Invincible

Would you marry someone of a different denomination/sect?

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Since most of us are very marriage minded people, I'm going to extend this to dating as well. So for example, if you're a Catholic would you marry a Protestant or if you're a Lutheran would you marry say, a Baptist? How about if you're a Sunni Muslim, would you marry a Shiite? Perhaps you're a Jedi, would you marry someone from the Dark Side?

 

I personally would have no problem marrying another Christian denomination as long as she fell under the Protestant umbrella. For a long time, I've been wrestling the idea of marrying a Catholic and it is now my personal conviction that I wouldn't. Nothing against Catholics of course, there are lots of great marriages out there between them and Protestants, but for me, the differences are too great to ignore.

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Well, for me denomination doesn't matter so much as a person's personal theological beliefs.   There are what I call nominal Christians in every denomination or non-denominational church, and there is often a wide variety of theological beliefs within a given denomination or congregation, regardless of what the actual denomination or church officially believes.

 

On Essentials:

So, I would want to know what the guy actually believed.   Does he actually believe in the things in the creeds?   What is his prayer life like?   Who does he believe Jesus is?  What does he believe about the Trinity?  What does he believe the gospel message is?   How does he live out his faith?  How does he treat others?  I would consider all of these things.  Does he share his faith with anyone?  And if so, how?   How does he glorify God in his daily life?

 

I'm going to include a few other things here -- that would make a big difference to me:

What he thinks about the spiritual gifts:  I am not a person who believes that the spiritual gifts have ceased.   At the same time I am not a person who thinks that the main point of the Christian faith is to manifest spiritual gifts.   I do believe that God equips people and that they are to be used for His glory.   However, I am very much opposed to how some charismatic and hyper-charismatic churches view them and use them.

 

For example, I have a problem with things like getting drunk in the Spirit, getting slain in the Spirit, making animal noises, gold dust, angel feathers, angel orbs, gems, gold teeth, oil oozing out of skin, a certain popular type of spiritual warfare that is being taught in many charismatic/Pentecostal churches, and in general I have a problem with the overemphasis on spiritual gifts, manifestations, supernatural experiences, signs, and wonders.  There are certain Christian authors and speakers that I avoid because I consider them to be false teachers.  So if a man was really into this stuff, then I wouldn't be able to marry him.  

 

What he thinks about the Word of Faith/prosperity doctrine:   The teachings that say that God wants us to be healthy, wealthy, and prosperous, and that if we're not then we don't have enough faith, or we are sinning.   I'm not into the teachings that say we have to name a verse in the Bible and then magically claim it over us with our words so that we can make it happen for us.  I will not marry someone who is into this movement.  I think it's false.

 

What he thinks about the occult/gnosticsm, New Age etc:  I understand the Bible to be very against these teachings and practices, so if a man claims to be Christian and yet engages in these things, I wouldn't be able to marry him.

 

 

Then I would consider other theological matters.

 

On Non-essentials:

Now for the things that I list below, I consider them to be non-essential matters, but if a guy were to consider them essential, then I think that would prevent me from marrying him.  I'm okay having differences on these things, but if he is unbending on them, it would cause a problem.   So I could discuss these things, and would be open to having a difference of belief about, as long as he also respected my view as valid.  People sometimes have very strong opinions on these matters, so depending on what his views were, I might or might not be able to marry an individual of differing beliefs:

 

For instance, I am not a Calvinist, so if a man is a staunch Calvinist, then I don't think he and I would get along well.  I would find it very difficult to marry someone who believed that Calvinism was the only true Christian belief, or someone who didn't believe in any type of free will or choices that we make, etc.

 

I am also not a King James Version Only Christian, so if someone is a KJV Only Christian, especially if they believed that a person would go to hell if they read another Bible version, I wouldn't be able to marry that individual.  

 

I do believe that God is the Creator of the universe -- but I'm not so concerned at exactly how He did it.  I believe that since He is all powerful, He could have created the universe in a matter of literal 24 hour days.   At the same time, I am also open to the belief that the "days" in the creation account may not actually have been literal 24 hour days, but rather God's time.   It doesn't matter to me exactly how long a "day" was; what matters to me is that God created the universe.   I'm open to the idea of God using evolution here, so long as God is the One who was guiding the process, etc.   For some people, my statements here would be deal breakers, which is fine.   I'm not sure that I could be happy being married to a man who held to an extremely strict view of a literal 24 hour creation -- if he wasn't open to the other views here.

