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SnowWhite

Am I A Bad Person?

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Okay, so I'm crazy in love with my boyfriend. We've only been dating for about 4 months, but he was my best friend before we started dating and we're incredibly close. We've already had discussions about getting married later in our lives. He doesn't believe in wating til marriage, but he knows my standpoint and is willing to wait for me (he is also a virgin). He says that he will always respect my boundaries and that I'm worth it to wait for. I, personally, am not waiting for religious reasons. I am waiting because 1. I don't need to get myself pregnant and in trouble lol and 2. I want give my V-card to the man who I will spend my whole life with. We have gone on vacation together (With his parents in the same room, of course), and I honestly cannot imagine ever having stronger feelings for somebody else. I know that this discussion takes place a lot, but I often question my boundaries. Even though we're waiting for marriage, I have engaged in things that may not be considered "pure" by some of the WTM community. I know "purity" is a definition that everybody makes for themselves, but can anybody else feel my pain? I want to be able to share those sexual desires with my boyfriend (even without going all they way) but sometimes I feel guilty or like I'm doing something wrong... We've talked about it and he says he understands my boundaries. It's not that I don't WANT to do some more intimate things, but I always have a constant guilt (which is strange, because nobody has ever told me that I'm doing something wrong) and sometimes I even wonder how I define my own boudnaries. Can anybody else attest to this? Am I just crazy? haha

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My boyfriend and I have constantly had talks about where our boundaries are and yes, we have done things that we're not proud of even though we've never had sex. You're not crazy. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly where your boundaries are until you've gone too far. It has gotten easier for us the longer we've dated if that's any consolation. We've been together almost 5 years now and there's never a question about it since we know each other so well and we are better at working together. Feel free to PM me  too if you ever need someone to talk to :)

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I think it's normal to think the way you do. You do want the physical...yet, you also want to wait. I'm sure it's easy to be "torn" between these ideas.

 

Personally, I don't think that what you're doing is good (and I don't mean to condemn you--but I don't think it's a good idea from the perspective of waiting till marriage). If you do go past mere kissing, it becomes so much harder to resist going all the way. and the creation of the "gray area" is exactly why so many people who intended on waiting eventually "slip up". It's much easier, from a WTM perspective, to firmly point out "no, I'll only kiss you or hold hands, but nothing private" or something like that.

 

(Although I personally like the idea of only sharing your body with your spouse, which is why I don't like  the idea of going beyond a kiss or hand-holding before marriage.)

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Hey, I'm kinda late on this but I just had to comment, because we are literally in the same exact position. Like, everything you just mentioned, I am currently facing. XD So you are not alone! If you ever wanna ask me anything or talk to me about it more, you can message me. :)

 

It's not bad at all. If you are truly committed to waiting, and you've set boundaries, and know how to practice self control, you'll be fine. And I'm split on the whole doing physical acts before marriage- sure, it may led to temptation but it's also good because you can learn what your partner likes. That way, you'll still be virgins on your wedding day, but it won't be as awkward of an experience because you'll at least have a bit more knowledge on how to please your partner. But if you don't wanna do physical acts for whatever reason, you don't have to. If he cares about you, I'm sure he won't mind if you decide to withold acts farther from passionate kissing. But you are far from being a bad person- just means you have a healthy sex drive, and a good conscience. ^_^ Hope this helped!

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