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JeanneElise

I love you, but I'm not in love with you...

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Hypothetical Scenario:

 

You're dating someone and you really care about him/her (you really do love them), but the romantic feelings aren't there and you don't see a happy future with them (not in love with them) and you no longer feel like continuing the relationship... And the thing is...you still care about them and want them to know that you care about them...

 

**For me, being "in love" with someone goes beyong the happy giggly bubbly feeling; it's more like you can happily envision your lives together and feel excited for everything that is to come and feel like you'll be able to overcome anything together...**

 

1) Is it ever appropriate to say those words: "I love you, but I'm not in love with you?" under ANY circumstance?

 

2) If you believe that they already understand that the romantic aspect is gone and that the relationship cannot continue. Is it appropriate to tell them that you do love them, even if you've never said it before? (A possible reason for never having said it before is because you weren't in love with the person, and you didn't want to confuse them into thinking that you were in love with them).

 

3) Or would it be more appropriate to just simply tell them that you care about them and leave it at that?

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1) I believe that being "in love" isn't equivalent with love (it's more like the same word with different definitions).  Being "in love" is not a requirement for a long term relationship. Love certainly is a requirement and a commandment from God (biblical love is a a choice even, an action). 

2) You can't remain friends at this point. (Try it, you'll see.) 

3) Women are great at caring for someone (or loving someone), even after a relationship has ended.  God created us this way.  I would give them a different reason such as why you aren't "in love" with them anymore.  You can continue to care about them afterwards but the best way to care for them is to leave them alone and not drag them along anymore.

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1. I believe being "in love" is a momentary thing its an emotion and its often a fairy tales way of hiding the realistic things I never want to be "in love" I dont like not having control of myself and I dont want to ever do stupid things for a temporary feeling.  Like stacie said being "in love" is not needed for a long term relationship many married couples fall in and out of love with one another over the years but the fact that they still love each other unconditionally is what keeps them together for the long haul.

 

2. Dont play around the the L word because that'll confuse the poor guy my ex and I are still friends he knows I care about him and he still cares about me but he fully understands we arent going any further than that putting the L word in will complicate things if youre just trying to be friends.

 

3.if you are done with him why is there a need to tell him that you care? men can read actions Im sure he'd know by the way you treat him, those sappy words are for relationships IMO

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Saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is a bit hurtful, but I guess if you really feel it and you don't want to be in the relationship anymore you should tell the person. I would rather somebody tell me than lead me on. If you haven't ever told them you love them before you are ready to break things off, I don't think you should use that line at all. I agree with the other people that it would just be really confusing. You should really just leave it at "I care about you" and say why you don't want to be in the relationship anymore.

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Hypothetical Scenario:

 

**For me, being "in love" with someone goes beyond the happy giggly bubbly feeling; it's more like you can happily envision your lives together and feel excited for everything that is to come and feel like you'll be able to overcome anything together...**

That's how I feel about it too. Love is way much deeper than that "butterfly feeling in stomach". Loooooong time ago someone told me.. "he/she" wants to wake up every morning with that "in love feeling"

1. Well I do love my friends, and I might say [not every day and not for everyone] love and appreciate you when I really mean it. There are two words in life I don't use if I mean it.. and its "I miss you" and "I love you".. because it might give wrong impression.

2. Tough one.. depends how you feel about it. But don't think its appropriate to tell him/her I love you. If person A don't want to be in a relationship with person B, but person B has feelings for person A.. rather not use that word, because it will hurt you inside, and person A won't feel anything for you.

3. There is nothing wrong with care.. but don't get attached towards him/her. He or she [depends their character] will just use your kindness.

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I don't think it is ever okay to say I love you, but I'm not in love with you. It just sends mixed messages. On one end it may seem like a cop out such as "it's not you, it's me.". You're trying to make yourself not feel as bad for breaking up with someone by trying to be easy on their feelings and giving them a false sense of hope. In some ways you make them feel like there is still a chance you will come back to them, and that you only need some space. Then there is the whole thing of if you actually do mean it. It is nearly impossible to remain friends after a break-up. Not saying it can't be done, just saying it extremely hard. At first they still may have all the same feelings for you, and then you may actually go back to being "in love" with them. This back and forth of feelings could go on forever, making the friendship even more complicated. If they know there is no feelings and the romantic part of the relationship is gone, I wouldn't tell them I love you, especially if you are saying it for the first time. Once again, mixed signals. Traditionally, breaking up is not a time to tell someone you love them. I think it would be the most appropriate to tell them you really care about them, but that you just don't see the relationship moving forward. Then don't talk to them for awhile(or ever again, depending on the situation) so that both of you can recover and move on.

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"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

 

You know what I hear when those words come out of a woman's mouth?

 

"I like what you've done for me, but you don't make me tingle."

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