Should I wait until "legal" marriage, or "moral" marriage? ALSO Do you believe it's possible for your first romantic partner to be The One

[AnneofGreenGables 2]

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[AGarden4One 397]

First off....Hi! AnneOfGreenGables! Love those series of books btw! :-) Marriage is far more than just a "legal" thing. Marriage is a VERY spiritual & SACRED covenant before God, created by God & ordained by God & it is to glorify God. God expresslly limits sex to the marriage bed because its unique purpose of mirroring the selfsacrifical love God has for his bride (the church) and the spiritual connection when two flesh become One...literally.. Sex is the physical expression in a marriage of Gods all encompassing love for us & in the same that love between husband & wife...Its a GREAT gift given by God to unite husband & wife...its meant to bond them together spiritually, physically & emotionally to express that love freely & unselfishly...God entended that gift of your body only to be given once.....to your husband/wife, because of the shear sacredness of the act....Sex. That's why I for one am yet a virgin at 43...when I am finally in that commited relationship (soon I believe) I am well aware there may be temptation....but I know not giving into that temptation before marriage will be far more rewarding than that moments pleasure...Yes, your first relationship maybe The One, but also it many Not....be wise to that possibility as well....Hold fast to your descion to wait Anne....There are ways to keep the temptation down...keep extended alone time to a minimum...set firm boundaries if you haven't already.....And if he REALY & TRULY loves you....He will wait as long as nessecary....

[Guest markb4]

Welcome to the site!

 

In the end, you have to decide what "marriage" means to you. I take my religion above everything else, and according to my religion, marriage is only a marriage when one goes through the religious marriage ceremony. So even if we do get a legal paper-signing marriage or feel that we're two souls destined to be with each other, I still wouldn't consider us married only until we go through with the religious marriage ceremony. Hence sex will only be done when that happens.

 

But like I said, you have to decided what your beliefs and values are regarding what "marriage" is.

[Flor 432]

Hello and welcome to our community!

Here are my thoughts on the subject.

Marriage is so much more than a piece of paper. The legal paper in itself isn't what is important. It’s about what it symbolizes and the rights that you have as a married couple in the eyes of the law and society. 

 

Marriage promotes Long-term commitment, Unity and Legality.

First, a ceremony takes place where you make binding vows to each other. You are committing to love, honor, and protect the other person in any and every situation that may present itself in life. You’re not just promising that to each other, you’re declaring it in front of God, other people and society, which makes it more serious (in the sense that you’re being held accountable to what both of you pledged). Every relationship has its problems from time to time and, if you’re married, you’re more likely to want to work on your marriage when things get tough, instead of thinking “well, things are really not working between us now and we have nothing that binds us together, so let’s just go our separate waysâ€.

Second, all the traditions involved in getting married (the vows, exchange of rings, etc.) represent the bonding of two people. Two individuals decide that they love and trust each other enough to blend their lives together and share everything with each other. It’s the representation and completion of two becoming one.

Third, in the legal aspect, a marriage is a contract. You are now legally recognized as family of the person you married. Therefore, you both get everything it entails, such as the joint responsibility of parenting and sooo many others things.

So, for me, it’s not much about the paper in itself. It’s what it represents. It’s about the pledge I’ll be making to God, to myself, and to my spouse in front of witnesses and society. It’s about sharing everything of me with that one person in a secure and long-term commitment.

[eugene 706]

Couldn't said it better than miss AGarden4One and Sarita Amen to both of you.

[WanderingWashingtonian 1,383]

Well, I'd like to second everything that has been said already. I won't try to repeat these sentiments, as they have already been expressed very well.

 

Okay, as to your question, "Do you believe it's possible for your first romantic partner to be 'The One'?", my answer is yes. My parents are each other's first loves. That being said, they still believed it was worth it to wait until marriage for sex, even though that meant staying virgins for the five years they dated before they were able to be married. They do not regret this decision to wait at all, even though it was challenging. In fact, I believe that facing that challenge together helped to create a solid foundation for the rest of their relationship.

 

You say that when you met your boyfriend, you felt that you met your soul's mirror image. I believe you. What's more, I know exactly what you are talking about, because I have experienced that too. After two blissful years, many expressions of love, much talk of marriage, and a lot of kissing, he left me without warning. I was shocked. Crushed. I had truly believed he was 'The One.' Apparently he wasn't. (Feel free to read more about this in my profile.) So yeah, I wish you the very best with this guy, and I hope that he is the one for you. But before you make any major decisions, please at least seriously consider how you will feel if you have sex with him, and then he leaves you.

 

Best wishes, and good luck, whatever you decide! But yeah, I personally advocate waiting.

