Guest redyellowblue

Do you think that non-virgins are fair/hypocritical to prefer virginity or have non-virginity as a dealbreaker?

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I personally find appearance-based deal-breakers to be very shallow. You may not, but some day you'll grow up and realize that there's a lot more to people than their physical attributes.

Was there really a need to insult someone you just met over the internet? You don't even know if he has that as a dealbreaker or why he thinks it's an okay dealbreaker to have and yet you found the need to imply that he must not be "grown up."

 

 

Typically, however, things like emotional health/stability and compatibility trump looks when a person is looking for a partner. For example, at the moment I have several guys trying to date me, but the guy I am most interested in is definitely not the best looking of the bunch.

You say he's not the best looking of the bunch, but that is different than saying you don't find him physically attractive at all. I imgaine you find him at least somewhat physically attractive.

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You say he's not the best looking of the bunch, but that is different than saying you don't find him physically attractive at all. I imgaine you find him at least somewhat physically attractive.

I'm just stating my opinion :) 

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I'm just stating my opinion :)

You're doing more than stating your opinion when you insult other people, espeically without at all further investigating why they said what they said. Also, you didn't answer the critical question. Are you at all physically attracted to the guy you're most interested in?

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You're doing more than stating your opinion when you insult other people, espeically without at all further investigating why they said what they said. Also, you didn't answer the critical question. Are you at all physically attracted to the guy you're most interested in?

I did not mean to insult anyone. Also, given the aggressive tone of your questioning, I am not comfortable discussing this further with you. 

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I did not mean to insult anyone. Also, given the aggressive tone of your questioning, I am not comfortable discussing this further with you. 

You initially said appearance-based dealbreakers are shallow and something not grown up, but if you think it is necessarry to have at least a certain level of physical attractiveness to your partner then wouldn't appearance-based dealbreakers have to be okay? There is a difference between demanding someone be a perfect 10 out of 10 and wanting them to be good looking or at least wanting to be somewhat physically attacted to them.

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You initially said appearance-based dealbreakers are shallow and something not grown up, but if you think it is necessarry to have at least a certain level of physical attractiveness to your partner then wouldn't appearance-based dealbreakers have to be okay? There is a difference between demanding someone be a perfect 10 out of 10 and wanting them to be good looking or at least wanting to be somewhat physically attacted to them.

I am opposed to people assuming that "if this person doesn't have x, y, z physical attributes, I won't be attracted to them." I think a certain level of physical attraction is unavoidable when it comes to a person you're dating. However, I think that laying out "Deal-breakers" based on physical attributes is silly because there are a lot more things that go into a person's attractiveness than just their looks (or their virginity or lack thereof).

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I am opposed to people assuming that "if this person doesn't have x, y, z physical attributes, I won't be attracted to them." I think a certain level of physical attraction is unavoidable when it comes to a person you're dating. However, I think that laying out "Deal-breakers" based on physical attributes is silly because there are a lot more things that go into a person's attractiveness than just their looks (or their virginity or lack thereof).

So, in your opinion, it is, in fact, okay to find it necessarry to be at least somewhat physically attracted your partner's appearance? In your opinion, it would only be wrong if one were to get too specific about it, such as to say something like "He must have large biceps" or "She must have a certain shaped nose?"

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So, in your opinion, it is, in fact, okay to find it necessarry to be at least somewhat physically attracted your partner's appearance? In your opinion, it would only be wrong if one were to get too specific about it, such as to say something like "He must have large biceps" or "She must have a certain shaped nose?"

I find the nit-picking that you described at the end of your post to be wrong. However, I don't think it's wrong to be attracted to your partner's appearance. 

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I find the nit-picking that you described at the end of your post to be wrong. However, I don't think it's wrong to be attracted to your partner's appearance. 

 

 

I don't find it's nit-picking. Are you saying, Lady Cobra, that you don't require a certain level of physical attraction to pursue someone for a relationship? There are people out there that don't, but they are extremely rare. And I'm not convinced that those who don't require any physical attraction are actually making this choice, but more, I think it's more of an inborn trait.

 

I would find it a bit odd for you to be so judgmental of those who require a certain level of physical attraction to others if you also require this.

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I don't find it's nit-picking. Are you saying, Lady Cobra, that you don't require a certain level of physical attraction to pursue someone for a relationship? There are people out there that don't, but they are extremely rare. And I'm not convinced that those who don't require any physical attraction are actually making this choice, but more, I think it's more of an inborn trait.

 

I would find it a bit odd for you to be so judgmental of those who require a certain level of physical attraction to others if you also require this.

That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that being all "I will never be physically attracted to anyone who doesn't have blue eyes/washboard abs/fill in the blank" is shallow. Of course I think physical attraction is necessary to an extent. What I think is ridiculous is saying "Oh hey, here's this perfectly lovely man who is emotionally compatible to me and who I'm attracted to but damn, he doesn't have those blue eyes I always wanted, so I guess he's not worth my time."

