Canada10024

True Colors

8 posts in this topic

Hey Community:

 

So on Saturday I to a bar with some friends for one of the friend's birthday parties. I was the designated driver and while there and prior to being there my two friend spent the afternoon and evening talking about how they were going to work hard to wheel girls and take them home to f*** them. I being the only guy in that bar who probably don't pick up girls like that spent ost of the night listening to them complain, get mad, argue and rationalize their skills, and how good they can pick up girls. 

I on the other hand spent the night quietly wondering if I am doomed to be single forever because I refuse to act that way? I doubt it, but it seems to be the norm. What are we to do?
 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

lol Well, there's really nothing praise worthy or admiring about a guy who will take anything he can get lol That doesn't really require any effort since there is never any shortages of slutty women out there. lol

 

The types of men you are referring to are only able to attract low quality women because no self respecting woman will sleep with a man she barely knows or isn't in an exclusive, committed relationship with.

 

So it's up to you to decide for yourself if you want high quality women or low quality women lol

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  I totally  can relate to this on a frequent and habitual yet unavoidable occurrence in my life since I am in the military. Look drinking and the divorce rate is double that what it is on the civilian side in the military (I can only speculate from personal knowledge that the amount of cheating is probably triple). Now not too bash on my own group since most of them are good heart people who patriotically give of themselves and sacrifice almost daily for very little return or appreciation. Not to make excuses but some have had very horrible upbringing that has led to some of their tainted views. However I pretty much am a 'zebra' in a land of only 'brown mustangs' if you understand what I am saying. So naturally the topic of most conversations especially when out on the town is a mirror of exactly what you stated above if not worse.

 

   I have heard every ideology in the book about why I should 'grow up' or just 'get laid' for example 'why buy the cow if the milk is free?', 'would you buy a car without test driving it first?', or 'your not really a man until you stick it in'. Usually in the moment these can be ignored but sometimes I am constantly grinded on and pressured about my views so these fears haunt me in the back of my mind. The unanswered questions: 'Will I ever find a girl who is my soul mate and feels the same way?', 'I don't know any girls in 'real life' who are my age that are WTM', 'How long am I going to have to wait?'.......worst of all 'What if they are right? What if I am wasting my youth on a novel ideal of romance that I will never find? What if I did WTM and we get married and the 'sex is no good' and she leaves me?' (que dramatic music)

 

    I actually had the chance to have this conversation with a friend (we are just friends) on here and she flipped it around on me and said 'what if your friends are wrong?' What if you can be WTM and have it all: a wife who loves you, great marriage and an amazing love life. It hard to ignore these fears because right now they seem like a total reality from our perspective and it hard to have faith in a reality that doesn’t exist right now. Yeah it pretty much boils down to what you want to have faith in because it not a known fact that either of us will get it all....its not like destiny or better yet God sends us email updates letting us know we are on track and sticking to the plan. But think of it more in the sense that maybe they are jealous of what you have that they can't have. Also in the end its just plain dumb since there is actual proof to suggest that they are wrong. My advice would be to ignore them entirely as they pander for women who they don't love and who also won't love them back.

 

In a broader sense this ideal is perpetuated by guys that you can't be man if you don't have sex and you can't wait cause its unnatural to do so. Society projects this in every image of men all the way to the wedding I mean the girl wears white (symbol of purity) and what does the guy get to wear black (symbol of impurity); not that I care but just a random observation. Further if they start talking about it and you don't then they play up your lack of experience as making you less of a man. This is mostly because guys frequently are in completion over everything and if you’re not 'alpha' then you are trying to be 'alpha'; hence why guys are less accepting of other guys or girls who have slept with other guys (it’s not the girl it’s the guy they slept with that upsets them). But I am sure you have known these stereotypes and defy them daily and know that it probably makes you more of a man to exercise discipline and self-control rather than playing to an impulse.

 

What can be done? Well you got to stand fast and hold to what you believe in and have faith that you are right in your commitment and your friends are plain ignorant. Also seek out those hidden places where girls (other zebras) are at not just here since I have noticed by in large this is a rather geographically, culturally, religiously, shy group (not that there is anything wrong with any of that) but that doesn’t help you in 'real life.' But I am also not denying the possibility that you could meet someone on here. However it is pretty unlikely that I am going to ever find a WTM girl at a bar while my friends are hitting girls left and right; it could happen but its not likely to happen. I haven't exactly figured out where a good place to find other girl zebras yet or where exactly they congregate aside from church....which let’s be honest what would be creepier and more awkward than hitting on a girl who is trying to praise God and seek understanding.   :wacko:  :(   But maybe they can let us know where they are hiding since I know the feeling of frustration and loneliness is mutual.

 

So yeah you got to put yourself out there and keep looking and trust that one day you will run into her. (Yeah I know how hard it can be to believe that statement) Cheers, Mate....Good Luck :) ...we both need some

 

Semper Fidelis

9 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Justin.  I used to get tired (like you described) of listening to friends talk about drunken evenings, or big parties, and going home with someone to appear the next day or later talking about who went home with whom.  As much as I wanted to be with someone - I didn't want to do that.  Ever.  I wanted a relationship.  I wanted a girlfriend.  I wanted a friend who could grow into being a girlfriend who was looking for a guy who was ready to be a boyfriend and not just a date or a hookup.  Which to ME... seemed like something every girl would sit up straight to see!

 

And yet didn't seem to see me.  or at least not when i was looking :-).

 

I think i put more pressure on me than other people put...  so I tried to ease up.  I knew that big parties or let's-meet-at-the-bar nights would lead inevitably to the hook-up conversations and side-bets or worse...  so I actually starting peeling back from those... less often not more often.  I aimed for group nights - dinner at friends' houses with group of 8 - dinner out group of 10 - picnic, softball, let's go to the baseball game, let's go for bike ride in the park for group of 6 etc.  Group dating was better to me... and yes admittedly there were times when within that group of 10 or 6 or whatever included couples or couples in the making... 

 

but...  that's how my then-roommate met his wife (he was not a man-whore LOL)...   that's how a very good friend of ours also met his wife.  and somehow figuring out that group going-out was less-pressured meant we worked to find each other BFs and GFs without the pressure point of there's a formal or there's a big blowout party or whatever. 

 

I don't know if that helps - but what i found in self-confidence and ease in going out with friends... eventually introduced me to my eventual-wife.  This undoubtedly sounds like every bad after-school special answer for how to meet nice people...  and maybe in this day and age that scenario doesn't exist in the same way... but social connections seem to encourage other meet-ups...   apps that bring people with a common interest to a restaurant or to a bookstore or to a museum...   I hope I haven't overstepped in responding to your note - but it's important to me that all of you - who have indeed become like friends to me - hear some reassurance that she's out there (or he's out there).  honest.  that person is out there for you because you are LOOKING for that person.  those who aren't looking...   they debate who's going to hit what on the barstools on a saturday night and compare drunken notes on a sunday afternoon.  You, my friend, are LOOKING... and LOOKING is half the battle.

9 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Furthermore to what you said ian, i don't go to places looking to pick up girls or whatever, but the fact that I am doing social, being out away from a computer and just "making myself available to the Universe" is what counts!

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

keep at it.

she's there.

she's looking too.  :-)

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Justin,

I censored your "f-word" in your question post. It violated our language rules for the site. Just to let you know.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey bro, we've all been there. If you hang around pigs long enough, you'll start to wonder if there's swans out there. There are. The pigs just snort louder and make more noise. Go hang out by the lakeside, eh?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now