Guest Parrot_Fish

Worrying I'll never get married/have children

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I worry about that too, I worry about meeting someone when I start feeling lonely, I don't worry about having kids because I don't want children. But it's a perfectly normal fear to have, it's not a juvenile fear to have, we all have it.

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So I'll be turning 24 quite soon and will be studying for a second (three year) degree from September and all of a sudden, as I've realised my 24th is coming soon I've suddenly developed this fear that I'll never have children. The thing is, I've never been in a relationship. (Okay I have but I don't really count it for a few reasons I'm not going into now but it wasn't a 'real' relationship.)

 

I guess the fear is based around expectation. I thought I'd be married by about 28 and that I would start having children yet but I haven't met anyone and by the time I graduate I'll be 27.

 

I know it's probably juvenile to have this fear still being so young but where I live I see SO many people that are in their 30s and 40s that are unmarried without children, in fact I'd say the vast majority of people I know that are between 30-50 are unmarried (and not in a serious relationship) and/or without children. A lot of them, at least the ones in their 30s are living just how people in their 20s are, they live with flatmates, go out clubbing a lot and on loads of holidays with their friends etc, they have a lot of fun and I'm happy that they are happy but that's not what I want for myself. I want to meet someone, settle down and have a family. So because it seems to be the trend where I am for people not to be in serious relationships or married in their 30s or 40s, to not have children and not be bothered by any of that I guess I'm just worried that I'll end up having that sort of life too and it's not what I want.

 

Does anyone else ever worry they'll never get married or might find someone when they are a bit older and wouldn't be able to have children anymore or might not feel as confident about their looks because they'll start to look physically older etc? Am I being juvenile? Is this an irrational fear to have?

 

Relax.

 

Easier said than done, I know. But as Josh said, this is very normal. I personally, won't be even considering marriage until I'm at least 25. That's the limit I've set for myself. And yeah, people remain children well into their thirties these days because society advocates for this. I'm not one for that sort of hedonism either, so I know where you're coming from. But really, just try to enjoy being single. You'll meet someone. 

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It's funny. Whenever someone who is in their 20s worries about being single forever I tend to think it's a little crazy because they are still so young. At the same time, though, at only 21, I sometimes have that worry for myself. It's easy to think oneself is so different than everyone else. Of course, I would argue that it probably will be way harder for me to meet someone I would want to be with than for most other people, but I won't get into that.

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I totally have the same fear. I have never been in a relationship. I'm 22 and never even kissed a girl let alone been married. My fear of being alone forever is what brought me to God. I'm relying on him totally and that's not a good feeling. I lack the social skills to keep a conversation going. I'm nervous and shy. I have plenty to worry about. If God were to tell me I'd never get married I'd tell God I don't want to keep living. It means that much to me

So you're not alone in this totally rational fear. It's a bit more scary for waiters than non-waiters I'm guessing.

Hey since we both fear not getting married how about we get rid of our fears by getting hitched! Lol

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Well, I do experience the fear of never getting married fairly often, but I decided a few years back that if I am not in a relationship heading towards marriage by the age of 30, I'll begin the painfully slow process of adopting a child. I have always planned on adopting anyways, and while I would prefer to do so with a husband, I will do so single if that's how it turns out.

 

Ideally, I will get married sooner than I expect, and will be blessed with both biological and adopted children, but I am willing to walk down whatever path God has for me, and I will do my best to be joyful along the way.

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Same here! I am 28 now turning 29 next month and am also afraid of that

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Oh, my! Yes! I have felt this way on MANY occasions.....as previously stated so has everyone else here & it is a normal & rational concern....I myself am QUITE a bit older than many of you (43) & a virgin as well, I've been in the wait for a BIT now! Lol!....Being a christian & someone who truly loves God....I am trusting in him completely for my husband & I KNOW it will come to pass SOON!! :-) ....in my loneliest moments when doubt crept in & I really wondered who was I keeping myself for....I had never dated or had a boyfriend, terribly shy, no confidence, & the list goes on.....But, when I completely submitted my life to God, he started showing me the plan for my life....through prayer, words of prophecy spoken over my life, in His word & my growing relationship with God...I began to cast out all doubt! Now every once in a blue moon doubt tries to make its way in....That's when my faith in God kicks in! Because I know he is a God that keeps His promises & keeps His word!!!

So, ScarletteRose....you will have what your heart desires....don't ever give into those moments of doubt or fear....Enjoy being single now! (I am!) Have some fun! Go on a holiday by yourself! Make the most of your time now!!! But mostly, trust in your beliefs & in your descion to wait....I know at times it can get rocky....but the reward will be SOOOO worth the wait!!!!

