Nana

Friendly VS Flirty/Touchy

22 posts in this topic

Hey there fellas...

I just have a question OR comment...

Not sure how to word this.. My BF works at the gym. He encounter alot of gals there. I noticed certain things about certain gals there. From the manager, co-worker to even a member... Some of the things I have noticed is that the manager has a tendency of getting really close to him or any man in general when she is talking. She has rubbed him head, has rubbed lotion ON his arms, as she did this she said "Don't worry I got you." She is just VERY touchy in my opinion... Also there is another gal that always looks for him... If he gets busy at the front she WILL WAIT till he is done to start talking to him... & she is married.. She only does this when she is at the gym alone. If she goes with her husband its a different story... Recently she asked him "Why dont you talk to me anymore." Which in my opinion is just dumb. She also can be very touchy... She has in the past kicked him, slapped his arm... Just really playful childish things...

Now I know you guys might think I am overreacting BUT I would like to know how you guys would take all these things... How would you want you GF to react to it?

Any comment whether good OR bad is well appreciated (:

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If you know it bothers your GF would you kinda lay off of it... or back away when it happens? OR would you just be the same?

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You don't wanna ask me Nanners210! Jk! Honestly, it is very good that you are seeing this now instead of later on when things get serious. My tip is if it bothers you, you have to talk to him and not hold it in. If he tries to defend it and doesn't honor your needs, especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite gender, by respecting your wishes, whatever they maybe, or listening and making a change so you feel secure that is def. a red flag. If a guy truely is interested into the person he is with, he will honor her wishes especially when it comes to that. Honestly, if that were me, my partner would have to find a different job because that would cause problems and if girls are tempting your bf, he may eventually get weak and it doesn't happen in one encounter it happens overtime as the relationship develops. One thing can always lead to another and someone other than my partner applying lotion on me would be unacceptable so it sure as heck is not going to be okay for my partner to expect me to accept it. Best wishes!

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If you know it bothers your GF would you kinda lay off of it... or back away when it happens? OR would you just be the same?

If I knew it bothered them I would back away when it happens or lay off it. Just don't be mad at someone when things like this happen because they have no way of knowing that it would have bothered you, if you never talked to them about it!

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This is just a quick reply but I think If he was truthfully mine he would address that situation with those ladies without me having to tell him

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Guys should still be able to have friends that are girls though, if I had a GF that didn't let me stay being friends with other girls I'd break up with her.

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To be friends with a girl or have them flirt with you and be friends are two different situations. Flirting/touching isn't common for someone who is only only only FRIENDS especially when they already have a significant other. A happily married woman wouldn't/shouldn't do that. If my husband prowled on women when I wasn't there I'd have a problem. Back to @nanners..honestly I'd have a problem and call it out too. I'm not in a relationship but when I do get in one I'm not playin games with him. Being friendly and being flirty are two vastly different things.

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You don't have a choice with who flirts with you. From what it sounds like is that he isn't very receptive to the flirting behavior. Even if he talks to them about stopping, but if they don't what else can he really do? Are you going to break up with him just because someone is flirting with them? I could see talking to him if he was flirting with other girls, but not because other girls are flirting with him. I could be wrong, but it seems like the girls are flirting with him and he is trying to ignore it, especially since the one asked why he was not talking to her.

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Are you asking about his response, or theirs?

 

If his, and you don't have lines of communication open enough to mention it annoys you, there's probably a roundabout way to bring it up. If he isn't encouraging it, then the best thing to do is be big and let it slide off. He may be oblivious (or pretending to be) and if so you might say "that lady was totally flirting with you!"

 

If he finds out you're jealous, he'll probably think it's pretty cute and amusing. If he's flirting back with them, then you may have issues. 

 

If you're worried about their response, gyms are popular haunts for women looking to snag a guy. This is probably to be expected, and as long as he shrugs it off or keeps it in check, you needn't worry. And then, there are some people who are touchy-feely to everyone and that's just how they interact. I can think of at least one teacher who was very invasive to my body space and it made me uncomfortable at first, but she wasn't being inappropriate in the slightest, that was just her style. 

 

Bottom line, you don't wanna be accusatory to him. Give him an out by informing him they were flirting with him and see how he responds.

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Thanks you guys! I am at ease BUT not really LOL. Mainly because I know the one that is married is super flirty, she will not workout just to be at the front talking to him.....  Then to top shit off she has his # & I am not sure if at one point there was interest on his behalf BUT just the entire situation makes me uneasy. I know that he says that she texts him to ask for advice or to talk about her marriage... I am thinking like UH OKAY does she not have GFs for that shit.... Ugh... I have to be civil myself because I also work there... It's a bitch ESPECIALLY cuz I wanna tell her shit SO BAD.... But I know that will only make shit worse because then she will know what makes me feel this way & for all I know she will keep doing it. BLAH! Stupid a** girl!

