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TheJayspyder

"Explore Partners!"

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So I was on this blog by a virgin girl telling other virgin women to not be ashamed of their virginity and waiting. One of the comments irked my nerves...

 

This woman said something along the lines of, "Squandering the chance to explore your sexuality is sad", and that once you get married, you're "stuck." She said that women should, ahem, "Explore partners."

 

Now if you ask me, in a healthy marriage, neither spouse feels "stuck". What do you think, girls? It still just never ceases to amaze me how quickly and blindly people follow the same mantra and not think for themselves. As far as I see it, we as human beings have the power to choose, to reason...why not use it?

 

Thoughts?

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The way I see it, if you are a virgin and your spouse is a virgin, then the first and only time that you'll have sex is with each other. And since you have no prior experience, you have nobody to compare lovemaking/sexuality to; hence you won't feel stuck, but will both enjoy and learn with each other.

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I find that extremely offensive saying someone is "stuck" once they're married. I agree with you that in a healthy marriage neither partner should feel stuck. If you have a strong, solid relationship without sex, then it doesn't make sense to suddenly feel stuck once sex is introduced after the wedding.

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Those kind of statements royally piss me off, let them be ignorant and small minded, lets see where it gets them.

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This woman said something along the lines of, "Squandering the chance to explore your sexuality is sad", and that once you get married, you're "stuck." She said that women should, ahem, "Explore partners."

 

I respect this viewpoint only because it's a valid perspective. The problem with it, though, is that it fails to take into account all the other factors such as the risks of STD's and pregnancy. And then there is the moral question of... if the woman gets pregnant, is it fair to create a circumstance where you have a child and give it so many disadvantages all because you wanted to experience physical sex with another person?

 

People seem to oddly forget (or ignore) that no matter how many safeguards you do, pregnancy is always possible. Same with STD's. Sex is inherently risky business. And the potential consequences speak for themselves. And they can and have made people rather stuck. Why doesn't she talk about that part of it?

 

And then there is the issue of giving part of yourself away to someone you have no intention of staying with forever. I realize that is a debatable issue, but as far as I'm concerned, it's real.

 

I also think it's worth exploring what this girl's motivation could possibly be for saying what she said. Maybe underneath it all she's a little jealous that there are virgins out there who haven't had sex yet and by belittling their decision it makes her feel better. I mean, clearly, she is criticizing the decision.

 

If you're with someone who fulfills your criteria, I don't see it as being stuck. I see it as having the best amusement park in the universe for the rest of your life. As well as your best friend. 

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This reminds me about a show that I was watching. It's about young couples who get married (like usually 19). For the guys bachelor party they did some laser tag thing. One of the friend said how it was his last day of freedom and the last time he could be with girls, basically they should've gone to a strip club instead. I just thought it was weird. They were acting like marriage was some sort of prision sentence.

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This reminds me about a show that I was watching. It's about young couples who get married (like usually 19). For the guys bachelor party they did some laser tag thing. One of the friend said how it was his last day of freedom and the last time he could be with girls, basically they should've gone to a strip club instead. I just thought it was weird. They were acting like marriage was some sort of prision sentence.

 

Oh god, I know what exactly what you mean and I HATE that. "Last day of freedom?" From what exactly? They act as if they were really single the entire time they were dating their future spouse!

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I respect this viewpoint only because it's a valid perspective. The problem with it, though, is that it fails to take into account all the other factors such as the risks of STD's and pregnancy. And then there is the moral question of... if the woman gets pregnant, is it fair to create a circumstance where you have a child and give it so many disadvantages all because you wanted to experience physical sex with another person?

 

People seem to oddly forget (or ignore) that no matter how many safeguards you do, pregnancy is always possible. Same with STD's. Sex is inherently risky business. And the potential consequences speak for themselves. And they can and have made people rather stuck. Why doesn't she talk about that part of it?

 

And then there is the issue of giving part of yourself away to someone you have no intention of staying with forever. I realize that is a debatable issue, but as far as I'm concerned, it's real.