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Well, I do experience the fear of never getting married fairly often, but I decided a few years back that if I am not in a relationship heading towards marriage by the age of 30, I'll begin the painfully slow process of adopting a child. I have always planned on adopting anyways, and while I would prefer to do so with a husband, I will do so single if that's how it turns out.

 

Ideally, I will get married sooner than I expect, and will be blessed with both biological and adopted children, but I am willing to walk down whatever path God has for me, and I will do my best to be joyful along the way.

I plan to have a family of biological and adopted children too! I don't want to be a single parent though, (it's extremely difficult, especially as I probably won't have any sort of support network and if I die they'll have no-one) so I won't be adopting unless I'm married.

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Thank you everyone for your understanding and encouragement *virtual hugs of appreciation*.

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Thank you everyone for your understanding and encouragement *virtual hugs of appreciation*.

Virtual hug back :)

Same here! I am 28 now turning 29 next month and am also afraid of that

My compatriot :) well you're not the only one. Wait until you hit the big 3 0.

Oh, my! Yes! I have felt this way on MANY occasions.....as previously stated so has everyone else here & it is a normal & rational concern....I myself am QUITE a bit older than many of you (43) & a virgin as well, I've been in the wait for a BIT now! Lol!....

I can raise my hand too this side. Okay I never worried about children to be honest, but once a full moon you do get that lonely feeling. I'm not in my 20's anymore... I spoke with my cousin earlier [Vince my man you know which cousin ;) ] and she told me, that she's like throwing in the towel up because it feels for her there is no good/decent men out there anymore. She liked a boy / man [and he knew] and just before she develop feelings towards him, she noticed him [the other day] with another cheap woman.

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It's something I think worry about. You are not alone in that.  Lately I've been thinking  I might adopt a child if I hit my late 30s with no husband in sight. I'd like to adopt even if I'm married, but I'll go at it on my own as well. I'd rather have a partner.

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Virtual hug back :)

My compatriot :) well you're not the only one. Wait until you hit the big 3 0.

I can raise my hand too this side. Okay I never worried about children to be honest, but once a full moon you do get that lonely feeling. I'm not in my 20's anymore... I spoke with my cousin earlier [Vince my man you know which cousin ;) ] and she told me, that she's like throwing in the towel up because it feels for her there is no good/decent men out there anymore. She liked a boy / man [and he knew] and just before she develop feelings towards him, she noticed him [the other day] with another cheap woman.

I know how she feels, something similar happened to me. I met someone, the first guy I've ever felt a real connection with and he seemed to feel the same. We started to hang out and get to know each other better and one day when we were saying goodbye he suddenly kissed me. The next time I saw him he started acting really strangely, he was EXTREMELY quiet to the point that I felt like he didn't want to be there and I didn't want to be there (and he's not a quiet kind of guy) yet at the end of the day he said it was nice hanging out and he wants to hang out again soon for a whole day next time (because it was just a few hours) yet since then he acted like nothing happened and doesn't ever contact me anymore. And I've seen him flirting with other women. Okay to him it's probably not flirting but he's definitely overfamiliar with them, trying to tickle them and stuff like that, just always touching other women. Of course I feel hurt, he's the first person I've felt that way about and it really did seem to be mutual. He also knows about me wanting to wait and he was so positive about it and then all of a sudden, it's like nothing happened.

 

The worst thing is, I don't even feel like I can be friends with him now. Every time he crosses my mind or I see him I feel so hurt because I keep thinking, if he wasn't genuinely interested why did he kiss me? He shouldn't have done that. But yet he would have been a great friend. For the first time in my life I met someone who feels the same way I do about things that matter to me and we have the same religious and spiritual beliefs, it was nice to talk to and hang out with someone that actually gets me but that friendship's been ruined now because the fundamental thing about any relationship (romantic, family or friendship) is there needs to be respect and while I've shown him total respect, he's disrespected me in so many ways that a friendship just can't happen now.

Oh well, they'll be more friends I'll connect with (one day) and maybe one day I'll meet someone genuine.

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spoke with my cousin earlier [Vince my man you know which cousin ;) ] and she told me, that she's like throwing in the towel up because it feels for her there is no good/decent men out there anymore. 

 

Yes I do. I'll change her mind about that. Haha! I'll treat her like a princess :)

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I'm 21 and this crosses my mind all the time. I think it's harder during the summer (wedding season). But in reality your 20s are still very young. I do trust in God to find my husband, but it's scary wondering when and if. And what I always remember is that when it happens it will be perfect timing and beyond expectations.

