truth will probably come out eventually.

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If I discovered years later that my wife lied about this, I don't know what I'd do. Its not her virginity itself that's the problem, but the deception. Contentment based on a lie.

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If I discovered years later that my wife lied about this, I don't know what I'd do. Its not her virginity itself that's the problem, but the deception. Contentment based on a lie.

Im with you. I will be shocked and speechless.

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Im with you. I will be shocked and speechless.

 

And then the next natural question is, "What else has she willfully neglected to mention?"

 

Reminds me of this guy on a blog I saw, making fun of his "friend" behind his back because his wife cheated on him. The night right before their wedding. Wonder how she rationalized that one. And three kids later, he still doesn't know...while his "friends" all laugh at how clueless he is.

 

Can't trust a soul these days, I tell ya.

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1. So, how likely do you guys think it is that a woman (or a man) would lie about this?

 

2. But, I also hesitatingly wonder if they eventually would feel guilty enough to reveal it to you, certainly before they would marry you (or maybe even just out of fear that you would figure it out on the wedding night-perhaps easier to figure out about a woman than a man, though).

1. If someone lies about being a virgin when they are not, they are a liar.  They'll lie about something else too.. so look for the signs of a liar.

2. Sorry for the bluntness.. but if she hasn't had sex in a long time or a lot..   you won't know she's not a virgin on your wedding night.

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1. If someone lies about being a virgin when they are not, they are a liar.  They'll lie about something else too.. so look for the signs of a liar.

2. Sorry for the bluntness.. but if she hasn't had sex in a long time or a lot..   you won't know she's not a virgin on your wedding night.

I certainly know there is no gurantee of figuring it out on the wedding night, but they might worry that you would figure it out and come clean. Or maybe I'm just being too hopeful.

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In general, I am very against divorce, but that would be a situation where I think I would divorce my wife.

On what grounds? "She told me she was a virgin and wasn't"? A judge would laugh that right out of court.

 

Even if you did a no-fault on grounds of irreconcileable differences, divorce is a drastic action with traumatic consequences for all involved.

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I don't think it is likely in this day and age. Opposite really, but I don't see the ostracizing to be honest, heck I've only received compliments for my beliefs, never derision. Even though I state that I don't care if I'm insulted for it... I still only get compliments, people can be nicer then you think sometimes...

 

On topic of liars though, to me, that is something that will really set off my temper. There are many, many things I will tolerate, but dishonesty is one that really makes lava course through my veins. Especially because in my relationships that has always been done to me. The dishonesty had nothing to do with virginity, but with traits I look for in a person that they more or less lied to me in order to bait me.

I hate it because in the end all you fell in love with was a mask, nothing more. Love based on lies isn't love at all, it's just an illusion, a pretty illusion, but in the end it is something not real, it won't stand against fire. It'll just vanish like a cloud of smoke.

 

 

Dishonesty to me is something really painful, I"ve had some physically painful things done to me in my life, but dishonesty tops it all. Being dishonest to someone will only cause pain, especially if you wait longer and longer to tell them the truth about it. I speak from experience on that topic...

 

Always watch someone's actions to see if it matches their words. It is a very swift lie detector I personally find. ;)

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On what grounds? "She told me she was a virgin and wasn't"? A judge would laugh that right out of court.

Even if you did a no-fault on grounds of irreconcileable differences, divorce is a drastic action with traumatic consequences for all involved.

That would not be laughed out of court, that is a very real reason to get divorce, she lied about something serious after all.

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That would not be laughed out of court, that is a very real reason to get divorce, she lied about something serious after all.

Sorry mate, I work for a lawyer and no lawyer in their right mind would touch that case with a 10 foot pole on those grounds. Irreconcileable differences, yes. She (or he) said they were a virgin and later admitted that they weren't? Nope.

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On what grounds? "She told me she was a virgin and wasn't"? A judge would laugh that right out of court.

 

Even if you did a no-fault on grounds of irreconcileable differences, divorce is a drastic action with traumatic consequences for all involved.

I never said I would go up to a judge and say I'm filing a fault divorce on the gorunds of her lying about being a virgin. There was really no need for you to ask "On what grounds?" when you know full well I could file for a no-fault divorce due to irreconcilable differences. If need be, I'm perfectly fine with filing for a no-fault divorce if that is what I had to do (I don't know if filing for a fault divorce would work or not and it's not that big of a deal to me).

 

As to your other point, yes divorce is an incredibly difficult situation. If children were involved it would take a lot of thought before I would actually go through with it, as much as I wouldn't want to stay married to my wife. I may stay married for the children. If children were not involved, though, I would not see much to stop me from divorcing her.

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I never said I would go up to a judge and say I'm filing a fault divorce on the gorunds of her lying about being a virgin. There was really no need for you to ask "On what grounds?" when you know full well I could file for a no-fault divorce due to irreconcilable differences. If need be, I'm perfectly fine with filing for a no-fault divorce if that is what I had to do (I don't know if filing for a fault divorce would work or not and it's not that big of a deal to me).

 

As to your other point, yes divorce is an incredibly difficult situation. If children were involved it would take a lot of thought before I would actually go through with it, as much as I wouldn't want to stay married to my wife. I may stay married for the children. If children were not involved, though, I would not see much to stop me from divorcing her.

Are you a Christian?

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Are you a Christian?

I tend to keep my religious beliefs private on an internet message board.

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I tend to keep my religious beliefs private on an internet message board.

Okay, that's fine. Going back to what you said, I find it ridiculous to throw away an entire marriage because of something like that. I can see ending a marriage because of abuse or cheating or a hidden addiction that the person refuses to seek treatment for, but because my husband told me he was a virgin and then it turns out he wasn't? In my opinion that calls for counseling, not divorce. 

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Okay, that's fine. Going back to what you said, I find it ridiculous to throw away an entire marriage because of something like that. I can see ending a marriage because of abuse or cheating or a hidden addiction that the person refuses to seek treatment for, but because my husband told me he was a virgin and then it turns out he wasn't? In my opinion that calls for counseling, not divorce. 

It all depends on how important virginity in a spouse is to someone. To me, it is incredibly important. To you, it's either not that important or at least not as important as it is to me. That's perfectly fine. Different things are important to different people. There are probably things you find important in a spouse that aren't as important to me. Is it unfair of me to ask that you respect that it is incredibly important to me?

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It all depends on how important virginity in a spouse is to someone. To me, it is incredibly important. To you, it's either not that important or at least not as important as it is to me. That's perfectly fine. Different things are important to different people. There are probably things you find important in a spouse that aren't as important to me. Is it unfair of me to ask that you respect that it is incredibly important to me?

I'm not even trying to disrespect you mate, so cool off eh? I'm just saying that there are things that are much more important to the success of a couple's relationship than any physical attribute. To me, the mentality of purity is way more important than actual physical virginity, for example. I don't know you, and I don't know your relationship history, but most anyone who has had a meaningful relationship in their life will agree with me when I say it doesn't matter how physically attractive/compatible a person is unless they have the crucial emotional compatibility with you. 

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