 

I also think it's worth exploring what this girl's motivation could possibly be for saying what she said. Maybe underneath it all she's a little jealous that there are virgins out there who haven't had sex yet and by belittling their decision it makes her feel better. I mean, clearly, she is criticizing the decision.

 

If you're with someone who fulfills your criteria, I don't see it as being stuck. I see it as having the best amusement park in the universe for the rest of your life. As well as your best friend. 

 

Yeah, people disagreeing has never been the issue. Its when they shove it down your throat and state it like its law.

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I respect her viewpoint and kind of understand where she´s coming from. If that´s how she feels, that´s fine. Go ahead and explore. Do what makes you happy. But that doesn´t mean that every woman (or man) should do this.

There are many bad reactions people can give you, when they find out that someone is WTM. To me, pity is one of the worst (or even the worst of all). It can drive me crazy. It´s not sad to not explore several partners and waiters don´t squander anything. Don´t pity me for the decisions I made for myself! There is no need for it. It´s not like we are forced to wait. We don´t have to do it. We do it out of free will (at least, I hope so). We made a choice. Not every person on this planet feels the desire to explore and have several partners to engage in sex with. It´s just a choice (or maybe even a desire to not have several sex partners).

Isn´t that in itself great? We are free people who can make choices.

When I will look back on my life, I know for sure, that I won´t think: "Oh damn, how I wish I would have slept with this and that guy!!!

I so regret not doing it and now it´s too late. Aaaahhh, I only had sex with one person, I ruined my life."

At the end of the day, it won´t matter to me that I haven´t had sex with several people and that I "squandered my chance to explore my sexuality". Why? Because I chose to only have one partner in sex. And I don´t really feel the desire in me to go explore several guys.

Maybe some non-waiters who just happened to marry their first boy-or girlfriend and never had any other sexpartners tend to regret it more, because they never really planned to only have one partner. It just happened.

We as waiters, on the contrary, would actually prefer to only have one sexpartner in life. It´s our choice. Therefore, it´s not sad, it´s great, that we are able to make free choices.

When she said "you´re stuck when you get married" I thought she meant that, when the sex is bad you are stuck with the bad sex for the rest of your life. That´s how I understood it. I read those statements like a million times on the Internet and people seem to know that the sex just won´t be good and never will be when you WTM. I sort of understand where they are coming from.

Don´t like that notion and don´t understand it when people put WTM on a level with bad sex, though. Of course, it won´t be that great at the beginning, I imagine, but that doesn´t mean that you´ll have bad sex for the rest of your life. There will be ups and downs. Also if you didn´t wait.

Yes, "being stuck" sounds very negative and marriages can always get to the stage of "feeling stuck". Doesn´t really have anything to do with WTM, in my opinion.

So, everybody is sort of stuck with their spouse in marriage. Stuck for life. In it together. Forever. One life, one love.

I hope it will be a wonderful kind of being stuck :-)

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Of course, it won´t be that great at the beginning, I imagine, but that doesn´t mean that you´ll have bad sex for the rest of your life. There will be ups and downs. Also if you didn´t wait.

 

I've never bought into this notion. While it's entirely possible it won't be great in the beginning, I actually anticipate that my sex life will be absolutely amazing from the very first time and onward.

 

Where do people get the idea that sex is rocket science? Some people seem to suggest that it's like getting a college degree. You need to do it loads of time with various partners to get any good at it. The truth is it's seriously the most simple thing in the world and one need not experience it to reach this conclusion. Moreover, if you have sex with someone you love and respect, I don't believe it can ever be bad sex. Further, as you pointed out, sex can always improve. But here's the deal: Sex can still always improve even with two people that have had many previous sex-partners but are having sex for the first time. 

 

I don't knock the notion that some partners can be more sexually compatible than others for you. But I already feel that I have enough criteria for the one I'm seeking and I certainly don't need to add this one. Also, I believe, that with enough time and effort, any two people can have great sex lives.

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IAG.....

