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Alex

A little story

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Recently I started to date a guy from work. We have been dating about 5 or 6 weeks and we are both virgins. One of our managers is obsessed by that simple fact. She constantly either asking us if we have done it, when we are going to do it, or whose the reason we are doing it. She is trying to push us to do it. We have asked her to stop, but with no success. The best part was before we started dating, she looked at me and was like you know he is a virgin. The face she made when I told her I was one. 

We have never talked about waiting, we have mentioned that we would both like to take it slow. I just find it sad that in today's society sex has become such a big part that two people who decide to not partake are constantly are constantly subjected to such ridicule. What does it matter though, we are both comfortable where we're at with our relationship, and at the end of the day we are the only two involved in our relationship.

 

Just thought I would share this little story with you guys. No matter what, you can make it, through ridicule and it all. Your relationship is yours, not societies and don't let others tell you what needs to be happening in YOUR relationship.

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Recently I started to date a guy from work. We have been dating about 5 or 6 weeks and we are both virgins. One of our managers is obsessed by that simple fact. She constantly either asking us if we have done it, when we are going to do it, or whose the reason we are doing it. She is trying to push us to do it. We have asked her to stop, but with no success. The best part was before we started dating, she looked at me and was like you know he is a virgin. The face she made when I told her I was one. 

We have never talked about waiting, we have mentioned that we would both like to take it slow. I just find it sad that in today's society sex has become such a big part that two people who decide to not partake are constantly are constantly subjected to such ridicule. What does it matter though, we are both comfortable where we're at with our relationship, and at the end of the day we are the only two involved in our relationship.

 

Just thought I would share this little story with you guys. No matter what, you can make it, through ridicule and it all. Your relationship is yours, not societies and don't let others tell you what needs to be happening in YOUR relationship.

 

I could talk about that part I bolded and how much it bugs me for hours, but I'll spare you! :P  Anyway that is so true that everyone who happens to know you are both virgins thinks you've got a coupIe screws loose. I can attest that it is definitely awkward people just kind of assume you've had sex simply because you dated for "X amount of time". I've been with my boyfriend 5 years in August, so we've probably heard almost every line in the book. We don't broadcast that we're waiting, but if someone asks a question about sex we'll answer honestly. Anyway, you hit the nail on the head that it's the decision you make as a couple and society should have nothing to do with it.

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If you really want your manager to stop asking threaten a sexual harassment complaint. A fellow employee, especially not a boss, cannot ask about another employee's sex life.

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WNY is absolutely correct. Your manager has crossed the line. Even if you're not comfortable confronting the situation, all you need to do is politely inform your manager that you feel harassed and aren't comfortable with that. It's a magic buzz word if your manager knows anything at all, and it should shut them up. If not, you're well within rights to go over the manager's head and say "he's asking us about our sex life and I'm not comfortable with that."

 

As for the underlying sentiment....people like us, waiters, are relics. We're part of an old order, a dying society that had values. Whether people admit it or not, they're fascinated and a little jealous. That's why it's such a conversation piece.

 

Unfortunately people will keep pressing until you make them stop, so I'd definitely encourage you to stand up not just for yourself but for virgins everywhere, and proudly tell them that they can stick their appendages wherever they want, but keep their nose out of your business.

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I wish it was as simple as threatening sexual harassment, the situation is very complicated. A lot of people think sexual harassment is so clear cut, but it really is a she said he said game. Plus, this manager pretty much has immunity, mainly because she plays the race card whenever she gets in trouble. If I would say something, nothing would happen or it would be blown off. I used to think that it was as easy saying something, but the people who do this kind of stuff are people in power and what they say bares a lot more than both what my boyfriend and I say combined. My biggest point is how people treat virgins or try to get involved in other's relationships.

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Just thought I would share this little story with you guys. No matter what, you can make it, through ridicule and it all. Your relationship is yours, not societies and don't let others tell you what needs to be happening in YOUR relationship.

 

 

Alex thanks for sharing your story and your insight above is very encouraging bit of wisdom. However I have to express my anger at this situation and what is happening to you and your boyfriend. Because what your manager is doing is a plain violation of your rights and it is simply wrong and should not be tolerated. You even have to get her on tape saying anything if you perceive it to be sexual harassment and/or harassment which it is then that is the only qualifying factor to make it so. So if you perceive this as harassing to you and your boyfriend then you need to report it to your company's HR department and if necessary with the appropriate legal authorities. The reason why this makes me so mad is that if your boyfriend was gay (entirely hypothetical) and your manager had said any of this about his significant other then she would be fired and seen as racist and paper would be clamoring to broad cast this story of social injustice in the work place. This is the sad truth that only some forms of discrimination are seen as social wrongs and warrant attention but others just get swept under the rug; an in your case the morally right choice.

 

I joined the military I joined a dictatorship in order so save a democracy; I willingly sacrificed my rights so others could have them and enjoy freedom to the fullest and all of its rights. So please don't stand for this...take a stand.

 

Semper Fidelis...God, Country, and Corps 

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I recognize that your sentiment is frustration toward society, but I really urge you to consider standing up for yourself and all of us if and when it becomes more of an issue. Powers That Be notwithstanding, it is neither appropriate nor legal for details of your sexual activity (or inactivity!) to be conversation pieces for managers against your will or comfort.

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We have tried and unfortunately nothing happened. There is no HR department, so no go. I'm only going to be at this job temporarily, it's only a part time to get me through college. I'm hopefully going to switching jobs in the fall and then in a year or so I will hopefully I will be an officer in the military. The best we can do is request not to work with her. Trust me this isn't the only thing, she has done things that would get anyone else fired and she hasn't even been reprimanded. We've stood up, now we just try to avoid if at all possible.

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I'm so glad that you were able to share this. Although the harassment is certainly one piece, it appears that others have rightfully encouraged you to take action.

 

I am particularly fascinated by the other part of your story, which included the fact that people become fascinated about virginity, as though a virgin is equated to someone who has no logical understanding about life! It is ridiculous.

 

Here's a little story of my own:

 

I was out to dinner with an old co-worker (someone I didn't particularly like but could tolerate) as wellas with some friends. This individual became intoxicated during a discussion about life changes, and transitions. At that moment, my old co-worker blurted out, "what do you know? You are a born-again who believes in the Lord!". I was in complete shock initially. At that point, although it was uncomfortable, I addressed her behavior infront of everyone and told her that I do not take those comments about my personal choices and religious beliefs lightly and that I was shocked at her behavior. I believe, too, that there was an element at which she was slightly shocked at how disparaging her comment was to the atmosphere of the entire evening. I was disgusted, and certainly haven't gotten over it. It would be a crime upon myself to continue a friendship with her, and an insult to my self-esteem.

 

After that evening, I was forced to decide: How do I want to handle this precious gift of waiting until marriage/serious commitment/not sure where I am headed but I want the right one and I won't just sleep around-season of my life? Why does it rile up the rest of the country so much? Why is it so absolutely left-field for me to believe that the mind-body-soul connection needs to be in unison if sexual intimacy is present? Why it is crazy to believe that I am protecting myself from emotional liability, STDs, and endless wonder of what I am doing in my life? And why does it trigger so many people?!

 

I have declared to God that I am going to honor my body and my self-esteem. I deserve that...and so does my co-worker.

 

Why would loving ourselves and the choice to wait be such a foreign concept to people now a day?

 

All I can do, at this moment, is continue onward in my journey, and pray that this person find the solace she needs.

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