Sunny

How comfortable are you with physical contact?

28 posts in this topic

How comfortable are you with physical affection?

Is it off putting if someone you like has problems with physical contact?

What comes to your mind when you notice someone seems to have this problem?

 

So I ran into one of my old roommates today and she approached me for a hug but it was so awkward and even though I am really fond of her and think she's super sweet I did not want to hug her. I think she could sense this so she instead went for one of those one armed side hugs (the only hugs I give even though I'm not comfortable with it).

 

The last time I was approached for a hug was months ago by a guy I liked and he asked me so many times for a hug but I wouldn't hug him.Again, I really wanted to hug this person but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was very uncomfortable with the idea. And the way he gestured with his arms all the way open meant that he wanted a real hug, a full embrace. He told me that he love hugging and touching and he always seemed to find a reason to touch me or brush up against me, but I never touched him or attempted to touch him once. I'm wondering if this helped drive him away.

 

Also a while back, a friend once told me that I give the worst hugs. Which may be true, because I never know how to hug but it made a lasting impression on me because it kinda made me more self conscious about it since then.

 

In short I'm just not used to physical contact. I have mentioned a couple of times on this site how my family doesn't, really show much physical affection. As a child I wasn't held a lot (my family doesn't think you should coddle a child because it makes them too dependent and attached). Then I've also never had touchy-feely friends growing up (I use to see other girls doing things like hugging, linking arms, etc. with friends, and I just never had friends that did that), 

 

So I am now realizing that I have a potential serious problem. I am very worried about my future relationships and wonder if this has caused people to turn away from me (like my second example there).

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I'm reealllyy weird with physical contact, like my entire life I've been deprived of being touched so any touch is a like a rush for me, absolutely loved being touched in anyway, even being poked!

But it doesn't off put me if someone has a problem with physical contact, but it would bother me if the one in our relationship didn't like it.

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Hmmmmmmmmm odd one this and unanswered for some time so hey i will give it a go. Hugs. Well hugs are ok although I must confess prior to 30+ i also was uncomfortable with them. Yes similar kept hugs to a sideward kinda hold. Now im ok with them. Use them to show my actual level of affection. Sadly most people use a hug as a normal form of embrace which is blooming enoying. Its kinda special.

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I don't think you should worry too much about it. I say this because despite being brought up in a fairly affectionate family, I'm pretty weird about physical contact too; however, once I was comfortable enough in my previous relationship, physical contact/hugs, etc. became second nature and I had no problem displaying physical affection. Outside of a romantic relationship though I can hardly show physical affection at all. I even give my parents and grandparents the side hug, though I've gotten better about giving them real hugs over the past few years. Even the typical physical contact between male friends feels weird to me. When standing next to a girl, even one I know and/or like, I notice that if she gets closer I inch away involuntarily. lol. I pretty much never initiate physical contact.

 

How comfortable are you with physical affection?

Not at all outside of a romantic relationship with someone I'm really comfortable with. It's not that I don't want to show it, I usually do, it just feels too awkward and strange.

 

Is it off putting if someone you like has problems with physical contact?

Only if we've been in a relationship for some time. But I'd just talk to her about it and try to understand.

 

What comes to your mind when you notice someone seems to have this problem?

"You're like me!" lol. I never really notice this kind of thing with other people, probably because I never initiate contact.

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Physical touch is one of my top love languages. I love being touched, especially by a good looking guy. ;) haha. However, I will not initiate contact with someone unless we are already close. I will hug someone but only after I have assessed if they are willing and comfortable with a hug. Sometimes I mess up and hug someone who didn't want to be hugged. Man, that is awkward. lol 

 

I've never had a boyfriend, so I don't know how comfortable I will be with touch with him. I am fairly certain I will love it and I will have to watch that because if I'm not careful I could let it go too far. 

 

With friends, I am very touch oriented. I hug, cuddle, link arms, poke my friends. lol It's actually funny because when I was little I used to hate hugging or touching people. I am such a different person now in almost every way.  

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Physical touch is one of my top love languages. I love being touched, especially by a good looking guy. ;) haha. However, I will not initiate contact with someone unless we are already close. I will hug someone but only after I have assessed if they are willing and comfortable with a hug. Sometimes I mess up and hug someone who didn't want to be hugged. Man, that is awkward. lol 

 

I've never had a boyfriend, so I don't know how comfortable I will be with touch with him. I am fairly certain I will love it and I will have to watch that because if I'm not careful I could let it go too far. 

