NicoleNova

What a Tease!

21 posts in this topic

Sometimes, I see women judged as being a tease by guys because she was showing what the man thought was interest but did not follow through on it with a relationship. Sometimes the girl is really being a tease, other times she may not even know that she is coming across that way. So my question for you guys is....

 

In your opinion, what would determine if a woman is being a "tease?"

 

Ladies, please feel free to join in if you have something substantive to add. :)

 

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Well, I have known some guys who have behaved as a "tease" or a "flirt" as well. So not only women do this... :)

 

Then again, I have heard it said, "Politeness has become so rare nowadays that people mistake it as flirtation." Many times, people have no interest in doing anything other than being friendly, yet have their intentions misunderstood. They should not be blamed for this, but at the same time, I can understand the disappointment of those who get their hopes up for nothing.

 

My feeling is that people should not intentionally play with others' emotions or lead them on, but that they also should not be chewed out for having their platonic feelings misread.

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Well, I have known some guys who have behaved as a "tease" or a "flirt" as well. So not only women do this... :)

 

Then again, I have heard it said, "Politeness has become so rare nowadays that people mistake it as flirtation." 

This right there... ^ 

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I think it's all about intention. If a girl, for example, was dressing provocatively for the sole reason of getting attention or just flirting with no intention, then she is a tease. But as we all know, some people are just really friendly and that often get mistaken for flirty behavior. It's not their fault, but it might be a good idea that they become mindful of the vibe they give off once they realize they are giving mixed signals.

 

I think girls are more likely to come off as a tease because girls are the gatekeepers of sex and relationships. They have the luxury of just sitting back and letting the guys come to them. Some girls know this and exploit this fact to boost their vanity. Is it right that girls are judged more harshly than guys in this regard? Probably not because guys can be like this too. Those people should be avoided like the veganism ;)

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I agree about what's been said before. But speaking from experience, there are subtler ways of leading someone on. I'm generally someone who makes genuine inquiries about someone's well-being, and listens to their troubles. The emotional comfort and even intimacy brought about by self-disclosure, seems to have been unknowingly leading someone on, just by trying to be a friend.

 

Meanwhile, I was lately the victim of a quite attractive and bright young lady who made startlingly compassionate inquiries after myself, who carried on conversations (online) with such friendliness and encouragement as to provoke definite attraction on my part. We'd collaborated together on several projects and worked well together. We recently had occasion to meet during mutual attendance at a conference, and my attempts to meet were rebuffed in nearly every way. During one or two brief encounters, she was unnecessarily harsh, and while specifically making time to see me, complained of feeling unwell and left within 15 minutes. 

 

The girl was a combination of so many things I found attractive that I considered trying to move passed the fact she hadn't waited. I never got the opportunity.

 

So, personal hurts aside, teasing or leading on has many forms.

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This is a bit of a sensitive point for me. I have been told by guys I turned down that I "led them on" or was acting like a tease and quite frankly I find it annoying to the extreme. I do not dress or act provocatively in any way, or indicate that I was even slightly interested in more than friendship. I am however very outgoing and friendly to people (unless they give me reason not to be). What should I do, act like a snark all the time just in the off chance that a guy I'm around might potentially be interested? On the other hand, I do recognize that there are those--girls and guys both--that seem to think it's a power trip to lead people on. My random thoughts.

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i think it's funny how (some) men think women owe them sex lol

i'm sorry but just because a woman spends time with you or is nice to you does not mean she owes you a damn thing.lol women are more compassionate than men by nature.

A woman will still act politely toward a man she is not romantically interested in. that's just how women are (well, most of us). we don't want to needlessly come across as cold or mean so we try our best to be nice.

it doesn't mean we wanna give you some booty.  don't get it twisted. lol

Nicole, the next time some guy calls you a tease, you should be like "oh ok so the only reason *you* spent time with me was because you thought all this would lead to sex?? so you were basically using me??"

lol that'll shut him up and make him realize he's no angel either.

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i think it's funny how (some) men think women owe them sex lol

i'm sorry but just because a woman spends time with you or is nice to you does not mean she owes you a damn thing.lol women are more compassionate than men by nature.