 

Beliefs about the end of the world -- I don't have a set view of exactly how this will all pan out.  The only thing that I do know is that things will get worse before they get better.  There will be a lot of false teachers and deception leading up until then, and things will be bad in general morally, etc, just as Jesus and the NT talks about.   I also know that Jesus is returning someday, and that there will be a final judgement.  There will be a resurrection of the dead, etc.  But I don't have a specific view about the tribulation, or the things in Revelation.  I'm not about to say, "this is how it will happen."  I believe that only God knows the day and the hour and exactly how this will all enfold.   So I am open to ideas about the rapture, about there not being a rapture (I do not believe that the rapture is the same thing as the Second Coming -- I have no question that there is a Second coming), about there being a pre-trib rapture, about there being a mid-trib rapture, and about there being a post-trib rapture.    If a guy has an unbending idea about what the end of the world will be like, such as it must be pre-trib, then I don't know he and I would get along.  If his idea about the end times has become the gospel message for him, he and I would have a difficult time of it.

 

Views on baptism -- I personally don't believe in baptismal regeneration, or the practice of infant baptism.   These views might be an issue for some guys.   I am open to other views, and after really discussing things with him, I would be willing to have an infant baptized, but I would not like it.   Still, as long as he respects my personal beliefs here, and he is able to marry me knowing my views, then I think we could work this out.  I also don't believe that someone has to be dunked in order for baptism to be valid.  

 

Views on communion  -- I'm actually open to almost any view here.  I've gone through periods of time where I've almost become convinced of one view or another.  So I'm able to understand other views, and whatever view he has I'm probably open to, and have probably considered at one time or another.    However, if he thinks that his wife must hold to a specific view, and he is unwilling to discuss it, it could cause problems.   It would be his decision whether or not it were a deal breaker, because it wouldn't be on my end.   The only exception here would be if he didn't want it ever, and didn't see any value in it whatsoever, or if he wanted to use something other than grape juice/wine.

 

Style of worship -- I've been to services of various kinds, and as long as the gospel is being preached, I can genuinely worship anywhere.  I tend to prefer contemporary type services, but I do like a little bit of traditional aspects -- such as lighting the advent candles and having Lenten services, etc.   I tend to prefer the more quiet contemporary worship songs to the really loud and fast ones.   However, I also like hymns and things.   As long as people are reverent to God in a service, and things do not feel to stiff, I am good with almost anything.    I don't "need" one style of worship over the other.  I have preferences, but since worship isn't about me, and the main point is to worship God, then I should be able to worship in any worship setting.   I'm flexible.   However, he is not flexible (he either thinks that only hymn singing is genuine worship, or he thinks that only the Psalms should be sung in church, or he thinks that it is evil to use instruments in worship, or he thinks that a person has to raise their hands in worship, or if he thinks only contemporary worship songs are valid, or whatever) then he and I would have issues here.

 

There are probably others, but those are the major ones that I can think of right now that may be a problem.

 

In addition:

I'd want to pray with him -- for our family, and I would want to study the Bible with him.    I would want to talk about theological matters, and I would like him to be the spiritual leader.  So I would want him to always be learning about these matters, and I would want us to have common ground.

 

So if he and I are able to get through all that, and are agreed upon the essentials, can respect each other on non-essentials, then I can honestly say that I could marry him regardless of the denomination or church he attends.    Now, different denominations would bring with them other non-essential issues, so the same non-essential rules would be applied.   If we can respect each other's views as valid on those, then we'd be fine.

 

I'd like to attend church with my husband, so he and I would have to be in agreement about what church to worship at and belong to.   It may be a church in a denomination that one of us already attends.  It may be a church that neither of us attend.  We'd agree on criteria that we would look for in a church.

 

Now, next question -- could I marry a Roman Catholic?   Yes -- but there would be more specific issues here to look at.  For example, I'm uncomfortable with praying to saints and Mary, so I wouldn't do these things, even if I attended a Catholic church with him.  There would be some other things that I disagreed with.  If he was okay with me disagreeing, then there wouldn't be a problem.  There might be some doctrines that we'd have to have heavy discussions on.   Again, if he was open to the discussion, and to hearing my views, then we might be able to work something out.   If not, then a relationship probably wouldn't work.  