 

With friends, I am very touch oriented. I hug, cuddle, link arms, poke my friends. lol It's actually funny because when I was little I used to hate hugging or touching people. I am such a different person now in almost every way.  

LOL Nicole you're so adorable :lol:

I'm afraid of that happening to me.

 

Story Time!

One time, I was at my childhood friend's house and her family was having a shindig. My mom and her friend told me to go hug her grandfather. There were a lot of people there so I just ended up hugging the first man I saw. My friend and her mom laughed at me and were like "no that's not him!". Omg I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry (don't judge me, I was like 8).

 

I'm hoping my boyfriend would just force me to hug, like I do with my cat. Like hug rape (..too far?) That way I won't have to initiate it and he won't have to go without hugs ^_^  J/k hopefully I'll be comfortable with it by the time I have a boyfriend.

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LOL Nicole you're so adorable :lol:

I'm afraid of that happening to me.

 

Story Time!

One time, I was at my childhood friend's house and her family was having a shindig. My mom and her friend told me to go hug her grandfather. There were a lot of people there so I just ended up hugging the first man I saw. My friend and her mom laughed at me and were like "no that's not him!". Omg I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry (don't judge me, I was like 8).

 

I'm hoping my boyfriend would just force me to hug, like I do with my cat. Like hug rape (..too far?) That way I won't have to initiate it and he won't have to go without hugs ^_^  J/k hopefully I'll be comfortable with it by the time I have a boyfriend.

I'm adorable?! It's always the girls that think this.  <_<

Afraid of what happening? That you'll change and be overly touchy like me? lol

 

Ohh... Poor Sunny. Sounds like something that would happen to me. lol I remember my sister always giving her teachers a hug in elementary school and I would just be like, "Uck! I don't want to touch them!!" lol  

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I'm adorable?! It's always the girls that think this.  <_<

Afraid of what happening? That you'll change and be overly touchy like me? lol

 

Ohh... Poor Sunny. Sounds like something that would happen to me. lol I remember my sister always giving her teachers a hug in elementary school and I would just be like, "Uck! I don't want to touch them!!" lol  

I know how you feel happens to me too -_-

No, I'm afraid of hugging someone before they're ready to hug, or giving someone the wrong type of hug, like a arms around neck hug when really I should be giving the person a side hug :wacko:

 

This is off topic so I'll just hide it under a spoiler 'cuz I don't want to get in twubble

 

Nicole why do we always end up in the most awkward of situations.

Sometimes it's funny though. I've learned to just laugh at myself. I'm a clumsy person so if I trip or fall I just turn it into a super fierce pose.

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Or if I wave at someone and they don't wave back I'll just act like I was swatting a fly or something.

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Or if I try to enter through an exit and end up smashing right into the door I'll give my cutest embarrassed smile!

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Nothing better than turning a Fail into a Win

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Physical touch is one of my top love languages. I love being touched, especially by a good looking guy. ;) haha. However, I will not initiate contact with someone unless we are already close. I will hug someone but only after I have assessed if they are willing and comfortable with a hug. Sometimes I mess up and hug someone who didn't want to be hugged. Man, that is awkward. lol 

 

I've never had a boyfriend, so I don't know how comfortable I will be with touch with him. I am fairly certain I will love it and I will have to watch that because if I'm not careful I could let it go too far. 

 

With friends, I am very touch oriented. I hug, cuddle, link arms, poke my friends. 

That ^ Lol, everything Nicole said, is exactly the way I am :) I love hugs ^_^ I hug my family members, friends, people I'm close with. I wouldn't hug someone I don't know well enough though lol, unless a friendship was forming and they reached for a hug, in that case I would hug them :)

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Also, Sunny, I think you may be over thinking this. Since my family has always been affectionate with the way they raise the kids, hugs are natural to me. I do know what it is like for it to be awkward sometimes lol. You mentioned a "rape hug", omg those are so awkward (because they are obviously done unintentionally). This one time, I was saying good bye to some people in my school (it was the last day of school and we do that every year lol) and there was this teacher who I thought was okay with that stuff, (in my mind, it's all innocent of course, like a friend). So, long story short, before saying bye, I went for a hug, instead of hugging me, the teacher just said "Awe, thank you..." It was so awkward, omg, my face turned red. Although I respected them I just assumed it was okay, because of how friendly the teacher student relationship was (with all the students). Anyway, my point is, hugs may sometimes be awkward, but they are so simple. Don't worry, I don't think you can do it wrong or anything. Sometimes they are awkward, (like you both reach in the same direction etc, but I think that's very rare). Anyway, hugs are awesome, sorry I wrote so much lol. Also, my brother disliked it when I hugged him, so I guess some people don't like hugs lol :)

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Well, I used to not be very comfortable with physical contact, but after two years of dating, kissing, and embracing a guy, I became far more fond of touch. And since then, three years of teaching kindergarten has completely burst my personal space bubble. So now, I am a hugger. I tend to reserve hugs for students and friends, and I normally only hug adults if we are close and if we are greeting or departing, or for the purposes of comforting.