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A married woman should NOT be going to a I suppose younger male friend for advice or a male friend in any case unless it was a brother. I find this whole situation kinda..suspicious from what you've been telling us and it's just not falling right in my opinion.. Also I feel the best person to confront about marital issues is your spouse since communication is key. Aside from that..the situation just seems too fishy and I couldn't deal with all that junk. You should talk it out with him rather than share with us..not meaning this rudely..but yeh if he can't handle it then you shouldn't deal with that. But tell him how you feel because communication is key in even a dating relationship.

Hope all is well :)

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Why shouldn't a married woman go to another male friend for advice? A marriage doesn't mean you have to have 0 interaction with the opposite sex anymore.

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I know this is going to sound harsh, but this is how someone in a relationship starts snooping and invading the others privacy. It starts out with someone flirting with them, then the find out they have a number or email, and that makes them upset and nervous. They want to be come protective of what they have. They become upset, and instead of talking to their significant other they let it build inside them. They may go talk to other people about this, and "venting", but it isn't really problem solving. They let the feeling consume them and before you know it, they're checking the other's emails, phone call, text, profiles, whatever just to make sure they aren't cheating. 

 

My advice, if it is really bothering you that bad, talk to him about it. There may be nothing that you or he could do to stop the flirting, but at least he know it makes you uncomfortable to know that she and him text. I don't see any problem with a married woman going to a young male for advice in a marriage, it does seem a little weird to me, seeing as he has no experience being married, but like Josh said there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender while in a relationship and asking them for advice. Bottom line, talk to him, let him know how you feel. There is no way for him to know how you feel unless you tell him. This will prevent you from going down the road mentioned above.Also, if you don't think you can handle this, get out of the relationship. It might be a lot to handle, but relationships are always going to be a lot to handle, they're never easy. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now and that's okay. I've always told my boyfriend, I trust you, if I didn't I wouldn't be dating you, and if I ever don't then I will leave you. I know that sounds harsh, but to me the most basic foundation of a relationship is trust. If you don't have that, then what do you have. I will work through whatever, but if I can't trust him, it's time to end it. 

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Sounds like a complicated situation.  This is maybe a little shorter of an answer than your question warrants, but I'm too tired right now to think to much.  But if I were in your boyfriend's place, I would not be put off if you brought up any concerns you might have.  After all, one of the main aspects of a loving relationship is trust; trust that your trust is well-placed in him, trust him to listen and respond accordingly, and trust in God to be in control of it, even when you don't feel like you are.

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Why shouldn't a married woman go to another male friend for advice? A marriage doesn't mean you have to have 0 interaction with the opposite sex anymore.

 

Well to some people it does. It just depends on what you and your spouse agree upon as allowable behaviors between each other.

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Well to some people it does. It just depends on what you and your spouse agree upon as allowable behaviors between each other.

That would be crazy, marriage isn't supposed to be like imprisonment, a relationship where someone can't talk to the opposite sex isn't a relationship at all.

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That would be crazy, marriage isn't supposed to be like imprisonment, a relationship where someone can't talk to the opposite sex isn't a relationship at all.

 

I wouldn't mind my wife having casual male friends, but overtly flirting or going to them for marital advice or emotional support is a different story. She has me for emotional support. If I'm not enough, I'm doing something wrong. We can have a mentor couple, same-sex friends, parents, etc. for advice. Going to a single (or married) friend of the opposite sex for marital advice or support just seems like asking for trouble to me.

 

As for the question, how that girl is acting towards him would make me uncomfortable if I were in his shoes. Hopefully I would have the backbone to address it; I think if it's something that needs to be nipped he should do it himself. As for advice, I'd listen to LonelyKnight.

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This is just a quick reply but I think If he was truthfully mine he would address that situation with those ladies without me having to tell him

i think you said it in the best way possible

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All great answers . She is looking for attenchion or wants more but long as you're man is good. There's she is jealous and just seeing if she can attract him . Then when they do they ignore you. Little games to see if they would date you. Every one already covered everything . Talk with ya man and like above ya spouse needs to hang with the opposite sex it takes away from you. You become the worker they have the fun. Some rare cases are okay but most involve bad scenarios. People only like people they would date. In the event you become single you already know people . Hence why relationships are hard. People cause relationship trouble and you have to put up with it but you're spouse defends there friend. You are in trouble . Drama , worries possible cheating

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Wow Im terrible with dealing with this kind of thing because I will just come off as a jerk saying what I need to say hahaha. Basically you have to find a way to express your concerns in a way that doesn't come off as telling your boyfriend what to do or you appearing mad or jealous. It doesn't sound like he likes her because sometimes guys are SO oblivious, but if it makes you uncomfortable then yeah he should honor that because that's what's important and it sounds like she just flirts because she likes the attention. But yeah like the previous posts mentioned if your boyfriend gets defensive be prepared to say "Peace!" Haha Good luck!

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