Arwen4CJ

Women as sex objects :(

22 posts in this topic

I'm seriously about to cry right now :(

 

I hadn't checked messages on the dating site I'm on in a few days, and I just got this message from a guy who is a year older than me and lives in my town:

 

you should let me tongue Dart that fart box

 

I absolutely hate this :(    This is one reason that I am tired of being single.   I know that I have value from who I am in Christ.  I know that.   I'm just tired of being viewed as a sex object by men.   Why can't an honorable man take interest in me?   If I had a husband, then he could defend me against those who would drive by and call me a female dog (except they used the real term) out of their car window.   (That happened to me a few weeks ago, and no I was not wearing slutty clothing.  I was gardening, and had jeans on and an old t-shirt.)

 

Last year an 80 year old man (he doesn't look 80), whom I had always thought was just a nice friendly guy, got me alone and started kissing me and told me he wanted to cheat on his wife for me.  Thankfully I was able to get away from him.

 

I'm so sick of this.   Why do men think they can treat women like this?   Why do even Christian men do this?   It all makes me sick.

 

Rationally, I know that there are social causes for it -- the way that sex is just put out there in the media and is devalued, and that so are women....but I think the problem is getting worse. 

 

I do want to be found attractive, but I want to be found attractive in a respectable way.  I want a man to truly value me and pursue me -- not for a men to go after me just because they think I'm hot and they want to have sex with me.  I'm not an object; I'm a person.  

 

I'm so tired of being treated like I'm a slut.

 

The guy who messaged me claimed to be a Christian who was serious about his faith :(   

 

Where are all the honorable and respectable Christian men?

 

I know that this is life, but I wish it didn't have to be this way.    I'm upset and I'm venting.  

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I understand how you feel and I, too, have been fed up with being a sexual object as if that is where our value lies.  This is what society tells us and many girls believe it!

I hate it when a father only compliments his daughters on how beautiful they are.  And any man dating a woman could say, "Oh, you're so beautiful." 

Men,
It is perfectly acceptible to tell those you love how beautiful they are.  But really impress a woman by saying more compliments about their inner being than their looks.  That's how you raise your daughters to be whole women that have enough self-esteem to face the world and not fall for the lies society's men tell them. 

I have a lot of respect for this site because I have found here respectable men when they are not so common elsewhere.

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I see it as an unfortunate byproduct of society, I see it gone both ways to. Women were only interested in my brother because of the way he looks and they could care less about his character. Good people are out there they are just rare. To me, it seems "modern dating" only cares about very few things.

"Is he/she hot?"

"Do they make me laugh?"

"Is he/she good in bed?"

 

That's it. They could care less if you have a good, strong character. They don't care about shared interests or nothing else. It gets disheartening I won't lie. There are people out there who do care about your character, because at the end of one's lifetime, do you look like a million bucks? What if you get injured and cannot have sex anymore? These are questions people don't ask themselves, they base their relationships on such shallow things that it makes sense that when the sun comes out it simply evaporates into nothing.

 

The relationships based upon deep trust in each other, strong morals, and true love are the ones that stand the test of time. When the sun rises I don't see the lake or ocean dry up, it's comparible to that.

 

My prayers are with you and I'm sorry that happened to you. People can be cruel I know, just know that he reaps what he sows. No one can get away with treating others badly forever. ;)

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You have my deepest sympathies. What this guy said to you is a despicable in the highest order. He calls himself a Christian but he is not. A real man, Christian or otherwise, treats a woman with respect and with care. It's interesting because I was reading Matthew 7 a few days ago and Jesus talks about judging people's character based on the fruit they produce. Some come at you in sheep's clothing but they are inwardly ferocious wolves. It is by their fruit that you will recognize them. That is what this guy is, a wolf in sheep clothing. I can't imagine what it's like being a woman and constantly bombarded with filth everyday. This just shows how far our world is fallen.

 

One thing I'm tired of doing is apologizing for these parasites. I and all other decent men are not responsible for the actions of these bad men. They neither speak for me nor do I speak for them  I know it may not seem like it, but there are lots of good men out there and I promise you when you find the one, it will make all those years of waiting worth it. Because if he doesn't make you feel it  was all worth it, then he's not the one.

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Its what the culture propagates. Manhood today isn't defined by our character or how we treat others, but how many women we can pull. Value honor and respect and your "repressed." 

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Thanks to all who have commented here.   I just want to say that let us all prove to the world that we are not people who are slaves to what our culture says about us.   For women, let us be good examples of women of character.   Men, cherish things about women that are more than just looks.  :)  Let's fight against our culture together.   We can make a difference :)

 

I also want to say that I didn't post what I did because I was blaming the guys on here for how other guys act.   Not in the least.   Please don't feel that you need to apologize for their actions.   I know that it isn't your fault, and that you are not the guilty ones.  I know that the guys on this site respect women.   I was just venting about what I have encountered -- not asking for an apology.

 

I do know that there are nice guys out there, and that the guys here are respectable people.   It's just that there are so few examples of nice single guys that I have encountered in real life.   So I was just venting my anger at what our culture values, and how many guys think of women.   I know it doesn't apply to all men, of which I am very thankful for.