 

But yeah, I generally love hugs now. And, with the right guy, I really like kissing too!

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There is nothing as uncomfortable for me as physical contact... but the thing is, it only happens when it is with guys.I am ok with physical contact from anyone in my own gender but when it comes to men I just feel kind of 'violated' . And that includes my own brother and father.It took me years before I could be able to hug them without it been too awkward. 

Any kind of touch from a guy  feels like an invasion of my space and I immediately go into panic mode any time a man comes towards me for a hug or anything. Why?I have no idea.

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Unless Im in a relationship...I dont like touching people and I dont like to be touched especially by other women I dont know why, but I always feel uncomfortable. Im going to be candid here and express what I experience girls are almost always tiny and frail and I dont like hugging that and if they arent tiny then their boobs are meshed against me, I dont like that either. Overall its just the skinny arms wrapped around me its just so awkward for me. I try not to be but I just get uncomfortable I always do the far away hug with girls Ive always been like that even as a kid, the knee tap and the arm taps are ok.  But I do have a bubble.

From men its completely different if a guy is hugs me or touches me then its fine its more comfortable to hug men, they dont have boobage in the way, their arms are usually bigger and its always more like a bear hug which is always awesome. But there was this one time *TMI warning* where I hugged a friend of mine and his friend below was alert that was awkward and uncomfortable I quickly ended that hug :lol:  When Im in a relationship Im more affectionate and lovey dovey so I have no problem there.

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Unless Im in a relationship...I dont like touching people and I dont like to be touched especially by other women I dont know why, but I always feel uncomfortable. Im going to be candid here and express what I experience girls are almost always tiny and frail and I dont like hugging that and if they arent tiny then their boobs are meshed against me, I dont like that either. Overall its just the skinny arms wrapped around me its just so awakward for me. I try not to be but I just get uncomfortable I always do the far away hug with girls Ive always been like that even as a kid, the knee tap and the arm taps are ok.  But I do have a bubble.

Oh dear... I apologize for hugging you before you left when we hung out over a couple weeks ago.....

Normally I don't first meeting someone, but you didn't feel much like a stranger, haha.

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Touch......is one of the 5 Love Languages. A touch can be loving, nurturing, healing, erotic, comforting, caring & intimate. But, on the flip side it can also be creepy, unwanted, forceful, hurtful & invading. More often than not its usually the first of the descriptions.. I myself love touch!! Lol! I hug, kiss, squeeze those I care about, be it friends, family, babies, kids, teens! Now in a dating situation I will give a friendly hug with that space in between. I don't kiss on first meetings!! I don't know you like that!!!! Lol!!! Over time it the hug will have more body contact as I get to know them more...this applies to men & women for me!! What can I say.....a touch, hug, kiss etc. Shows you care!!!

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Not comfortable. That's the major downside to having autism. I still don't know if I even can have sex. Or if I can, am I able to enjoy it? I've never had a boyfriend before so I think I'll have a much better understanding of how I feel about physical stuff in romantic relationships after I start to date. In the meantime, hugs that go beyond 2 seconds feel suffocating and I don't like standing too close to people. ESPECIALLY when we're making eye contact. Ugh. I can't help it though, cuz like I said earlier, I have autism.

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I have no issue with it. I prefer it, and for every person it has a different role. 

For my mom, aunts, grandmother, cousins (female) it is usually a hug or a kiss on the cheek, which is perfectly fine for both parties.

For friend, a hug if it's a girl, a handshake or fist-pound if it's a guy.

For a relationship, always start off slow and see where it goes. I have never been pushy about physical contact, however, I do believe it an important expression of love. Cuddling is on the most amazing things ever discovered. Trust, respect and honestly are the rules to apply when in a relationship. Kissing is also very wonderful but you most people are in a committed relationship before they start doing this, at least I am.