[Guest Katie]

I want to second WanderingWashington (and some other posters on this thread)--you never know what can happen. It's really wonderful that you found someone who is so special to you, and I hope you guys can stay together for the long run, but there is a possibility that feelings may change, or that something won't work out. "Moral marriage" sounds pretty hard to define...that's probably not a phrase you want to use. Remember that there's no rush, if you get married, you will have your whole lives to have sex together! As another piece of advice...I have never heard someone say, "I really wish I had slept with him." However, I have heard plenty of girls say, "I really wish I hadn't slept with him!"

I also wanted to share this article with everyone: huffpost.com/us/entry/1603032 It has nothing to do with WTM, but, in my opinion, it offers some good advice on how to recognize if your partner is good for you (or not). Remember to always try to be honest with yourself, and hold on to your values

Good luck!

[Guest Katie]

Sorry, that link was bad; here's a working one:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-shayne-kagel/relationship-advice_b_1603032.html

[wny 929]

I think it is possible that your first romantic partner could be the one, but it's probably not all that likely, especially if you start dating him or her at a very young age. I think it's safest to just wait until marriage (as in, you're married-either by your religious instituion if you're religious or your courthouse if you're not). Of coruse, one could always argue that someone could divorce you just like someone could break up with you, but I would hope that someone who is married would be much, much more apprehensive about ending a relationship and would be more willing to put in work to fix the relationship.

[AnneofGreenGables 2]

Thank you very much for your thorough and enlightening responses! I understand better now why a legitimate marriage is definitely different than "feeling" committed to each other. But what about general physical intimacy? Would you consider it beneficial to refrain from all kinds of physical intimacy that go beyond kissing? What are your boundaries? Is intercourse the end all, be all of the matter? I understand a lot of people on this forum are older than I am, and so most of you could get married in a year or two within meeting someone, but what about if your looking at a time span of 5 or 6 years? Sex is sacred, and I want to save it for the night that guarantees our life-bond together, but other sexual behavior carries symbolic importance too! 

[Alex 98]

How far you go is up to you. Everyone has their own personal opinion is how far is too far to go. There are some people here who will say they are saving their first kiss until marriage and others who are willing to go all the way up to the oral. Each person has there own reason for how far they will go.I wouldn't say that everyone here is able to get married within a year or two of meeting someone just because they are older. Everyone is looking at their own timeline. Trust me, no matter how long you have to wait, it will be worth it. For me, waiting until marriage is getting to know a person on an emotional and personal basis before a physical basis. It doesn't matter how long we have to wait. It allows me not to rush into anything. Marriage will happen when it happens. 

[yellowbee10 0]

Why do you need to wait that long to get married..?  Five to six year??

Please pray to Daddy in Jesus' name

 

You know Duck Dynasty on tv? Willie Robertson, the CEO of the company Duck Commander got married when he was 19 to his wife who was 18 and they both went to the same college and  today are successful in business.

 

if I were you, I would pray about it and ask trusting God to lead me, look for him to answer and direct...

If you have to wait for sometime God can provide you the grace to wait. 1 Cor 10:13  John 16:13, John 14:26

[JeanneElise 36]

And if he REALY & TRULY loves you....He will wait as long as nessecary....

 

So true!!! I have several friends who've been waiting with their long-term boyfriends for 7+ years now due to college and grad school, and they've all kept to their beliefs! They are also each others' one and only, so it's very possible that your first love could be your one and only true love. Now they're on their way to engagement and marriage! So, hang in there! If they honestly LOVE YOU, CHERISH YOU, and RESPECT YOU, they will wait with you!

 

As far as how far to go physically... I can only advise you to listen to your conscience and your heart... If it doesn't "feel right" to be doing something...like even if a sliver of doubt crosses your mind, you should back off... Better safe than sorry, believe me. Even if it's not "actualy sex," if you do something that doesn't feel right, you'll feel awful afterwards, and more likely than not, it'll somehow get incorporated into the relationship... Decide on your boundaries and stick to them and make sure that your guy is on the same page too. And adjust if necessary, like if you thought you would be ok with more than kissing, and it turns out you feel awful about it, take a step back. And definitely talk to your guy about it rather than just backing off. Good communication is really important.

 

Best wishes to you!

[Invincible 8,026]

To me, the legal contract of marriage is nothing more than an added layer of security to bind two people together in response to modern realities such as legal obligations to provide for children. Otherwise, I don't see it as necessary to make my marriage legitimate. I believe marriage was intended to be a sacred institution from God that existed long before any earthly legal authority. I find the idea of seeking the legal approval of a man made institution like the state to be cheapening to the idea of marriage. Call me anti-government or anarchist or whatever. The fact is, civilization may not always survive but marriage will endure regardless. My marriage is ultimately between myself, my future wife and God.

 

To be clear, that is not to say I would not appreciate the legal benefits of marriage if they are available. If I get married I will sign a legal contract, but I wouldn't do it for the legal recognition. I'd be doing it to show my wife that I trust her completely that I would be willing to be united with her in every way possible.

 

As far as you first love being the One. I wholeheartedly believe it's possible. My parents were each other's first love and they are still married 33 years later. I just think it's rare these days.