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Yes, I would date someone of a different denomination (of the Christian faith).  The real key here is if their relationship with God is a personal one or one founded in religion.  (You could say Jesus was not a religious man.)

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I would not marry a Non-catholic, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe an orthodox  But I would need to talk it over with my priest.

As a married man there wont be any arguments over where we will be going to church on sundays, even though I respect all religions and the catholic church teaches inclusivism.

 

Im not a cradle Catholic anymore and I fully understand why the Church teaches what it teaches and my reading of the early church fathers and the apostolic fathers helped me to understand my faith even better.

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This is a thought that just popped into my head. For those who wouldn't marry a different denomination or would only marry certain other ones, what would you do if your husband or wife converted while you were married?

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I personally would have no problem marrying another Christian denomination as long as she fell under the Protestant umbrella. For a long time, I've been wrestling the idea of marrying a Catholic and it is now my personal conviction that I wouldn't. Nothing against Catholics of course, there are lots of great marriages out there between them and Protestants, but for me, the differences are too great to ignore.

 

agree with what EB said here relating to marrying future husband

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 I wouldn't mind dating someone  from a different denomination/religion  were it not for the fact that it would complicate things if kids entered the picture. Do you teach them about your beliefs or his. How do you get around raising them when it comes to God and religion.Do you let them decide when they grow up?  Not to say people from different denominations can't have a great marriage but it can also be a great source of conflict if some of these things are overlooked.

 

 I do value a guys  personal relationship with God more than what his religion is,  but I also want to take my  kids to their catechism classes, watch their first communion, attend their confirmation ceremony and so many other things which would only be possible if both parties were on the same page.So for me I would say it would depend on  how he had envisioned raising his kids. 

 

 

This is a thought that just popped into my head. For those who wouldn't marry a different denomination or would only marry certain other ones, what would you do if your husband or wife converted while you were married?

 

I wouldn't mind at all and would support him all the way  as long as he didn't turn into the extremist/fanatic kind.

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Yes, as long as they aren't too extreme or anti-Catholic. I know I wouldn't want to marry a hardcore evangelical or baptist for example and Mormons (especially due to our different beliefs when it comes to marriage) and Jehovah's Witnesses are also out of the question since they are far too out there belief-wise when it comes to Christian sects. I just couldn't see us getting along. The Jehovah's Witness would hate my Slovak Christmas traditions and just not be fond of any holiday in general (even though my counter-argument would be that it is important to remember our pagan roots too) and any devout Mormon would want to be sealed in the temple and have their marriage last forever (whereas, I believe marriage in the afterlife becomes obsolete and you get to see all of your family and loved ones anyways as long as they believe) and therefore would want me to convert which is just something I wouldn't feel comfortable doing (for one thing, coffee flows deep in my vains) and yeah... 

 

I'm currently dating someone who is non-denominational, but he is kinda easy-going and moderate belief wise similar to me. 

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yes as long they are not extreme or anti Hindu. I am all in favor of interracial relationships. A couple can be happy together regardless of race or religion because we are all human beings and love is universal. I am open and do follow both my own Hindu religion but also views of Christianity as my parents raised to love God and faith whether it's Hindu or Christianity.

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This is a thought that just popped into my head. For those who wouldn't marry a different denomination or would only marry certain other ones, what would you do if your husband or wife converted while you were married?[/
This is a thought that just popped into my head. For those who wouldn't marry a different denomination or would only marry certain other ones, what would you do if your husband or wife converted while you were married?

If they were allready married that's a different story. I just can't see myself marrying anyone that I'm not equally yolked with spiritually, I am of the faith I am of for a reason , not just because I was raised in this faith.I would want to share this faith with my wife and I would her to share it with me. My faith teaches me that marriage is a sacrament of the church so I willing try my best to obey what the church teaches me with everything I got, but I could never love my wife more than I love God and the church. I have fallen in love before but my first love is God.

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I will only marry a Christian or Atheist. What type of Christian doesn't matter. I am who I am she is who she is. It's about love not religion. The only reason I don't want someone of the other religions is because they typically go directly against Christianity and their followers are passionate about it. Some Atheists respect my beliefs and that's that. I'm okay with that. 

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