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I worry about this too. :/ People often say things like, "Nicole is going to be married off before you know it." But they are so off. Nicole hasn't even gotten close before. Still, I keep the faith that someday it will be right and I will find the one that I will marry. I must keep believing that I am waiting for a reason and that it will pay off in a much deeper, more rewarding marriage. :)

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Virtual hug back :)

My compatriot :) well you're not the only one. Wait until you hit the big 3 0.

I can raise my hand too this side. Okay I never worried about children to be honest, but once a full moon you do get that lonely feeling. I'm not in my 20's anymore... I spoke with my cousin earlier [Vince my man you know which cousin ;) ] and she told me, that she's like throwing in the towel up because it feels for her there is no good/decent men out there anymore. She liked a boy / man [and he knew] and just before she develop feelings towards him, she noticed him [the other day] with another cheap woman.

Another cheap woman? Is this the second time she saw him with a cheap woman? Also, how does she not know they are just friends? I think that is an odd reason to throw the towel in.

 

I have this fear all the time btw. I love kids and sometimes I think about adopting in my 40s when I get enough money from my current career choice if things never pan out. I will name the kiddo after my cousin Vianney, in honor of how much I miss her. 

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Well, I'm only 21 and I think about this at least once a day! I know people say tgat I'm young, and its true that I am, but what if I'm supposed to be alone forever. Sorry, I don't really have any helpful advice, but I'm right there with you!

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I know exactly where you are coming from. I think that most people whether they are WTM or not worry about not finding someone. All of the technology that we have is isolating and it can be really hard to meet someone that shares your values and has things in common with you. The best way to meet someone is to put yourself out there. Depending on whether you expect the person you marry to also be WTM affects how you go about it, but even with a busy school schedule it is still possible. You can join clubs of things you are interested in, join a christian dating site where people share your values, or learn how to do something new in a group setting. Most importantly, if you meet someone that you feel like you connect with, say something and ask them out. There was this one line in a movie that said most things only require 10 seconds of intense courage. So if you are kind of shy, all of you have to do is work up a short bit of courage and take the plunge. The worst thing that can happen is they say no.

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I have the same feelings some times. Im very introverted, I'm not very attractive, or assertive, I'm an eccentric, so I really can see myself never getting married - whether I want too or not.

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Hmm I used to worry about that too but now Im just more focused on wanting it to be the right one. I dont want to get married to the wrong guy only to get divorced 15 years later or so.  Ever since I started focusing more on that, the waiting part hasnt worried me much. I can look around the room and see all my "friends" getting married for the wrong reasons while telling me I'll be alone forever with cats.  Or dating the wrong guy for the wrong reasons just because they're lonely, I will only get married if he is right for me that might take a while but thats okay because its worth it.

 

Songs help too 'you cant hurry love' by the Supremes is a good one it always makes me happy

 

People must stop giving themselves deadlines and just live life it puts too much pressure on them and they wind up unhappy for not meeting those expectations...think of the reasons youre WTM and what is right for you but dont give your self a deadline for something that is out of your control.  When its your time to get married the right guy will come along, in the meantime just hang around positive uplifting people and enjoy life.

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I not really worried about never getting married. But lately, my church friends are making me feel weird because we are on our early 20's and last year one got married, and there's a bunch of them in a relationship and some of them engaged. I'm single and I don't have a problem with that. I'm only 20. But they kind of make me feel that I should have a boyfriend and start thinking about marriage. 

 

My priorities are so different. I just want to finish University and finally have my own house to get a dog :)

 

(Ok,I'm too immature too!)

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I have the same feelings some times. Im very introverted, I'm not very attractive, or assertive, I'm an eccentric, so I really can see myself never getting married - whether I want too or not.

 

Inventor84 those are not very nice things to say about yourself! If you see yourself never getting married then you are darn right you may never get married. Life is very unpredicatable so don't set yourself up for the short end of the stick! Never give up♥

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All I have to say is there is someone for everyone♥ Never lose Faith in what you want but the greatest gift you can give yourself is enjoying life and being happy, a significant other is just an added bonus♥

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Hi! :)

 

Well, I'm 24, and in the exact situation as yours. At times, it frightens me terribly, at others, it makes me happy because I feel that I'll be in eternal bliss when I'll meet her. :)

 

My best advice? Don't think about it too much. Do things that please you. I went into boyscouting and poetry group writing, and although I haven't meet my future Beloved, she feels closer than ever.

 

"Love will happen when you least expect it" said my grandma. And I think she cannot have said something righter.

 

Best wishes on you, Scarlet.

 

God bless. :)

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