 

Justin, you are right -- I don't think that many people these days really think relationships through.   Since our culture is all about being in the moment and having fun -- then sadly that is what dating has become.  I really wish that we could go back to the days of courtship like 100+ years ago where "courting" was all about getting to know someone, and where people didn't "court" unless they saw the person as a potential marriage partner.  Why can't more people do that?

 

The questions you stated that lots of people think about are probably the ones that people ask the most.  :( 

 

envincebal,

I know that he wasn't treating me the way that a Christian man should.   I responded to him back, questioning him why he sent a message like that to a woman, and I told him that if he wanted a respectable woman, he was going about it entirely wrong.   He then told me that he didn't think that a woman would have responded to a simply message of, "I found your profile interesting, and I want to hang out."

 

I got the impression that he sees himself as very unattractive, and that no one would be interested in a relationship.  He thought that all he could get from women was sex.  :(   So although he shouldn't have sent me the message, and his attitude towards dating and such is all wrong, he is a victim of our culture just as much as I was in that situation.   There are many guys out there who are like him.   They have believed the lie that they are unworthy of a real relationship, and think that getting sex is the best they can hope for, or the most important thing in a relationship.

 

It's our culture that I was mad at, and that was making me cry.   If only we could change our culture in some small way.

 

Thank you for bringing Matthew 7 up.   I know well about false teachers, but I never really considered it on a Christian by Christian basis, but it does also apply to individual sheep.  And yes, it does show how far our world has fallen, which is another reason that it brought me to tears.

 

And I do know that whenever I do find a wonderful guy that I will know that the waiting was totally worth it -- like waiting at a restaurant for chocolate cake....or red raspberry ice cream -- hmmm...I shall have to tell that story on here sometime :)  

 

TheJayspyder,

You are correct - -it is what our culture propagates.   There needs to be a killing frost that gets rid of this bad fruit.   :(  To me  true manhood will always be defined by character and how he treats others.  I value honor and respect, even if our culture doesn't.   We all need to just stand up and say that we will not let our culture define these things for us.  We will live to a higher standard. 

 

Our culture needs a revolution in how we view relationships, how we view true men, and how we view true women. 

 

 

And Stacie,

 I completely agree with you.  Thank you for saying what you did.

 

I feel better now.  It was just in the heat of the moment that I was feeling so upset. 

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Hey, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear about that guy's message. Also, I can't imagine how traumatizing your experience with the older man last year must have been.

 

I pray that God will soon send you a man of quality who will value you, love you, and treat you the right way. And I pray that in the meantime, the jerks out there will leave you alone.

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I too am sorry about all you and many, if not all, women have to endure.

 

I put a lot of the blame on Western culture: Movies sexualizing women, sexualized music, magazines made to "honor the female body", Western ideologies, etc.

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I am sorry this had to happen to you. I believe the biggest culprit is the media and pornography and how they glorify sex and emphasize on the men's satisfaction and not the women's. It sucks I know, but I truly believe you will find that guy trust me he will notice your self respect and find that attractive! I real man recognizes the essence of a lady/wife material.

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It bugs the hell out of me that women are considered sex objects. We use to be objects for child birth, and now sex. Honestly, I wish it stuck at child birth. I think we'd be respected a LOT more if we were viewed as objects for having babies instead of putting out.

 

There are so many creeps on the internet. I've also dealt with totally disgusting guys. Some were just looking for a good time, others probably meant harm. It is so gross and hurtful, but you've got to move on. Unfortunately you can't avoid people - guys or girls - that are going to make you feel like a victim. Just stay strong and never forget your self-worth. :) cuz the moment you do, you've lost.

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One thing I'm tired of doing is apologizing for these parasites. I and all other decent men are not responsible for the actions of these bad men. They neither speak for me nor do I speak for them.

I don't bother. Sure I say I'm sorry if someone was wronged. However that's more just to show support, it's not as if I inflicted the wrong, nor am I responsible for the one who did. If they generalize about all men then they would have done that anyways regardless of my apology.

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Arwen, sorry about the whole awful comment from that guy on the site....it is an unfortunate reflection of todays world.......and to be honest....on those dating sites that type of thing is the "norm".....And you think that the "christian" dating site would be much better....But it turns out to be far WORSE than the regular ones!!!!.....Because those are the ones you should believe to uphold the same values, but instead have bought the lie of "pop culture"!!???!! o_O......The best way we can change what is going on....Is what we are all doing on here NOW! Being the light in this very dark world!!! Living our lives in the way of Christ....upholding the moral values & lifestyle called out in God's word!!!! Because all of us on here are proof that we don't buy into what "pop culture" is selling.....you value yourselves & others!!!!! So, when we do find that one for us, marry & have children....We will be able to fight "pop culture" in an even greater way......by raising children in a home built on a marriage with a strong foundation of Love, trust, commitment, but most importantlly Christs teachings.....Don't be discouraged!!! Stand on your principles & Godly values!!!