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That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that being all "I will never be physically attracted to anyone who doesn't have blue eyes/washboard abs/fill in the blank" is shallow. Of course I think physical attraction is necessary to an extent. What I think is ridiculous is saying "Oh hey, here's this perfectly lovely man who is emotionally compatible to me and who I'm attracted to but damn, he doesn't have those blue eyes I always wanted, so I guess he's not worth my time."

So, if you do agree that it is okay to have physical appearance as a requirement (to a certain extent), would you agree that it was wrong to say that appearance-based dealbreakers are shallow and that someone who said he was fine with them is not a "grown up" because he has that view? (Personally, I don't think being even pickier than what you say is okay is wrong, but that's another story.)

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So, if you do agree that it is okay to have physical appearance as a requirement (to a certain extent), would you agree that it was wrong to say that appearance-based dealbreakers are shallow and that someone who said he was fine with them is not a "grown up" because he has that view? (Personally, I don't think being even pickier than what you say is okay is wrong, but that's another story.)

Anyone who relies mainly on appearance-based deal-breakers IS shallow and does need to grow up.  That is my opinion, and I'm not going to be shamed out of it.

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Anyone who relies mainly on appearance-based deal-breakers IS shallow and does need to grow up.  That is my opinion, and I'm not going to be shamed out of it.

But that's not what the poster said. He just said there is nothing wrong with appearance-based dealbreakers. You, yourself, have agreed there must be some physical attraction. That is an appearance-based dealbreaker. Are you shallow and need to grow up because you believe that?

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But that's not what the poster said. He just said there is nothing wrong with appearance-based dealbreakers. You, yourself, have agreed there must be some physical attraction. That is an appearance-based dealbreaker. Are you shallow and need to grow up because you believe that?

I didn't say there MUST be attraction, it's just that physical attraction happens naturally when you have a connection with a person. Do you have any ability to deal in subtleties orrrr? I feel like I'm wasting my time talking to you tbh :/

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A non-virgin considering non-virginity to be a deal-breaker is hypocritical and disgusting. Those who sin have no right to expect someone who has not committed that same sin to commit completely to them. When one fornicates, one loses the right to accept the affection of only non-fornicators.

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A non-virgin considering non-virginity to be a deal-breaker is hypocritical and disgusting. Those who sin have no right to expect someone who has not committed that same sin to commit completely to them. When one fornicates, one loses the right to accept the affection of only non-fornicators.

Can you explain yourself a bit better here? 

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Certainly. If someone has committed a sexual act before marriage, it is hypocritical and wrong for them to consider their partner committing a sexual act as reason to end the relationship. Reap what you sow, and all that. If a virgin were to end a relationship because their partner is not a virgin, that would be understandable, maybe even commendable. But for a non-virgin to end a relationship because their partner is also a non-virgin is morally reprehensible and wrong.

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I didn't say there MUST be attraction, it's just that physical attraction happens naturally when you have a connection with a person. Do you have any ability to deal in subtleties orrrr? I feel like I'm wasting my time talking to you tbh :/

I'm perfectly capable of dealing in subtleties. So, to clarify, you believe physical attraction is necessarry, but think that if you have a great connection with a person you will become physically attracted to them even if before you did not think they had an attractive appearance.

 

If that is what you believe, personally, I think that is unrealistic. Using that logic, I could become physically attratced to a morbidly obese woman with facial hair if I really like her personality and got along great with her.

 

EDIT: I will add that I'm open to believing it maybe is possible for some people, but I don't think it's possible for all people.

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I hold potential partners to the same standard I hold myself. If I lapse in judgement and end up not waiting for marriage I think it would be highly hypocritical for me to still want a virgin. If I couldn't hold my vow to wait until marriage how is it fair for me to expect her to? At the moment I am still sticking fast to my vow so I expect any potential girlfriends to do the same.

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I'm perfectly capable of dealing in subtleties. So, to clarify, you believe physical attraction is necessarry, but think that if you have a great connection with a person you will become physically attracted to them even if before you did not think they had an attractive appearance.

 

If that is what you believe, personally, I think that is unrealistic. Using that logic, I could become physically attratced to a morbidly obese woman with facial hair if I really like her personality and got along great with her.

 

EDIT: I will add that I'm open to believing it maybe is possible for some people, but I don't think it's possible for all people.

It's perfectly possible. I know this from personal experience, as well as from my belief that our Lord and Savior can make anything possible.

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It's perfectly possible. I know this from personal experience, as well as from my belief that our Lord and Savior can make anything possible.

Like I said, maybe it's possible for some people, but just because you know something from personal experience doesn't mean you should assume it would apply to everyone. I don't believe it is true of me and it has nothing to do with maturity or not being grown up.

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I do not think it is fair but life is not fair. If you are not a virgin then why do you prefer to date a virgin? Will you be with her only for her virginity to say that you are her first WHEN you marry her?

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