Where do people get the idea that sex is rocket science? Some people seem to suggest that it's like getting a college degree. You need to do it loads of time with various partners to get any good at it.

And theses are the facts good call. Other opinions are really just excuses. Col.

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I'll explore my husband thank you very much <_<

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I can understand being curious about what different people would be like sexually, but I feel like having a special connection with only one person outweighs wanting to explore that curiosity.

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I can understand being curious about what different people would be like sexually, but I feel like having a special connection with only one person outweighs wanting to explore that curiosity.

 

Yes. Being attracted to other people and having that curiosity makes you nothing but human. Its what you do with it that defines you.

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I would actually define 'being stuck' as a feeling of having sex before marriage so many times with so many people , that nothing about the physical and emotional union is special or sacred anymore.

Now that would be really stuck

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I get that a lot from my mother who thinks that after six months of dating I'm way too committed to him too soon and that I should consider dating more guys, but my mother dated only two men and married the second one she dated, my dad, and has been with who she met around while I dated three guys so who is she to judge? She even started dating my dad around the same age I started dating my boyfriend. Maybe its the whole marriage pact thing that scares her, I am her oldest after all so of course she'll worry about me, even though we both think the terms and conditions he and I agreed upon are reasonable and that is if we are still together after I earn my degree AND he is ready to marry and propose to me, then we will get married. sigh...

 

I mean, she likes him, don't get my wrong and she does recognize that since we both have autism, this relationship we have is a little bit unconventional by definition, but eventually she just accepted it and that as long as I was happy, she wouldn't bother me. 

 

Neither of us have any desire to have any sex either, we just don't feel like we could without it feeling forced, even if we weren't waiting. 

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All in all, everyone, you should be proud of your refusal to conform and follow the herd. As far as I'm concerned, true minds of substance have little use for political correctness. Don't ever capitulate on your values.

 

Never compromise.

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My thoughts is that too many people do, indeed, believe this mantra: that you need to explore and learn your sexuality, and the only way to do that is through having sex with multiple partners. I really do think this is false, because, in my opinion, sexual learning and discovery, or whatever you want to call it, is safest and most special when it's done in marriage. I believe that making your spouse exclusive and learning everything with him/her from the very start is what promotes and supports a stronger marriage. So far, this makes sense to me, but i'll eventually find out whether this will be true for me only when I actually get married. Until then, I can only believe.

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I can understand being curious about what different people would be like sexually, but I feel like having a special connection with only one person outweighs wanting to explore that curiosity.

 

 

I completely agree. My mom waited with my dad, but before that she hadn't been waiting. She says you can tell what your sexual compatibility will be based on how good of a kisser you think your significant other is. So if you enjoy the kisses, then there shouldn't be any worries :). Problem solved, you don't have to wonder what other people would be like sexually and have sex to find out. 

 

As a side note, I also think it is crazy when people say you are "stuck" in marriage. That implies you are somewhere you don't want to be, which just isn't the case because you chose that person. 

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I think this goes back to the modern insistence that sex is purely a pleasure thing. I disagree. I am a waiter because I believe sex is the strongest link between two people. It is worthy of only sharing with a spouse. So many people see sex as just something that feels good, something fun to do. They'd have sex as readily as they'd see a movie. It's really made a beautiful act between two lovers into something nobody bats an eye at anymore. It's really a sad reflection on the current state of affairs of the moral bearing in this country IMHO.

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I can't wait until I get married and explore my sexual side with my soul mate. I could not ask for anything better. It takes self discipline and sacrifice to practice abstinence. Those qualities are very important when it comes to working through a marriage.I will not let men use me as a booty call. Being married isn't being stuck, it is actually a beautiful and wonderful thing. And anybody who says such a dumb statement in regards to a marriage does not have the faintest clue of what marriage is all about. Marriage is about doing life not doing it. And also I know this may sound cliche and obvious but people have to learn to love themselves before being married. Do not be discouraged by those who have negative views on saving yourself and marriage. 

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