Lexia......I'm agreeing with you on that! In the culture we live in with the "everything leads to sex" mentality....its no wonder men have it in their heads to think that way...And it doesn't help that so many women perpetuate that idea & act in a behavior that reenforces this type of thing. So when an actual woman/girl comes along thats just genuinely nice & naturally flirty....its read as "she's after me or she wants me" by a majority of men....it can be dissheartening.....But, I see it this way....not all men/guys are going to think like this!!! Their will be this man/guy who is gonna see that you are being genuinely who you are!!! And he will be attacted to that & you!!! All I can say is.....SCORE!!! Lol! So, don't let them label you something you know your not!!!! They have no idea what they just missed out on!!!!

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i think it's funny how (some) men think women owe them sex lol

i'm sorry but just because a woman spends time with you or is nice to you does not mean she owes you a damn thing.lol women are more compassionate than men by nature.

A woman will still act politely toward a man she is not romantically interested in. that's just how women are (well, most of us). we don't want to needlessly come across as cold or mean so we try our best to be nice.

it doesn't mean we wanna give you some booty.  don't get it twisted. lol

Nicole, the next time some guy calls you a tease, you should be like "oh ok so the only reason *you* spent time with me was because you thought all this would lead to sex?? so you were basically using me??"

lol that'll shut him up and make him realize he's no angel either.

I completely agree with you. I just watched a video about how contemporary media socializes men to think that have entitlement over women.

I've never been called a tease. Honestly, I just hadn't started a topic in a while and I really wanted to so this is what I came up with that hasn't already been spoken about. (That I know of.) lol 

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Hmmm... I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm actually in two minds about this. If a girl is talking friendly to a guy, and she does not think that there is a small possibility that he may eventually want sex... then I would think that the girl was pretty naive about guys in society, and also very naive and unaware about the degree of her attractiveness. That lack of awareness can sometimes be dangerous, and that's how innocent girls get manipulated so easily to do things they regret later... It's just a fact of life, most guys' hormones are much more elevated than most girls in this area... Most guys want and experience sex regularly, .... and how is the guy supposed to know that the girl just wanted friendship, when other girls who have been just as friendly have wanted something more? Nobody can read minds. I think it's good to be friendly, and polite... but it's also good to be aware of what a guy might possibly be thinking, that way you can clear things up quickly verbally, and you won't be in danger of being manipulated or shocked. Good communication between the friends can eliminate any hurtful misunderstandings about being a tease, being sex-obsessed etc.

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I think if a girl initiates a serious friendship with a guy with no intention of it ever possibly being romantic then I think she is being a tease. I think guys and girls can be casual friends, but I feel like if you converse regularly and share deep intimate secrets and the girl relies on the guy in many of the ways she would rely on a boyfriend without acting like a girlfriend in return, then I would say that's teasing, even if it is unintentional. I guess that's more considered "leading a guy on" than being a tease, though. I'm not 100% on how I feel about this, so maybe look at this comment as more of a talking point for conversation than anything else.

 

Of course, there are also more obvious ways of being a tease. Say, for instance, a girl purposely dresses provocatively and shows her stuff off in front a guy just to get a reaction out of him. I think it's safe to say that she would be being a tease.

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Hmmm... I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm actually in two minds about this. If a girl is talking friendly to a guy, and she does not think that there is a small possibility that he may eventually want sex... then I would think that the girl was pretty naive about guys in society, and also very naive and unaware about the degree of her attractiveness. That lack of awareness can sometimes be dangerous, and that's how innocent girls get manipulated so easily to do things they regret later... It's just a fact of life, most guys' hormones are much more elevated than most girls in this area... Most guys want and experience sex regularly, .... and how is the guy supposed to know that the girl just wanted friendship, when other girls who have been just as friendly have wanted something more? Nobody can read minds. I think it's good to be friendly, and polite... but it's also good to be aware of what a guy might possibly be thinking, that way you can clear things up quickly verbally, and you won't be in danger of being manipulated or shocked. Good communication between the friends can eliminate any hurtful misunderstandings about being a tease, being sex-obsessed etc.