 

Everyone is different though. My last girlfriend didn't care for a lot of physical contact, so I did most of the initiating of physical contact, I always respected her, but I wanted more affection from her as touch is my love language. 

Remember, modest practice makes perfect! ;)

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Oh dear... I apologize for hugging you before you left when we hung out over a couple weeks ago.....

Normally I don't first meeting someone, but you didn't feel much like a stranger, haha.

lol dont apologize for my weirdness  :lol:

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lol dont apologize for my weirdness  :lol:

Lol...... okay then :P

I could tell after and thought "yeah..she didn't care too much for that", haha.

Well now I know.. hopefully we'll catch up again and I'll just give ya a hand shake or something :P

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Most of the time I'm pretty comfortable with it, but only after I gain his trust and proves to me that he has good self control. In my current boyfriend's case, I'm fine. I actually rarely like being touched unless it is certain people since I have a bit of a sensory issue. 

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I am completely comfortable with physical contact. I give my parents a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I go to bed and anytime I leave the house. If I've had a stressful day, notbing makes me feel better faster than a nice hug from somebody I care about. I've always been a cuddly person though. Heck, my tour guide at the medical school I chose gave us all hugs before he left and I was cool with that. The only time I can remember feeling uncomfortable with someone touching me was when one of my significantly older coworkers (i was 18 he was mid 40s) put his arm around me, which would have been fine, except his hand was on my abdomen at like hip level and towards the center. I remember thinking "i don't know you like that! Wtf?" but we were standing in the middle of the dining room so I didnt actually say anything. I think he caught my drift from my expression because he never pulled that particular monkey business again. I have friends that are huggers and friends that aren't. Its not really a big deal to me, I respect their preferences and we get along great! I would never want to make anybody feel uncomfortable so I let them show me what they are okay with. I would be a little bummed if the person I was dating had a problem hugging, etc but I could be patient until it felt right to them which I'm sure would happen eventually.

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Touching is a difficult situation for me because of various psychological reasons that I can identify. Sometimes I have trouble keeping myself from being attracted to a girl and if a girl touches me, then I might have trouble controlling certain bodily functions like a teenage boy. In those situations, I ask them not to touch me and avoid it. The sad thing is that some girls think I'm not interested in them, but the reason I don't like them touching me is exactly the opposite.

 

After I get to know someone for a while, and the crush fades, then I am fine with being touched.

 

I'm actually fine being touched in certain areas by friends and family depending on whether or not I'm clean that day. If I haven't showered, then I don't like being touched at all. Obviously, my best friends are allowed to cross some interesting touch boundaries. 

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I am a very affectionate person. I am always love giving hugs and giving supportive pats on the shoulder or back especially with female friends and family members and even to some guy friends. I practically live for physical contact. Which is interesting since I come from an Asian family, where affection isn't really the norm. But I think I am this way because of the lack of physical contact I had growing up. I guess I experienced what you might call "skin hunger" and it became a natural reaction after being deprived of physical touch for so long.

I think I would lose my mind due to sensory overload if I ever have a girlfriend. I would imagine feeling a sense of fulfilled longing to finally be able to hold hands and cuddle with someone special after desiring it for so long. After marriage, I will definitely be the kind of husband who grabs his wife's butt or breast at random times of the day to the point where she would get slightly annoyed lol. Even more so than most married couples :)

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I don't care much for it. And physical touch or affection can be annoying at times if I didn't initiated it first or I wasn't in the mood.

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I like physical contact, but only with my close friends, my family, and anyone I'm romantically interested in. To me, touching someone is quite a personal exchange and demands trust - I mean, the person touching you could grab you, pull you, do anything to you, not that I expect them to but on an instinctual level, you're in a vulnerable position. I love it when I'm in physical contact with people I'm close to, and I'm constantly touching them, coming up from behind to hug them, resting against them and so on, but I'm not in the least comfortable having physical contact with people I'm not close to. If I allow you to touch me, it means I like you very much :)

I'm also not the type to initiate contact. Since I myself don't like it unless I know the person well, I'm conscious that others might be like me and so I'll wait for them to make the move. Otherwise, I tend to mirror their behaviour. If they're touchy feely and I'm comfortable with that, I'll touch them back, but if they're not, I'll keep my distance.

Obviously, the problem lies in the fact that some people don't like to initiate either :P On one hand, it's reassuring to know that there are others like me and that we can take our time becoming comfortable around each other. But on the other hand, it makes relationships difficult if both parties are waiting for the other to make the move!

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