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Viva la WTM Revolution! True Love Revolution!

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TheJayspyder,

You are correct - -it is what our culture propagates. There needs to be a killing frost that gets rid of this bad fruit. :( To me true manhood will always be defined by character and how he treats others. I value honor and respect, even if our culture doesn't. We all need to just stand up and say that we will not let our culture define these things for us. We will live to a higher standard.

Our culture needs a revolution in how we view relationships, how we view true men, and how we view true women.

If only more women thought like you.

And seriously, "fart box?" What a freakin loser.

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Women were only interested in my brother because of the way he looks and they could care less about his character. Good people are out there they are just rare. To me, it seems "modern dating" only cares about very few things.

"Is he/she hot?"

"Do they make me laugh?"

"Is he/she good in bed?"

 

That's it. They could care less if you have a good, strong character. They don't care about shared interests or nothing else.

 

This is exactly what Im sick of and why Im done with dating altogether it gets on my nerves when a guy approaches me for shallow reasons, its the same questions and cycle over and over again...I get it "youre not like the rest" and "great in bed"  :disapproval:  no one cares its boring... whatever happened to getting to know someone truly, calling them just to see how things are going without expectations. Actually showing interest? and being real...not waiting two days or three days to not seem desperate  <_<  hanging out just having fun. Nope now its whats in it for me. Everything must be fast and easy...

 

This douchebag jerk who fancied me all semester finally approached me and he was arrogant enough to ask me what I have to offer him? ugh! who does that?! then after telling me how great of a guy he was... he asked why should he date me?  while stating that his time is precious and he doesnt like to waste it :blink: ...as if I had to prove my self worth to him, yuck! the nerve of that guy. I gave him a good piece of my mind told him I have nothing to offer and goodbye. 

 

I would be weary of "christian guys" on dating sites especially if they have quotes from the bible on their profile and such they are the worst for some reason. I dont get it, why put it out there if thats not what youre about? youre either with God or youre not. well Good luck.

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That term just sounds gross but you just have to look past it keep trying there will always be guys like that sadly. I don't know what to say really besides not all guys are like that some Christian guys are actually working hard to be the best christian man they can.

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This douchebag jerk who fancied me all semester finally approached me and he was arrogant enough to ask me what I have to offer him? ugh! who does that?! then after telling me how great of a guy he was... he asked why should he date me?  while stating that his time is precious and he doesnt like to waste it :blink: ...as if I had to prove my self worth to him, yuck! the nerve of that guy. I gave him a good piece of my mind told him I have nothing to offer and goodbye. 

 

 

Ooof, that DB knew nothing but himself. Glad to hear you shut his overzealous behind down.

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Nicely said Tatyana. I know what you mean, people love talking the talk, but not walking the walk. Actions speak louder than words, it's gotten the point that I do not take someone seriously with what comes out of their mouth, especially if they have to get upon a pedestal and proclaim to all the masses just how great and fantastic they are. Who they are always comes out and it's always funny to see how silly they look when they couldn't behave a word of what they say they behave as.

 

Gotta see the humor in everything, in this case it is when the mask falls off, ;)

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It is definitely sad how some people don't see a problem with behavior like that. I have also had an unfortunate experience. I was walking from one building to another at school and took a shortcut off campus to get there, so I was walking along the side of the main road for about 5 minutes. It's a pretty common thing to do around here. I was dressed professionally since I had seen a client earlier in the day.

 

One guy probably in his mid 30's or so was riding by on a bike and said "Hey baby" in a creepy tone. Then a few minutes later, this group of 4 guys were speaking in Spanish and talking about me. The stuff they were saying really made me wish I didn't know Spanish! Needless to say, I learned a valuable lesson not to go off campus alone even if it's just a short distance. I was definitely naive to do that and looking back I feel incredibly stupid for doing it. Even so, I share my story so other girls know it's important to be cautious of your surroundings. Anyway getting back to Arwen's point, it's sad that men who didn't even know me treated me that way.

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There is, of course, the possibility that he was hacked. Is his behavior consistent with the rest of his actions?

 

Otherwise, I share your anger and frustration. There are so many boys who are nothing but puppies in heat, playing at love to pacify their carnal little hormones. They sure make the rest of us look bad.

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I was kinda depressed after reading your post. :( Sorry you had to go through that stuff! There are so many creeps on the internet...and in real life too, of course. I have had that kind of thing happen to me a fair amount and I've been trying to not let it get to me or let it influence how I view men in general. There are lots of great guys at there, and I don't want to start judging them all because of the actions of a few bad eggs. 

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I was kinda depressed after reading your post. :( Sorry you had to go through that stuff! There are so many creeps on the internet...and in real life too, of course. I have had that kind of thing happen to me a fair amount and I've been trying to not let it get to me or let it influence how I view men in general. There are lots of great guys at there, and I don't want to start judging them all because of the actions of a few bad eggs. 

I agree. Reading this thread made me feel really sad to know that there are people like that out there and that some of you have had to experience being disrespected and objectified.

I've never really been blatantly sexually harassed personally but I can only imagine how it feels to be treated that way.

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