lol Don't worry girl nobody is gonna flame you lol

I see what you're saying. it makes sense.

but i'm just saying that I can't be held responsible for every single time a dude ends up with blue balls as a result of being around me.  I'm pretty friendly and playful by nature but I'm always careful not to come across as a flirt. I don't say or do things that are even remotely suggestive when I'm in the company of men and I'm pretty sure I don't look like a ho either lol

but yeah like I said I do see what you're saying but at the same time, I don't believe men should go around acting like women owe them sex lol that's just not right lol

 

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Lexia......I'm agreeing with you on that! In the culture we live in with the "everything leads to sex" mentality....its no wonder men have it in their heads to think that way...And it doesn't help that so many women perpetuate that idea & act in a behavior that reenforces this type of thing. So when an actual woman/girl comes along thats just genuinely nice & naturally flirty....its read as "she's after me or she wants me" by a majority of men....it can be dissheartening.....But, I see it this way....not all men/guys are going to think like this!!! Their will be this man/guy who is gonna see that you are being genuinely who you are!!! And he will be attacted to that & you!!! All I can say is.....SCORE!!! Lol! So, don't let them label you something you know your not!!!! They have no idea what they just missed out on!!!!

:wub:

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I think men need to understand signals that women give when they're interested. If she's wearing pretty clothes, asking about your day, laughing at your jokes; that isn't sufficient evidence that she's interesed in you. If she's making excuses to touch you, hinting she wants to be alone with you; that another kettle of fish. Misinterpretation is very easy.

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you know, I would say that she is being a tease if she makes long term goals with you, hangs out with you often, talks about being more then friends, dresses provocatively for you (must be stressed for you only), and things of that nature. She is being a tease because she is making you feel like you are special... Anything a girl does to hint at wanting a relationship and that you are that "special" someone, when in reality you aren't, is a tease and must be avoided at all costs! Do not fall into that trap gentlemen....

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In my opinion a woman who is being a tease is a woman who goes out of her way to act flirtatious and kind but to have an ulterior motive. A tease is a woman who plays with her hair in front of him, laughs at his truly unfunny jokes, is seemingly never angry at him and after all of this she asks the guy for things, she asks for favors or money, claims they're just "friends". That in my opinion is a tease. A girl who leads men on to expectations of reciprocated romance yet only uses him for her own selfish gains.

 

I really hope there aren't any girls who are a tease by claiming they're virgins waiting till marriage to get the guy's attention only to use him for money or gifts. That would be a very bad individual, but a skillful one as well!

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i dont believe in the term tease. why do guys feel like women owe them a date or sex or whatever. you can feel lead on, but you shouldnt call a woman or anyone in fact a tease.

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i dont believe in the term tease. why do guys feel like women owe them a date or sex or whatever. you can feel lead on, but you shouldnt call a woman or anyone in fact a tease.

I don't see a real difference between saying the woman was being a tease and saying she lead you on. Don't they both have a negative connotation?

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I don't see a real difference between saying the woman was being a tease and saying she lead you on. Don't they both have a negative connotation?

sorry i did phrase that horribly. i meant that as youre entitled to your feelings if you feel led on. but you shouldnt sit there and bash the other person by calling them a tease. does that make sense?

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sorry i did phrase that horribly. i meant that as youre entitled to your feelings if you feel led on. but you shouldnt sit there and bash the other person by calling them a tease. does that make sense?

I tend to agree that you shouldn't go around bashing someone, so maybe tease isn't a nice word to use, even if they are acting in a manner that would make you want to call them a tease. Like I said in my other post in this thread, I think it can be unintentional, so if tease is an insulting word, maybe it's not the best one to use since the girl (or, hey, even a guy in the opposite situation) might not be doing it on purpose, even if they are, in fact, leading a guy on.

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Well, even in middle school guys had sex drives, and I just happened to be more developed than most other girls. I explained to them that I was waiting until marriage, or at least a serious relationship. But they called me a prude, a bitch, and of course, a tease. And I figured out that they just got frusterated that I wasn't a slut that slept around, so if you're called "A Tease" take it as a compliment, it basically means you're desirable but not easy.

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